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[Guest guest]

dear Golden Cougar Wolfi will share a few of my thoughts to your responses. . .i recently heard that only 7% of communication is actually transmitted in electronic email exchange. . .93% is lost because we cannot hear the voice and see the eyes. . . I have followed this group for about a year but have not ventured forth and introduced myself. . . yeti have been blessed and heart warmed by the quality of love, soundness, and goodness of this group and the ones that post here regularity. I think your friend Andrea pointed you to a gathering of grace and i send these thoughts with a prayer for you to be gentle and loving to yourself as you examine the areas of your life that is touched by fear and discomfort. . .Maybe or maybe not these are just what come to me, and hope you know they are offered as just something you might be able to dance with long enough to draw to or push away in the pursuit of your bringing forth what is right for you. . .(Just as i am typing a dove has landed on my window ledge. . .and with the window open she/he is cooing a song. . . I hope she becomes part of the 7% you receive. . . .May she wraps you in peace and love this day. . . and the next one after that. . . .)"I still need to figure out how to live with and (I hate to use the word

because it really isn't what I mean) control the energy. I need it to

flow softer through me. So go ahead all, give me everything you have. I

am open to all and I do hope I can articulate and communicate better

with everyone."These are words i like better than control; to be in right relationship, to take responsibility for, or to self master. . .perhaps you could ask your angelic entities and your teacher within to bring forth the word that resonates for you. . .i think words are important for they are packets of energy that creates our reality with each one that is spoken. . .and words come from the mind. . . Perhaps a short cut would be to contemplate the mind in all of this?. . . Just a few of my thoughts about the mind. . .When the mind is strong and quiet no thing can touch your being that you do not want. . . The value of a good healthy mind directed through self-mastery is beyond measure. . .With self mastery of the mind there will be no more restlessness, no more fear, no more "why", no more contraction. . .no agitation. . . Chrism's suggestion of the safeties are great medicine for the mind. . . The mind is but a vibration, a contracted part of consciousness, the mind creates infinite thoughts just as consciousness creates infinite universes. . . When the mind is in a contracted place and we have it crammed full of stuff based on our egoic reality, we are in bondage. . . The egoic mind generates all kinds of smoke and mirrors, fears, drama,traumas,and disasters. . .that is what all ego(s) do. . .But it is so understandable because as soon as we step up with self-mastery of the mind, then egoic is dethroned and all the trauma/drama is replaced with a great joy and a great power. . . The walls start to collapse and one begins to find access to the universal mind. . . we are speaking of Christ consciousness here. . .or Divine Mother consciousness. . .or I Am That. . . The egoic mind must become lessened and dissolved for your awakening to become established and complete. . .but please be kind and loving to the false dictorial egoic for it is so very scared of dying . . . The doorway to Universal Mind is stillness. . .quietness. . . .silence. . .The nature of the egoic mind is to roam about and create judgments and dissoance. . .with each time we allow the mind to create "other" we are living in the illusion of the separation from our true source . . . It has been my experience that every time i am in contraction, i have created "other" in some subtle or not so subtle way. . . .i must confess. . .i have not been sufficient in "controlling" the energy. . . what has worked for me has been to not resist it, and to commit to working with the blocks (fear) that cause contraction, which causes pain and discomfort, not the kundalini. . . At first i wanted to "control" it. . .it's strength frightened me, for a couple of years, 24/24 it felt like a steel cable was drilling through and ripping tissue. I would sit on the couch and try to hold the kundalini down, and the force would elevate me about 8 inches into the air. i felt fear and such aloneness during that time. . . .But now 14 years later, that time period was such grace. . . for Kundalini Ma walks us through pits of fire many times, and that is where we are forced to dive deep into the strength of our Source. . . This is an alchemical process and i do not think there is an exit door until there is merging into the One from which we came. . . Sister get use to the fire and ice. . .the dross will be separated and you are becoming refined into the pure gold of your true Self. . . Golden Cougar Wolf, you are in the process of becoming the lead of your name. . ."It isn´t that I don´t feel understood, I think I am saying it wrong and

leading them to confusion and misunderstanding. I am not really good on

the communication. I may seem articulate but really I struggle with

talking to anyone and it seems whenever I open my mouth it comes out

all wrong."Sweetie, can you read the above comment and see the contradition? ( It isn't that I dont feel understood cupped with leading them to confusion and misunderstanding.) It seems to me, you are double binding yourself and maybe others, in your thinking and each time it leaves you feeling inadequte. . . .with either misunderstood or you as an inadequte communicator. . . .Maybe as you a feel contraction whether it be in your mind, heart or body, ask have i laid a double bind here, resulting in a lose-lose for myself and/or the one i am communicating?Personally i think you are brave and doing a darn good job communicating and hanging in there as you are allowing yourself to go through an important and significant peel with others in this group. . .Thank you for showing us your courage, this too is a beautiful allowance. . . "I first noticed my energy in Catholic school. There was a girl there

with an incurable disease. She kept saying that all she needed to do

was touch me. Finally one day she did and fell down. She was rushed to

the hospital and they found out that she was cured. I was then punished

by the sisters and called the devil. Could be why I have a problem with

it? I don´t know for sure.)"You are not the devil. . .you are a child of God. . .and you are not alone in experiencing abusive energy at the hands of religious leaders. . . .I can see where the experience must of been painful. . .the Great was working through you and i know others in this group can testify to the goodness, warmth, and blessing that one experiences when the vessel is utilized for healing or service to others. . . .It feels good. . . . feel the love and wrap yourself in it like a child receiving a kiss from a cherished Mother. . .just give thanks for the allowance and try not to allow the ego to become tangled in the butt and rebuttal of it all. . . (I just don´t think I have the right to know someone else personal life. )How many of us are there here?. . . One? . . . With Kundalini you are stepping into a world that has different structures than the programmed world. . . If there is just One, then how is it possilbe to not have increasing levels of awareness to all? Oneness is truth. . . separation is the illusion. . . . In Universal Consciousness we can draw all knowledge, we know that we can know all, without sudying and without process of reasoning, there is no sense of I connected to it, but rather in emptiness, it seeks to fill the void, that space is where we are with the whole.Maybe the important question is what to do when you feel you have access to material about someone else personal life?. . . . Because one receives, does not mean one has to share it. . . .every situation is different. . .and if you are getting kicked in the head for sharing it, then the question might be to your inner teacher; Instruct me on how and whether i am suppose to do with this???. . . Often times it is not wise to share everything one receives, but what we can do is drop to the heart and send loving kindness and prayers for guidance and protection. . . .Maybe you are being called to be a prayer warrior rather than a messanger for where you are with your own transformation if you are receiving dissonace about sharing it or unkindness when you do share it?. . . .(I don´t need them to be anything but what they are. I just wonder why

they want to tell me everything. Is there a reason for a lowly human

to know the mind of G-d? What would the reason be? If yes, why not

everyone on the planet? Why only a select few? I wonder why. Why

me? Why am I so special that I can talk to spirits and angels? All I

have ever wanted was to be normal. I don´t like being different and

yet, here I am. Back to being different. )This is another place you have set a double bind for yourself. . . . If you did not need them to be any other way but the way they are, then you would not be wanting to tell them to shut up. . . .Golden Cougar Wolf. . .this one is a bit more difficult for the egoic to contemplate. . . .but one that i have allowed to play through my own angst for years. . . .It comes from the field of psychology but find that it really applies to my own spiritual process. . . .( The flip side of grandiosity is inferiority and the back side of inferiority is grandiosity.) Both inferiority and grandiosity is of the ego. . . .I readily confess that my ego's live and not die script is: I am too much or i am not enough . . . .Any time i am in either one of those i am living from the egoic level. . . .and know that is the time for my most Holy words; Come Holy Mother, lift me to the space that is higher. . . I am sure you have heard of Marianne Williamson's quote: "Our deepest fear is not that

we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond

measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We

ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and

fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your

playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened

about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We

are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest

the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's

in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give

other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our

own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."We are all at various levels of consciousness and nothing and no one is fixed, except in the small mind. . . .some day all will complete their unique journey of return and enter to Oneness. . . .and that does not mean others will cross the finish line before another, as long as there is one behind we must be there to help them to caught up until we can all join hands and cross into Oneness and Wholeness, that is the mathmatical equation of Oneness. . .there is only One. . .Sweetie , you left normal a long time ago. . . .offter it up. . .. . . . .This is the place i recognize that could become a place of stuckness. . . .You have asked the question, Why am i speical?. . . .You are not special. . . ."Special" is another one of our egoic illusions. . . If you allow yourself to really parse this concept, you will see that special is another concept of ego. . . Special is a statement that i am not like "other" people. . .the belief in special suggests other. . . and other suggests separation. . .Special is based on the belief of something or someone being more or some one or someone being less. . .Special implies comparison, and comparison implies heiarachy, and on and on. . .special is an egoic trap. . . .I believe the Kundalini journey is about leaving "special". . .we are not special. . . . and our destination is not into specialness. . . I believe one of the most important lessons we can learn has to do with the illusion of "special". . . .and as we let this one go. . .we start to embrace Oneness. . . .On the other side of special. . .. . . you are love. . . you are pure. . . you are simple. . . .you are brighter than a million suns. . .you are beautiful. . . .magnificient. . .and precious. . .Namasteordinary sparrow