Update about me...

May 20, 2009

Hello K-family,

Sorry I have not been posting lately since I've been busy in school. I have 2

weeks left before finals, then I graduate this coming June 20. I am panicking in

one of my elective course, Digital Pre-Press because all of my classmates in

that class are mostly Graphic Design student and I feel really awkward and odd

being the only Web Design student. Not to mention that I suck in InDesign, so I

am teaching myself to understand the program. So please pray for me to survive

that class. If I was a turtle or if I had a shell, I would hide inside of it.

I'm struggling with this class right now.

During this past months, I really learned a lot of lessons in my relationships.

I am aware of the lessons being taught to me very clearly. My biggest lesson

that I am dealing with or dealt with was on acceptance, surrender, and letting

go. This is a challenge for me, but in the end, I just surrendered because I got

tired of the things that I normally do when I could just sit back and go with

the flow with the universe. This is going to be a long post so please be

patient.

Since my last post at the healing group about J and I's argument about my past

(my confession) to him, he changed. He wasn't reciprocating affection anymore.

Considering that his divorce wasn't even finalized yet, things were a bit

complicated. I decided to stop showing my affection and slowly prepared myself

to back off from him. There were some hurtful words that he said to me that hurt

my feelings and that really killed my inspiration. Since then, I felt

unmotivated to do anything. I also decided that I wouldn't get involved with

someone going through a divorce anymore. I told him that he would be the first

and last. I don't regret meeting him or giving him a chance, because if it

wasn't for this experience, I wouldn't have learned the lessons that I needed to

learn and understand. I do know and very much aware that there is a lot of

reasons why we had met. Since meeting him, I really changed a lot. You know how

I used to be shallow and listened to my ego? I learned about unconditional love

and I know that physical attributes are not as important as what's inside our

hearts. My patience, trust, and surrender was really put to the test. At first,

I told myself that if things don't work out with J and I, that I would give up

on finding " the one " . But I realized that I was only reacting to my

disappointment with unavailable guys. Deep down, of course I would like to find

or be found by the right person at the right time. I realized that I have been

obsessing too much about getting married or finding a better relationship. I

decided to give up on these obsessions. If it is really meant for me to be in a

normal relationship and get married, cool. If not, who am I to complain if it is

not meant for me right? So what if most of my friends are getting married and

having a family? I don't have to follow that tradition. I'm happy that I am

graduating soon. I really appreciate the lessons in my life. Maybe there is

someone better for me out there when I least expect it.

I also started reading these two books: " Feel It Real " and " Calling In " The

One " " . It's a workbook on inner healing. I realized that I had some unresolved

issues in my past relationships that I needed closure. I confessed to one of my

exes about my insecurities from the past and what I did to get revenge. I just

felt that I needed to tell him so I could really move on. When we were still

together, he and his family went to China for a family vacation and he met

someone on their tour. I discovered that they were emailing each other and

flirting, so I told the girl to leave him alone and blocked her from his email.

But she and I became friends up until now. I guess I felt guilty that all these

years, he doesn't know and I am keeping this secret. So I confessed to him about

it. She is already married. My ex is also married. So, after I apologized and

asked for his forgiveness, I gave him her email address so they could start

talking again. I told her what did and she said that it took a lot of courage on

my part. The good thing is, although he felt a little upset, he forgave me and

we are still good friends.

I also put official closure with Chris since he tried to get back with me again.

I decided that I need to let go and put the past to an end. Also, I did not want

to prolong my relationship with J as I did with Chris when we both know that

things aren't working out. I kept being reminded by what told me a year

ago that before I would find the right person, I would have to keep dating

people which I don't really want to do. But if I don't take that risk, then I am

not being open to the possibility of finding the right relationship for me. I

even did multiple novenas to get a sign whether J was the right one for me and

the answer that I received was our break up. I guess I did not want to be wrong

or accept that I am wrong, but these books really showed me all my fears. I

learned to really feel the emotions that I have been suppressing to feel,

because I did not want to admit to myself that I am weak or that I have a

weakness. I did not want to feel rejected or hurt again. But at that time, I

really allowed myself to feel it. It wasn't a great feeling, but I made peace

with it. After a few days, my feelings for J disappeared.

I decided to just go with the flow, make friends and expect nothing to happen

beyond friendship. If something did develop with the friendships, then cool. If

not, I am ok with it too. I stopped obsessing about being in a relationship. I

still re-created a new list of the qualities I would like in a lifetime partner.

I noticed that in my new list, I focused more on the inner qualities and no more

physical attributes. The physical attributes aren't important to me anymore,

because I learned that if God picked someone for me, I know that he could

instantly change the way I feel and think about that person. If he's not my

type, I know that God could change my heart. So, I trust that whomever he chose,

I know that I would accept and give that person a chance.

So, I met a new guy. He's Muslim but non-practicing. He's spiritual and asked me

to teach him to meditate. I'm not expecting anything from him except to be my

friend, but I know that he likes me. He's really nice and we clicked. But now..

I am just focusing on enjoying our time together. Enjoying all the attention he

is giving me. Learning about his culture etc. I'm focusing more on my self,

looking forward to graduating, finding a job, and making it on my own. I

continue to learn more about my self and I am glad that I accept and love

myself/get along with myself. Not many people do. So, I am thankful for that.

I also have been feeling chest pains - stabbing/prickling pains. This all

started from last quarter's stress from finals. But lately I would feel this

pain inside my chest. I haven't consulted a doctor. We do have history of heart

issues. But I hope that it is nothing. I still have that pain in my left foot.

Bye for now.

Thanks for reading.

Anne

May 20, 2009

Good to read again Anne. Please try to take the stress out of your life and to

keep up your practice. Emotional stress can also color our lives as you have

been experiencing. Get your chest pains checked out if you can afford to. We

both know what the left foot issue is - lol! - blessings Anne. - chrism

, " Anne " <annicole72

wrote:

I also have been feeling chest pains - stabbing/prickling pains. This all

started from last quarter's stress from finals. But lately I would feel this

pain inside my chest. I haven't consulted a doctor. We do have history of heart

issues. But I hope that it is nothing. I still have that pain in my left foot.

Bye for now.

>

> Thanks for reading.

>

> Anne

>

May 22, 2009

Dearest Anne,

I'm glad that you are taking the high road and just doing what 'flows' through K

and I look forward to hearing about your graduation.

With regards to relationships, I believe that everyone here can relate one way

or another to the complexities, especially during the courting phase...does it

have to occur this way...at times it seems sooo political- lol.

I was just speaking to my neighbour about finding her 'soul mate' or as you say

'the one'. IMHO, most of us are limited to our physical location were we live

or travel to. Some do find true love beyond these borders, however, I believe

the majority are limited. The limitation also extends to time...'the one' may be

older or younger than you and the paths did not cross in this lifetime. For me,

it was a matter of finding the closest match to what is desired. I don't want to

sound too logical, but there's a reality to what I think...just my opinion.

I told my neighbour that finding her man was like buying shampoo....at first, it

what the bottle looks like that attracts your attention....but to continue using

it, will be based on what's inside. The relationship at that point will be

emotional and have a deep level of connection.

In regards to the left foot...I would like to know what this means...(Chrism?)

Over the last couple of years, I've been inidated with manifestations toward my

left side. Birds were coming to me with the left leg up...I kept injuring my

left side....and lately, I feel an ache in the middle of my left foot. Does it

have to do with the 'yang' side of me? Is it broken or damaged....does it

require attention?

Be Well and Blessings to You,

Ernie

, " Anne " <annicole72

wrote:

>

> Hello K-family,

>

> Sorry I have not been posting lately since I've been busy in school. I have 2

weeks left before finals, then I graduate this

May 23, 2009

Wishing you all the best Anne, I think your obsession about relationships comes from your social conditioning and not really from your true soul being, you need to really let go of those social behaviors implanted in to you and find out who YOU really are inside, the Divine you, have a relationship with that, its much more fulfilling <3When you have that sorted out the right one will either show up naturally or you won't even care anyway one way or another, as you will feel so complete "alone" (but never lonely) that you won't care what society expects from you.When I met my hubby I had stated (at the tender age of 19) that I would never date another

guy, I didnt care if I stayed alone forever, I was happy just me myself and I, I stayed happy for 2 solo almost celebate years and then viola, Hubby arrived and I was ready for a real relationship.Lots of love and blessings for your examselektra x x x