seeing with new eyes...

[Guest guest]

i have posted before how i was seeing things with more depth and brightness-

this has continued and is increasing in intensity. i wear glasses and am really

nearsighted- but when i look outside everything is right in my face - the three

dimensional view is wonderful- so uplifting- it is as if i can walk right into

everything about me - and my feeling is that i want to - just walk into the

three dimensional reality that is so much " more " than the norm- it feels

welcoming and peaceful- feels like home to me -

 

i came across a paper i wrote while taking a theology class back in the 70's- i

wondered how far back i could trace my k path - this paper reveals some

interesting ideas to me about how i was getting glimpses of k - a few lines from

the paper...

 

" i am impatient to know what life is all about and how i fit into the scheme of

it. back to this talk of a relationship between god and i. fleetingly i see

the image of a union of something and myself- not knowing where that something

begins or ends in relationship to me. the old chicken vs. egg story. who was

here first? there is a banner in my apt that i put together. it reads #1 " the

center of i loving being the center of god " often i've been told that it should

read #2 " the center of god loving being the center of i " somehow i feel the key

may be in these two statements. the words always intrigue me and the insistence

on my part to the first wording stems from where i am and have been. lately

i've been looking at the banner and seeing the second quote as possibly the

proper wording...

according to my understanding of one session you gave= we need to go from here

to there. i read that to mean i need to know " me " before i can hope to know

god. from that view the first wording makes sense. when seen in this light it

is not a selfish egotistical meaning it is a secure, comforting reflection on

self. ( here i drew a circle about the " i " then a large circle of " god "

surrounding the little 'i " .

i am safe within this cosmos of an unknown for truly i need not know god if i

struggle to know me for we are one and the same. i am the core - i am the key.

if looked at from the second wording god is the core but he is confined in " me "

lost in " me " if i do discover " me " there is only a small chance of finding god

for he's buried within and besides he seems larger than ( here i drew a circle

around the word " god " and a larger circle around that with " i " in it)

i've looked and looked and keep seeing so many ways to define these two

statements but i really like my original best. perhaps it is time that one need

only look to one's self to find the key and not run all over seeking god. for

what part of man is most close to him? one's self, surely.

 

**the theologian who taught the class wrote: The fact that you and god ( who I

like in lower case) are mixed up together is good because that is what

incarnational theology is all about. In your desire to find yourself you may

find both you and god it's bound to be a surprise...Welcome to the ring of life

's wrestling match keep it up!

 

*** chrism always says one needs to look within-

 

i wanted to share this with all of you. this was written when i was 31 and into

a very serious searching of self. what amazes me is that it seems to me that i

was understanding the basics of kundalini and had no idea i was. i love this

stuff - the connectiveness - i know many of you will have your own

interpretation of what i wrote and that is good - this is my personal anecdote

from the past- time has changed for me in so many ways and i continue to learn.

 

i am in slow mode on this path - i know why -so finding these old writings helps

me understand the present and helps me to see that i have been on the journey

for many years-and helps me to know i do have the intuitiveness that is k- i

just need to recapture it and allow myself to embrace it -

 

to all journeys - all paths - all seekers- may you find your connectiveness -

 

e