doubt

[Guest guest]

After my friend Irene (Ira) committed suicide by overdosing on prescription medication a few days ago I lost my faith in God. She was frequently depressed for over 25 years and had a few close calls with overdoses and hospitalizations. She prayed to be released from her mental disorder, as well as for the healing and well being of others. She had made pilgrimages around the world to visit miracle icons for the healing of herself and others. I thought that she should be given peace sometime in her life. Her death made me feel that I could not conquer my mental disorder in this life and that I could not help others with the same problem, which is my life's desire.

 

My wife asked me to pray as we frequently do. I said that I couldn't because I just didn't believe anymore. When I awoke during the night, my fingers and tongue were in the habitual locked positions. I quickly released these locks, wanting nothing to do with the spiritual world that I lived for over 30 years. This change of heart seemed so strange to me. My world, up to this point, was totally spiritually explained and oriented. Now it was upside down.

 

We went to Irene's parents to visit and be of help. They are in their early 80's, and her mother is not in good health.Her father walks faster than me. For the first few minutes I was empathetic but could not pray or ask for some relief for them. I meditated about any messages that she had for us. I did not receive anything. I started to pray that her parents be protected, loved and helped through their ordeal.

 

When I arrived home there was only one place for me to go. No, I couldn't watch Ed Sullivan show re-runs, I had to go to my home here at the site. Instantly the posts of Chrism, Tiffany, Electra, Sparrow, Bruce,e and others seemed to warm me and make me feel at though I was back home. Every post, not only those mentioned, touched my heart. Sarita, in a healing reply, said that the choice to stay or go was hers. I started to slowly realize that she had to leave for a reason that I don't know. Now I am back praying to saints and sages of any religion, anybody that will listen, for all those in my care.

 

Thank you all for the high Divine qualities that are exhibited on this site. There is nowhere else on earth to learn to live at such a rapid rate. There is no place that is higher spiritually. If I go anywhere else I loose interest immediately. You are all a big part of my life, thoughts and prayers. Thank you my family.

 

Peace and love,

Jake