Sorry. . . Sparrow

[Guest guest]

Thank you again, Sparrow, for your kind words and again you are are so right on.

I am saving this one in a handy place to read again and again, if or when fear

and doubt begans rearing up in me.

 

I guess the thing that scares me the most is this mind thing that is going on in

my head. The other day when I needed to get away, I felt like I was like shatter

glass, flying off into millions of pieces. I just needed to detach from you all

for bit. My mind was not functioning very well, it took a long time to get that

post typed. It was hard to get my mind and fingers to work together, which has

also been a on going problem since the beginning.

 

This shattering of glass has been like a theme that has been happening during or

around several of the shaktipats I gone through.

 

The first time kundalini made an appearance it was as a large cat, lion size,

breaking through my glass door and roaring a deafening roar. I thought it was

really happening, but when I got up out of bed to peek around the bedroom door

to see, there was nothing there and no broken glass door. LOL! I close and lock

my bedroom door and went back to bed thinking it was a crazy dream, only for a

few minutes later to hear the roaring lion again right there in my bedroom. I

was in sleep paralysis and had to break out of that before I could turn on the

light. Again there was nothing there and turned off the light and went back to

sleep. I was awakened in sleep paralysis a second time when it roared again and

pounce up on my bed. I reached for the light again (comanding in Jesus' named be

for whatever it was gone again). LOL! and nothing there the third time either. I

left the light this time and slept in peace for the rest of the night. When I

woke up that next morning, there was no light on, and the bedroom door was not

locked or closed. It was wide open. It was all a dream..all of it! That is when

the fear of loosing my mind crept in. It was a great shock to me. I did not know

much of anything, had read something about sleep paralysis once and that was it.

 

I had free counciling with the Centerpointe meditation program that I was doing,

but when I called and told them what was going on, they had never heard of such

either and said it had nothing to do with the meditation program. Great

counciling there, Huh!

So I kept meditating with their tapes, because I really like meditating by that

time and the cat visits continued and still are. It happened so often and to say

begone in Jesus name was my only defense and it became a habit, that now I can't

seem to break ...even though I know now it is kundalini and do not fear the

visits. At least I don't think I do, but I must be subconsicouly. Many time the

cat made appearances when I knew without a doubt that I was not asleep. It

happened once when I was just getting into bed. I was not even lying down yet. I

really thought I was loosing my mind and I wasn't talking to anyone about it,

until one day I was in the bookstore and William Buhlman's book on OBEs jumped

out at me. Read it all that day. And joined his OBE forum, not the one on

one, but the other one that doesn't exist anymore the one that was destroyed by

that radical christian dude. That is where I met Ben, a member here and he told

me taught I was K activated and gave me web addresses to read up on it. This

radical christian dude told me he was K awakened (thought his self to be the

incarnation of Michael the Archangel, LOL!) Knowing him and reading those web

pages, I was not wanting this K thing at all to be happening to me. I resisted

with a lots of bible verses and begones in Jesus name. It was not long after all

that resisting, that all those dog attacks began happening. It was so bad their

attacking just in my dream, I could wake up from those and it would be over

with. They begain happening in the physical, right here in my neighboorhood. All

were freaky incidences!

 

That's how I ended up here in this group, in desparation. After being being on a

pagan OBE forum and thought those pagans where putting curses on me because I

was christian. And going the gnostic route at the same time really missed up my

mind even more. I was totally paranoid of every one and every thing, even my own

kids and husband turned one me. One day, after months and months of this, I

broke down and became a screaming cursing maniac and spent the night in the park

alone. That was a turning point of, but not the turning point. Something happen

about a month later that hurt me so deeply, my will to live here went to zero.

If I had been alone I would have ended it, I think. I was changed that day, my

attachments to this physical world was gone, even to all family members. I still

love them of course, but it is different now. Nothing really hurts me any more

and if some hurtful thing does happpen it is fleeting, it doesn't stick.

 

Other people's emotional flare-up don't bother me, unless I an attaching. My own

emotional flare-up is a warning that I am attaching to something. Physical

attachments are easy to figure out, it's those mind ones that are tricky. I

don't want to be anyone's source of pain.

 

I know you said something in there about my oath of surrender before shaktipat

and I certainly have not forgotton that, well for a few seconds when fear took

over my mind, but I know that Kundalini will not that let me renege on that oath

because my truly wonderful K teacher chrism said so. No matter how much I get

swept into fear or doubt, it won't let me get too far. That is still a comfort

to me.

 

 

Thanks for those neat pictures, I saved those too. Hmmmmm....so that was what

that glass of water poured all over my couch was about during shaktipat week.

Bathwater...huh? That was a " hot spot " to set for a while and it still has not

worn off, but not quite as strong as that first day. He may need to douse me

again. Maybe need to put me in that river that never runs dry and dash me

agianst the rocks ( maybe The Rock). Some of those dirty spots may be a little

hard to get out. I do want to have a nice pure white luminus spotless garment

when I come face to face with my maker.

 

Thanks again, Sparrow. It is so good to have you here amongst us.

 

Blessing & love,

 

Namaste

 

Linda

 

 

 

anded , " ordinarysparrow "

<ordinarysparrow wrote:

>

> Namaste

>

> dear Linda. . .

>

> just some feelings and intuitions that come to me and please if they do

> not fit or cause any more discomfort throw them away and know anything

> i express is colored by my own expereinces or projections. . . please

> know that i am speaking with a soft voice. . . .we are all in this

> together and none of us will be finished until all of us reside in the

>

[Guest guest]

Namaste

 

dear Linda

 

Thanks for sharing your experience with K Ma and how you have gone

through the initiation and awakening. . .years ago when in Africa had a

significant soul encounter with an woman that was living in a primitive

rural setting in the intense heat of Africa on a summer day when the

temperature was ungodly, with rays that pierced and each breath was like

inhaling dog breath. . . .She suffered from albinoism and she was so

unprepared for Africa with its intense climate. . .There where times

when i experienced the K Ma awakening without knowledge as being a bit

like a symbolic experience of the dear African woman. . .For many of us

it began years when there was no information, and the powerful

expereince did not fit into any box that was known, except. . . " I am

soooooo crazy " . . . .but no so crazy that i am going to speak it out,

for there was enough wit to know what our culture does to those with

experiences that cannot be easily labled, filed and medicated. . .

..Those where challenging years, and every incident, phenonmena,

shattering frame, is now known as inexpressible grace. . .This i know is

how i hold you and your unique expereince. . .it is all so perfect and

all of it is grace. . .especially those places challenge us to give up

the scripts of " i am too much or not enough " . . .For dear Linda you are

most lovely and blessing. . .My heart trust that if anyone that you

travel with where to ask you to go one mile, you would without hesitancy

go a second. . .so trust the goodness and intent of your heart. .

 

It seems to me that often K Ma will intensity a situation in order to

deeply expose it so it can be brought to surface for deep healing that

removes the roots. . .i think that is why often times it feels like an

eruption, shattering glass or the ground shifting underfoot.

 

Linda i am glad you are in this group, and without reservation there is

a knowing that this group is a soft spot and warm embrace for the

pleasant and sometimes no so pleasant work of transformation. . .I think

what occured in this peel was perfect and much positve came forth. . . .

and i am most grateful for it all and everyone. . . you are most

beautiful and courageous, thank you sister. . .

 

 

 

love and honor

ordinary sparrow

 

 

 

 

 

 

, " Linda "

<crazycats711 wrote:

>

> Thank you again, Sparrow, for your kind words and again you are are so

right on. I am saving this one in a handy place to read again and again,

if or when fear and doubt begans rearing up in me.

the

> >

>