Guest guest Posted July 28, 2009 Report Share Posted July 28, 2009 Yesterday during my meditation, I was visited by a black panther. The black panther took me on a journey and we ended up on top of a mountain. I've been feeling a lot of pent up energy, been emotional, restless. My legs at night have felt restless, uncomfortable, tight. My friend's neice got out of drug rehab yesterday and used an hour later. I felt this deep primal anger emerge, all this anger at addiction. I grew up with alcoholism andn't its an ongoing problem in my family. I don't feel so angry at the individuals but the addiction process itself. As I write this, it occurs to me that perhaps this is part of my forgiveness process for myself as I battled my own alcohol demons 17 years ago. I had a dream the other night: I'm at the State Hospital (psychiatric facility I run a group at). As I'm going to my office, there are signs posted about warning the employees not to go on certain computer sites that have cookies or something. Before group I go on the computer to check an Amma site or some other spiritual site. On some deep vague level I know that this might be wrong. I'm just closing it out and there is a knock on the door and this guy enters. He looks like Tim Fox (an old friend who I ran marathons with -one year he came in first & I came in 3rd) but isn't him. He says he knows I've been on one of those sites. he asks if I have a roomate and I say no, he says thats good & closes the door. I realize the fact that not having a roomate is not fully the truth since I share an office sometimes but she isn't around today. I don't correct it. He is obviously disappointed in me, more disappointed though that he has to discipline me. Tells me I'm on a 30-day probation or suspension (?) Then another guy comes in. he seems to also be disappointed but enjoys the punitive action more than the other guy. I feel the need to tell them it wasn't a porno or dating site, that it was a spiritual site. then immediately realize that this isn't much better and may in fact be worse in their eyes. Any thoughts, as always, greatly appreciated. Love to all, Jan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 28, 2009 Report Share Posted July 28, 2009 I have no idea about the dream, sorry, but agree that the anger coming up at addiction is your que to heal and release something Jan, time to let go of those old demons.I am doing the same right now, trying to forgive myself for a while, for things done long ago.We can do it together :-))love elektra x x x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 28, 2009 Report Share Posted July 28, 2009 Hi Jan, When I get restless and uncomfortable and angry, its often my healing process working well (if I can stay present to what is going on..) If this were my dream... (again, just my perspective, and writing using pronouns as if I were the dreamer).. perhaps a very disciplined/perfectionist part of myself views even the smallest transgression as unacceptable. Maybe checking spiritual sites at work may be viewed as unprofessional... and so whats coming to me is that its okay to goof off sometimes and not always be clinically perfect, and not feel I need to hide my healthy interests, like spirituality, from others... love Bruce , " Jan " <drjandean wrote: > > Yesterday during my meditation, I was visited by a black panther. The black panther took me on a journey and we ended up on top of a mountain. I've been feeling a lot of pent up energy, been emotional, restless. My legs at night have felt restless, uncomfortable, tight. My friend's neice got out of drug rehab yesterday and used an hour later. I felt this deep primal anger emerge, all this anger at addiction. I grew up with alcoholism andn't its an ongoing problem in my family. I don't feel so angry at the individuals but the addiction process itself. As I write this, it occurs to me that perhaps this is part of my forgiveness process for myself as I battled my own alcohol demons 17 years ago. > > I had a dream the other night: > I'm at the State Hospital (psychiatric facility I run a group at). As I'm going to my office, there are signs posted about warning the employees not to go on certain computer sites that have cookies or something. Before group I go on the computer to check an Amma site or some other spiritual site. On some deep vague level I know that this might be wrong. I'm just closing it out and there is a knock on the door and this guy enters. He looks like Tim Fox (an old friend who I ran marathons with -one year he came in first & I came in 3rd) but isn't him. He says he knows I've been on one of those sites. he asks if I have a roomate and I say no, he says thats good & closes the door. I realize the fact that not having a roomate is not fully the truth since I share an office sometimes but she isn't around today. I don't correct it. He is obviously disappointed in me, more disappointed though that he has to discipline me. Tells me I'm on a 30-day probation or suspension (?) Then another guy comes in. he seems to also be disappointed but enjoys the punitive action more than the other guy. I feel the need to tell them it wasn't a porno or dating site, that it was a spiritual site. then immediately realize that this isn't much better and may in fact be worse in their eyes. > > Any thoughts, as always, greatly appreciated. Love to all, Jan > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 28, 2009 Report Share Posted July 28, 2009 > > Yesterday during my meditation, I was visited by a black panther. The black panther took me on a journey and we ended up on top of a mountain. Greetings Jan. I think if you look up Panther as a totem you will learn a lot. One day as I was sitting in front of my computer and I saw a fox walk in front of the monitor. I was tired. I was awake as I could see my table in front of me yet I was in a state of lucid dreaming - between wakefulness and sleep. I shook it off. I decided to look up Fox (as a totem) and I learned that he showed up to teach me lessons. The lessons from Fox were exactly what I needed for what I was/am going through in my life right now. Check it out. Let us know if this helped. Love and Light ~Jaye Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 28, 2009 Report Share Posted July 28, 2009 Thanks Elektra for your thoughts. yes, we can do it together. love, jan , Elektra Fire <elektra.fire wrote: > > I have no idea about the dream, sorry, but agree that the anger coming up at addiction is your que to heal and release something Jan, time to let go of those old demons. > I am doing the same right now, trying to forgive myself for a while, for things done long ago. > We can do it together :-)) > love elektra x x x > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 28, 2009 Report Share Posted July 28, 2009 Thanks Bruce for your thoughts Great grist for the mill. The perfectionism thing, even though I've grown light years in this area, still rears its head & I can be incredibly hard on myself. On the other hand, I think the other side of the coin is that I like to break the rules, a kind of f@ck you to bureaucratic nonsense. I think both are in the dream for me to look at. Love, Jan , " bruce_oom " <bruce_oom wrote: > > Hi Jan, > > When I get restless and uncomfortable and angry, its often my healing process working well (if I can stay present to what is going on..) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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