I'm still so very confused...

May 12, 2009

Hi everyone! I haven't posted in so very long. I'm a bit of a church mouse. I've

changed my name from Della Louis to Queen Crocodilia. I still have what I

consider an " entity " living inside me. if you think this is kundalini

happening...what I'm trying to say is how can kundalini energy eminating from me

have a mind, be able to think, have a personality, speak in my brain(It uses my

own brain voice) and be able to do these things to my body, like for example at

a whim this " thing " will give me the helmet head or move my body around in the

same fashion physically as I do. I try not to let that happen if not at all. It

has tried to trip me up amongst other dangerous things. I though k was a moving

energy that had no real consciousness like we do. And WHY is this " thing " so

bloody MEAN? I do my best not to talk to it. It can't handle anything, it is

mentally ill. You know it can see out of my eyes and hear out of my ears. It can

formulate thought and say things to me while in my mind I'm crusing in neutral.

Of coure I can talk right back to it to. But I choose not to, like I said. How

can something supposedly coming from me be exactly the opposite? So mean and

miserable. If I did exactly what it wanted me to do(It tries to be very

controlling) it eventually would have me kill myself. This is INSANE! I am

certianly not going to go along with it in anyway, give it anything or converse

with it. I hate this nusance like thing and I want it to leave. I want peace and

quiet.You can't possibly blame me for wanting no part of it.It is an intruder in

my own body. Kundalini is supposed to be a loving force not some psychopath. I

don't understand what the dickens is going on. The thing had issues from the day

it made itself knowen back in 2005. And what is interesting is that the bliss

and spinal rushes that some people feel is not there. So tell me how to get this

thing to move on and to leave me alone. I do not want to SPEND ANOTHER DAY IN

THE PSYCH WARD over this. And no I can not love something that is creepy and

disgusting. I've told to go but I've given up on that. It's a game to it. I just

want it to go Kundalini or not.

May 12, 2009

Dear Della,Welcome Back. - thought you were going to stay in touch. Where are you in terms of practicing the Safeties? As far as your questions go it's not about "how can" or "WHY". It just has to have your attention but not your action necessarily unless it's the Safeties. That's the Practice. The ward is not the best place to share every picken thing or thought you have. I know it's easier said than done, but what do you expect from the ward? From what you've described you're extremely uncomfortable. But it's not being "MEAN" to you. love,Anna From: fire_blowin_dragonDate: Tue, 12 May 2009 20:32:40 +0000 I'm still so very confused...Hi everyone! I haven't posted in so very long.

....what I'm trying to say is how can kundalini energy eminating from me have a mind, be able to think, ...And WHY is this "thing" so bloody MEAN?

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May 12, 2009

Namaste

dear Della

It sounds like you have found yourself in the burr path concerning

Kundalini Ma. . . sorry you are having such a difficult journey. . .

Della you stated you have changed your name from Della Louis to Queen

Crocodilia. . .and your email address is fire blowin dragon. . .those

are two powerful images and they paint quite a picture dear sister. . .

..when i read your post, went back and read a bit from the previous

postings and it looks like you are in a very uncomfortable place with

the Kundalini transformation. . .

Della could you share a bit more information. . .some things have come

to me but i would like to hear more from you. . . sometimes it is a

process of unraveling these. . . is this one has been going on for some

time hasnt it Della and like says, the greatest source is the one

within you. . . sometimes we can benefit from others interactions with

us and as we exchange we can benefit by the ways that it reflects and

the ways that it misses, for it causes us to define what fits and what

doesnt. . .so please know that i do not know that anything that i might

say would be correct for you, but maybe just tossing some things back

and forth might help you reach down to the place within you that will be

your true guide. . ..

Sister i know what it is like to find ones self in the hard places and

to be so alone in them. . . .and hope you can trust there is a way out.

.. .and you will receive spiritual guidance . . .and all of this shall

pass. . .but like a wild kitty that has gotten lost in the burr patch. .

..the fear needs to be contained before the burrs can be removed. .

..because you are currently living one continious reactive ouch. . . .

Can you share how long? Was there something that triggered this

" entity " ?

I hear and agree with what has written, and sense that maybe you

are needing a little help in sorting through what he means when he

speaks of the shadow aspects within the psyche?

What do you hear that he and others are telling you about this

" entity " ?

I would also like to know what is your racial lineage? and will explain

later. . .and also have you gone through a hard life or difficult

childhood? I would like to understand a bit more about where this shadow

aspect is coming from? Because i think you have mistaken something else

with Kundalini Ma's face. . .and we need to bring to the surface the

actual face of this shadow aspect. . . .

Concerning this belief of the " entity " what is your support system

like?. . .Do other's believe you or understand anything about

kundalini?. . . Have others or yourself attempted an " exorcism " ?. . .do

you have a support system?. . .are you able to function in the world

with all that is going on with this issue? To what degree are you

emotioally and mentally stable?

I am trying to understand how this has been reinforced and what you have

and have not tried?

Please share what you love? and how do you know you are loved by the

Divine? These are the most important questions?. . . .

If i or someone else where to suggest to you to surrender to Kundalini

Ma, what are your thoughts of surrender?

When one finds themselves in the burr path with Kundalini Ma it is often

best to get real still and allow a gentle----gentle ------gentle removal

of the burrs. . . so before you answer these questions can you get still

and ask for your Highest and most precious good to come forth and find a

way for you to open to love. . .peace. . .understanding. . .and light. .

.. .you have been putting so much energy into placing a barrier against

your Divine Sacred within that you may be blocking what she is trying to

tell you. . .

I will close for now. . .but know we would like to be of help. . . you

are not alone. . .this group is here for you. . .and yes it is very

important to do the safeties. . . you are in hell these days and the

safeties will start to cool the mental flames. . . there is a land

beyond this one and there is an oasis of love and peace and joy waiting

for you. . .

my thoughts and prayers are with you dear sister. . .

ordinary sparrow

, " Della "

<fire_blowin_dragon wrote:

>

> Hi everyone! I haven't posted in so very long. I'm a bit of a church

mouse. I've changed my name from Della Louis to Queen Crocodilia. I

still have what I consider an " entity " living inside me. if you

think this is kundalini happening...what I'm trying to say is how can

kundalini energy eminating from me have a mind, be able to think, have a

personality, speak in my brain(It uses my own brain voice) and be able

to do these things to my body, like for example at a whim this " thing "

will give me the helmet head or move my body around in the same fashion

physically as I do. I try not to let that happen if not at all. It has

tried to trip me up amongst other dangerous things. I though k was a

moving energy that had no real consciousness like we do. And WHY is this

" thing " so bloody MEAN? I do my best not to talk to it. It can't handle

anything, it is mentally ill. You know it can see out of my eyes and

hear out of my ears. It can formulate thought and say things to me while

in my mind I'm crusing in neutral. Of coure I can talk right back to it

to. But I choose not to, like I said. How can something supposedly

coming from me be exactly the opposite? So mean and miserable. If I did

exactly what it wanted me to do(It tries to be very controlling) it

eventually would have me kill myself. This is INSANE! I am certianly not

going to go along with it in anyway, give it anything or converse with

it. I hate this nusance like thing and I want it to leave. I want peace

and quiet.You can't possibly blame me for wanting no part of it.It is an

intruder in my own body. Kundalini is supposed to be a loving force not

some psychopath. I don't understand what the dickens is going on. The

thing had issues from the day it made itself knowen back in 2005. And

what is interesting is that the bliss and spinal rushes that some people

feel is not there. So tell me how to get this thing to move on and to

leave me alone. I do not want to SPEND ANOTHER DAY IN THE PSYCH WARD

over this. And no I can not love something that is creepy and

disgusting. I've told to go but I've given up on that. It's a game to

it. I just want it to go Kundalini or not.

>

May 12, 2009

Hi Love,Sorry you are having such a horrid time, I cannot comment on what "this" is in you, but I can comment on the kundalini.Kundalini is a living concious live force energy, its wise and very much a living teacher/guide.If the voice is telling you bad things, I doubt that is the K speaking, unless its amplifying a shadow aspect of your own self/fears.When K speaks to me it uses my own voice but it helps me and guides me lovingly.And so, I wish you peace, pray for help and help WILL come how ever difficult it seems now.The more you pay attention to this "shadow voice" the more it will grow, I suppose surrender and release of it without too much emotional energy would be a good place to start. If you work on releasing your own inner shadow perhaps it will losen up this energy pattern? Im just guessing here, if none of this

makes sense to you just scrap it! I'm not in your shoes and I'm not an expert.My heart is with you, be blessed and be joyfulelektra x x x