Quarrels quips and quibbles quant

[Guest guest]

Today's been an odd day... This morning i was filled

with optimism and resolve but work was boring and gave me time to think (heaven

forbid!) and now i'm just kind of frustrated. The whole idea of

submission to this thing is still a little infuriating really. What right

does it have? Then again what right do i have to.. oh wait, myself :-P, i

have every right right? wrong? Hmm... In what sense i guess is the

question that should be asked then. I have every right to myself in this

reality, but who's reality is this? certainly not mine, so that means i

am not my own whilst viewed from higher up? Hmm... Or maybe who is

this that i must submit to is the question that should be asked? Surely

this thing, this energy is something that is a part of everything right?

Which means that i'm submitting to myself in a way. This would make a

sense in a way i guess... But it feels like my cognitive disassociation

from it is what gives me consciousness. All experiences i had with full

blast stuff wasn't necessarily the most cognitive thing. it's as if i was

being broken down and ripped apart in order to rejoin this light.

Eventually it was ok, but only because i broke, I gave in. I wasn't asked

if i wanted to submit, i was forced out of my physical form, forced and hammered

and pounded until i said ok, ok OK! And still it didn't relent. I'm

not saying i don't like submission, in fact i'm a huge submissive... It's

the fact that i wasn't asked permission. But was it my permission to

give? Why couldn't it just stop for a minute and explain what was going

on? Did it have to turn out like that? Am i being constructive at

all in thinking about that past? Blargh! i am just being dumb aren¢t

I. One thing that's been happening recently that's very scary, is i feel

like i can feel the approach of the pinnacle, that point where everything stops

and flows back on itself. Like i'm going to be at work one day and i'm

going to look into someone's eyes and i'm going to see that black spot behind

their pupils and it will grin it's black on black demonic toothy grin at me and

i'll know i'll have to start running until i hit the pavement again and start

being ground down. Because i think about all this, because i've seen as

much as i've seen, does that mean i'm lost? Because i broke only when it

became to much for me to handle, only after so much pain my mind reeled at it,

does that mean i'm doomed to fail? have i no choice in the matter because

sometimes i feel as if i don't. As if the future is set in stone just

like the past is.

The scariest thing is those points when things make more sense. Where it

feels like i'm just that much more screwed, as if another level down the path

has been reached. I'm being dragged down this path whether i want to or

not, and it's not that i don't want to, dude! This might be some ridiculously

awesome times! It's the fact that i feel i have no choice in the matter

that makes me say wait a minute... What's going on here. And this

is about the time when the nihilist in me chimes in and says, well it's not

like it matters anyway, so who cares. But i care, and do i care just

because i fear? I don't want to think that, but maybe it's true, that i

only care about whether or not i'm being forced down this path because i'm

fearful of it. Well yeah i'm kinda fearful of it, it hurt more then i

have the ability to express pain the first time i ever experienced it! In

fact i've always been overly sensitive to touch, but now it's so much worse, i

can't tell pleasure from pain sometimes (well not to say i didn't like some

amounts of pain before hehehe) but now they're the same thing, just at

different levels and i'm scared of both... So of course i'm fearful of

it, who in their right mind wouldn't be fearful of that! I don't know...

this is all so confusing... And i think i'm the one who's just confusing

myself, and i feel like the more i think analytically about this, the more i'm

just trying to make excuses for myself. Bah... i should read the safeties

again... Hope your day was better than mine.

 

lock

[Guest guest]

lock;

 

WELCOME ...my first thought when reading your words is " get out of

your head " this coming from one who spends much time and has spent

much time in my own head- however - i am trying to let go of all the

head stuff - all the answers are within you - if you stop talking and

stop the thinking and any outside influences you are into -well guess

what you may be able to hear what you need to hear - i have been on

this path with chrism for a year - i am just now beginning to be able

to relax my brain enough to just listen - meditating is a new

experience for me just this past week it started to gel - i actually

have had a few times when my mind went still -

 

write all you need to write any way you need to - and read the posts

of others and chrism's articles - there is a wealth of info here - we

all go thru similar aspects of k yet we have different ones that are

unique to each of us - i like knowing the possibilities -

 

good flowing ...

 

[Guest guest]

thank you for the advice :-3 hehe, i'll defiintly have to work on getting out of my head, it's were i spend the most time. No way around it really sometimes, it's amazing the amount of thinking one does when one doesn't own a television :-D. But i wonder what the definition of getting out of my head is, is reading a book considered going out of your head? or going farther into your head? Hmm... HAHA! guess i'm thinking about it to hard again hehe :-3. I've had points when my mind goes still, but it was more like the moment of death than anything relaxing... That wasn't very plesant, and it's probably part of the reason why i try and keep myself a little busy most of the time, the fear always came so fast once i had a moment to stop and breath, but it's definitly something to work on. :-3 thanks again for

the advice :-3. WELCOME ...my first thought when reading your words is "get out of your head" this coming from one who spends much time and has spent much time in my own head- however - i am trying to let go of all the head stuff - all the answers are within you - if you stop talking and stop the thinking and any outside influences you are into -well guess what you may be able to hear what you need to hear

[Guest guest]

At 10:56 PM 10/3/2008, you wrote:

thank you for the advice

:-3 hehe, i'll defiintly have to work on getting out of my head,

it's were i spend the most time. No way around it really sometimes,

it's amazing the amount of thinking one does when one doesn't own a

television :-D. But i wonder what the definition of getting out of

my head is, is reading a book considered going out of your head? or going

farther into your head?

That depends on the book. If it's a collection of Calvin and Hobbes, then

no ... ;-)

Hmm...

HAHA! guess i'm thinking about it to hard again hehe :-3.

I

Thought you would appreciate this ...

Brandi

Thinkers Anonymous

 

It started out innocently enough. I

began to think at parties now and then -- to loosen up. Inevitably,

though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a

social thinker. I began to think alone -- " to relax, " I told

myself -- but I knew it wasn't true.

Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was

thinking all the time. That was when things began to sour at home. One

evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of

life. She spent that night at her mother's.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't

mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunch time

so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied

and confused, asking, " What is it exactly we are doing here? "

 

One day the boss called me in. He said, " Listen, I like you, and it

\hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If

you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another

job. "

This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss. " Honey, "

I confessed, " I've been thinking ... " " I know you've been

thinking, " she said, " and I want a divorce! "

 

" But Honey, surely it's not that serious. "

" It is serious, " she said, lower lip aquiver. " You think

as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any

money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money! "

 

" That's a faulty syllogism, " I said impatiently. She exploded

in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the

emotional drama.

" I'm going to the library, " I snarled as I stomped out the

door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared

into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass

doors... They didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe

that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.

As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for

Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. " Friend, is heavy thinking

ruining your life? " it asked. You probably recognize that line. It

comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am

what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA

meeting.

At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was

" Porky's. " Then we share experiences about how we avoided

thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a

lot better at home.

Life just seemed ... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped

thinking.

[Guest guest]

Oh, Man, Do I love this !!

 

LS x

> Thought you would appreciate this ...

>

> Brandi

>

> Thinkers Anonymous

>

> It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now

and then -- to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to

another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to

think alone -- " to relax, " I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't

true.

>

> Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was

thinking all the time. That was when things began to sour at home.

One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the

meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

>

> I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment

don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at

lunch time so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the

office dizzied and confused, asking, " What is it exactly we are doing

here? "

>

> One day the boss called me in. He said, " Listen, I like you, and it

\hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem.

If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another

job. "

>

> This gave me a lot to think about.

>

> I came home early after my conversation with the boss. " Honey, " I

confessed, " I've been thinking ... " " I know you've been thinking, "

she said, " and I want a divorce! "

>

> " But Honey, surely it's not that serious. "

>

> " It is serious, " she said, lower lip aquiver. " You think as much as

college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so

if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money! "

>

> " That's a faulty syllogism, " I said impatiently. She exploded in

tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the

emotional drama.

>

> " I'm going to the library, " I snarled as I stomped out the door. I

headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into

the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass

doors... They didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I

believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.

>

> As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering

for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. " Friend, is heavy thinking

ruining your life? " it asked. You probably recognize that line. It

comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am

what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting.

>

> At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it

was " Porky's. " Then we share experiences about how we avoided

thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are

a lot better at home.

>

> Life just seemed ... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Brandi, I needed a laugh between thoughts. Jake--- On Sat, 10/4/08, Brandi Jasmine <jazztalk wrote:Brandi Jasmine <jazztalkRe: Re: Quarrels quips and quibbles quantthank you for the advice

:-3  hehe, i'll