Guest guest Posted July 29, 2009 Report Share Posted July 29, 2009 After a lovely solar plexus activation in Lhasa I am now left with the task of unglueing my clogged up sacral chakra. I have been guided that it is now myself who needs forgiveness.I did something I was not very proud of and it caused me years of guilt and shame, the exact emotions that clog up the sacral chakra. I believed I had HIV and yet I had unprotected s3x with someone I love very dearly, putting their life at risk and not taking responsibilty for my actions. This one episode has been a defining part of my reality. I lived in fear of having a disease, which I didnt have, and yet some how I totally believed I had it with all my being. I suffered years of anguish and despair, guilt and shame, I would cry and petition God but I just couldnt bring myself to admit I thought I had HIV to my soon to be husband. How awful is that? I considered myself a murderer and a liar.I have been unable to have enjoyable s3x since I was 20 due to this extreme guilt and shame, and now its my turn for forgiveness. I deserve it as much as anyone else.I was young and afraid.I confessed everything to my husband eventually, and he actually just laughed at me, to him it was nothing. I told him had I had the disease it would not be nothing, it would be very serious. He just smiled and said, "yes, well that never happened did it" and shrugged it off. I somehow felt I was not punished enough by him, I felt like I needed to be severly punished for my irresponsible actions.He forgave me so easily as if I had done nothing wrong. But to me, someone who has high moral standards, I had commited the most hainous crime imaginable. I had lied and put someones life in danger. I felt like I didnt deserve to be forgiven so easily.I am confessing all this now as its time for me to reclaim my divine birthright of s3xuality and fertility, its time for me to be forgiven by myself, I have forgiven so much in my life and yet forgiving myself seems to be the hardest thing. I am working on it as we speak.Just telling you all my most darkest shadow secret, my most shameful action seems to help me release it. As I write this now tears are flowing so I'll say, bless u all and thanks for helping me forgive myself, love elektra x x x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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