THE LIGHT

[Guest guest]

From my earliest memory's i have always known i was different, i

always felt special and choosen by " god " i was abandoned by my mom at 4

, my dad gave us to our grandparents who raised my brother and i until

we were 7and 8 then he remarried took us back and his wife hated us

was mean and restenfull to us because she kept miscarring .

 

 

after the 3or 4th one she began to physically abuse us on top of

wreatched emotional abuse , at 13 they kicked me out and my brother

followed a year later i became one of the few emancipated minors in

n.y.s i had my own apt and a job at 15 and still graduated h.s , got

married to my boy friend of 5 years at 19 and had my first son at 20 ,

my ex has " bi polar , and a " manic rage disorder " he physically abused

me our whole relationship.for what ever reason some may say mental

problems

 

i always was told things in my head by god , this is how i have always

explained it, since i was little , i had dreams, saw what i called

angels, knew things were gonna happen , what people were gonna say.

i used to play games with my self to see if it was really real by

writing down what a particular teacher would wear before school , and

be right 7 times out of 10.

 

i got closer to puberty it kinda turned off and started to be very

sparattioc happinings. i have always felt " preasances " or being

watched to the point where at times i was fear struck and had to go

down halls with my back to the wall.i could tell when people were

being false ,fake ,lying.i have always been in tune with others

feelings, especially when one is in emotional pain and suffering,. i

seemed to always have to words to say to help , all this sorta tuned

down as i said , it was sparratoic.

 

well in the summer of 2001 one i was 26 going on 27 in aug is when it

started happining all the time again , it felt like an old friend to

mee , i missed it , but with it came tons of suffering, my third child

my daughter was almost 1 at the time , when brian {my ex} started

really flipping out bad on me and on june 17 he tried to kill me.. i

woke up at 5;am my daughter would be up soon and needed milk for her

ba ba.

 

i lived in a tiny town guilford n,y on a gravel road in the woods and

it was a ways to the store , it was pouring rain our driveway was a

110 yard mud pit. so i got dressed left .. when i came back i was

about to pull in when reality seemed to snap, it was lucid , i began

to hear: " dont be afraid , i am with you . " i am with you it will be

okay.i was scared but not in my self ,its hard to explain.. again i

hear " be calm do not be afraid i am with you " so i park my car and

walk in my double wide knowing brian was gonna hurt me , i hope the

kids are still asleep.

 

there he is in his boxers in his recliner snarling at me like a demon,

i said hi , had to get milk and held it up for him to see.. put it and

my keys on the counter and went to the bathroom , the whole time

hearing that angelic voice say to me be calm, i am with you listen

closley be calm.

 

i come out of the bathroom and he is approaching me rubs passed me and

goes to the bathroom, then i hear NOW GRAB YOUR KEYS BE CALM DONT RUN

YOU WILL FALL he had bent my keys , i hear SLOWLY UNBEND YOUR KEYS

KEEP WALKING DONT RUN YOU WILL SLIP .

 

I AM WITH YOU DONT BE AFRAID i get to my car , it is pouring so hard i

prayed for the key not to break let it start the car he is gonna kill

me. i am in the car it starts ...

 

when i put it in reverse to back out i hear NO DO NOT TURN AROUND LOOK

IN FRONT OF YOU , YOUR LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME and out the door he

comes flying the porch roof was not connected good to the trailer so

the wood was indeed slippery.

 

he grabbed the " go devil " because he was a logger and had axes

,chainsaws and the like on the porch, any way he grabs it and runs

across the porch and starys down the stairs , i scream GOD HELP ME i

knew he WAS INDEED GONNA KILL ME when he slipped and fell down the

stairs, i hear the voice I AM WITH YOU KEEP WATCHING mean while my car

is some how staying on the muddy driveway while rolling down it .

 

he is up and running along side the car and from here on out it was

like the matrix the way we moved, he went to swing that go devil,i

scream GOD HELP ME AS HE SWINGS HE SLIPS AND FALLS ON THE WET GRASS

..... GETS UP AND CONTINUES AFTER ME ,THE VOICE SAYS STAY CALM ... I AM

WITH YOU i am no seeing i am at the end of the drive way and i have to

back out of it saftley, so i turn around back out and he is right

there at the end of the driveway raising the go devil to throw it at

my car.

 

my car is not moving i had it in drive and was flooring it because of

the wet gravel i went know where, then he threw that I SCREAMED GOD

GOD HELP ME AS I WATCHED IN MATRIX MOTION THAT GO DEVIL FLIP TOWARDS

ME 3 TIMES AND IT LIKE STOPPED MID AIR AND DROPPED DOWN AND INSTEAD OF

COMMING THRU THE WINDOW IT HIT JUST BELOW IT ... THEN MY CAR MOVED

FORWARD FISH TAILING DOWN THE ROAD i looked in the rearview to see him

running in the rain in his underware in bare feet down the road after me.

 

my eyes closed tight , i know i was not driving my car .. i felt this

primal scream come forth not from my mouth but from my chest.. hot

tears swelling from behind tightly shut lids popping out to hit the

steering wheel like rain , i found my self pulled over about a mile

down the road.

 

my bible was in the car , i was playing church hoping that would make

a differance i kept it in ther so i would not forget it , wanted the

church people to see i8 brought it each week ya know.... any way i am

screaming crying GOD GOD WHAT EVER I KNOW YOU ARE REAL YOU JUST SAVED

MY LIFE NOW I HATE YOU I FUCKING FUCKING HATE YOU WHY WHY I HAVE

ALWAYS TRIED TO BE GOOD DO WHAT WAS RIGHT , LIVE IN LOVE MY PARENTS

HATED ME MY HUSBAND HATES ME AND YOU ARWE CRUEL TO GIVE ME THIS LIFE

OF SUFFERING NOW TALK TO ME TALK TO ME NOW KILL ME KILL ME I HATE YOU

TALK TO ME NOW........

 

so i opened that bible up at random , i flung it open and read

this.........the lord will command his loving kindnessin the day time

and in the nite his song shall be with me a prayer to the god of my

life , I WILL SAY TO GOD MY ROCK WHY HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ME WHY DO I GO

MOURNINGBECAUSE OF THE OPPRESSION OF THE ENEMY AS WITH A BREAKING OF

MY BONES MY ENIMES REPROACH ME WHILE THEY SAY TO ME ALL DAY LONG WHERE

IS YOUR GOD.....HOPE IN GOD FOR I SHALL YET PRAISE HIM THE HELP OF MY

COUNTENANCE AND MY GOD.... PSALM 42 AND THEN I WENT ON TO READ 43 look

them up sometime.

 

after a while i realized... THE KIDS so i drove home absolutly no fear

none the kids were up he was doing breakfast the baby was on the couch

with her babab in her teeth calling to me ...

 

shortly brian ended up in a mental hospital, i did not know what to do

or how to get out , i had no whwer to go, and gui9lt over came him and

he tried to kill himself and that was how i was released , and he was

there long enough for me to make plans and with help from the church,

move on august 11 kids in bed .

 

i had been in my bed praying and i had my first kundalini experience

at the time i did not know that is what it was suddenly my head was

flooded with light and i felt a fire rise from deep within me i felt

like a pin point laser going into the middle of my forhead and waves

of new light was flooding and washing over my brain, i was in

terriable pain and thought i was really dying.

 

i said god you can have me i am yours, but please let it wait till

morning to get the boys to school and sissy to the neighbors and then

you can take me home , when suddnly i was standing 3 feet off the

ground at the end of my bed i could see me still in bed, i could see

me floating.

 

i was looking out the bed room doorway and started to see this white

dust , i could hear scretching and crunching metal i could smell this

burning dead smell , i describe the sound like a plain crashing in to

a train that is crashing into a wall at the same time...

 

i saw a figure to my right in pereffial vision , i then wept and wept

bitterly. the next thing i knew i heard this celestrial singing , it

is the only way to describe it it was other wordly ii heard it every

nite for 2 years when it did leave for good i wept for weeks as if

someone died, any way the vision ended and it was suddenly morning and

i was sitting up in bed is the next thing i remember .

 

from that day forward i have a peace that cannot be described. but i

went and told my pastor the " dream " and of course he is thinkin i am

nuts untill sept 11 happened and when i heard the 1st tower fall , i

knew i heard it before , that was the sound i heard the night of the

vision. from june 17 on thru my 27th bd into sept and over the next

year is when i was awoken , i read the bible thru and thru over and over .

 

but i knew it to be deeper and not what traditional regular christians

thought it to be i knew it to be more and deeper the words were

comming alive , i began writing after reading and praying writing what

i was learning.

 

later finding out this is called gnosis because it seemed i would read

a bit and then all this knowledge came to me in automatic run on

sentence writing. it was profound , my pastor began to be affected by

my words at bible studies , he was like you think in such paradigm i

had to look that up i did not know what it ment people were calling me

a mystic a prophet or psycic .

 

my hunger grew did others know these wonderfull things did others

hunger for this spiritual knowledge that seemed to flow into my head

like wine , after periods of writing , i would be drained so

physically tired , but on fire with supernatrual energy .. over the

years i have expanded my reading to authors like sweden borg, albert

swtzer , einstien and gudjuref pardon the spelling in this whole thing

and other " mystics " like tozer and simpson and many others . this is

how it began , this is my story

 

thanks for listening

 

sopherim

[Guest guest]

Thank you for sharing this Stephanie.

 

Traumatic experiences such as these can indeed open the Kundalini.

You also have a connection to guidance that will help you and has

helped you to come forward on this path. It has aso brought you

here. No accident.

 

So now you know to listen to the internal guidance and you can

remember how that felt and from these memories you can keep the

connection strong. I feel it as being a strong and lifelong

connection for you.

 

Now you can move forward and onward up the mountain. Please consider

a daily practice of the safeties for Kundalini awakening. Here is a

link to them:

http://www.kundaliniawakeningsystems1.com/the-safeties.html

You still have a body to condition as well as emotions to balance

and forgiveness's to give. God gives us the grace but it is we who

must hold it. And from the conditioning does our hold strengthen and

grow.

 

Many Kundalini people have had lifetimes of extreme trauma or

extremes in how life has been experienced. Children who are

sensitive can have experiences that for a normal child are no big

deal but to a sensitive they can be monumental. I remember this.

 

So now the pieces can be coming together for you. Why your childhood

was the way it was and why your life evolved to the point where

these traumas could occur. It was needed for you to be able to come

into this expression so rejoice and relax! You are among friends and

family and your experiences and friendship and skills are honored

and respected. - blessings and welcome Stephanie. - chrism

 

 

, " sopherim77 "

<sopherim77 wrote:

>

> From my earliest memory's i have always known i was different, i

> always felt special and choosen by " god "

[Guest guest]

Sopherim:

Wilcome. Your experiences were heavy. Many group members have had traumatic experiences. These enabled the awakening of kundalini or at least pointed us to the group. The group is a safe place, a place that I trust with my life. I am grad and honored to have you as a member. You will feel at peace and at home here.

 

Love,

Jake--- On Fri, 11/21/08, sopherim77 <sopherim77 wrote:

sopherim77 <sopherim77 THE LIGHT Date: Friday, November 21, 2008, 12:16 AM

 

 

From my earliest memory's i have always known i was different, ialways felt special and choosen by "god"i was abandoned by my mom at 4, my dad gave us to our grandparents who raised my brother and i untilwe were 7and 8 then he remarried took us back and his wife hated uswas mean and restenfull to us because she kept miscarring .after the 3or 4th one she began to physically abuse us on top ofwreatched emotional abuse , at 13 they kicked me out and my brotherfollowed a year later i became one of the few emancipated minors inn.y.s i had my own apt and a job at 15 and still graduated h.s , gotmarried to my boy friend of 5 years at 19 and had my first son at 20 ,my ex has "bi polar , and a "manic rage disorder" he physically abusedme our whole relationship. for what ever reason some may say mentalproblemsi always was told things in my head by god , this is how i have alwaysexplained it,

since i was little , i had dreams, saw what i calledangels, knew things were gonna happen , what people were gonna say.i used to play games with my self to see if it was really real bywriting down what a particular teacher would wear before school , andbe right 7 times out of 10.i got closer to puberty it kinda turned off and started to be verysparattioc happinings. i have always felt "preasances" or beingwatched to the point where at times i was fear struck and had to godown halls with my back to the wall.i could tell when people werebeing false ,fake ,lying.i have always been in tune with othersfeelings, especially when one is in emotional pain and suffering,. iseemed to always have to words to say to help , all this sorta tuneddown as i said , it was sparratoic.well in the summer of 2001 one i was 26 going on 27 in aug is when itstarted happining all the time again , it felt like an old

friend tomee , i missed it , but with it came tons of suffering, my third childmy daughter was almost 1 at the time , when brian {my ex} startedreally flipping out bad on me and on june 17 he tried to kill me.. iwoke up at 5;am my daughter would be up soon and needed milk for herba ba.i lived in a tiny town guilford n,y on a gravel road in the woods andit was a ways to the store , it was pouring rain our driveway was a110 yard mud pit. so i got dressed left .. when i came back i wasabout to pull in when reality seemed to snap, it was lucid , i beganto hear:"dont be afraid , i am with you . " i am with you it will beokay.i was scared but not in my self ,its hard to explain.. again ihear "be calm do not be afraid i am with you" so i park my car andwalk in my double wide knowing brian was gonna hurt me , i hope thekids are still asleep.there he is in his boxers in his recliner snarling at

me like a demon,i said hi , had to get milk and held it up for him to see.. put it andmy keys on the counter and went to the bathroom , the whole timehearing that angelic voice say to me be calm, i am with you listenclosley be calm.i come out of the bathroom and he is approaching me rubs passed me andgoes to the bathroom, then i hear NOW GRAB YOUR KEYS BE CALM DONT RUNYOU WILL FALL he had bent my keys , i hear SLOWLY UNBEND YOUR KEYSKEEP WALKING DONT RUN YOU WILL SLIP .I AM WITH YOU DONT BE AFRAID i get to my car , it is pouring so hard iprayed for the key not to break let it start the car he is gonna killme. i am in the car it starts ...when i put it in reverse to back out i hear NO DO NOT TURN AROUND LOOKIN FRONT OF YOU , YOUR LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME and out the door hecomes flying the porch roof was not connected good to the trailer sothe wood was indeed slippery.he

grabbed the "go devil" because he was a logger and had axes,chainsaws and the like on the porch, any way he grabs it and runsacross the porch and starys down the stairs , i scream GOD HELP ME iknew he WAS INDEED GONNA KILL ME when he slipped and fell down thestairs, i hear the voice I AM WITH YOU KEEP WATCHING mean while my caris some how staying on the muddy driveway while rolling down it .he is up and running along side the car and from here on out it waslike the matrix the way we moved, he went to swing that go devil,iscream GOD HELP ME AS HE SWINGS HE SLIPS AND FALLS ON THE WET GRASS.... GETS UP AND CONTINUES AFTER ME ,THE VOICE SAYS STAY CALM ... I AMWITH YOU i am no seeing i am at the end of the drive way and i have toback out of it saftley, so i turn around back out and he is rightthere at the end of the driveway raising the go devil to throw it atmy car.my car is not moving i had it

in drive and was flooring it because ofthe wet gravel i went know where, then he threw that I SCREAMED GODGOD HELP ME AS I WATCHED IN MATRIX MOTION THAT GO DEVIL FLIP TOWARDSME 3 TIMES AND IT LIKE STOPPED MID AIR AND DROPPED DOWN AND INSTEAD OFCOMMING THRU THE WINDOW IT HIT JUST BELOW IT ... THEN MY CAR MOVEDFORWARD FISH TAILING DOWN THE ROAD i looked in the rearview to see himrunning in the rain in his underware in bare feet down the road after me.my eyes closed tight , i know i was not driving my car .. i felt thisprimal scream come forth not from my mouth but from my chest.. hottears swelling from behind tightly shut lids popping out to hit thesteering wheel like rain , i found my self pulled over about a miledown the road.my bible was in the car , i was playing church hoping that would makea differance i kept it in ther so i would not forget it , wanted thechurch people to see i8

brought it each week ya know.... any way i amscreaming crying GOD GOD WHAT EVER I KNOW YOU ARE REAL YOU JUST SAVEDMY LIFE NOW I HATE YOU I FUCKING FUCKING HATE YOU WHY WHY I HAVEALWAYS TRIED TO BE GOOD DO WHAT WAS RIGHT , LIVE IN LOVE MY PARENTSHATED ME MY HUSBAND HATES ME AND YOU ARWE CRUEL TO GIVE ME THIS LIFEOF SUFFERING NOW TALK TO ME TALK TO ME NOW KILL ME KILL ME I HATE YOUTALK TO ME NOW........so i opened that bible up at random , i flung it open and readthis........ .the lord will command his loving kindnessin the day timeand in the nite his song shall be with me a prayer to the god of mylife , I WILL SAY TO GOD MY ROCK WHY HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ME WHY DO I GOMOURNINGBECAUSE OF THE OPPRESSION OF THE ENEMY AS WITH A BREAKING OFMY BONES MY ENIMES REPROACH ME WHILE THEY SAY TO ME ALL DAY LONG WHEREIS YOUR GOD.....HOPE IN GOD FOR I SHALL YET PRAISE HIM THE HELP OF MYCOUNTENANCE AND MY GOD....

PSALM 42 AND THEN I WENT ON TO READ 43 lookthem up sometime.after a while i realized... THE KIDS so i drove home absolutly no fearnone the kids were up he was doing breakfast the baby was on the couchwith her babab in her teeth calling to me ...shortly brian ended up in a mental hospital, i did not know what to door how to get out , i had no whwer to go, and gui9lt over came him andhe tried to kill himself and that was how i was released , and he wasthere long enough for me to make plans and with help from the church,move on august 11 kids in bed .i had been in my bed praying and i had my first kundalini experienceat the time i did not know that is what it was suddenly my head wasflooded with light and i felt a fire rise from deep within me i feltlike a pin point laser going into the middle of my forhead and wavesof new light was flooding and washing over my brain, i was interriable

pain and thought i was really dying.i said god you can have me i am yours, but please let it wait tillmorning to get the boys to school and sissy to the neighbors and thenyou can take me home , when suddnly i was standing 3 feet off theground at the end of my bed i could see me still in bed, i could seeme floating.i was looking out the bed room doorway and started to see this whitedust , i could hear scretching and crunching metal i could smell thisburning dead smell , i describe the sound like a plain crashing in toa train that is crashing into a wall at the same time...i saw a figure to my right in pereffial vision , i then wept and weptbitterly. the next thing i knew i heard this celestrial singing , itis the only way to describe it it was other wordly ii heard it everynite for 2 years when it did leave for good i wept for weeks as ifsomeone died, any way the vision ended and it was

suddenly morning andi was sitting up in bed is the next thing i remember .from that day forward i have a peace that cannot be described. but iwent and told my pastor the "dream" and of course he is thinkin i amnuts untill sept 11 happened and when i heard the 1st tower fall , iknew i heard it before , that was the sound i heard the night of thevision. from june 17 on thru my 27th bd into sept and over the nextyear is when i was awoken , i read the bible thru and thru over and over .but i knew it to be deeper and not what traditional regular christiansthought it to be i knew it to be more and deeper the words werecomming alive , i began writing after reading and praying writing whati was learning.later finding out this is called gnosis because it seemed i would reada bit and then all this knowledge came to me in automatic run onsentence writing. it was profound , my pastor began to be

affected bymy words at bible studies , he was like you think in such paradigm ihad to look that up i did not know what it ment people were calling mea mystic a prophet or psycic .my hunger grew did others know these wonderfull things did othershunger for this spiritual knowledge that seemed to flow into my headlike wine , after periods of writing , i would be drained sophysically tired , but on fire with supernatrual energy .. over theyears i have expanded my reading to authors like sweden borg, albertswtzer , einstien and gudjuref pardon the spelling in this whole thingand other "mystics" like tozer and simpson and many others . this ishow it began , this is my storythanks for listening sopherim

[Guest guest]

Hi Sopherim,

 

welcome and thanks for sharing. A line comes to mind which i have

used before on some of my posts " Suffering is the first grace. May you

be blessed to have enough suffering to cause you to awaken. "

 

This group is fundamentally good. I am sure you will find a lot here to

help your path.

 

love

Bruce

[Guest guest]

Re: THE LIGHT

 

 

Welcome Sopherim,

 

I was very moved by your story. Sending you Love. Thank you

for sharing it with us. This is a very warm and caring Group

and I hope you will be at home with us. It is wonderful

having you with us.

 

Love, dhyana

 

Have you checked out or website?

 

http://www.kundaliniawakeningsystems1.com

[Guest guest]

HELLO

 

thank you every one for such a comforting welcome.

yes, i do see suffering as a special grace,i do not enjoy it ,but i am

so thank full for it. to suffer is to learn in my mind . there is

always a lesson to be learned in these trials. suffering strips us

bare naked and reveals more of our true self to self. it strips off

the ego ,and humbles one so they can then be in a place to learn and

grow .

dont get me wrong ,i am no masochist ,but i feel alive during suffering.

i pray alot ,i read how important this is in the safety portion of

this forum. i so agree with every thing said there. its funny because

i have been doing alot of it ,i just knew to ,it came so naturally.

 

i cant wait to figure out how to get about in this place so i can be

an active participant here. i am so excited to learn and grow and

share with other people like me. it is so good to know i am not alone

..

[Guest guest]

welcome Sopherim. this was a very moving story, thank you for sharing it.

namaste

Craig

[Guest guest]

Thank you Sopherim.

Carla

 

2008/11/20 sopherim77 <sopherim77:

> From my earliest memory's i have always known i was different, i

> always felt special and choosen by " god " i was abandoned by my mom at 4

> , my dad gave us to our grandparents who raised my brother and i until

> we were 7and 8 then he remarried took us back and

[Guest guest]

Wow, fascinating to read of your life's journey and happy to see where it lead you.Welcome and blessingselektra x x x

[Guest guest]

Sopherim:

 

Welcome to our growing family. Here you will find a group of fellow

travelers all at various levels in the Kundalini process. We share

and learn from each other.

 

I applaud your stamina, courage and strength to have stayed whole and

sane throughout so many trials. I remember reading about some of the

experiences you speak of while in school. I was raised Catholic and

read many books on the saints and their mystical experiences. Now I

fine there are people around me and in my circle who are having those

same types of experiences because of the gift of Kundalini.

 

I love sharing and reading of others expereinces. Thank you for being

here and if you need anything just ask.

 

Namaste,

 

[Guest guest]

, " sopherim77 "

<sopherim77 wrote:

>

> From my earliest memory's i have always known i was different, i

> always felt special and choosen by " god " i was abandoned by my mom at 4

 

 

Thanks for sharing sopherim and welcome. You sound very blessed.

Love Ana

[Guest guest]

Dearest Sopherim,

 

As someone who has also suffered abuse from a violent man I can greatly

emphsise with you and your children. From now on

 

" The only way is up "

 

take Care,

 

Skydancer x

 

, " sopherim77 "

<sopherim77@> wrote:

 

From my earliest memory's i have always known i was different, i

always felt special and choosen by " god " i was abandoned by my mom a...