Guest guest Posted October 2, 2008 Report Share Posted October 2, 2008 Hello Everyone, my name is Steven, but everyone calls me lock. I did not want this. I was a happy, optimistic, loving (albeit seriously self destructive) person before my... experience. Ever since I've been so scared, so full of doubt and fear. Every time it rolls back through me, or the few times it's come back in force it feels like a "fall back into oblivion" as a friend of mine put it, and i have to work hard every time to rebuild my reality around me from the ground up. I found this group while looking for kundalini syndrome support and i've read up on the safeties and stuff. I want to be like i was before, i want to love everyone again, i want to be so optimistic that people think i'm crazy again! :-D. I want to be happy, and most of all, if this is really the truth, if this isn't just another trick of the darkness giving me false hope and laughing at me from the place just beyond the present, then i want to learn what i can do with it for people. How i can help, what i can help improve, how i can be used by the cool things beyond the present to make shit badass :-3. But for now, i just want to live without this fear... I want to be able to function normally first. Well I won't bore you with more, idk if i should have talked about what happened or not, but sometimes i get the feeling that talking about it is bad, like the things beyond the present don't want me talking about it, but then again, i don't really get that vibe here... It feels nice here :-), i hope that's true, i hope i'm not just insane, and i hope i'm not irridemable either. Thanks for reading this... Hope you're all having wonderful days :-3lock Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 2, 2008 Report Share Posted October 2, 2008 Welcome Lock! You definately found the right place. You can talk openly here about your experiences and fears. Many of us (myself included) landed here just looking for a way to stop the symptoms. You will find many of our stories on the website under "Tales of Awakening". I am so glad to hear that you are looking for something positive to do with the Kundalini. We are all about service here. Selfless service for others and following the Safeties will go a long way to smoothing out your experience. You will find this to be a warm, friendly group and to be a compassionate teacher. Sarita , Steve Lynch <mrcrazygonuts wrote:>> Hello Everyone, my name is Steven, but everyone calls me lock. I did not want this. I was a happy, optimistic, loving (albeit seriously self destructive) person before my... experience. Ever since I've been so scared, so full of doubt and fear. Every time it rolls back through me, or the few times it's come back in force it feels like a "fall back into oblivion" as a friend of mine put it, and i have to work hard every time to rebuild my reality around me from the ground up. I found this group while looking for kundalini syndrome support and i've read up on the safeties and stuff. I want to be like i was before, i want to love everyone again, i want to be so optimistic that people think i'm crazy again! :-D. I want to be happy, and most of all, if this is really the truth, if this isn't just another trick of the darkness giving me false hope and laughing at me from the place just beyond the present, then i want to learn what i can do with> it for people. How i can help, what i can help improve, how i can be used by the cool things beyond the present to make shit badass :-3. But for now, i just want to live without this fear... I want to be able to function normally first. Well I won't bore you with more, idk if i should have talked about what happened or not, but sometimes i get the feeling that talking about it is bad, like the things beyond the present don't want me talking about it, but then again, i don't really get that vibe here... It feels nice here :-), i hope that's true, i hope i'm not just insane, and i hope i'm not irridemable either. Thanks for reading this... Hope you're all having wonderful days :-3> > lock> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 2, 2008 Report Share Posted October 2, 2008 At 05:54 PM 10/2/2008, you wrote: I did not want this. I was a happy, optimistic, loving (albeit seriously self destructive) person before my... experience. Ever since I've been so scared, so full of doubt and fear. Every time it rolls back through me, or the few times it's come back in force it feels like a " fall back into oblivion " as a friend of mine put it, and i have to work hard every time to rebuild my reality around me from the ground up. I can totally relate to that, my experience was much the same. I went for two years before I even heard the word " kundalini " , and it was a long time before I really understood it. I found this group while looking for kundalini syndrome support and i've read up on the safeties and stuff. I want to be like i was before, i want to love everyone again, i want to be so optimistic that people think i'm crazy again! :-D. I want to be happy, and most of all, if this is really the truth, if this isn't just another trick of the darkness giving me false hope and laughing at me from the place just beyond the present, then i want to learn what i can do with it for people. How i can help, what i can help improve, how i can be used by the cool things beyond the present to make shit badass :-3. But for now, i just want to live without this fear... I want to be able to function normally first. Well I won't bore you with more, idk if i should have talked about what happened or not, but sometimes i get the feeling that talking about it is bad, like the things beyond the present don't want me talking about it, but then again, i don't really get that vibe here... It feels nice here :-), i hope that's true, i hope i'm not just insane, and i hope i'm not irridemable either. Thanks for reading this... Hope you're all having wonderful days :-3 This may sound crazy, but happiness and sanity are choices. I fought that idea most of my life, but once I decided " What the heck, I'll give it a try " I found I was able to pull it off (nobody could have been more surprised than me, I assure you <g>). When I realized that my fear was what was making these " Experiences " fearful, they very quickly changed their tenor. You just have to recognize what that fear is costing you, that it brings you nothing, and that there's really nothing to be afraid of. It was my fear that did me the most damage. If I could go back in time and tell my past self one thing, I would tell her that it would be my fear that would cause the most damage in my life ... these " Experiences " don't have to be frightening. As for sanity, imo, insanity is always doing the same thing and expecting different results .... if you are questioning yourself and you are willing to change, chances are you are as sane as it gets around here ;-) Brandi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 2, 2008 Report Share Posted October 2, 2008 Hi Lock, yep...in my path, it was often felt like 1 step forward and three steps back...for a long while, about two years, I got hit by wave after wave of difficulty as fears and attachments were bought into awareness....each blast of K would knock out more of the darknes...fun fun fun!! (and it did get dark but there is a light at the end of the tunnel ) things seem ok now...I have finally had a month with being neurotic...ha..but K. just keeps on turning up the voltage...its always more than I can handle and I just keep getting pushed to higher and higher thresholds... love Bruce Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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