Losing energy from relating experience- Isolation & neurosis

March 28, 2009

Namaste

Umm, I read many of the posts on this subject, and realise that after the last

15 to 20 years my only thoughts and thinking are all

meditation/kundalini/shaktipat/Hinduism/Buddism/Taoism/Christian/ASC related,

and that I find it really hard to communicate with anybody for longer than an

hour, then I am on burn-out, exhausted and my neurosis slips in, and with that

awareness elements and residues of hysteria lurking in the background, almost

like a suppressed form of madness. However, I have also experienced that

instability of imbalance, and it is as if it is in a temporary parking spot in

the top left hand corner of the third ventrical, or cave of Brahman in the

middle of my head.

It is like I have a obsessive compulsive disorder. For 26 years it was drugs,

then for a 5 or 6 year period it was hypnosis, and the last 20 years it has been

meditation, illumination and kundalini.

The recent shaktipat was great. For myself so far - as it does continue - my

best days have been the second day of the scatterfield, and the third day of the

shaktipat. More is to follow, I realise, and it is a continual process. I

realise that here on this forum/group is a great place to realise Self, as the

process of writting has a magic ingredient in itSelf. I read of others

experiences, and wonder why I don't experience the visions, the OBE's, and can

feel elements of envy, why not me, yet I can also see another side, and also

what a blessing I I have received already from Grace, the illumination that I've

experienced on numerous occasions. And yes, wouldn't anyone want the whole world

to know, " Hey try this, you too can experience yourself as pure Light, and pure

consciousness, something beyond the limitations of words, beyond this false

reality, from the seemingly known that is unreal to the unknown that is Real. "

How beautiful it is to know there are those here that will read this and

understand my mad words, and see them coming from my heart, not just from my

mind. The madness of feeling, feeling so much pain, and feeling so much joy and

bliss, the two together, yet neither.

I am aware of a complete and utter selfishness within my being. Part of me wants

to be 100% totally along. Not in isolation but in solitude. the isolation is

being wioth others feeling so seperate from them, yet realizing on an

intellectual level, and an inner knowing that they are only an extension Self,

so loving them, yet seperate from them as my reality is so very different. And

what a joke, is it really so different. Who do I think I am. Who am I? Nan Yar?

Neti neti neti, not this not this.... Nan Yar, Who am I?

So coming back to the topic, no I am not losing energy relating experience, on

the contrary energy starts to move within me, mainly emotional, and I am feeling

and I am alive, and I am that I am, Who am I? Nti, neti neti... looking towards

emptyness, nothingness.... sureender... beyond that too, just void, searching

for the void, beyond the limitations of mind. Looking for the the most

valueable jewel, the diamond, or rather the die-mind..........

Thank you for allowing me to share my madness, to dump my garbage. If I throw

out the garbage from my bin, what is left?

Nothing :-)

satchitanada~jeremy

Are you sure you want to send this message? (No lol~blessings)

> So I try to just focus on what is going on in the other person's

lives and try to make a conversation out of that. I prefer sharing my

experiences online in places like this. At least its some kind of outlet and by

sharing your experiences here it usually helps someone else or you can relate it

in a way that would directly help someone else going through a similar

situation.

>

> love

>

> -Matt

>

> Kundalini-Awakening -Systems- 1 (AT) (DOT)

com, " novalees " <dhyana@>

wrote:

>

March 28, 2009

Jeremy

One of the principles is that you get more of what you think about -- You are in vibrational sympathy with it -- sometimes called the law of entrainment. So what is there about garbage that you would want to think about?? Try thinking about, bliss, peace, generosity, well being, beauty love, ... etc after a while it will start showing up.

Love. Thanks.

Dell

On Sat, 2009-03-28 at 11:51 +0000, jezzwhizz wrote:

Thank you for allowing me to share my madness, to dump my garbage. If I throw out the garbage from my bin, what is left?

March 28, 2009

@@@ It is like I have a obsessive compulsive disorder. @@@

I can sure identify with that, Jeremy. I sometimes feel like the dude in " Close

Encounters of the Third Kind " . I am still obsessed with putting a stupid puzzle

together every day, which have been happening for about 2 and half years now. I

cannot make myself stop. I did not spend as many years as you into drugs, my

longest obsession was my christianity/church going years, I thinks. Reading the

bible, praying and going to church and talking about it was my whole life for

about 20 years. I did not do much else through those years. LOL! Then I went

through my being " a health nut " period and almost killed myself. Looking back, I

did everything to the extreme, I had no balance.

Here I am into kundalini and learning balance, but I feel I have a ways to go

still with the obsessions of things. Most of the obsessions end abruptly.. like

one day you are into this and the next day you have no desire whatsoever for

doing it again. My house decorating obsession ended with several projects not

finished. I think about finishing them now and again, but just can't get my

heart into it.

I don't know about losing energy with the relating of an experience, to me it

seems that sometimes the excitement or importance of the event to myself is

decrease by the trying to tell of it. I can never seem to express in words the

complete meaning of it to me and the trying to share falls way to short and

something seems to be lost in the telling.

I am not understanding....looking towards emptyness, nothingness....

sureender... beyond that too, just void, searching for the void, beyond the

limitations of mind. Looking for the the most valueable jewel, the diamond, or

rather the die-mind..........

In christianity we are taught not to seek no mind, but to transform the mind by

keeping it stayed on things that are positive, good and kind and lovely, etc.

Having a mind that thinks and reasons is what sets us apart from the animals. A

person cannot not function without the mind no more than they can function

without an ego. Both are dealt with by the controlling or tranforming of them by

the Christ within. We are to take on the mind of Christ. To me that is the jewel

or diamond that one seeks for.

Linda

--- " jezzwhizz "

<jezzwhizz wrote:

>

> Namaste

>

> Umm, I read many of the posts on this subject, and realise that after the last