Shakti guide and free highs..

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

 

Well, the process is unrelenting. Its been 3 ½ years now and there is no sign of

it ever letting up.. talk about commitment.. lol. The last few weeks I have been

having experiences of feeling the universal experiencer, an ongoing feeling of

walking yet not feeling as though I am moving, and its been challenging for my

body to adjust. Many days I wake up after dreaming of ecstasy and marijuana ( I

am not doing this.. ) and feeling stoned, only human after having a cup of

coffee. I have got through the days at work, often feeling pressure in my head

and shoulders. I don't think the coffee is the problem, as on Friday I awoke

early, after only having 5 hours sleep. I felt fresh and alert, went to yoga,

and didn't need to get kicked a little.

It started again on Saturday, and Sunday I slept from 2 am until around 3 pm,

waking up for an hour to eat something. I was having energy waves down the front

of my chest towards my groin. I have also had dreams of organs being operated

on, houses been moved out, support being given my shakti, and many energy

movements in the front of my abdomen. I don't have neurotic symptoms any more,

rather, just the stoned feeling and tension.

 

I had classic K. dreams again last night.

Dream. I am on a journey with a woman , and we go past an old African castle

which I want to look at. I am surprised the Africans were building castles. I

stop on a hill with my guide, and there are some poisonous snakes. One is large

and green and sleeping behind a rock, and some people are nearby. I notice

another very dangerous black snake come out a hole and bite and kill an animal.

I then notice that the large green snake has been beheaded by someone. The dream

changes, and I am with my mother. An insect is buzzing around, and its almost as

though I remote control it with my thoughts, yet its still a little difficult to

control. It stings my mother on the head and then she has a large bump on her

fontanel area. I go and meet my friends and everyone is on ecstasy. End of

dream.

 

Ever since saying the goddess mantra, I have had a much increased presence of

the feminine guide in my dreams. That's really interesting and I am grateful for

that. I awoke feeling very stoned again as was not so thankful for the process,

yet I managed to shift that. Now, as I write this, I am feeling radiant and

alert and energized. So much change is happening around me. I am leaving soon.

The company I work at is changing premises in a week. My close friends are

experiencing change at many levels. It seems as though change is accelerating

both around me and within me, and I am embracing the journey. It's interesting

how some resist change, and how others move with it. One of my biggest lessons I

learned, was that when I am most desperate to hold on, that's when I most need

to let go, and that allows for Spirit to move in my life. They were hard lessons

for me to learn though…lol

 

I'd like to add a poem here I wrote a while back. It was when I was going

through a deep healing phase and was discovering the liberating power of

awareness, and this is a section from a book I have written and am slowly

editing. I know some people on this site are going through a healing phase, and

my experience was that when I became aware of how much I had unintentionally

repressed and pushed myself away, it was a painful, beautiful, challenging,

loving, journey of liberation. My thoughts have recently been with all of those

who are going through messy inner heart work..

 

Big sky sunset, all golden.

I am exhausted from turning away.

Exhausted.

From turning away from myself.

 

Oh, if you were watching from the outside,

You would think I was normal.

A 35 year old man, foreign looking, yet to have his 2.6 children,

Riding a train,

Writing who knows what in his book.

 

You could not see how I have always been turning away.

It's not your fault, you see.

You could not see, how, walking to work,

Eating, sleeping, stuttering, love making,

I have turned away and barricaded myself in.

 

If, by magic,

You could travel through the air across the room,

And slit open the back of my skull

And climb into the middle of my brain, watching my thoughts

(being caressed by my feelings)

You would begin to be haunted and repulsed by

My silent, subtle

Self inflicted Brutality.

 

News flash!

" An Austrian man keeps his daughter captive in a cellar for 22 years, rapes her

repeatedly, and has seven children through her. "

 

The world is rightfully horrified.

We justly scream outrage at this sick sick man.

Yet, you are not horrified at me,

Hovering silently inside my head that you so secretly split open.

Watching me?

(Did you know that you can hover within yourself too?)

 

You are not horrified,

When you see how long I have pushed myself away

And held myself down.

Everytime I thrust to reach a goal to save myself,

Everytime I pushed to be something I was not,

Everytime I strove to get something and have something and satisfy myself

through my desire.

Everytime I thought I had to be better or different or something I was not,

I silently fought myself.

I silently, relentlessly, pushed myself down,

Keeping my unwanted self captive in my tortured darkness

Crushing my soul,

giving birth to slow madness upon slow madness.

 

Love.

Love has penetrated.

Love has awakened.

I got too sick; I needed healing.

A voice in my soul called out to Love,

And Love answered.

Silent, unwavering,

Love answered.

 

As you hover inside the slit in my skull,

you see.

I see.

You and I, one, not two,

We see together,

My violent oppression,

My inner savagery.

 

We are Love seeing.

We are Love, liberating,

ending this insanity.

A light shines into the darkness.

Torture cannot continue in the light.

The dark veil is lifted; the cellars opened

And painfully, screaming in delight, fearfully, ecstatically,

The captives (my disowned and dishonored selves that were impossible to kill)

Crawl into sunshine.

 

Love

Bruce