Guest guest Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 dear Amanda Namaste most sacred greeting to you sister K. . . glad you have found the group. . .Chrism is a gifted guide and he has selflessly given many years of love, commitment, and service to the group. . .we will all encourage you to explore the KAS website, for it is rich with information that you are not alone. . .truly it will be a welcome drink for your K Ma transforming soul. . .Also the Safeties are most important and a great place to get anchored for the journey. . . . Amanda once i heard that a human shed 34 lbs. of dry skin in a life time. . .and instantly wondered how many lbs or layers of skins, tears, and learning time and time again, " and this too " and as Richard stated just today, " this too shall pass " ? Truly it is a challenging process, especially when one is doing it alone and without a support system. . . Glad too meet you, and glad you are here Amanda. . .hope you allow yourself to express your experience of K Ma and the questions that you may have, it is safe here, this i trust. . . . " the other big thing I've realized is that when I'm in pain, the pain is not the pain of not being loved, it's the pain of not being love. " Yes! Yes! Yes! that is a big one. . . . and that deep awareness may continue at times to be like a diamond in the rough,but with time i have found KMa turns that uncut and unpolished stone into the pure awareness; God loves, I am Love, and Love is the face of God . . . . " We only feel love by expressing it " . . . . then the delight of the paradox. . . Amanda i also thought of another of my favorite quotes as i read of your K Ma journey; " We survive our love because we go on loving. " . . . . June Jordon Most welcome to this gathering of Survivors and Thrivers of inexpressible divine love and grace. . . the same One that holds you under Her wing this day. . . love and peace ordinary sparrow , " amandatflood " <amanda_chalfen wrote: > > Hi everyone, I wanted to introduce myself to the group. > > I live in the UK and five years ago I was in London and took shaktipat. I got divorced and went into eight months of beautiful light experiences but at the same time I was possessed by a demon, it felt like the devil was coming to kill me and the whole of reality dissolved. > > I came out of that in a bad way, very weak physically (I think I nearly died) and very very angry, with no faith. I moved house with my children to the countryside and did some healing (I'm a good healer and even managed to save someone's life) and had a new relationship with a man who said he wanted to be with me but didn't, who had no interest in my life or building something real, and had more light experiences but they felt more like my warning radar coming back on. > > My boyfriend left in November because he doesn't want to have to deal with my kids, and it kickstarted me into taking care of myself again. I found a healer who is helping me to reintegrate my shattered pieces. I've been emotionally all over the place and had panic attacks and it's been hard but I'm now much more grounded and can say no to my pain more easily and come into the moment more readily. > > I'm having lots of light experiences, sometimes voices, I'm doing lots of EFT and praying to clear my thoughts and I also had one very big and painful time of realising that whatever I want, I only get this moment, but that's turning out to be really integrating. > > the other big thing I've realised is that when I'm in pain, the pain is not the pain of not being loved, it's the pain of not being love. > > but things are slow and I wonder why I should be so slow when it gives me so much pain, I'm loving myself as much as I can but I look at my ex-husband who did everything right and has rebuilt a good life while I bump along the bottom of this and feel that the past five years have been wasted and eaten by a terrible unhappiness. I still have nasty continuing voices that say 'I am dying of cancer' and things like that and they are sharp and painful. I don't believe I deserve this, and yet I know these thoughts are all mine to deal with, it's hard to know how sometimes though. > > I also realised that I always go for men who will not support me, this is a pattern of my life (I will fall for the ones who won't come) and I have many obsessive thoughts around them. in fact this is a defining pattern of my life and I'm very afraid that I won't be able to heal it but I'm desperate to because I can see it now for what it is and always has been. > > I thought talking about it would help, I'm sorry if it sounds like a moan, but I am feeling better than I have in five years and at least I'm talking again! > > Amanda > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 thank you sparrow, you brought tears to my eyes. I feel that that realisation of pain coming from not being love was a foundation stone that can't and won't go away ever, even though I can't feel it very often. I was able to retract my victim-claws and shine in myself, it was beautiful. - or maybe I was shining in the other ) Amanda , " ordinarysparrow " <ordinarysparrow wrote: > > dear Amanda > > Namaste most sacred greeting to you sister K. . . > > glad you have found the group. . .Chrism is a gifted guide and he has > selflessly given many years of love, commitment, and service to the > group. . .we will all encourage you to explore the KAS website, for it > is rich with information that you are not alone. . .truly it will be a > welcome drink for your K Ma transforming soul. . .Also the Safeties are > most important and a great place to get anchored for the journey. . . . > > Amanda once i heard that a human shed 34 lbs. of dry skin in a life > time. . .and instantly wondered how many lbs or layers of skins, tears, > and learning time and time again, " and this too " and as Richard stated > just today, " this too shall pass " ? Truly it is a challenging process, > especially when one is doing it alone and without a support system. . . > Glad too meet you, and glad you are here Amanda. . .hope you allow > yourself to express your experience of K Ma and the questions that you > may have, it is safe here, this i trust. . . . > > " the other big thing I've realized is that when I'm in pain, the pain > is not the pain of not being loved, it's the pain of not being love. " > > Yes! Yes! Yes! that is a big one. . . . and that deep awareness may > continue at times to be like a diamond in the rough,but with time i have > found KMa turns that uncut and unpolished stone into the pure > awareness; God loves, I am Love, and Love is the face of God . . . . > > " We only feel love by expressing it " . . . . then the delight of the > paradox. . . > > Amanda i also thought of another of my favorite quotes as i read of your > K Ma journey; " We survive our love because we go on loving. " . . . . > June Jordon > > Most welcome to this gathering of Survivors and Thrivers of > inexpressible divine love and grace. . . the same One that holds you > under Her wing this day. . . > > love and peace > ordinary sparrow , " amandatflood " > <amanda_chalfen@> wrote: > > > > Hi everyone, I wanted to introduce myself to the group. > > > > I live in the UK and five years ago I was in London and took > shaktipat. I got divorced and went into eight months of beautiful light > experiences but at the same time I was possessed by a demon, it felt > like the devil was coming to kill me and the whole of reality dissolved. > > > > I came out of that in a bad way, very weak physically (I think I > nearly died) and very very angry, with no faith. I moved house with my > children to the countryside and did some healing (I'm a good healer and > even managed to save someone's life) and had a new relationship with a > man who said he wanted to be with me but didn't, who had no interest in > my life or building something real, and had more light experiences but > they felt more like my warning radar coming back on. > > > > My boyfriend left in November because he doesn't want to have to deal > with my kids, and it kickstarted me into taking care of myself again. I > found a healer who is helping me to reintegrate my shattered pieces. > I've been emotionally all over the place and had panic attacks and it's > been hard but I'm now much more grounded and can say no to my pain more > easily and come into the moment more readily. > > > > I'm having lots of light experiences, sometimes voices, I'm doing lots > of EFT and praying to clear my thoughts and I also had one very big and > painful time of realising that whatever I want, I only get this moment, > but that's turning out to be really integrating. > > > > the other big thing I've realised is that when I'm in pain, the pain > is not the pain of not being loved, it's the pain of not being love. > > > > but things are slow and I wonder why I should be so slow when it gives > me so much pain, I'm loving myself as much as I can but I look at my > ex-husband who did everything right and has rebuilt a good life while I > bump along the bottom of this and feel that the past five years have > been wasted and eaten by a terrible unhappiness. I still have nasty > continuing voices that say 'I am dying of cancer' and things like that > and they are sharp and painful. I don't believe I deserve this, and yet > I know these thoughts are all mine to deal with, it's hard to know how > sometimes though. > > > > I also realised that I always go for men who will not support me, this > is a pattern of my life (I will fall for the ones who won't come) and I > have many obsessive thoughts around them. in fact this is a defining > pattern of my life and I'm very afraid that I won't be able to heal it > but I'm desperate to because I can see it now for what it is and always > has been. > > > > I thought talking about it would help, I'm sorry if it sounds like a > moan, but I am feeling better than I have in five years and at least I'm > talking again! > > > > Amanda > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.