Guest guest Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 thank you Ordinary Sparrow, you have breathed new joy into my heart! that's a powerful story with the dolphin, that connection. Wow, reading of your experiences always seems to open my heart a little more ) wow, I can now see something, last december i just didn't feel like i had the devotion aspect of this process, i felt like that was something vitally missing. and now i've been given spark of it and didn't even realize it, it's sometimes hard to see the gifts. I asked Shakti for this feeling of devotion back in december; maybe if She had given me everything my inner child wanted, She would have spoiled me. Maybe She actually gave me exactly what I needed. blessings to you Ordinary Sparrow, with much gratitude craig , " ordinarysparrow " <ordinarysparrow wrote: > > Namaste > > dear Craig > > , " kundaflame " > <kundaflame@> wrote: > > > > thanks both of you. I think I just needed to release that, to stop > denying that im very frustrated and to honor these feelings. But how > does one release the emotions? It's hard for me to cry, tears won't > come, I don't feel much lighter and now I'm having the " gerbil wheel > syndrome " my mind's going in circles and won't let up. I surrender to it > but round and round it goes, not letting up in the slightest...and when > does one know when forgiveness is complete for a particular person or > situation? > > i can relate to what you write here Craig. . .through many years of my > life was not able to cry concerning myself. . and know how > uncomfortable it can be when the tears need to flow and they are frozen. > . . would suggest to ask Ma to find a way for the tears to be released > with love and gentleness. . .in the mid eighties i started praying a > powerful little prayer that was suggested by a Native American healer, > the prayer; " Great Spirit bring into my life the people, places and > situations that bring me closer to Thee 3 times, then Great Spirit > remove from my life the people, places, and situations that hinder the > path to Thee, 3 times. Her instructions where " DO NOT PRAY THIS IF YOU > DO NOT MEAN IT WITH EVERY FIBER OF YOUR BEING " .. . . She testified the > prayer had resulted in in her life going through a period of complete > dissolution and starting over. . . . > > i started using that prayer. . .and sure enough within a very short > period everything i had spent years attaining was taken away or let go > of willingly. . .house, family deaths, career, marriage, and through it > all i could not release the tears. . . then one day i had a impulse to > hop on a plane and go to San Diego for knew i needed the Ocean. . .so > spent several days of solitude with the waves. . .and then decided to go > to the Zoo. . . while there i noticed a gate that was left open. . .and > an overwhelming curiosity and perhaps Ma pushed me through it even > though it was marked, staff only. . .there where huge tanks of water. . > .and as i walked up to inspect a beautiful a dolphin rose up and the > two of us locked eyes and souls. . .and for the longest time we shared > tears together. . .the tears flowed and flowed and flowed, and the > release was so tender and pure. . .a man walked up and asked how i had > gotten in the restrictive area, i told him through the door that was > left open. . .and started to apologize, but he said, " please don't, this > is dolphin we rescued from the coast and she was abandoned and sick. . > .we have had her here for some time but she has not made any connection > with us or the other dolphins, and what is happening here is good for > her for now she will start to respond, and it looks like she is good for > you also. . .so stay as long as you want and close the gate when you > leave. . .come back tomorrow if you want for this is good medicine. . . " > Craig i share that just as a testimony that Love/Kundalini Ma will find > a way to bring us what we need for release and healing. . .I do not know > much but i know She does love you dearly. . .and She will find a way. . > . . > > Sometimes everything does get cleared away for some of us. . . .and some > do not have to go through that. . . .but the day will come when you and > each of us will realize that what we have gone through and lost is > absolutely perfect in the big picture. . . .and also i would image you > and probably every one that has advanced spiritually to the K gifting > has probably prayed many many times a prayer similar to the one i spoke > of above. . . .One of the things that made it easier for me to accept > through the losses was my remembrance and sincerity of the prayer. . > .for when things would dissolve, i would remember, i asked for this > Great Spirit and i sure did not know it would look like this, so now > give me the grace and wisdom to accept it. . . > > Also Craig i was glad you wrote more about your calling out to Ma. . > .Craig that really sounds like Bhakti Yoga to me. . . .and in Bhakti the > fire of devotion of wanting the sacred connection with the Divine > whether that be Mother or Beloved is the very important necessary fire > of longing that fuels the entire enegetic process of awakening. . .your > longing is liquid gold. . .and in truth Ma or your sacred diety does not > need the Bhakti. . .for She is already entirely complete. . .the purpose > of Bhakti is to generate the heat and then the heat is compressed and > stored into the energetic of the root and second chakra, that is what > makes the awakeing the power to blast to the crown, a compression of > love and longing. . .I would imagine that many in this group have spent > much of their lives since childhood longing for something they would not > name and something forgotten yet so deeply remembered that no matter > what the world offered it was still there. . . .Craig, i think where you > are these days is a most holy ground. . .and allow yourself to continue > to generate that longing. . .this too is so very sacred. . . . > > I will share a few word from one of my teachers, Amma about Bhakti > because it feels right for you, . . . " Bhakti is love, loving God, > loving your own Self, and loving all beings. . .The small heart should > become bigger and bigger and eventually totally expansive. A spark can > become a forest fire. So to only have a spark is enough , for the spark > is also the fire. . . .Keep blowing on it, fanning it. sooner or later > it will burn like a forest fire, sending out long tongues of fire. . . . > " > > Craig where you are now with your longing will bring the tongues of > fire, and that is not just a bible metaphor. . . .i do not know when, > but after reading there was clear awarenss that Kundalini Ma has > answered your prayers with the deep experience of your longing. . .that > is Her gifting and it is liquid gold. . .. When you are in the space of > longing and loving and wanting Her to show you evidence of Her. . .i > would like to gently suggest that you go look in the mirror. . .for you > will be Her face in the transformational fire of longing . . .your > longing is so very sacred Craig. . .honor yourself for this longing. . > .i know people that cry because they cannot feel the longing that you > are expressing. . .. > > Oh Craig sorry i have not learned to make short comments. . .the words > start flowing and i do not know how to synthesis in clear and concise > manner. . .but i hope somewhere you can find something in this ramble > that brings connection that you are not alone or abandoned in this. . . > > also service can just be a prayer for Ma to bring to you the people and > situations where you might be a reflection of Her light and love. . .and > then be open to what and whom She brings. . .the little things; opening > a door for someone, carrying a package for an elderly neighbor, or > smiling and patting someones beloved pet; and establishing a sweet > gentle opening of shared loving. . . writing a letter to your family and > just expressing some love. . .Ask Her to put the impulse in your mind > and then follow through on those impulses. . .these are the things that > share the love and the places where we find that She is within us > expressing as the Oneness that we all are. . . service does not have to > be some project or trip aligned with an organization. . .just a > suggestion to consider what fits and what does not. . .and also being a > emt and getting paid for it is high service. . .and no matter what you > have been paid, what you are giving there is beyond any monetary > exchange. . .such gifting you are to those in crisis, wow!. . . > > > here is a short Adyashanti poem that Kundalini Ma is currently bringing > forth for you in your loses and longing. . . . > > i am all hollowed out now > like a reed > i gave everything for this > and still i laughingly wonder > how could it been so cheap? > . > adyashanti > > hope this day is wonderful > ordinary sparrow > > > > > this is how I feel about my situation right now...as you have > described in a different way bruce. I feel like there's 2 aspects of > Kundalini Shakt/Mai: the Kundalini part being the impersonal aspect that > has it's agenda and is in the driver seat now. then the other aspect is > Shakti/Ma, the personal aspect, the caring mother Who nurtures Her child > and helps the child grow and gives the child unconditional love. I feel > I've only met the Kundalini part, physical symptoms and emotional > symptoms, yes I have proof of kundalini being here, but where is my > Mother??? It's like i'm a baby and when my mother hears me crying in the > crib, she comes and brings me a bottle of milk and then goes into the > other room, not picking me up, not giving me the deep connection I so > long for... > > > > > > I feel left alone in the dark, I want to surrender to Her but it feels > like there's nothing to surrender to, besides physical and emotional > symptoms. I guess I'm wanting direction to and I don't feel like She's > fulfilling Her end of the bargain, I guess that sounds egoic, but I'm > waiting...what do I do? I could be waiting for eternity... > > > > I wish I knew of creative ways to give service, the only one I can > think of is driving 45 minutes to a food bank but having no money nor > job at the moment, it's not feasible. Don't know of any other options > until I get my job as an emt which I know is not in a sense selfless > service since I'll be getting paid, but it's a start, and it might open > me to other volunteer services that I am not aware of...waiting for > guidance... I guess patience hasn't been my strongest virtue. > > > > well thanks for listening, I had to get it off my chest, sorry I don't > mean to get anyone down, that's always been my main problem, pretending > like everything's alright and even convincing myself, and keeping the > emotions trapped... > > > > blessings Ordinary Sparrow and Bruce, it's always great to read both > of you and very insightful > > > > craig > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 I would also like to thank you for the story of the dolphin. It is an amazing story and I thank you for sharing that. I actually want to thank you for all of your words. You are right in that I always felt that there was something I have forgotten. I didn't know what it was and I became so depressed. It always felt like there was a little hole in my soul. Like a void I could never fill. It feels like I have found my family here. It scared me at first, but then I realized that I don't need to believe the programming we are fed in our daily lives that nothing can ever be truly wonderful. You hear about cults, cheaters, wars, scams, murder. It's enough to turn you into an emotional retard, incapable of enjoying anything purely and completely. I am also SLIGHTLY afraid of what I may lose. But everything I have lost so far in life has been to my benefit. I know I will lose all but a few friends. I have accepted this however in this perfect quote: " It is better to be hated for who you are, than loved for who you're not. " In fact I had started a cleansing process before my awakening even occurred. This was about a year ago. I lost (let go of) a bunch of friends because they brought nothing good into my life. At first it hurt, but now it feels like I can breathe a little better. And now I can't say I've ever been happier. Besides when you die, you must release your attachment to this world, to everyone. What is the point of holding onto error? If it is not right for you, then it only hurts you. , " kundaflame " <kundaflame wrote: > > thank you Ordinary Sparrow, you have breathed new joy into my heart! that's a powerful story with the dolphin, that connection. Wow, reading of your experiences always seems to open my heart a little more ) > > wow, I can now see something, last december i just didn't feel like Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 That's great Tiffany . I feel you have a really heighten intuition and you journey is leading to a beautiful transformation . blessings Chris_H xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx And now I can't say I've ever been happier. Besides when you die, you must release your attachment to this world, to everyone. What is the point of holding onto error? If it is not right for you, then it only hurts you. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 15, 2009 Report Share Posted May 15, 2009 Namaste dear Tiffany Thanks. . .i have been read your blog and sounds like in the midst of the transformation there is a solid groundeness, may you journey well with Kundalini Ma. . .i believe you will find wonderful guidance with Chrism and the transitions can be more gentle and loving with the safeties. . . Tiffany when you wrote, " It always felt like there was a little hole in my soul. Like a void I could never fill. " i resonate. . . Abraham Maslow the father of Transpersonal Psychology said, " Folks get born with holes in their soul's that cannot be filled by themselves. " . . . .I too knew i had come in with a hole in the soul. . . and in 1995 one of the gifts of the Kundalini awakening to the crown, that put me into the void for forty days, was when i came out dripping with afterbirth. . .the hole was completely filled. . .and realized the hole for me had been the hole that only God can fill and i had lived under the illusion that it is possible to be separated from the Divine . . . Once again the paradox, " Like a void I could not fill " became filled by in the Void with that which is greater and cannot be contained. . . . when i saw your email had to laugh. . .surely there are times when what we experience with Ma, could be expressed with those words, " angelikedementia " . . . and with time all the phenomena and struggle becomes very secondary and there is the presence of freedom, love and bliss. . . love and light ordinary sparrow , " tiffany85741 " <angelikdementia wrote: > > I would also like to thank you for the story of the dolphin. It is an amazing story and I thank you for sharing that. I actually want to thank you for all of your words. You are right in that I always felt that there was something I have forgotten. I didn't know what it was and I became so depressed. It always felt like there was a little hole in my soul. Like a void I could never fill. > > It feels like I have found my family here. It scared me at first, but then I realized that I don't need to believe the programming we are fed in our daily lives that nothing can ever be truly wonderful. You hear about cults, cheaters, wars, scams, murder. It's enough to turn you into an emotional retard, incapable of enjoying anything purely and completely. > > I am also SLIGHTLY afraid of what I may lose. But everything I have lost so far in life has been to my benefit. I know I will lose all but a few friends. I have accepted this however in this perfect quote: " It is better to be hated for who you are, than loved for who you're not. " > > In fact I had started a cleansing process before my awakening even occurred. This was about a year ago. I lost (let go of) a bunch of friends because they brought nothing good into my life. At first it hurt, but now it feels like I can breathe a little better. > > And now I can't say I've ever been happier. Besides when you die, you must release your attachment to this world, to everyone. What is the point of holding onto error? If it is not right for you, then it only hurts you. > > > > > , " kundaflame " kundaflame@ wrote: > > > > thank you Ordinary Sparrow, you have breathed new joy into my heart! that's a powerful story with the dolphin, that connection. Wow, reading of your experiences always seems to open my heart a little more ) > > > > wow, I can now see something, last december i just didn't feel like > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 15, 2009 Report Share Posted May 15, 2009 " It always felt like there was a little hole inmy soul. Like a void I could never fill." i guess this is the calling for each one of us..which leads us to seek..to search... because these emptiness inside could never be filled no matter what we do...we try to fill it with pleasures..with work..with addictions..but nothing works..because only the holy spirit can fill it up..as St Augustine once said " my soul is restless until it rest in thee my lord"...maybe this is what separates us from the rest...this hole in the soul...that is all consuming..which drives us into ascending this mountain..into this path...just my take on it. blessings to all, edgar ordinarysparrow <ordinarysparrow Sent: Friday, May 15, 2009 10:13:43 AM Re: 2 Questions. . .sparrow synthesis. . - Sparrow Namastedear TiffanyThanks. . .i have been read your blog and sounds like in the midst ofthe transformation there is a solid groundeness, may you journey wellwith Kundalini Ma. . .i believe you will find wonderful guidance withChrism and the transitions can be more gentle and loving with thesafeties. . . Recent Activity 8 New Members 76 New PhotosVisit Your Group Ads on Learn more now. Reach customers searching for you. Group Charity Stop Cyberbullying Keep your kids safe from bullying Weight Management ChallengeJoin others who are losing pounds. .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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