Some Smiles

[Guest guest]

posted these on the " Kundalini the Holy Fire of Christ "

group. Thought we could also get some laughs from them. - Thanks

John! - chrism

 

*******

 

In the old days pre- " Spell check " etc, these sentences actually

appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

 

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

 

The sermon this morning: " Jesus Walks on the Water. " The sermon

tonight: " Searching for Jesus. "

 

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of

those things not worth keeping

around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

 

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due

to a conflict.

 

Remember in prayer the many who are Sick of our community.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say " Hell " to someone who

doesn't care much about you.

 

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

 

Miss Charlene Mason sang " I will not pass this way again, " giving

obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a

nursery down stairs.

 

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all

the help they can get.

 

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more

transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes

of Pastor Jack's sermons.

 

 

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the

church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

 

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.

Music will follow.

 

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be " What Is

Hell? " Come early and listen to our choir practice.

 

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be

recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

 

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment

and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

 

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They

may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

 

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park

across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

 

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All

ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S.

is done.

 

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation

would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast

next Sunday.

 

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please

use the back door.

 

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare' s Hamlet in the

Church basement Friday at 7 PM.The congregation is invited to attend

this tragedy.

 

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian

Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

 

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign

slogan last Sunday: " I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours "