I'm still so very confused...This Is For OrdinarySparrow

[Guest guest]

, " ordinarysparrow "

<ordinarysparrow wrote:

>

> Namaste

>

> dear Della

>

> It sounds like you have found yourself in the burr path concerning

> Kundalini Ma. . . sorry you are having such a difficult journey. . .

>

> Della you stated you have changed your name from Della Louis to Queen

> Crocodilia. . .and your email address is fire blowin dragon. . .those

> are two powerful images and they paint quite a picture dear sister. . .

> .when i read your post, went back and read a bit from the previous

> postings and it looks like you are in a very uncomfortable place with

> the Kundalini transformation. . .

>

> Della could you share a bit more information. . .some things have come

> to me but i would like to hear more from you. . . sometimes it is a

> process of unraveling these. . . is this one has been going on for some

> time hasnt it Della and like says, the greatest source is the one

> within you. . . sometimes we can benefit from others interactions with

> us and as we exchange we can benefit by the ways that it reflects and

> the ways that it misses, for it causes us to define what fits and what

> doesnt. . .so please know that i do not know that anything that i might

> say would be correct for you, but maybe just tossing some things back

> and forth might help you reach down to the place within you that will be

> your true guide. . ..

>

> Sister i know what it is like to find ones self in the hard places and

> to be so alone in them. . . .and hope you can trust there is a way out.

> . .and you will receive spiritual guidance . . .and all of this shall

> pass. . .but like a wild kitty that has gotten lost in the burr patch. .

> .the fear needs to be contained before the burrs can be removed. .

> .because you are currently living one continious reactive ouch. . . .

>

> Can you share how long? Was there something that triggered this

> " entity " ?

>

> I hear and agree with what has written, and sense that maybe you

> are needing a little help in sorting through what he means when he

> speaks of the shadow aspects within the psyche?

>

> What do you hear that he and others are telling you about this

> " entity " ?

>

> I would also like to know what is your racial lineage? and will explain

> later. . .and also have you gone through a hard life or difficult

> childhood? I would like to understand a bit more about where this shadow

> aspect is coming from? Because i think you have mistaken something else

> with Kundalini Ma's face. . .and we need to bring to the surface the

> actual face of this shadow aspect. . . .

>

> Concerning this belief of the " entity " what is your support system

> like?. . .Do other's believe you or understand anything about

> kundalini?. . . Have others or yourself attempted an " exorcism " ?. . .do

> you have a support system?. . .are you able to function in the world

> with all that is going on with this issue? To what degree are you

> emotioally and mentally stable?

>

> I am trying to understand how this has been reinforced and what you have

> and have not tried?

>

> Please share what you love? and how do you know you are loved by the

> Divine? These are the most important questions?. . . .

>

> If i or someone else where to suggest to you to surrender to Kundalini

> Ma, what are your thoughts of surrender?

>

>

>

> When one finds themselves in the burr path with Kundalini Ma it is often

> best to get real still and allow a gentle----gentle ------gentle removal

> of the burrs. . . so before you answer these questions can you get still

> and ask for your Highest and most precious good to come forth and find a

> way for you to open to love. . .peace. . .understanding. . .and light. .

> . .you have been putting so much energy into placing a barrier against

> your Divine Sacred within that you may be blocking what she is trying to

> tell you. . .

>

> I will close for now. . .but know we would like to be of help. . . you

> are not alone. . .this group is here for you. . .and yes it is very

> important to do the safeties. . . you are in hell these days and the

> safeties will start to cool the mental flames. . . there is a land

> beyond this one and there is an oasis of love and peace and joy waiting

> for you. . .

>

> my thoughts and prayers are with you dear sister. . .

>

> ordinary sparrow

>

>

> , " Della "

> <fire_blowin_dragon@> wrote:

> >

> > Hi everyone! I haven't posted in so very long. I'm a bit of a church

> mouse. I've changed my name from Della Louis to Queen Crocodilia. I

> still have what I consider an " entity " living inside me. if you

> think this is kundalini happening...what I'm trying to say is how can

> kundalini energy eminating from me have a mind, be able to think, have a

> personality, speak in my brain(It uses my own brain voice) and be able

> to do these things to my body, like for example at a whim this " thing "

> will give me the helmet head or move my body around in the same fashion

> physically as I do. I try not to let that happen if not at all. It has

> tried to trip me up amongst other dangerous things. I though k was a

> moving energy that had no real consciousness like we do. And WHY is this

> " thing " so bloody MEAN? I do my best not to talk to it. It can't handle

> anything, it is mentally ill. You know it can see out of my eyes and

> hear out of my ears. It can formulate thought and say things to me while

> in my mind I'm crusing in neutral. Of coure I can talk right back to it

> to. But I choose not to, like I said. How can something supposedly

> coming from me be exactly the opposite? So mean and miserable. If I did

> exactly what it wanted me to do(It tries to be very controlling) it

> eventually would have me kill myself. This is INSANE! I am certianly not

> going to go along with it in anyway, give it anything or converse with

> it. I hate this nusance like thing and I want it to leave. I want peace

> and quiet.You can't possibly blame me for wanting no part of it.It is an

> intruder in my own body. Kundalini is supposed to be a loving force not

> some psychopath. I don't understand what the dickens is going on. The

> thing had issues from the day it made itself knowen back in 2005. And

> what is interesting is that the bliss and spinal rushes that some people

> feel is not there. So tell me how to get this thing to move on and to

> leave me alone. I do not want to SPEND ANOTHER DAY IN THE PSYCH WARD

> over this. And no I can not love something that is creepy and

> disgusting. I've told to go but I've given up on that. It's a game to

> it. I just want it to go Kundalini or not.

> >

>

 

I'm going to do my best to explain a few things about myself. I just want to say

first that you have touched my heart and that you are a beautiful soul. I am 44

years of age. I am of German desent. I am physically strong. I look very

androginious. I have blonde hair and blue eyes and a very determand look to my

face. I have never smoked or did drugs and I rarely drink. I have never married

or had children. This is something I consciously chose to do. I have never been

in trouble with the law and rarely have I ever had a nasty thought. For a number

of years I suffered from moderate deppresion until 2003. I was molested and

abused by my father from the age of 11 to 20 years of age. And I remember every

little detail. Why? I have a superb memory. He also molested and murdered

animals. He was a vile and evil man. He had some how became buddies with the

devil. I couldn't stand to be near him or look at him. I had such a deep and

utter repulsion for him. My father pased away in 1996. I felt liberated and

delighted that the creep died. Do I forgive him? NO! When ever he appears in my

dreams I do what ever I can to kill him. My father was an extremely mentally ill

man but that didn't mean he wasn't capable seeking help or changing his

thinking. That I trully believe. Do I think of him from time to time? Yes I do.

But not in the same way I use to. I use those memories to help others and to

help animals. And when I do that I am helping myself. And every time I am slowly

releasing the anger to the eternal void.

I am a strong minded and strong willed person. I do not tolerate stupidity and

mental and emotional ugliness. I have powerful emotions and I do not fear them.

I am firey and passionate. My psycholical constitution is very good. I deal with

my emotions when ever they arrise. I am a very sensual and deep person. I have

strong instincts and a highten sense of awareness. I have strong convictions. I

am a thinker and I am very intuitive. I am also somewhat psychic. I get visions,

hunches and premonitions. And when I dream at night I lucid dream several times

a week. When this happens I get most of my visions and psychic information. I

can get knowledge and information from basically thin air. There is nothing that

I fear except death it self. I care to much for my life to be laxidaisical about

it. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE. IT IS ABOUT LIVING NOT DYING! I love my life.

I am a wildlife enthusiast and a cyberactivist. I love Astralia and all her

splendor. Steve Irwin was the one person I looked up to the most. He was one of

God's servants. He had a beautiful soul. For some reason I have what I believe

to be some kind of psychic connection to him. When I dream about him they are

always lucid dreams. The information the he sometime imparts to me in my dreams

is information that I never knew about 'til later. Which I always confirm to be

true. And if I allow myself to hone in I somehow feel his emotions.

I love this earth and I am disgusted with what humans are doing to this earth. I

not crazy about them persay. To try and get people to stop what their doing to

the earth by changing their thinking gives me alot of satisfaction. I am a wee

bit of aloner a choice that I made. I live relitively sucluded. I do not have a

huge support system in my life. The people around me are very basic like meat

and potatoes. I am a spiritual person though I an not real big into meditation.

I do meditate though and every so often when I can afford the gas I go to the

Buddhist temple. I incorperate buddhism and spirituality in every aspect of my

life. I cherish peace and well being.

Now having said that I don't know why this " entity " is here. I don't have the

tratitional symptoms of kundalini. I know it is there but the physichal symptoms

I have is not k. I do not feel heat, spinal sweeps or spontanious o's. I can

feel bliss but that is a part of my strong emotions. I do see a mist that moves

around especially against something that is dark.(My eyesite is superb.) I can

see halos around hands again it has to be against a dark back ground. What I

really do get is pulsating muscle spasms and localized muscle contractions which

thank god their not as severe as they once were. When I close my eyes I can see

just infront of my eyelids random images and colidiscope colours. This " entity "

can, using my body, walk me around if dares to try that, move my arms, head and

torso in the same manner as me. Usually it doesn't try that because it knows

I'll fight to stop that. What it usually does is sneaky things to trip me up or

create a problem for me. It can move around in my head. Cause my head to be

heavy on oneside(The right side.). It can send shooting pains at various parts

of my body. It can cause moving sensations in my body. It can poke me and crawl

on my skin and cause my hair to brisle. It can and get this " read " . Talk using

my own brain " voice " . It generates mental images using my brain in the same

fashion as I do. And it some how has learned to mimic emotions and urges. And

can somehow turn them on at the drop of a hat like a switch. It tries in its

limited ability to gross me out, to torment me and to create a problem. And

since it really has nothing to go on it tries to actually create problems. It is

s@xu@lly pervertated. If it had its way it would play with me like an

instrument(It likes to play like a child) and eventually wear me out and break

me down. It wants me to totally focus on it and basically give my mind and my

soul up. It also wants to commit lude acts on me. It's got a thing about

suicide, murder, and knives something that it has picked up from t.v. Even

though I watch very little t.v., it has some how picked up things from t.v.

In 2002 by sheer accident i began to feel what I thought was energy around

things and objects. I felt sensations in my fingures. You must pay particular

attention to this. I soon started with reading tarot cards by going over the

cards using my hands and I would pick out the cards when I felt the sensations

in my fingures. Then I when to experimenting with photos. I would run my hands

over pictures of faces and bodys and would note the sensations I would feel over

eyes, noses mouthes, etc. This went on for sometime like this until I did what I

can only say was something very stupid and regreteful in 2005. I wrote down the

entire alphebet on cardboard(This could be called a ouija board.) and then I

proceeded to run my fingures over the letters. I wrote down the letters which at

first were nothing but after repeated attempts with this I soon began to pick

out words which soon turned into sentences. With in days of this " experimenting "

this thing started to talk using my brain " voice " and with it a hole host of

other things I descrided earlier. It was like something swiched it on like a

light. I soon realised that this thing was doing the sensations in my fingures

the hole time.(And it can still do that.) The situation was horrible at first. I

was in in all intents and purposes in a dillirium. I suffered a great deal. I

was in and out of the psych ward and then I went on antipsychotic drugs to get

rid of this thing. To no avail of course. Back then I knew nothing about

kundalini, spiritual awakening and not even about all the different mental

illnesses. I started really educating myself about that. And I got off that

horible medication which did not help me at all to get rid of this thing. To the

medical field I'm mentally ill. One psychiatrist thought I was schisophrenic.

But I'm not mental ill. Right now I am seeing a neurologist to see if I can be

helped that way. Anyway that is all for now. Please don't be down on me. I know

I was foolish and I have learned from that. Nameste. Lots of love, Queen

Crocodilia.

[Guest guest]

NAMASTEdear delightful DellaThanks for sharing so openly from your heart. . .you are a beloved child of God and the light reveals through your straight forwardness and honesty. . .i often think that 90 percent of any battle is deep self honesty and being able to put it on the table. . .i honor and admire that in you Della. . .

 

these are just some thoughts that come forth. . .and truly they might

or might not address this overwhelming spiritual emergency you are

undergoing these days. . .but whether they do or not i so hope you can

know and feel that my thoughts and heart is with you. . .sometimes when

others share with us it does not fit, but it can help us to claim

deeper what is going on with us. . .Della truly i cannot know the road

you have to travel and what all of this is for you. . .for i see

through the lens of my own journey and psyche. . .

 

 

I am sorry to hear of your painful childhood and the abuse at the hands

of your father. . .so many things i do not know, but i know you did not

deserve that kind of cruelty and abuse. . .from what you have gone

through you are a living loving miracle. . .

 

When i read your experience and then read the way you have transformed

that to be a living loving advocate for Nature and animals i thought of

this song. . . checked on UTube and sure enough there is a video of for

it. . . hope you are familiar with this and you are able to sing it to

your soul to the child that had the strength and goodness to bring you

into the sacred space of awakening. . .

 

How could anyone. . .

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zsk789e0ZM

 

 

 

please forgive have not quite gotten to the space where i can call

you Queen Crocodilia. . .whew!. . .that name is a bit scary. . . .and i do have a few questions about it. . . .

.. .. perhaps this name has some very important imagery for you sister. . .and truly honor your deep creativity of symbolism. . .

..

 

 

Della did you know that one of the images of the Great Goddess in India

has the Goddess Ganga riding on top of the crocodile. . . i will print

out a bit on Ganga for you to read. . .

 

Ganga

 

Ganga

Unique Attributes : Purity, divinity,

holiness

Other Names : Jahnavi, Bhagirathi, Alaknanda, Padma, Mandakini,

Vishnupadi

Source / Origin : Gaumukh - Gangotri glacier in Uttarakhnad.

Major Cities : Varanasi, Allahabad, Haridwar, Kanpur, Patna

Vahan (Mount) : Magara (crocodile)

 

The most sacred of the rivers for Hindus - Ganges, it was the goddess

Ganga which incarnated itself in the form of a river for the welfare of

mankind. It is the Gangajal - the holiest of water which is used in all

the Pujas of Hindus and is believed to wash away the sins of mortal men.

The mighty river is about 2,510 km in length and flows through many

cities of India and Bangladesh. In Hindu belief Goddess Ganga was a

celestial being and descended on Earth on the request of the great king

Bhagirath to relieve his ancestors and find them a place in heaven.

 

Pilgrims from far and wide come to the cities in which the holy river

Ganges flows to wash away their sins. Among the Hindus even the ashes

after burning the body of a devout Hindu are submerged in the sacred

river so that the one who has left us can find a place in heaven.

Goddess Ganga is mostly represented in Hindu scripture riding on her

mount the magara (crocodile) and is dressed in white which symbolizes

her purity and celestial charisma. This is also a reflection of her

power of assimilation and all pervasiveness.

 

The source of origin of River Ganges is Gaumukh - the Gangotri Glacier

in the state of Uttarakhand. In Hindu belief however the ultimate point

of origin of the holy river is from the hair of Lord Shiva which makes

it even more sacred. At the riverbank everyday Arti is held in praise of

the Goddess who washes away everybody's sins. Haridwar, Rishikesh,

Allahabad and Banaras are the principal cities where people accumulate

in large numbers to witness Ganga Arti.

 

 

Della i wonder if it would not be more healing for you to identify with

the powerful "Queen Ganga" rather than the Crocodile that she rides?. .

.. much like the of the lion or tiger that many of the other female

Goddess ride the symbolism being that they have mastered the lower

realms of the egoic self. . .

 

With what you have related of your story it seems your challenge in

healing is very aligned with the symbolism of the Crocodile. . .i will

try to explain. . .

 

Della there is a incredible healer in your country called Marion

Woodman, she has written a book called Dancing in the Flames; The Dark

Goddess in Transformation of Consciousness. . . .She is a very well

known Jungian analysis and has written a lot on the feminine

soul/psyche. . . .i have found her writing to be rich and deep. . .

 

This is a bit concerning the symbolism of the crococodile that i found

of interest that might apply to your imagery and history . . .

 

"the crocodile represents the life-death cycle, the ego's greatest

fear, which lurks in the depths of the unconscious. Yet rebirth to a

higher consciousness is not accomplished by flying through the air. The

ascent is balanced by the descent. The treasure is recovered through

encountering the chthonic devourer, the dark side of the Great Mother.

In Jung's terms, this is working at the deepest level of the somatic

unconscious in order to bring to consciousness the subtle body..

 

in this dream the wtich, while seemingly malevolent, directs the young

hero through the underworld toward the task he must appropriately

fulfill before he can safely know the great secret. The witch here is

not a negative figure to be feared, although the process, whether one

is young or old, is fearful. She is equally the wise witch, who

"tricks" us into doing what needs to be done to stop us from

languishing in duality. It is by going to the deepest depths and

finding there the treasure, the subtle body, that we realize that

the very fear that kept us from going there is the fear that has been

hiding the treasure all along.

 

Nearly all advanced spiritual traditions deal with ways in which the

energy, the light, hidden in matter can be transformed before the

spirit can be embodied in wisdom. In the Eastern traditions, the seven

chakras, or energy centers, have been studied as a way of transforming

energy into consciousness. The pole holding Maat's scales of justice

with its seven nodules suggest that intuitively,, the Egyptians may

have had some knowledge of these energy centers. Knowledge of this

energy flowered in cultures such as India and China, and is now making

its way into the West. Since this book focuses on the transformational

of energy into consciousness, a brief outline describing the

transformation of the energies of the chakras may be of value.

 

The lowest, or root chakra, is the maladhara situated between the anus

and genitial region. The second lotus center is the svadhihthana in

the region of the genitals; the thrid is the manipura, in the region of

the naval. The three lower chakras have to do with instinctual urges.

This recalls the crocodile beneath Matts scales of justice, whose jaws

yawn between the tird and fourth nodules of the vertical pole of the

scale.. . . . . ."

 

in the transformational process the body as well as the mind is raised

in a new level of consciousness. . .the struggle between the instinct

and the spirit , body and mind often comes with the symolism of the

crocodile . . . ."

 

dear Della i know much of that is a bit heady. . .and having shared

that. . .i wonder if it is possible the little girl was so

overwhelmed by the kind of abuse from your father that it set up a

life-death struggle. . .and this " entity" that has come up from the

depths is not about now, but rather that which has already happened?

It sounds like the "entity" is the interjected (part of your father)

that was taken into the child's psyche. . .and you are correct, that

part that has encapsulated his abuse truly manifested as mean. . . .and

most unlovely. . .it is not who you are. . .and it is not Kundalini Ma.

.. . this is what others in the group are asking you to look at, and why

they are telling you that what you are experiencing is a shadow

aspect,. . . .The shadow aspect is what you have already gone through,

it is the voice of the father i believe. . . .but i can so see how the

presence of Ma along with the presence of the entities of abuse would

trigger so much that was painful in your early life. . .incest to a

child is rape, and it is an invasion at every level of the child's

being. . .the child is not able to contain that kind of violation so it

often fractures, splits or pushes all of it down into the depths. .

..for you when your father killed your animals this had to of produced

even more of a life-death struggle. . .thus for you to heal all of this

needs to be looked at and sorted through with the allowance of

feelings. . . .and that task might be overwhelming to your psyche. .

..and i do not know if you have the holding environment internally or

externally at this time to delve into those realms without support. .

..for healing means Ganga is going to have to ride the crocodile if

there is continuance of this kind of awakening. . .There are gentler

ways to awaken. . .you could look at it just enough to name it and

declare to the deepest part of your being this is not who you are and

this is not something outside that is invading you. . .and then move

over to the truth of your being, you are light, you are love and the

hounds of hell cannot ever touch you are in that truth and reality. . .

 

 

Having said that it does not rule out the possibility you may have some

chemical imbalance that produces an experience with psychotic features.

.. . You mentioned that medicine did not help. . . .and there truly may be many issues coming together here that cannot be easily coined with one arena. . .You have much to deal with here Della, i so wished it could be

gentler and more loving for you dear one. . . .

 

.. . .i would encourage you to keep looking until you can find a healer

to walk with you through this. . .it might take some time but there are

many that are able to see the dynamics of the repressed and unconscious

material going on here causing you to struggle with Kundalini

awakening. . .it all gets tangled in knot and it will take some time

for the deep healing. . .on the other side of this there will be depth

and beauty sister. . .

 

Della i found this on the web and it comes from your country, it might

be worth a try to call and talk to someone in your country that deals

with Spiritual emergencies with Kundalini and knows of referrals for

your area, here is the link. . .

 

Psychospiritual Emergecies and Kundalini

 

 

 

Della here are two web links that you might find interesting. .

..another one of those it might fit or it might not fit. . .?. . . .

..but lots of material from a woman that has gone through a spiritual

crisis that caused her to touch experiences that others labeled as

psychotic. . .

 

Spiritual emergecy and kundalini

 

and

 

Spiritual recovery

 

 

Now for the issue of the experience of the possibility of a demonic

enity?. . . .Della i think it is possible to conjure up malicious

enitities with a Quiji board. . .and i do not know where to draw the

line often times as to what is the mind and what is the mind of another

and how those two can intersect. . .i would agree what you expereinced

with your father had to been possible because he was manifesting from

the lowest of possible realms, in India demons are bad tendencies and

those where some really negative tendencies. . .and the process of

awakening is the mastering of the lower egoic tendencies. . . in the

many years of Kundalini awakening i have experienced some people that

truly used their kundalini power in a very dark manner and i confess

that i would of never believed in repetilian kinds of people unless i

had seen it with my own eyes, i refuse to give those experiences any

time or enegy, but i cannot deny the experience and how very painful it

was for awhile. . . so i cannot tell you they do not exist in the

world of spirit and that all is just a creation of one's own mind. .

..only in the highest realms of all is one is it possible to frame it

that way, i believe. . . and sometimes one has to transverse many

levels to get to that One reality. . .Della it seems to me another way

of understanding your experience would be to look at the material on

kundlaini and shamanic realities. . .much of what you have gone through

and the way you experience things are very congruent with the Shamanic

realms. . .El Coli has some good material on that one and surely you

have her link. . . .You have the history and profile of the Shamanic

and when you talk there is a shamanic feel. . .The Shaman has often

been viewed as "crazy" and often the initiation will take one into the

shadow underworlds where your crocodile has taken you dear Queen Ganga.

.. .I do ask you to consider shifting your idenity to Queen Ganga that

masters the lower instintual forces rather than the crocodile that

ceases one and drives them deep into the Underground. . .not that the

crocodile is not a creature of wonder but rather the One that is able

to Master those forces is one that will come out of this intensity with

strength and a wonder all of her own. . .You are an "overcommer" and

have already proven with your life the transformation by your

activism in the help nature and her creatures. . .Your life is

important and your life really matters. . .

 

Della this is just my two cents worth and please know i hold you with

respect and deep honor for what you have chosen to undertake this life

time. . .I do not believe it is possible to awaken to Kundalini without

the strength and tenacity of withstanding the transformation. .

..Kundalini Ma is your dearest guide and when you get to the place of

trust the road will be much smoother. . .Hope you can read this, when i

start to write, i switch brains to the side that does not have spell

check and good sentence structure. ..

 

my thoughts and thoughts are with you and i hope that if there are others in the group can respond to you on this dear one. . be gentle to your self and know you are not alone. . .this group is here. . .and even if you fail to understand know we stand with you and offer prayers and love. . . .

 

love and light

ordinary sparrow

 

 

 

 

 

 

please

, "Della" <fire_blowin_dragon wrote:

>

> > >

> >

>

>

I'm going to do my best to explain a few things about myself. I just

want to say first that you have touched my heart and that you are a

beautiful soul. I am 44 years of age. I am of German desent. I am

physically strong. I look very androginious. I have blonde hair and

blue eyes and a very determand look to my face. I have never smoked or

did drugs and I rarely drink. I have never married or had children.

This is something I consciously chose to do. I have never been in

trouble with the law and rarely have I ever had a nasty thought. For a

number of years I suffered from moderate deppresion until 2003. I was

molested and abused by my father from the age of 11 to 20 years of age.

And I remember every little detail. Why? I have a superb memory. He

also molested and murdered animals. He was a vile and evil man. He had

some how became buddies with the devil. I couldn't stand to be near him

or look at him. I had such a deep and utter repulsion for him. My

father pased away in 1996. I felt liberated and delighted that the

creep died. Do I forgive him? NO! When ever he appears in my dreams I

do what ever I can to kill him. My father was an extremely mentally ill

man but that didn't mean he wasn't capable seeking help or changing his

thinking. That I trully believe. Do I think of him from time to time?

Yes I do. But not in the same way I use to. I use those memories to

help others and to help animals. And when I do that I am helping

myself. And every time I am slowly releasing the anger to the eternal

void.

> I am a strong minded and strong willed person. I do not

tolerate stupidity and mental and emotional ugliness. I have powerful

emotions and I do not fear them. I am firey and passionate. My

psycholical constitution is very good. I deal with my emotions when

ever they arrise. I am a very sensual and deep person. I have strong

instincts and a highten sense of awareness. I have strong convictions.

I am a thinker and I am very intuitive. I am also somewhat psychic. I

get visions, hunches and premonitions. And when I dream at night I

lucid dream several times a week. When this happens I get most of my

visions and psychic information. I can get knowledge and information

from basically thin air. There is nothing that I fear except death it

self. I care to much for my life to be laxidaisical about it. YOU ONLY

LIVE ONCE. IT IS ABOUT LIVING NOT DYING! I love my life.

> I am a

wildlife enthusiast and a cyberactivist. I love Astralia and all her

splendor. Steve Irwin was the one person I looked up to the most. He

was one of God's servants. He had a beautiful soul. For some reason I

have what I believe to be some kind of psychic connection to him. When

I dream about him they are always lucid dreams. The information the he

sometime imparts to me in my dreams is information that I never knew

about 'til later. Which I always confirm to be true. And if I allow

myself to hone in I somehow feel his emotions.

> I love this

earth and I am disgusted with what humans are doing to this earth. I

not crazy about them persay. To try and get people to stop what their

doing to the earth by changing their thinking gives me alot of

satisfaction. I am a wee bit of aloner a choice that I made. I live

relitively sucluded. I do not have a huge support system in my life.

The people around me are very basic like meat and potatoes. I am a

spiritual person though I an not real big into meditation. I do

meditate though and every so often when I can afford the gas I go to

the Buddhist temple. I incorperate buddhism and spirituality in every

aspect of my life. I cherish peace and well being.

> Now having

said that I don't know why this "entity" is here. I don't have the

tratitional symptoms of kundalini. I know it is there but the physichal

symptoms I have is not k. I do not feel heat, spinal sweeps or

spontanious o's. I can feel bliss but that is a part of my strong

emotions. I do see a mist that moves around especially against

something that is dark.(My eyesite is superb.) I can see halos around

hands again it has to be against a dark back ground. What I really do

get is pulsating muscle spasms and localized muscle contractions which

thank god their not as severe as they once were. When I close my eyes I

can see just infront of my eyelids random images and colidiscope

colours. This "entity" can, using my body, walk me around if dares to

try that, move my arms, head and torso in the same manner as me.

Usually it doesn't try that because it knows I'll fight to stop that.

What it usually does is sneaky things to trip me up or create a problem

for me. It can move around in my head. Cause my head to be heavy on

oneside(The right side.). It can send shooting pains at various parts

of my body. It can cause moving sensations in my body. It can poke me

and crawl on my skin and cause my hair to brisle. It can and get this

"read". Talk using my own brain "voice". It generates mental images

using my brain in the same fashion as I do. And it some how has learned

to mimic emotions and urges. And can somehow turn them on at the drop

of a hat like a switch. It tries in its limited ability to gross me

out, to torment me and to create a problem. And since it really has

nothing to go on it tries to actually create problems. It is s@xu@lly

pervertated. If it had its way it would play with me like an

instrument(It likes to play like a child) and eventually wear me out

and break me down. It wants me to totally focus on it and basically

give my mind and my soul up. It also wants to commit lude acts on me.

It's got a thing about suicide, murder, and knives something that it

has picked up from t.v. Even though I watch very little t.v., it has

some how picked up things from t.v.

> In 2002 by sheer accident i

began to feel what I thought was energy around things and objects. I

felt sensations in my fingures. You must pay particular attention to

this. I soon started with reading tarot cards by going over the cards

using my hands and I would pick out the cards when I felt the

sensations in my fingures. Then I when to experimenting with photos. I

would run my hands over pictures of faces and bodys and would note the

sensations I would feel over eyes, noses mouthes, etc. This went on for

sometime like this until I did what I can only say was something very

stupid and regreteful in 2005. I wrote down the entire alphebet on

cardboard(This could be called a ouija board.) and then I proceeded to

run my fingures over the letters. I wrote down the letters which at

first were nothing but after repeated attempts with this I soon began

to pick out words which soon turned into sentences. With in days of

this "experimenting" this thing started to talk using my brain "voice"

and with it a hole host of other things I descrided earlier. It was

like something swiched it on like a light. I soon realised that this

thing was doing the sensations in my fingures the hole time.(And it can

still do that.) The situation was horrible at first. I was in in all

intents and purposes in a dillirium. I suffered a great deal. I was in

and out of the psych ward and then I went on antipsychotic drugs to get

rid of this thing. To no avail of course. Back then I knew nothing

about kundalini, spiritual awakening and not even about all the

different mental illnesses. I started really educating myself about

that. And I got off that horible medication which did not help me at

all to get rid of this thing. To the medical field I'm mentally ill.

One psychiatrist thought I was schisophrenic. But I'm not mental ill.

Right now I am seeing a neurologist to see if I can be helped that way.

Anyway that is all for now. Please don't be down on me. I know I was

foolish and I have learned from that. Nameste. Lots of love, Queen

Crocodilia.please , "Della" <fire_blowin_dragon wrote:>> > >> >> > I'm going to do my best to explain a few things about myself. I just want to say first that you have touched my heart and that you are a beautiful soul. I am 44 years of age. I am of German desent. I am physically strong. I look very androginious. I have blonde hair and blue eyes and a very determand look to my face. I have never smoked or did drugs and I rarely drink. I have never married or had children. This is something I consciously chose to do. I have never been in trouble with the law and rarely have I ever had a nasty thought. For a number of years I suffered from moderate deppresion until 2003. I was molested and abused by my father from the age of 11 to 20 years of age. And I remember every little detail. Why? I have a superb memory. He also molested and murdered animals. He was a vile and evil man. He had some how became buddies with the devil. I couldn't stand to be near him or look at him. I had such a deep and utter repulsion for him. My father pased away in 1996. I felt liberated and delighted that the creep died. Do I forgive him? NO! When ever he appears in my dreams I do what ever I can to kill him. My father was an extremely mentally ill man but that didn't mean he wasn't capable seeking help or changing his thinking. That I trully believe. Do I think of him from time to time? Yes I do. But not in the same way I use to. I use those memories to help others and to help animals. And when I do that I am helping myself. And every time I am slowly releasing the anger to the eternal void.> I am a strong minded and strong willed person. I do not tolerate stupidity and mental and emotional ugliness. I have powerful emotions and I do not fear them. I am firey and passionate. My psycholical constitution is very good. I deal with my emotions when ever they arrise. I am a very sensual and deep person. I have strong instincts and a highten sense of awareness. I have strong convictions. I am a thinker and I am very intuitive. I am also somewhat psychic. I get visions, hunches and premonitions. And when I dream at night I lucid dream several times a week. When this happens I get most of my visions and psychic information. I can get knowledge and information from basically thin air. There is nothing that I fear except death it self. I care to much for my life to be laxidaisical about it. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE. IT IS ABOUT LIVING NOT DYING! I love my life.> I am a wildlife enthusiast and a cyberactivist. I love Astralia and all her splendor. Steve Irwin was the one person I looked up to the most. He was one of God's servants. He had a beautiful soul. For some reason I have what I believe to be some kind of psychic connection to him. When I dream about him they are always lucid dreams. The information the he sometime imparts to me in my dreams is information that I never knew about 'til later. Which I always confirm to be true. And if I allow myself to hone in I somehow feel his emotions.> I love this earth and I am disgusted with what humans are doing to this earth. I not crazy about them persay. To try and get people to stop what their doing to the earth by changing their thinking gives me alot of satisfaction. I am a wee bit of aloner a choice that I made. I live relitively sucluded. I do not have a huge support system in my life. The people around me are very basic like meat and potatoes. I am a spiritual person though I an not real big into meditation. I do meditate though and every so often when I can afford the gas I go to the Buddhist temple. I incorperate buddhism and spirituality in every aspect of my life. I cherish peace and well being.> Now having said that I don't know why this "entity" is here. I don't have the tratitional symptoms of kundalini. I know it is there but the physichal symptoms I have is not k. I do not feel heat, spinal sweeps or spontanious o's. I can feel bliss but that is a part of my strong emotions. I do see a mist that moves around especially against something that is dark.(My eyesite is superb.) I can see halos around hands again it has to be against a dark back ground. What I really do get is pulsating muscle spasms and localized muscle contractions which thank god their not as severe as they once were. When I close my eyes I can see just infront of my eyelids random images and colidiscope colours. This "entity" can, using my body, walk me around if dares to try that, move my arms, head and torso in the same manner as me. Usually it doesn't try that because it knows I'll fight to stop that. What it usually does is sneaky things to trip me up or create a problem for me. It can move around in my head. Cause my head to be heavy on oneside(The right side.). It can send shooting pains at various parts of my body. It can cause moving sensations in my body. It can poke me and crawl on my skin and cause my hair to brisle. It can and get this "read". Talk using my own brain "voice". It generates mental images using my brain in the same fashion as I do. And it some how has learned to mimic emotions and urges. And can somehow turn them on at the drop of a hat like a switch. It tries in its limited ability to gross me out, to torment me and to create a problem. And since it really has nothing to go on it tries to actually create problems. It is s@xu@lly pervertated. If it had its way it would play with me like an instrument(It likes to play like a child) and eventually wear me out and break me down. It wants me to totally focus on it and basically give my mind and my soul up. It also wants to commit lude acts on me. It's got a thing about suicide, murder, and knives something that it has picked up from t.v. Even though I watch very little t.v., it has some how picked up things from t.v.> In 2002 by sheer accident i began to feel what I thought was energy around things and objects. I felt sensations in my fingures. You must pay particular attention to this. I soon started with reading tarot cards by going over the cards using my hands and I would pick out the cards when I felt the sensations in my fingures. Then I when to experimenting with photos. I would run my hands over pictures of faces and bodys and would note the sensations I would feel over eyes, noses mouthes, etc. This went on for sometime like this until I did what I can only say was something very stupid and regreteful in 2005. I wrote down the entire alphebet on cardboard(This could be called a ouija board.) and then I proceeded to run my fingures over the letters. I wrote down the letters which at first were nothing but after repeated attempts with this I soon began to pick out words which soon turned into sentences. With in days of this "experimenting" this thing started to talk using my brain "voice" and with it a hole host of other things I descrided earlier. It was like something swiched it on like a light. I soon realised that this thing was doing the sensations in my fingures the hole time.(And it can still do that.) The situation was horrible at first. I was in in all intents and purposes in a dillirium. I suffered a great deal. I was in and out of the psych ward and then I went on antipsychotic drugs to get rid of this thing. To no avail of course. Back then I knew nothing about kundalini, spiritual awakening and not even about all the different mental illnesses. I started really educating myself about that. And I got off that horible medication which did not help me at all to get rid of this thing. To the medical field I'm mentally ill. One psychiatrist thought I was schisophrenic. But I'm not mental ill. Right now I am seeing a neurologist to see if I can be helped that way. Anyway that is all for now. Please don't be down on me. I know I was foolish and I have learned from that. Nameste. Lots of love, Queen Crocodilia.>