. . .sparrow synthesis. . .

[Guest guest]

Dear Ordinary Sparrow,

I was very moved by your sharing of your experience. the part of what our

healing means for prior and future generations struck a chord for me as well. I

thought about an experience I had a few years ago. About six months after my K

activation, I visited Amma while at a yoga workshop. I went out of curiousity

only having heard about her. when she entered the room I felt this intense

heart pressure that lasted days. When I returned home, I had a dream that Amma

was with me and inserted a bone in my heart. She said to me " let's call it the

Mother bone. How we set it is to hug. " I woke up and felt like it was really

more of a vision and I wept for days from the beauty of it. It occurred to me

two days later the wonderful multiple meanings of dreams as my mother's maiden

name is Bone (Bohn). So, after this dream, I do believe our healing affects our

ancestors.

Love and blessings,

Jan

, " ordinarysparrow "

<ordinarysparrow wrote:

 

> Namaste

>

> dear Nina. . . hope you are feeling better and this day has been

> beautiful for you. . .

>

> (sorry this is too long and too much about me. . . and too ramblings. .

> .and hesitate to share. . . but i am going to push the send button none

> the less dear friends. . . )

>

> Nina i went to sleep thinking about your questions last night. . .and

> woke up this morning with the question continuing to bring in many

> pieces from different planes of times and experiences. . .often times

> with this being one of them i allowed the pieces and different levels

> to emerge and when they present themselves there comes the synthesis. .

> . it is always difficult for me to find the language to express the

> process and synthesis. . . i have absolutely no inkling or projection

> that what emerged fits you are not. . .for the revealing directly

> related to what Kundalini Ma has along the way. . .but i will share a

> small bit of the journey your questions took me into and with its

> challenge to attempt communicate the synthesis. . .

>

>

> a bit of background. . . on the Child of Matter. . . .

>

> my birth mother left at birth due to illness. . . i was a failure to

> thrive baby for the first 10 months and was force fed for the first ten

> months. . .the caretakers where seven older siblings and our elderly

> rural neighbors. . . one day around ten months an older sister set me

> down outside of a coral. . .psychologist would probably dispute the

> ability to have recall at this age, but there is full recall of the

> experience. . . first memory was looking into two huge eyes of a big red

> horse. . .and in that moment i came alive as a cord of energy zipped up

> from the stomach into the heart of the lead mare, Filly. . . felt the

> energetic pull and was mesmerized with attempt to reach for her. . .my

> sister pulled me back and i threw a tantrum. . .because of the reaction

> the family started placing me on Filly's back for feeding . . . i

> started thriving and Filly became the psychological mother. . .by two

> years old had learned to climb a wood rail fence and Filly would come

> up from the pasture and lean close so i could climb on her back. . .she

> would take me down into the pastures with the rest of the herd and that

> is where i learned first language. . .my Mother tongue was the

> energetic world. . .as a baby had been touch phobic so there had not

> been regular body bonding. . .i was swallowed whole by Mother Nature and

> bonded with her and she takes in everything and extends without

> boundary. . .because of this early bonding i knew early separation is an

> illusion. . . sometimes i wonder about Shakti. . . is She a gift of

> evolution or is She something precious we have de-evolved away from?.

> . .Is She our original birthright, the part of us that is Nature? I

> think so. . .Shakti has taught i am a Child of Matter as well as a

> Child of Spirit. . . and Her teachings have been a process of gradually

> bringing to awareness the Oneness of our beingness, in both the world

> of Matter and the world of Spirit. . .

>

> Shakti taught the child through Filly the heart is not bound by

> distance or separation. . .i would go sit on the fence and she would be

> down in the pasture, the heart would open up with love and longing for

> her " mother " . . .and up from the pasture with the herd following behind

> she would come to get me. . . learned early we live in an energetic

> world and Mother Earth holds the energetic history just like our bodies

> hold the energetic history . . .for we are one with Mother Earth as her

> children . . . for many years there was suffering because i thought

> everything being taken in was my own personal energetic. . . i was

> buried in an ache that did not make sense. . . although i coped well in

> the world underneath i hurt. . .

>

> then in the mid eighties was a practicing psychotherapist. . .and a

> phenomena began to occur in the offices all across the Western world. .

> .you probably remember the sensational phenomena of ritual abuse. . . .

> predominately women where flooding the offices of therapist with

> horrendous stories of Satanic ritual abuse. . .As a young therapist i

> had many questions. . . had specialized in trauma therapy and had been

> taught the importance of believing the stories of abuse, and at the same

> time therapist where being accused of instigating false memories in

> clients. . . it was a bit like walking on egg shells. . .for about three

> years i heard many horrendous stories. . . then began to have terrible

> nightmares of my own. . .knew i had not gone through spiritual abuse,

> and also knew i was open to the collective unconscious realms because of

> the childhood bonding with the Great Mother. . .so made a conscious

> decision to claim it and take it on as my own. . . i plunged into the

> darkness for seven years . . . do not have words to describe the

> darkness of those years and the depth of anguish. . . a year during

> that period became very suicidal and truly by the grace of Kundalini

> Ma there was the allowance of survival. . . for seven years i was

> immersed in the collective unconscious memory of the feminine soul,

> Native lineage history, and the degradation of Mother Earth in the hands

> of the patriarchal " spirit of domination " for thousands of years. . .

> .Without knowing what it was i lived within it for years. . . now

> know i had opened to the what Eckhart Tolle calls the " pain body " . . .

> he states suggest we do not need to go into it. . .but i did. . . for

> did not know any better. . .in every cell of the body was the ancient

> story. . . the personal as well as collective. . . .the memories where

> trapped in the body and i spent a lot of time curled up in a contracted

> fetal position releasing the memories through the body. . . ended up

> going inpatient to Denver Colorado to a specialist that worked with

> trauma and for seven weeks was placed in physical constraints for

> several hours each day so the body would not curl up and go into

> convulsion because of the depth of contraction and i released the blocks

> through the expression of feelings, there where layer upon layer of

> ancient fear. . .and looking back i suspect this was all stored in the

> tribal reservoir of the root chakra?

>

> during those years lessons emerged and where synthesized into seven

> major lessons . . .after the seventh lesson came forth there was a

> wonderful sense of release and clearing. . .then a couple of weeks after

> the final lesson something beautiful occurred. . . i had been going

> out and sitting each day with a herd of Holstein cattle and was

> playing. . .i would breath love through the heart to each one of them,

> and they would one by one come up and lick the hand, then they would be

> given a sacred name. . .with Bessie, cow number 99, while breathing

> love through the heart, all the sudden the love i had been sending them

> each day came bouncing back into the heart and was magnified many fold.

> . .it was such a tender beautiful experience and then felt the gentle

> weaving of the ida and pingala up from the root to the sixth chakra. . .

> that is when i say i began the internal kundalini awakening but the

> energetic was present since first memory, but at the time i did not have

> a language for it and was not aware of the chakras or Eastern

> spirituality. . .that day in November of 1991 was deep transformation

> and was released from the past and a whole new world opened. . .once i

> opened to Eastern spirituality it was obvious the lessons where release

> of the collective unconscious of the blocks in each of the seven

> chakras. . .another thing that happened with the release is not only

> was there individual release but the women and therapist i had traveled

> the psychological journey with for those years also received significant

> release at the occurrence. . i hesitate to share this for it seems

> grandiose. . .but it was validated by the healers and i chose to share

> it for i want to share, in the realm of Kundalini Ma she shows we

> are connected to the greater whole and when we heal we also become a

> vessel of healing that impacts and brings healing for the whole. .

> .Amma, my teacher has said when we go through deep spiritual

> transformation (aka kundalini awakening) our healing effects three

> generations before us and four generations after us. . .many times that

> awareness keeps me motivated. . .in this life there has always been a

> sense this life was not for me at a personal level but was for

> something greater . . .do others of you feel that way sometimes?. . ..

>

> this is a bit of how i have synthesized this period of the journey. .

> .the " pain body " the immersion into the collective was a trip into the

> world of maya. . .matter also has its " oneness " . . .everything thing is

> there and we can open to it. . .for me that is the karmic world. . .the

> world of cause and effect. . . it is an illusionary world that has

> experience but it can never truly define who we truly are, even

> though it is an intense world of material experience. . . .real but

> Unreal. . .

>

> the Child of Spirit. . .

>

> after the immersion in the oneness of Matter. . . Kundalini Ma began to

> show i was also a Child of Spirit. . .and in the realm of Spirit the

> bonds of karma are dissolved by the Oneness of Spirit which i

> experience as grace and divine love. . . after years of delving into the

> psychological realized i needed to move from karma to grace. . .and

> for me grace is not found in the past, but rather the present. . . my

> past belongs to the Child of Matter whereas the Child of Spirit lives

> fully in the present. . . there is a growing realization i cannot

> serve two Masters. . . .Kundalini Ma has shown instead of identifying

> with the action found in duality such as the polarity found in yin/yang,

> light/dark, me/not me. . . .and on and on. . .my identification needs to

> be with the circle that contains all polarities. . .

>

> i entered Kundalini Ma by way the past and the karmic and did deep

> clearing and cleansing work and it was the hard way. . .and it came so

> close to killing me. . . nowadays i sometimes visit the past to harvest

> the lessons , but i no longer live there. . . the patterns of the past

> will always be imprinted in my karmic world and they can be brought to

> awareness and there is some healing but in truth the past will never

> be truly healed or erased. . .but can only be transcended. . . it seems

> to be a dance each of us must figure out when it is time to let go of

> the unreal world and move to the real world. . .

>

> Nina for me it truly has been a pilgrimage that leads to the world that

> transcends karma. . .i did it the hard way and believe wisely

> shows the more gentle path. . . one does not have to swim in the karmic

> world as i did in my unknowing. . . the karmic world can only be

> transcended by love, light, forgiveness, and gratitude such as Chrism

> illuminates with the safeties i believe this is the realm of the

> Child of Spirit. . .every moment we dwell in love and light we share

> the Oneness of Truth and in that holding space love and light enters

> creation through us. . .

>

> i have found one short cut that is profound and simple. . . this one i

> can testify with certainity. . .it is impossible to call on the Holy

> Spirit (which i believe is another name for Kundalini Ma) and not

> receive assistance. . .it is the function and purpose of the Holy Spirit

> to guide and be there for us in the fullest and most loving manner. .

> .always She has our highest good. . . we are given free will so we have

> to give permission and ask for guidance. . .there has never been a time

> when i asked for assistance that a transformation has not occured. .

> .often times times the external situation looks the same, but the mind

> and heart will be lifted and transformed to a place of peace, acceptance

> and a fresh perspective. . . i believe in the Course of Miracles this is

> the ever present miracle that is waiting for us in every situation. .

> .the Child of Spirit has learned to transcend the karmic world by

> calling on the grace which is greater than the egoic mind that wants to

> figure it out. . . and this is something that can quickly take us from

> fear to love. . .the most powerful words i know are " Come Holy Spirt "

> or " Come Holy Mother " lift me to your heart and to your mind. . .it is

> that simple. .. . .from fear to love. . .

>

> thanks to the ones that have tried to follow this ramble . . .and for

> the allowance of revealing and sharing of the experiential . . . this is

> an attempt frame a bit of the journey and others may have very different

> ways of conceptualizing their own experience. . .and as always honor to

> each and all. . .in our unity and uniqueness.. . .

>

> may your day be blessed with goodness

>

>

> ordinary sparrow

>

>

, " framestone68 "

> <framestone68@> wrote:

> >

> > Hi Kundalini Peoples.

> >

> > My K works much in my mind and emotional body the last few weeks. She

> gave me some flu to stay in bed one week. It is much easier to get some

> attention from me when I am still. (She knows all about you). I got

> some very old scares on my neck in my astral body. I think it is from

> previous lifetime, maybe I get killed by a knife or hanged, something

> like that... Now K is stuck there and I do not know how to release her.

> I do yoga, meditate and trying to look at my thoughts, but I think it is

> something deeper to look at. Now it is start to hurt in my physical

> body. Any suggestions how to release the K-flow?

> >

> > And I have another issue, when I am at the subway or work or anywhere

> I am in contact with people sometimes my third eye start to ache, it get

> very active. I wonder what happens, what will the third eye tell me, a

> warning? Is it bad or god? Do I miss something important?

> > I f someone has any thoughts about I will be grateful.

> >

> >

> > Let you all be safe and get prosperity, love and bliss… and thanks

> for this beautiful world as pulsating under our feet… and

> Chrism…and thanks for the sky and the air we breathe…

> >

> >

> > Love & Life

> > Nina R

> >

>