Kali,

[Guest guest]

Hello all

 

I see the word Shakti used often when someone is writing of kundalini but what

role exactly would Kali be used within kundalini ? Destruction of the walls that

have been built to hide any truths ? The last year of my life has been nothing

but spiritual destruction . With this i mean that i no longer believe any truths

.. What i believe one day to be real is taken away the next , only to be shown as

illusion . My dreams have become so complex lately that i cannot even make

enough sense of them to write in a journal .

 

I feel I'm at an crossroads right now . So much destruction in the last year ,

lies at my feet and all around me . I no longer believe in anything nor do i

feel much of anything either . I'm just looking for a glimmer of light to shine

down from this darken sky full of ash that surrounds me .

[Guest guest]

Hi Chris,

 

yes, I know what its like when everything gets repeatedly broken down, and it

just doesnt stop and keeps on going and going. A week or a month or even three

months would be okay, yet after a year when there still seems no relief it gets

real tough and barren and the soul just hungers for the light and some relief.

 

 

I was walking to work yesterday and reflecting on my process. I went through

about three years of relentless destruction, as my beliefs, attachments and old

ways were broken down in wave after wave of purification. As my self I knew was

broken down, it hurt and it was long. Eventually I have come to trust the

unknown, and to know that every thought, every belief I may have, is just a

temporary and limited approximation of reality. I have nothing to hold onto and

the freedom is in letting go. All I know is that I am here to illuminate my

experience, and I will always be here, after this body passes away, as

illumination ( my consciosness, who I AM) exists before time and form. Deeper

and deeper levels of surrender continue to arise, and i dont know what lies

ahead. I dont know how deeply I am still holding on, yet for now I feel light. I

just know that the periods of breakdown, of meaning and of light, were painful,

yet the light always shines again.

 

It still continues; my favorite big black poisonous snake was back in my dreams

a few days ago, and the dreams have become prolific and confusing again. I was

tired this morning and the nights have been cold, even though the temperatire is

hot. I will put three of my poems.. two were written from the space of 'dark

night', called Forbearance and Low, and the third was when the light came back,

simply called 'The Light'. In the dark nights I felt deeply broken and

abandoned, a loneliness that nothing in this world could satisfy, yet also a

desperation for something to ease the pit i was in...

 

1. Forbearance

 

I write these words,

Wanting to share the enormity of this change.

I don't know where to start;

Words are just words, and do not easily

Convey the extreme of what's happened.

 

My head aches, my neck and shoulders are stiff.

Again, and again, unrelenting, unremitting.

Today, I am empty,

Empty of hope, empty of despair, empty of the

Effort of trying, pushing and hungering

for a place of being I can call home.

 

I don't know anymore; I don't know if anything has been worth it.

The moments of bliss and insight are far outweighed by the pain of the

Struggle,

Yet,

It's just those glimpses of golden possibility that causes me

To reach, again and again, everseeking, evergrasping

Towards the dream called God, the dream called Home.

 

Sometimes I curse being human.

Sometimes, I curse that I was stupid enough to try and awaken,

And to stumble and fall down this path, only,

Once again, to find myself entering a fog of

Confusion and abandonment.

 

The effort of writing these words tires me.

Yes, I have felt the divine love, and experienced miracles,

Yet those were fleeting cruel tantalizing decoys,

And instead,

It's another day of having to bear the tiredness of a body in resistance.

 

May the infinite Spirit bless these words.

 

 

2. Low

 

 

Today, tonight, I feel low.

Yes, the sky is clear and the trees ache for the sky.

Books wait for me, wait for me to lose myself in anothers words.

No more.

No more can I run from myself, seeking rescue in the words of others,

seeking to escape my broken knowing.

No more.

 

Today, it is just more lonely hunger.

Just like the trees aching for the sun,

I ache for Love today.

I ache for warmth, for the hand,

The smile, the laugher

Of another.

 

How long I have searched

And still my bed, my arms, my soul, is empty.

Is this how it will be?

Is this how small my life,

Small of love and contribution, will be?

 

I felt the starving emptiness when I left work.

There, I am productive. I am useful.

I understand now the sadness of a man without work,

Why heart attacks rape men who retire,

Senselessly fucking them into disempowered death.

 

Will that be me,

Alone, living a tiny life self absorbed?

Dying when the world takes away the meaning it gave to me?

 

So tired of being strong.

Tired of struggling,

Tired of offering my struggle to god and the offer being rejected.

Tired, of wanting, tired of hating that I want,

Tired of my wanting being a weakness in this castle of strength I have built.

 

I am a man without a family,

Without a future,

Without a light.

 

All I have is my empty dream of enlightenment.

In the failure of all other dreams,

Is that enough?

 

 

3. The Light

 

Warm summer sun on my face.

An old lady makes coffee.

I walk briskly towards the subway station.

A woman walks towards me across the street,

Her straight black hair effortlessly weightless in the caressing wind.

 

She is beautiful;

Radiant.

I smile at her snug yellow t-shirt

And sleek jeans.

A flower has opened and graced the tar with color.

 

Her beauty rises effortless inside me

Announcing its presence with my return smile.

Shocking, stunning, yet unbelievably obviously simple,

I notice that I am not attached to her.

I don't grasp at her,

I don't secretly wish to possess her,

I don't feel as though I need her.

An inner tension has been dropped,

An inner chain has been dropped,

And I can let her be there.

I luxuriate in her beauty,

In my beauty.

Without needing to have her.

She is free.

I am free.

 

Simple radiance; I am adorned.

The air shimmers, in me, inside me, around me.

The beauty and I are not two,

The Divine and I are not separate

And I give thanks that I am washed whole

In the peace that surpasses understanding.

 

Ahh.

 

 

, " Chris_H " <chghes1

wrote:

>

> Hello all

>

> I see the word Shakti used often when someone is writing of kundalini but what

role exactly would Kali be used within kundalini ? Destruction of the walls that

have been built to hide any truths ? The last year of my life has been nothing

but spiritual destruction . With this i mean that i no longer believe any truths

.. What i believe one day to be real is taken away the next , only to be shown as

illusion . My dreams have become so complex lately that i cannot even make

enough sense of them to write in a journal .

>

> I feel I'm at an crossroads right now . So much destruction in the last year ,

lies at my feet and all around me . I no longer believe in anything nor do i

feel much of anything either . I'm just looking for a glimmer of light to shine

down from this darken sky full of ash that surrounds me .

>

[Guest guest]

Powerful stuff Chris, you are greatly lucky to achieve this state of being, how much suffering is caused by the way people cling to their beliefs.I love Kali and her tough love. Kali plays a huge part in the awakening process but I think many struggle with letting her in (ego) especially if you have built your life on beliefs that she wishes to take away, its very difficult to let go.Come as a child to the kingdom of heaven, this saying has been with me lately, a child has no preconceptions, you could tell it anything and it would believe you, and its imaginings are so free truth could be different day to day.I think this is a great state to be in.Blessings dear oneelektra x x x

[Guest guest]

Thanks for sharing your poetry. It defines places that we all must feel on our journey.

Jake--- On Wed, 5/27/09, bruce_oom <bruce_oom wrote:

bruce_oom <bruce_oom Re: Kali, Date: Wednesday, May 27, 2009, 4:12 AM

 

 

Hi Chris,yes, I know what its like when everything gets repeatedly broken down, and it just doesnt stop and keeps on going and going.

..

[Guest guest]

All the Hindu dieties are symbolic. Shakthi literally means power or force. Kali

is the daughter of Kala - Time. Kala is one which destroys every thing,

including this universe. Saraswathi is that aspect of the universe that

manifests as knowlege and learning. The lalitha sahasranamam gives one thousand

names of K.

Regards

VG

 

--- On Wed, 27/5/09, Chris_H <chghes1 wrote:

 

Chris_H <chghes1

Kali,

 

Wednesday, 27 May, 2009, 3:52 AM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello all

 

 

 

I see the word Shakti used often when someone is writing of kundalini but what

role exactly would Kali be used within kundalini ? Destruction of the walls that

have been built to hide any truths ? The last year of my life has been nothing

but spiritual destruction . With this i mean that i no longer believe any truths

.. What i believe one day to be real is taken away the next , only to be shown as

illusion . My dreams have become so complex lately that i cannot even make

enough sense of them to write in a journal .

 

 

 

I feel I'm at an crossroads right now . So much destruction in the last year ,

lies at my feet and all around me . I no longer believe in anything nor do i

feel much of anything either . I'm just looking for a glimmer of light to shine

down from this darken sky full of ash that surrounds me .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Explore your hobbies and interests. Go to

http://in.promos./groups/

 

 

[Guest guest]

Interesting, Venugopal..the christian bible has many names or attributes for

God..much the same way. There is a christian writer who wrote several books

about all the names of God. It took 4 or 5 books to write about all of them, but

that is just on the male side of God. It has been great learning about shakti

and other feminine

attribute. It makes it all more complete. I appreciate you postings.

 

Blessings,

Linda

 

 

, Venugopal AK

<akvenugopal wrote:

>

> All the Hindu dieties are symbolic. Shakthi literally means power or force.

Kali is the daughter of Kala - Time. Kala is one which destroys every thing,

including this universe. Saraswathi is that aspect of the universe that

manifests as knowlege and learning. The lalitha sahasranamam gives one thousand

names of K.

> Regards

> VG