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Hello all. this is not a question but i feel it would be nice to vent these

feelings. since i first realised i was waking up i have been against myself and

the process. fear and anxiety was with me and my

kidneys were like watermelons. In a strange way i feel as if my prayers

have been answered and in another i feel as if i have been cursed.

Only a few nights before i noticed the lower back pains i was watching

a video on animal cruelty in order for it maybe give me the kick up the

backside to stop eating meat (thats how my mind works). For the past few years i

have become a recluse in my home, unsociable and not wanting to go out and meet

people. This seems to be changing.

I cannot believe how good carrot juice and all these vegetables taste

and im glad that im eating little and healthy. when i went shopping it

was basically my stomache shopping i was just carrying the basket, when i went

to pick somthing up my stomache would go into a knot. when it didnt i knew that

it was ok to eat. My housemates thought i had bought a hamster or rabbit with

all the healthy food i have had. I have also

made contact with other k active/awake users and spoke with them in great detail

and of course, everyone is different in there experiances.

the thing i like most about them is that they are down to earth and

have not been stripped of their personality at all.

 

I have been trying to give love out and realised all the wasted days

ive had sitting about doing nothing, even though i knew there was more the

universe and to conciousness. The more i have helped people it makes me feel so

good, and ive found opportunitys everywhere to do so. people who i speak to seem

friendlier and warmer.

 

I got lost in london last night after my meeting with a k person.

it was 23:30 and i got of the bus after he told me it was going the wrong

direction. i walked down this street in the middle of nowhere

thinking, ok god/k/source how do i get out of this one. 2 chaps are walking down

the road and they are indian. one of them mentions in talking a town near where

i live and i interupted them to say where is the nearest train station so i can

get to mytown. one of the chaps works in my town, and although not going there

they give me a lift to a tube station a few miles away where i can a latenight

train home.

 

As i lay in bed going to sleep that night i felt a bit different.

i said to god i want him to stop this and put it hold for a bit while

i can prepare myself better. as i lay to sleep i see an image of a swastika and

it scares me.

 

This morning i looked up the symbol and found it was sanskrit. i suppose that is

no coincidence and so it only furthers my acceptance

that god/creator/source/k is guiding me somehow. I go to a hindu temple today

and donate some money and ended up having some sort of blessing. they spoke

little english but it didnt matter as they knew what i was there for and showed

me the process. as the guy was giving blessing k went through me and was

intensly cold. i was ok with it as i knew it was god and in my surrounding it

was more than acceptable. the surroundings, the smell of incense( that i keep

getting at home)

the mantras they all felt comfortable. i have allready had some emotional

experiances with mantras and i ponder as to why i have allways loved the indian

culture, food, music, colours, smells.

 

I have been trying to find ways of helping people and spoke to my neighbour

about it (she is the towns local rescue every animal person)

as i talk to her i realise that she does lots and lots for charity, giving money

and helping out. she puts me in touch with some people who would like some help

with terminal cancer patients at a center.

the woman on the phone sounds warm and she was a volunteer as well.

she told me that they would love me to help out, if i could drive, picking

people up and helping out in the shop. i feel great that i can help them in some

way.

 

On the way back i stop at a petrol garage for my bike and there is

a homeless woman there selling the big issue. i give her some extra money and

talk to her about how i want to help people. she tells me to look no further as

the big issue is all about that and charities.

she hugs me and gives me a kiss and says thanks for helping her out.

a week ago i would have not looked at her and thought she was a drug

addict, today she is showing me warmth and love. how blind i have been. I want

to find more ways i can help people out.

 

somtimes my throat chakra goes warm when im talking to certain people

although i havent worked out the link.

 

im getting ringing ears with my crown tingling alot and my head seems full. want

to try and ground myself out a bit. i want to try and be a better channel for

this love physically and mentally. i know this is just a scratch on the surface

but im hoping i can acheive this.

 

how can you protect yourself. with your physical body you can protect

yourself physically. how do you protect your other bodys when they become open.

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The best protection is unconditional love, and forgiveness, wear them always.I really think that these two garments alone are the most powerful energies known to man.Forget petrol or gas, its love...... <3Love and joyelektra x x x

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