Beautiful Birthday- love with no opposite-? - Bruce/Julie

[Guest guest]

Hi Bruce, Sorry I got so dramatic on you yesterday and on your b-day at that.

From your description of the family you grew up in, it sounds much like my

childhood. I think maybe I was picking up on that. I love reading all you post

and have often felt a connection with you, a vague thing it's been. I was on the

emotional side yesterday and your post just sent me over the edge.

 

Your having a wonderful b-day isn't the part that sent my emotions soaring. I am

truly glad your birthday was beautiful and I think everyone's birthday should be

celebrated. I guess I was actually a bit jealous though and have been dealing

with that recently. Recently my husband had his birthday and all the kids

came over and spent the afternoon in celebration of his b-day and they do that

almost every year and do the same a few weeks later for father's day. For me

they have never done that and on Mother's day they have their own mother's day

to celebrate since they are mothers too. Since my birthday is just a few weeks

from Thankgiving, they just wait and bring me a gift then. Most of the time they

don't even remember to call and say happy birthday until days later.

 

I guess I just don't feel very appreciated by my family, especially after being

told a few years ago that I was a horrible mother and wife. Being a stay at home

mom, giving my kids one on one daily was my deepest joy. I loved being with kids

and giving them attention and joy so much that I even volunteered many,many

times throughout my life of keeping other people's kids free of charge. I never

expected or wanted anything in return for doing that, it was my joy, I loved

doing it. Even after my kid were grown, I was still taking other people's kids

swimming, skating, zoo, etc. I even paid for all the expenses myself, never

asking anything of the parents. I did the same for my first grandson, while his

mom worked outside the home. Now I am accused for all the problems he's having

(all teenagers have problems, right?) because I spoiled when he was little.

 

Now I live like a hermit, going to the grocery store once a week because we have

to eat. I get out of the house every afternoon to go for a walk, mostly through

the neighborhood. I don't get involved with people's kids anymore, but love to

listen and watch them at play as I walk by.

 

James didn't like me doing any of that, always saying it was a lawsuit waiting

to happen. He didn't like me being involved with old people either, taking them

here and there, movies, lunch or whatever. I always did those things when he was

not home, so it never interfered with his time except for me getting a few phone

calls off and on.

 

Anyways, that is my life and what I am dealing with. I have not spent my whole

life not feeling loved or able to give love back. All those years, I did think I

was loved and gave love back, but through their eyes, I guess not. I still love

them all just as much, no matter what or how they feel about me. I am just not

what they need me to be and don't know if I could be even if I knew what that

was.

 

Thanks for sharing how you have overcome your challeges and it was a help to

read your views on things.

 

My relationship with James has improved a lot since my BIG anger explosion a few

years ago. Hehe! It might be because he just doesn't want to ever see that side

of me again! He does not have as many anger outburst of his own like he use to

have.

 

I am wanting to get out and be involved with people again, but just don't know

what. It's hard to plan and do anything around James and his crazy schedule.

 

I feel like Iamwaitingmoon's poem. I am waiting!

 

Love & blessings,

Linda

 

P.S. Julie, you guys here are all beautiful diamonds radiating brightly all over

the place, with many beautiful gifts to share. I feel like an ugly lump of coal

still and I guess I must have been standing behind the door, not paying

attention, when God handed out the talents and gifts.

 

 

, " bruce_oom "

<bruce_oom wrote:

 

 

> For a long time, I also felt alienated, not worthy, feeling like I didn't fit

in, and so on. I came from a disempowered family where love was not freely

expressed, I never saw my parents affectionate, my older sisters rejected me

and I was taught `Children should be seen and not heard' and `be grateful for

what you've got'. I can guess that if your Dad oppressed you for so long that

the feeling of not being worthy must be deep in your system and its going to

take some rooting out.

[Guest guest]

Linda:

I hope I'm not out of line responding with the post being primarily for specific

others. (If so, please tell me as I learn about posting etiquette.)

 

Look at this lovely treasure unveiled to us. In using your analogy..Coal. Coal!

Combustible...sedimentary rock...formed from plant remains...protected by water

and mud against oxidization. You, dear Linda, are like the potential energy

which becomes kinetic energy. You are one of the largest sources of

energy-worldwide.(By all means my intent is not to make less of your feelings).

I am honestly filled with excitment for this treasure revealed. -Danielle

 

 

> I feel like Iamwaitingmoon's poem. I am waiting!

>

> Love & blessings,

> Linda

>

> P.S. Julie, you guys here are all beautiful diamonds radiating brightly all

over the place, with many beautiful gifts to share. I feel like an ugly lump of

coal still and I guess I must have been standing behind the door, not paying

attention, when God handed out the talents and gifts.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Danielle, it is ok to respond even if your name isn't listed in the title. I

just put them there, because they are the only two who reponded to my emotional

outburst, so I just wrote to both in the one post. Thanks for seeing value in

this old lump of clay. That gives me hope.

 

blessing & love,

Linda

 

, " iamwaitingmoon "

<iamwaitingmoon wrote:

>

> Linda:

> I hope I'm not out of line responding with the post being primarily for

specific others. (If so, please tell me as I learn about posting etiquette.)