Depersonalization-Skydancer

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It makes sense to me Skydancer. You do what you have to do to survive. I understand that kind of coping, although I didn't know what it was called then.

My first husband was very abusive to me and I often dissociated from my life. I was so depressed that I cried myself to sleep every night. I knew I was meant for something better than that life, but I didn't know how to get there. I can barely remember what my life was like back then, I have blocked most of it out. I always refer to it as the "old Sarita" because I don't even identify now with the woman who stayed way too long in an abusive relationship.

The kind of dissociation I am going through now is of a different origin thank God! It's uncomfortable, but at least I know it is heading in a positive direction - K style.

You're a strong lady Skydancer, you should be proud of all your accomplishments.

Sarita

, "Skydancer" <ionaskydancer wrote:>> Thank you Cuneyt, and Sarita.> > The whole concept of depersonalisation makes sense of many points in > my life. The first time I felt it was when I was tickled. I used to > and still do, hate being tickled and the more you tell someone to > stop, the more they continue. One day during another tickling event I > kind of 'shifted' out of my body and I felt nothing. I was aware of > the person annoying me, but felt nothing, as if I switched off.> > The next time I remember doing it was when I was nine and an uncle > started s & xually abusing me. I would just shift somewhere else, and > suddenly it was not me he was touching. 'I' was somewhere off to the > side. I ofter reacted to trauma in this way, especially in my First > marriage. He would shout, abuse, hit etc. but it was not me he hit as > I had gone off somewhere else, until he had finished. > > As I got older I would wonder what I was doing here and I was sure I > was like an alien just visiting and one day the veil or wall would > come down and my proper life would appear. It was like watching the > sci-fi films about parallel lives and I was in another Skydancers > life, maybe I was there to help her out, or a mistake had been made > in a timeline. > > After I left the abusive marriage I had a 'breakdown', where my > dreams and real life seemed to often blend. It may have been due to > medication, who knows? Then 10yrs ago it felt like a fog clearing and > I could see clearly. I would shift now and then but usually when I > was bored, or watching TV. By the time the clarity came I had given > up/lost all material possessions, money and many 'friends', but they > meant nothing. > > When someone asks about my past, I always refer to it as my 'past > life', 'before I woke up', because that's what it felt like. > Strangely I was never frightened by the shifts. It was during the > shifts that things made more sense. I know I am not mad, but I also > know I am not the same. I recognise the old Skydancer, but as an old > friend, not me.> > I hope this makes some kind of sense. ;-)> > Blessings,> > Skydancer x > > , "M. Cuneyt > Birkok" birkok@ wrote:> >> > Dear Chrism> > > > Would you please comment on "*Depersonalization Disorder" at this > page> > mentioned: *http://www.diigo.com/04nom> > *****> > *Besides many things, they claim that meditation and mystic > assumptions> > causes depersonalization.> > How to avoid losing ego?> > Some technics we are using and attitudes such as "surrendering , > letting go"> > etc. couldn't increase depersonalization?> > > > > > > > Love end regards,> > > > Cüneyt> >>