check-in

[Guest guest]

I have been having some, as you referred to in one of your

articles, " kundalini knots " in my hips, groins, abdomen area. There is

a lot of ache/pain at times for the past week. Then there are times

when it vibrates, loosens, etc.only back to knots again. I also feel

alot of pressure behind my eyes/temple area. I was struck by the part

in your article about expressing outward to loosen knots. Considering

what the area is, not sure what that would look like. I don't currently

have a partner. I have been doing very gentle yoga moves to get some

mobility in my pelvic area. Any thoughts appreciated.

love & blessings,

Jan

[Guest guest]

Been doing the safeties. I am getting lots of awareness lately of

things I've done, sadness about it, praying alot to forgive myself.

Feel drawn to spend time alone more, take walks, being quiet. I've

been uncomfortable with too much time with others since this whole K

thing began. This K process has cleared out lots of people from my

life it seems and its a bit lonely at times. I continue to have flare-

ups of heat, prickly feelings in my face with break outs. I'm trusting

that K is working on this to up-grade but it seems like it is endless.

Two days ago I had some intense pain spells in the juncture between my

heart and my lower rib cage. For about two minutes. I just breathed

into it and its now gone. it felt softer after. I don't feel heat

anywhere else but do have some fluttering at times in my pelvic area. I

also woke up at 2 am in some mild fear with hip/pelvic pain on my right

side. its gone now but has been coming and going for about two weeks.

Glad this list is here to check in to as I don't have people in my life

that would understand.

Blessings,

Jan

[Guest guest]

Yes Jan you are inside of the process and please do continue to realize this.

This is the preparation stage if one looks at it from a linear point of view.

 

Your life up to this moment is being assessed and you are being given certain

brutal truths about your conduct and the conduct of those around you. There is

no reason to feel sad. We are here to engage a refinement that isnt always easy.

Mistakes can also be seen as opportunities for education.

 

The quiet walks and alone time are needed for the transforming activities that

are being overlaid upon your present life. This is all good! As you withdraw for

this time the pieces are being reformed and new agendas are being formulated.

This is a passing phase Jan. A necessary phase for the reconstructive qualities

that are under way.

 

Everyone experiences this as they go into the Kundalini. So welcome my friend!

 

The pains are also transient. Some will stay longer than others as that certain

area is worked on then it will go and another may sprout up somewhere else. No

worries my friend. - blessings and love to you Jan! - chrism

 

, " Jan " <drjandean

wrote:

>

> Been doing the safeties.

[Guest guest]

Thanks Chrism,

Your message was like a switch, a paradigm shift to oh yea, this is really

happening. Its so bizarre at times. And to really embrace the gratitude for it

all!

many blessings,

Jan

 

, " chrism "

<> wrote:

>

> Yes Jan you are inside of the process and please do continue to realize this.

This is the preparation stage if one looks at it from a linear point of view.

>

> Your life up to this moment is being assessed and you are being given certain

brutal truths about your conduct and the conduct of those around you. There is

no reason to feel sad. We are here to engage a refinement that isnt always easy.

Mistakes can also be seen as opportunities for education.

>

> The quiet walks and alone time are needed for the transforming activities that

are being overlaid upon your present life. This is all good! As you withdraw for

this time the pieces are being reformed and new agendas are being formulated.

This is a passing phase Jan. A necessary phase for the reconstructive qualities

that are under way.

>

> Everyone experiences this as they go into the Kundalini. So welcome my friend!

>

> The pains are also transient. Some will stay longer than others as that

certain area is worked on then it will go and another may sprout up somewhere

else. No worries my friend. - blessings and love to you Jan! - chrism

>

> , " Jan " <drjandean@>

wrote:

> >

> > Been doing the safeties.

>

[Guest guest]

Just checking in before I leave for a short trip to the ocean. I am buzzing

along here with a lot of activity in my base chakra and heart area. I have felt

periodic waves of love and gentle heart palpitations at times, pleasant really.

Enjoying reading everyones post about dreams. Haven't been sleeping very well

and no dreams to report. will check-in when I return.

Love and blessings,

Jan

[Guest guest]

I had a couple of dreams this past weekend while at the ocean:

dream one:

cleaning up Jim's sheets - haven't been taking very good care of his dog- it

shit twice. cleaning it up. washing sheets. dog keeps running downstairs either

to get outside or to go into my apartment in bathtub where he licks the tub.

at ralph's office, Joe is there among others. I say hi to Joe he is semi-cool.

tell him I think his consultations are great. he says Yea, this is one area I

can be creative. i have a rash on the back of my calf, he says oh thats

nothing, you got into a bed of ants. I'm wondering where I got into them.

go back to put sheets on bed. Jim is there in the bed on top of the unmade bed.

i'm talking to him about making the bed, etc. hes putting his arm around me

expressing his gratitude.

dream two:

I'm with a woman up in a hot air balloon. we're supposed to meet other people

up there but we're late. i tell the woman i'm always on time. i'm wondering

how we're going to get down. neither of us has cell phones. i yell down to

someone & they say, I'm not listening. we're over the ocean. then I realize we

are close to some landing & we can safely climb down.

 

any thoughts? I had an interesting night. i've been praying to shakti to show

me anything i need to see/to understand. I woke up and had a review of events

across my life with my sister. i felt the deep hurts. as i felt this, there

was alot of K activity in my lower three chakras and my throat but felt

restricting in my heart. as I cried there was a little more space here. Did

some forgiving of my sister and myself for carrying this for so long.

Blessings to everyone,

Jan

[Guest guest]

Just feel the need to touch base about what is going on with me. I have been

having a lot of dreams with various masculine figures. Chrism, you initially

told me to acknowledge the sacred masculine and I have been doing that. I have

had dreams of kind men I'm trying to hold off at arms length, men I'm not taking

very good care of their dog etc. I have been dialoguing with these figures as

their is some deep healing going on within me (and outside me) about this

masculine aspect. I feel the growing need to express my creativity in whatever

way the K wants to express it.

Blessings to all,

Jan

[Guest guest]

Even though I'm not receiving Shaktipat, i've had a lot of energy this week, in

my root, heart, and third eye areas. around the periphery of my body I feel a

slight burning sensation. Its not really my skin, its more inside. I have some

bizarre things going on in my life. I received emails from my landlady trying

to hurry my move, in fact, giving me a deadline, and they have been very curt to

me. The feelings this experience is bringing up for me feels like karmic

proportions if that makes any sense. I feel deeply not wanting here. My ego

wants to get in there yet I'm seeing it almost as if sand moving through my

hands, like I can't grasp here anymore and its just time to let it fall away.

Not even sure what the " it " is but its more than the apt and this group of

people. I'm enjoying all the posts and people's sharing about their

experiences. I'm grateful for this site to come to and share.

love and blessings,

Jan

[Guest guest]

My meditations in my special spot have been hit and miss lately due to weather,

winds and rain. I really have been enjoying meditating there and miss it when I

can't.

 

I've been having some emotional upheaval lately. Lots of anger, heart and

throat chakra stuff. I've been doing the safeties. Looking for apartments and

in the meantime my living situation has gotten rather difficult. The energy

with my landlord has been weird. Ah, trust in the kundalini and that change is

being asked of me.

blessings,

Jan

[Guest guest]

I have been enjoying all the postings lately, the stuff on forgiveness, OS's

writings on " there go I " , and Chrism's bees. I went to my spot in the woods

yesterday and there was a loud rustling noise nearby and when I looked to see

what all the commotion was, there was a beautiful deer looking at me! We looked

at each other for awhile and then it pranced on.

 

I had a dream last night. There was a man with no clothes on a stage partially

behind a podium. He had a very hairy chest. He was working with a woman. He

looked out at me in the audience and said he was a bit self-conscious. he asked

if I was okay with this referring to his being on stage with nothing on. I said

yes and he said I thought so. Then he stepped out from behind the podium to

fully expose himself.

Love and blessings to all,

Jan

[Guest guest]

There is a lot of wisdom on this list and I appreciate all the wonderful

information/shares. I went into the woods again yesterday and the deer was near

my spot again. There feels something auspicious about the deer being there. I

can hear it rustling around while I'm meditating. I have had a lot of

fluttering, vibration, etc. at the floor of my p#lvis. The itching has subsided

and now energy moving. Had a s & x dream last night with this man who wanted to

do it very slow, take our time to really enjoy it.

 

I've been starting to prepare for a move I'm making in three weeks. Its to a

new part of town, closer to the river but less close to the woods I've been

accustomed to walk. I work near the woods though so can visit often. As I'm

preparing to move, I've been taking books to the library to donate and having a

local AA foundation come to get some furniture I'm getting rid of. As K is

cleaning house, I'm feeling motivated to clean house of so many things I used to

cling to such as books. I figure they aren't getting read on my shelf. Also,

I've changed so much in the past two years that things I have no longer reflect

me.

 

I'm struck by the events that precipitated my move. The conflict with my

neighbor and landlord/landlady. its as if the circumstances happened to

orchestrate a move for me when I tend to be resistant to change. I've reflected

on all the situations across this life where I've clinged to circumstances when

it was time to move on. All about surrender. When I allow surrender, I feel

this specific quality in my throat and heart of a spaciousness that feels tight

when I cling. So, I'm moving and I'm grateful my current place has been a

fertile ground for getting me where I am. I feel like I'm in kindergarden, or

maybe even preschool, when it comes to learning about surrender.

Love and blessings,

Jan

[Guest guest]

I have felt very fatigued lately. Not physically tired but really mentally

drowsy and a little spacey although it comes and goes. I'm able to function in

my work role. Been waking up at three am the last few mornings.

 

Its interesting that after sharing with my dream group last week about the

kundalini, one of the members of the group had a dream about a snake. He was

cradling a snake in his lap trying to drive it to safety. He felt a deep love

for the snake and the snake felt a deep love towards him.

 

Went dancing again this week. I am learning a lot about myself. I want to lead

and learning how to let a man lead me metaphorically and concretely is not my

norm. I had moments of flow and it felt so good and I like being led. My hips

feel more open and its giving me an expression for my s@xual energy as I

currently don't have a partner.

love and blessings,

Jan

[Guest guest]

Keep tabs on the fatigue it will come and it will go......when the energy is

high make sure you do the water melon and good drinking water. This prevents the

adrenals from hyper expression,cos sometimes after a high comes a low.

Make sure you tune to what balance is needed from Shakti she will tell you and

it will be from within the safeties....stick with Intuition.

Richard

Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

 

 

Jan <drjandean

 

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 13:57:59

 

re: check-in

 

 

I have felt very fatigued lately. Not physically tired but really mentally

drowsy and a little spacey although it comes and goes. I'm able to function in

my work role. Been waking up at three am the last few mornings.

 

Its interesting that after sharing with my dream group last week about the

kundalini, one of the members of the group had a dream about a snake. He was

cradling a snake in his lap trying to drive it to safety. He felt a deep love

for the snake and the snake felt a deep love towards him.

 

Went dancing again this week. I am learning a lot about myself. I want to lead

and learning how to let a man lead me metaphorically and concretely is not my

norm. I had moments of flow and it felt so good and I like being led. My hips

feel more open and its giving me an expression for my s@xual energy as I

currently don't have a partner.

love and blessings,

Jan

[Guest guest]

Hi Jan,

 

So happy to think of you out there going dancing!!! Glad you can express that

energy and hope you are having such a great time with it! Brings a smile to my

face! Again wow that you meet these people...the snake dream friend! You are

like an " in-person " Kundalini meeting Magnet! Sweet!

I too get those " Low " and then it flips to extreme high energy where I don't

need much sleep. Strange all this....

Hope this passes quickly and I shall keep smiling at you out there dancing

away...and meeting snake people! (:

Much love to you Jan!

Deb

 

 

, " Jan " <drjandean

wrote:

>

> I have felt very fatigued lately. Not physically tired but really

[Guest guest]

Been feeling hot today. my legs, belly, head feel as though they are radiating

heat. I was feeling like I was getting a sore throat, very dry and hot mouth in

spite of drinking lots of water but now my throat feels fine but more heat.

Since my activation a few years ago, I have always felt more vibration in the

front part of my body. am beginning to feel more in my back body as well. It

would always confuse me because I'd read the K books and they'd talk about the

classical signs and I'd be in doubt. Then I read a woman's k experience and how

she felt more up the front of her body. Any thoughts about that, Chrism, would

be appreciated.

blessings,

Jan

[Guest guest]

There is no standard of sensation that favors the front or the back in my

experience. Sometimes its in the front and sometimes in the back and sometimes

front and back. Sometimes its only on one side and then switches to the other

side. Sometimes nothing is felt and at other times total body radiance can be

felt. There some few gender specifics but the feeling of the energy presenting

one side or the other or in different areas is common to both sexes. In my

humble experience. - chrism

 

 

, " Jan " <drjandean

wrote:

>

Any thoughts about that, Chrism, would be appreciated.

> blessings,

> Jan

>

[Guest guest]

Went dancing last night. Besides fun, I am getting so much from the dancing.

Aside from an expression of my fluid and sensual energy that wants to come

forth, I am learning to let myself be led by a male! This coincides with dreams

I've had where I won't let my <inner> male have any of the controls.

 

Went to my dream group today and another member had a snake dream. This snake

had a snake body and a cow head. During the group, there were some group

dynamics that really triggered some anger for me. The anger rippled up my body

and there was major fluttering going on and heat, like a huge volcanic eruption.

I remembered about everything being intensified by the kundalini. Just sat

there and observed its activity and its story. Then I was able to say what I

needed to say with.

Love and blessings all,

Jan

[Guest guest]

My dream life this week has been zip, almost as if I've been in some deep sleep,

until last night. I had a dream I was moving into a living quarters on a boat.

My place was all along the front of the boat and I had a sense there were

primarily women who lived onboard. This woman I know in real life only

superficially came onboard and said she hoped that if someone moved off she

could move on, how fun that would be.

love and blessings,

Jan

[Guest guest]

Better than mine.  I had an alligator biting my ass. (literally) I need to look

at that one!!!!

 

 

Julie

 

--- On Sat, 6/27/09, Jan <drjandean wrote:

 

 

Jan <drjandean

re: check-in

 

Saturday, June 27, 2009, 12:32 PM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My dream life this week has been zip, almost as if I've been in some deep sleep,

until last night. I had a dream I was moving into a living quarters on a boat.

My place was all along the front of the boat and I had a sense there were

primarily women who lived onboard. This woman I know in real life only

superficially came onboard and said she hoped that if someone moved off she

could move on, how fun that would be.

love and blessings,

Jan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Overall I think the shaktipat went really well. I had another rising in my

sleep, accompanied by a very vivid and powerful dream. (I will post the dream

log on here later if anyone is interested).

 

The only thing that has been a problem with me lately, is this feeling of

restlessness. It comes in various forms, often accompanied by a migraine

headache mild to severe. Mostly its not very emotional, its just this general

feeling like I drank too much coffee, I need to be doing something, and I want

to jump out of my skin. Its not terrible, but it always happens around the

evening, when I want to go to bed. Sometimes it is also accompanied by these

weird leg aches. The only thing I can compare it to are those " growing pains " I

used to experience in adolescence or, when I used to trip, that achy feeling I

would experience in my muscles after coming down from LSD.

 

Its not traumatic... or particularly unbearable (unless I experience a major

migraine), but it has to some degree been effecting my ability to center myself

in meditation sometimes. Another way I described it to someone is... feeling

like I am on the verge of a spiritual orgasm, but right before the climax. I

feel like there is going to be some major change taking place soon, and I just

want to be on with it.

 

Another weird thing that happened to me for about 3 days was this spasm right

under my stomach on my left side. It would just start pulsating, twitching,

continuously throughout the day.

 

Other than that, things have been going good, I have been experiencing periods

of bliss, and I have had a few opportunities to let go of some really old

leftover resentments.

 

-Matt

[Guest guest]

Hi Matt, you describe exactly what I was feeling like yesterday, even had the

weird leg aching.

 

For me the energy got so strong and I was resisting and it shot through my

fingers and toes hard, just like as if I touched a live wire. All my fingers and

toes are sore today.

 

I think that restless, ansty feeling is caused from resisting, for me anyway.

 

You have all that energy and you don't know what you are suppose to be doing.

Your suppose to be surrendering to it. Hehe! Silly me!

 

 

Linda

 

 

, " astraltraveler1984 "

<mjf84 wrote:

>

Another way I described it to someone is... feeling like I am on the verge of a

spiritual orgasm, but right before the climax. I feel like there is going to be

some major change taking place soon, and I just want to be on with it.

 

> -Matt

>

[Guest guest]

, " astraltraveler1984 "

wrote:

>

> >

> and I want to jump out of my skin. -Matt

>

I've had this problem, too, for about the last 4-5 months. My kids either roll

their eyes or hoot. Very jumpy and over really small things/sounds. If the

noise is loud, there may even be a shriek!

 

Carolyn

[Guest guest]

Thanks,

 

I think it is starting to die down. Its not so much a jumpy feeling, its mostly

just this feeling like, I have too much energy like you said and I need an

outlet or something.

 

I think I have been making progress, with all the safeties. It alternates

between bliss and restlessness, so maybe I need to do some more self inquiry.

 

love

 

, " Linda " <crazycats711

wrote:

>

> Hi Matt, you describe exactly what I was feeling like yesterday, even had the

weird leg aching.

>

[Guest guest]

Been doing my practices, creating an altar space in one corner with some

symbolic representations of the divine masculine & feminine. I've been having

a lot of K energy in an area at the base of my sternum, the point just below my

heart. When I focus in here it is almost intoxicating. There is a tightness and

when I put my attention there, I can barely breathe not from pain but from,,

well I don't know what, I can't put it into words. Is this where one of the

three knots reside?

 

I had a reaction to an event I went to this past weekend that has brought up a

lot of depth of feeling at some deep primal level. at an Amma satsang I went

to, there were two young boys, 7-ish. I love being around children. One asked

if he could get the instruments and was told yes. While we sang, the two of

them played the instruments with great joy. When the song was done, the woman

who leads the satsang told the one boy to put the instrument down, that unless

he could keep the rhythm, that we don't play because Amma wouldn't like it blah

blah blah...the boy put it down and got behind his mother with great crocodile

tears. The pain of this boy seared my heart. It brought sadness and a great

fierceness. when I was a child, I was intoxicated by spirit and went to church

as an extension of this feeling. I loved it until I had a sunday school class

by the minister's wife who was shaming. She used religion, the name of God, to

instill obedience. I didn't want to go anymore. I am grateful that this woman

at the satsang brought all this up to heal as this suppression of this

intoxication has been there a long time.

Love and blessings,

Jan

[Guest guest]

Namaste

 

dear Jan

 

i read your post and like you the sadness lingered for the children. . .

 

years ago. . . .there was a funny animated sitcom called Dinosaurs. .

..it was one of my favorites, and each week would watch with

anticipation to see if the baby Dinosaur would says it's one line. . .

 

the momma Dinosaurs was a bit of a mix between Donna Reed of Father

Knows Best and Archie's wife, Edith. . .and the father Dinosaur was more

like Archie Bunker. . . .the scene i would anticipate each week was when

the Mama Dinosaur would hand the baby dino over to the Papa Dinosaur the

baby would look at the Papa and say; " Not the Mamma " . . .

 

when you related the story that phrase popped up. . . " Not the Mamma " . .

.. so many of Amma's teachings are about becoming childlike. . . and the

return to innocence with out self-consciousness. . .

 

Jan i so love music, but always sing low because of similar incident

as you described. . . .In second grade was selected to be an angel in

the school music program . . . . was so excited, for never had i even

dreamed i could be an angel, had all kinds of images of having a halo

and wings and all white and pure. . . .but during the first rehearsal

on stage, the teacher told me to sit down, for i had a terrible voice.

.. . . lost the wings, some innocence, and some voice that day. . .those

things seem small yet to a child they lay a print. . .Jan i am glad you

got your bliss back. . . .

 

after i read your post started reading poetry by Tagore; Gitanjali. . .

there was a quote by W.B Yeats. . .and after reading it wanted to come

back and share it with you. . . .

 

" Indeed when he (Tagore) is speaking of children so much a part of

himself this quality seems one is not certain that he is not also

speaking of the saints. . . . They build their houses with sand and they

play with empty shells. With withered leaves they weave their boats and

smilingly float them on the vast deep. Children have their play on the

seashore of worlds. They know not how to swim, they know not how to

cast nets. Pearl fishers dive for pearls, merchants sail in their

ships while children gather pebbles and scatter them again. They seek

not for hidden treasures they know not how to cast nets. "

 

love and light and many blessings be wrapped as you create the beautiful

sacred space within and without

ordinary sparrow

 

 

, " Jan "

<drjandean wrote:

>

> Been doing my practices, creating an altar space in one corner with

some symbolic representations of the divine masculine & feminine. I've

been having a lot of K energy in an area at the base of my sternum, the

point just below my heart. When I focus in here it is almost

intoxicating. There is a tightness and when I put my attention there, I

can barely breathe not from pain but from,, well I don't know what, I

can't put it into words. Is this where one of the three knots reside?

>

> I had a reaction to an event I went to this past weekend that has

brought up a lot of depth of feeling at some deep primal level. at an

Amma satsang I went to, there were two young boys, 7-ish. I love being

around children. One asked if he could get the instruments and was told

yes. While we sang, the two of them played the instruments with great

joy. When the song was done, the woman who leads the satsang told the

one boy to put the instrument down, that unless he could keep the

rhythm, that we don't play because Amma wouldn't like it blah blah

blah...the boy put it down and got behind his mother with great

crocodile tears. The pain of this boy seared my heart. It brought

sadness and a great fierceness. when I was a child, I was intoxicated

by spirit and went to church as an extension of this feeling. I loved

it until I had a sunday school class by the minister's wife who was

shaming. She used religion, the name of God, to instill obedience. I

didn't want to go anymore. I am grateful that this woman at the satsang

brought all this up to heal as this suppression of this intoxication has

been there a long time.

> Love and blessings,

> Jan

>