This resonated something in me.

[Guest guest]

Blessings to those who have had to descend into Hades in order to rise as the

Phoenix. 

 

I know I haven't posted in a while. I have tried to keep up on the topics. But I

think I need to ask some questions and tell you what has been happening. I don't

understand why.

 

In April, I don't remember the exact date, I was meditating and in the

meditation I saw the most beautiful bird made of fire. Vivid colors of red and

orange with just a hint of yellow and blue. It said to me,'I am desire, I am

fire, I am the Phoenix.'

 

1 1/2 weeks later my hubby started acting funny. Within 3 weeks he told me he

was in love with our friends 18 year old daughter. But he wasn't acting like a

man in love. He wants to blow up the world now, has a hit list and a mass murder

plot and has tried to kill me 3 times between May and June. I had to go to the

cops and mental heath professionals to get him out of the house and now they

refuse to help him but remind me daily how dangerous he is. He is now engaged to

the 18 year old and we are still married. I won't go into detail all that

transpired but he wasn't pleasant. We are now in court (family) and I have

temporary emergency custody of the children.

 

What I am trying to understand is why did I get this Phoenix? What happened to

my sweet hubby? Was this my fault? Is there anything I can do? I don't know why

I got the Phoenix or why I have a hawk that now keeps constantly flying back and

forth by my home screaming. He won't let up. Just thoughts.  I don't know if

anyone can explain any of this, but for some reason I just felt compelled to

tell you.

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Goldencougarwolf,

 

There are many parallels with what I experienced in my marriage. Infidelity,

physical violence, mental instability, going to court for restraining orders

numerous times....

 

My " sweet hubby " was in reality, a psychopath. It was the most difficult

ordeal of my life. But I did rise from the ashes, stronger and wiser. The

lessons are valuable.

 

As you may know, it all has purpose, but sometimes we lack the perspective

to see clearly the divine plan. Especially when we are in such pain. It was

not my fault, and it is not yours.

 

I wish you strength and courage to pull through this.

 

Thank you for reaching out... it is why we band together. It sounds like you

are doing all the right things.

 

Love and blessings,

 

Carla

 

 

 

 

 

2009/9/2 goldencougarwolf <nlring80962

 

>

>

> Blessings to those who have had to descend into Hades in order to rise as

> the Phoenix.

>

> I know I haven't posted in a while. I have tried to keep up on the topics.

> But I think I need to ask some questions and tell you what has been

> happening. I don't understand why.

>

> In April, I don't remember the exact date, I was meditating and in the

> meditation I saw the most beautiful bird made of fire. Vivid colors of red

> and orange with just a hint of y

>

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Thank you for getting back to me, but I wonder, did this happen because of the

energy work I have been doing on myself? There are so many questions. Like why

now? It is so bizarre how it happened. I just wish I knew the answer. I don't

even know if this is my lesson or his. It sure would be nice if we got a manual

when we come here. Written and put in our drawer. 

 

 

 

 

________________________________

Carla & Patrick <bowenhealth

 

Wednesday, September 2, 2009 9:35:58 PM

Re: This resonated something in me.

 

 

Goldencougarwolf,

 

There are many parallels with what I experienced in my marriage. Infidelity,

physical violence, mental instability, going to court for restraining orders

numerous times....

 

My " sweet hubby " was in reality, a psychopath. It was the most difficult

ordeal of my life. But I did rise from the ashes, stronger and wiser. The

lessons are valuable.

 

As you may know, it all has purpose, but sometimes we lack the perspective

to see clearly the divine plan. Especially when we are in such pain. It was

not my fault, and it is not yours.

 

I wish you strength and courage to pull through this.

 

Thank you for reaching out... it is why we band together. It sounds like you

are doing all the right things.

 

Love and blessings,

 

Carla

 

2009/9/2 goldencougarwolf <nlring80962@ >

 

>

>

> Blessings to those who have had to descend into Hades in order to rise as

> the Phoenix.

>

> I know I haven't posted in a while. I have tried to keep up on the topics.

> But I think I need to ask some questions and tell you what has been

> happening. I don't understand why.

>

> In April, I don't remember the exact date, I was meditating and in the

> meditation I saw the most beautiful bird made of fire. Vivid colors of red

> and orange with just a hint of y

>

 

 

[Guest guest]

Stop blaming yourself. And an experience this strong is going to be a lesson

for you, and him. A lesson is not punishment. It is provided with great love

for our benefit.

 

My lesson was to value myself enough to leave the abuse. And I learned about

those that wear masks.

In a past life I did not leave the abuse, and he murdered me. Hence, the

lesson was repeated in this life.

 

Continue to stay away from him, that is important.

 

If we had the " Manual to Life " the lessons would be weak. Though I

understand the yearning for answers.

 

Perhaps can provide greater insight soon...

 

Carla

 

2009/9/2 goldencougarwolf <nlring80962

 

>

>

> Thank you for getting back to me, but I wonder, did this happen because of

> the energy work I have been doing on myself? There are so many questions.

> Like why now? It is so bizarre h

>

>

>

>

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

sounds like you are being tested, trial by fire. How well can you let go? Rise

up from the ashes?thats my thoughts.

Really sorry to hear you have been in such danger. May you be blessed at this

time.love elektra x x x

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Dear One,

" My husband started acting funny. "   I had one of those FUNNY husbands myself. 

Although reality is that is NOWHERE near funny.  My husband was a very respected

dentist, church-goer, and even president of the statewide association.  He was a

wonderful man, kind, gentle, and loving............unless he had too much to

drink.  Then he became a monster, physically and mentally.  He slapped me in the

face once, shame on him.  I stayed and allowed the second episode, which almost

cost me my life, shame on ME.  He was a control person, wanting to keep me away

from family and friends, wanting me to be with him 24 hours a day.  Yet in all

this, he kept telling me I was a TERRIBLE person.  After awhile, when you live

in insanity, you can become temporarily insane yourself.  How lucky you are to

be given these signs at this point.  We all know what the Phoenix represents,

rising from the ashes.  Hawks are messengers, protectors, and visionaires of the

air.  They have keen eyes.  When it shows up, pay attention.  There is a

message coming.  The red tailed hawk has ties to the kundalini.  It becomes a

totem in your life after the kundalini has been activated.  It indicates that

there are likely to be attacks by people who won't understand you.  They may

attack your ability to soar.  The hawk will awaken you and inspire you to your

creative life purpose.........

 

Please do not blame yourself.  Please seek help from sources available to you. 

Find strength and courage inside yourself.  Rise above this, and soar to your

heights.  I understand when your whole life is turned upside down by these acts

of violence and betrayal.  I understand when all you want to know is, " WHY? " . 

Learning to stand alone, and care for yourself and your children is a great

event.  Dependence on yourself and your Source may be the lesson here.  I don't

know.  I still don't know why some people have to be unkind and cruel.  But I

know that my life goes on.  And I know that I am better for having learned these

lesson.

 

Namaste, dear child.  Make that inner light so bright that those who live in the

darkness are blinded............

 

Julie

 

--- On Wed, 9/2/09, goldencougarwolf <nlring80962 wrote:

 

goldencougarwolf <nlring80962

This resonated something in me.

 

Wednesday, September 2, 2009, 12:56 PM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blessings to those who have had to descend into Hades in order

to rise as the Phoenix. 

 

 

 

I know I haven't posted in a while. I have tried to keep up on the topics. But I

think I need to ask some questions and tell you what has been happening. I d

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

You know I wouldn't blame myself except for the fact they make me go to these

Family Violence classes and in them they want you to say, " Oh I saw the signs,

but I stayed and it is my fault I should have went for help sooner. " Wrong. At

least for me. I didn't stay I went to them to get help for him. I couldn't

predict that he was going to snap in May. In Sept. he started having some

problems but they all seemed like his nervous system was shutting down. I begged

him to call his doc and see a neurologist but then something would happen and he

didn't have time etc, etc,etc. He could have a brain tumor and yet they want me

to blame myself and they tell me I should have foreseen this and gotten out

before. This is why I am wondering, did I do this? Was this from my energy work?

Could I have stopped this? There are way to many questions and I haven't got the

answers. All I keep saying to these people is this is not my fault. I did all I

could do. At some point

he needed to do his part. I am glad at least you 2 are with me on this much,

but if they are right. Could I have done more?

 

 

 

 

________________________________

Julie <jewelport

 

Thursday, September 3, 2009 4:04:36 AM

Re: This resonated something in me.

 

 

Dear One,

" My husband started acting funny. "   I had one of those FUNNY husbands myself. 

Although reality is that is NOWHERE near funny.  My husband was a very respected

dentist, church-goer, and even president of the statewide association.  He was a

wonderful man, kind, gentle, and loving...... ......unless he had too much to

drink.  Then he became a monster, physically and mentally.  He slapped me in the

face once, shame on him.  I stayed and allowed the second episode, which almost

cost me my life, shame on ME.  He was a control person, wanting to keep me away

from family and friends, wanting me to be with him 24 hours a day.  Yet in all

this, he kept telling me I was a TERRIBLE person.  After awhile, when you live

in insanity, you can become temporarily insane yourself.  How lucky you are to

be given these signs at this point.  We all know what the Phoenix represents,

rising from the ashes.  Hawks are messengers, protectors, and visionaires of the

air.  They have keen eyes.  When it shows up, pay attention.  There is a message

coming.  The red tailed hawk has ties to the kundalini.  It becomes a totem in

your life after the kundalini has been activated.  It indicates that there are

likely to be attacks by people who won't understand you.  They may attack your

ability to soar.  The hawk will awaken you and inspire you to your creative life

purpose..... ....

 

Please do not blame yourself.  Please seek help from sources available to you. 

Find strength and courage inside yourself.  Rise above this, and soar to your

heights.  I understand when your whole life is turned upside down by these acts

of violence and betrayal.  I understand when all you want to know is, " WHY? " . 

Learning to stand alone, and care for yourself and your children is a great

event.  Dependence on yourself and your Source may be the lesson here.  I don't

know.  I still don't know why some people have to be unkind and cruel.  But I

know that my life goes on.  And I know that I am better for having learned these

lesson.

 

Namaste, dear child.  Make that inner light so bright that those who live in the

darkness are blinded..... .......

 

Julie

 

--- On Wed, 9/2/09, goldencougarwolf <nlring80962@ > wrote:

 

goldencougarwolf <nlring80962@ >

[Kundalini-Awakenin g-Systems- 1] This resonated something in me.

Kundalini-Awakening -Systems- 1

Wednesday, September 2, 2009, 12:56 PM

 

 

 

Blessings to those who have had to descend into Hades in order to rise as the

Phoenix. 

 

I know I haven't posted in a while. I have tried to keep up on the topics. But I

think I need to ask some questions and tell you what has been happening. I d

 

 

[Guest guest]

It's not up to you to do more, and i don't think you are to blame. We are each

our own sovereign being, with free will and karma. He is going through this of

his own choosing. We all have to take responsibility for our own self. Same for

him. This is all him. Its nice that you have tried to guide and help him, but he

wasn't really interested in help it seems.

I think you should take care of yourself and forget about feeling responsible.

All you can do is send some positive energy his way and hope for the best for

him. Thats about it.

love elektra x x x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Thank you. I hope you are well. Could be? As far as letting go, well I really

don't care if I am married anymore.

 

 

 

________________________________

Elektra Fire <elektra.fire

 

Thursday, September 3, 2009 12:07:47 AM

Re: This resonated something in me.

 

 

sounds like you are being tested, trial by fire. How well can you let go? Rise

up from the ashes?thats my thoughts.

Really sorry to hear you have been in such danger. May you be blessed at this

time.love elektra x x x

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hi goldencougerwolf - this may be so very hard to swallow or understand, but

before you and your husband incarnated into this life you chose to go down this

road to learn specific lessons. Your anger at what has transpired may make that

look surrealistic right now. When you are able and once the emotional pain and

anger has subsided to manageable levels, try to see all in the context of who

and what you really are. Once you have crossed that hurdle you will hopefully

find the reasons and answers behind this particular lesson. It may take some

time - years in fact. Once all falls into place two of the keys to progression

- understanding and comprehending unconditional love and forgiveness become the

focus and the lessons will continue, possibly thereafter at an accelerated rate.

 

In the meantime look after yourself in the here and now. Keep active to keep

your mind focused away from the ugliness that is transpiring. Seek the comfort

of true friends and be gentle on yourself. If there are children involved

shield them as best you can from the conflict - they do not deserve to suffer

any more than they will.

 

Blessings - Jonathan

[Guest guest]

Really appreciating all these posts of wise words and love!

Debs (:

 

, " jonrow_2914 "

<jrowland wrote:

>

[Guest guest]

Julie Thank you too for so lovingly helping her and all who resonate with your

story. Much love to you!

Debs (:

 

, goldencougarwolf

<nlring80962 wrote:

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Golden Cougar,

 

I know you are going through a very hard time. I don't know the answers. I want

to ask you though if any of his friends or family members know of his hit list

and such. The thing is your childrens father is obviously sick or something.

That now leaves one parent out. So as you are well aware you must do all you can

to keep yourself and them away from him - maybe in the future he will get better

but for now please be careful - not in a victim attitude though but in a " I am

that I am " you know " One with God " attitude of the inner strength that is in you

from the divine. I don't know you but I would first suggest that you do not

allow thoughts of powerlessness or victimization in. I am not at all suggesting

you are in any way - just trying to inspire in you to strengthen that sense of

being one with all that is and the strength that comes from that. That will help

in guiding you - I know you already know all this so forgive me. Along with this

I would say I sense you feel worry or guilt...please forgive me I may be wrong,

but in the chance you do - the best thing you can do for yourself and children

and him is to release any of these feelings and know that this is the path that

some part of him has to walk. Forgive yourself completely and fully for any bad

feelings toward yourself. Feel how free that feels - surrender it all to the

divine and clear guidance then can come easier to you. We all see that you want

the best for him and for your children. That is a beautiful thing. The most

important thing right now is you and your kids and I know you know that.

 

So I just wonder if his friends or family have tried to get him to go to the

doctor? They too must realize this is not him. You have to keep away because its

not just about you but your kids and I know you know this and I know you want

him to be the man he was and be there for his children. Right now you know this

is not a good thing. It only takes a moment when someone is ill for something to

happen. My heart goes out to you sincerely.

 

You wrote about your energy work ect. You wrote about him having symptoms of his

nervous system shutting down but he wouldn't go to the doctor. I am wondering if

he is sick or if he is awakening and is going through a bad time. In either case

obviously you can't be the one to help him...but if you want to write what

symptoms you saw in him...his nervous system shutting down it may be helpful

(again as long as you keep away from him and I know you are) for to read

if you put his name in the subject line.

 

Also what do you mean exactly when you say you were doing energy work? What

exactly if you wouldn't mind writing about it were you doing? Do you mean your

massage work or are you talking about reiki or something else. Sorry so many

questions. It sounds like you feel he is either sick or having entity issues, or

awakening issues? Was he involved in spirituality? Did he do certain practices

in this that you remember? The problem is if he is sick with a brain tumor or

something he will need tests for that. You can't get involved though that is why

I was asking if his family is helping him (you know someone not on his hit list)

 

 

If it is an awakening issue - you again can't help him - if it is this- it is

hard enough to deal with when you understand what is happening to you. So this

is why I asked you about his interest or practices in spirituality. The other

thing I think about is when you are having these sessions. Most people in the

world do not understand things terms like " energy " ect. I assume you are not

talking about such things with them...well I kinda hope not because they may

view you in a different way then and give you a hard time. Perhaps I am off

here. Of course they have an important and difficult job to make sure your

children are safe and that you too are stable that is probably why they are

going on and on and on. In their hearts its for the welfare of the children.

 

When I am having a hard time with someone I focus on unconditional love and

appreciation about that person. When I see them (or before that point) I keep

focusing on this - this higher aspect of themselves. Look at them too those

people with the highest love possible - feel it - be it. You would be surprised

how people that can be so difficult can completely change toward you. There

seems to be that something inside us all that knows when someone feels that for

us and then we are able to easier let that shine out inside. So it is my wish

that when you go to these meetings that things will go smoothly for you - that

they will feel that from you and then work for you and your childrens highest

good and your husbands.

 

If any thing I wrote does not feel right to you then just let it go - My

heartfelt love and compassion are with you and yours. I wish you all the best.

Your children are so fortunate to have such a loving - beautiful-hearted person

as yourself. Much much love to you and please if you feel like writing more

about the things I asked - please also add name in the subject line and

I'm sure when he has time he will respond. There are many beautiful people here

sending you unconditional love and support. I can feel it in all their posts as

I too feel from you.

Deb

 

 

 

 

, goldencougarwolf

<nlring80962 wrote:

>

[Guest guest]

Debs,

Love to you this morning, and everyone on this site.  No one should live under

those circumstances of fear, isolation, anxiety, and emotional distress.  Those

shoes I have worn, and walked too many miles.  I walked out early this morning

to take Rio, my little chihuahua out for his morning walk.  The moon is almost

full, and beautiful  Yet I know that before long I will deal with the usual

" lunartics " in my job as a front desk person in a hotel.  It never fails. 

Somehow I am especially drawn to the connection with everyone on this site this

morning.  Maybe it is the diamond work.  Anyway, a little tiny healing thought

for my little Rio.  He is about to get neutered this morning.  I know, I know;

but he is my BABY!!!!

 

To avoid multiple posting, I will address the " spirit animal guide " issue.  This

is something near to my heart, as I have become aware and paid attention to this

beautiful life.  I do look for signs when animals show up.  The snake was so

significant when I was doing all my changing.  I know my dog feels every emotion

I feel.  He is happy when I am happy.  He is worried when I am worried, and woe

when I am angry.  He hides under the BED!!!  These wild animals (and domestic)

that come into our lives have much to teach.  I also grew up with the " white

owl " superstition.  My grandmother was from the hills of West Virginia, and was

very superstitious.  She began my journey into the natural realm with her herbs,

teas, and poultices. But she was a fearful person.   The white owl, to her,

meant someone was going to die.  When the white owl showed up in my life, I felt

a certain fear, especially as I was working a job that required me to get home

on the isolated lake at 2 am.  Every night, as I got out of my car, the white

owl was making his mournful " who who " .  I have spent many years removing fear

from my life.  I will not allow it to creep insidiously into my thoughts.  But I

have to admit, the admonishment from my grandmother about the white owl did come

to mind.  Guess what!! I did die!! I died to my old self, and became a new

person during that period.  I left everything for my life of yoga, meditation,

and hopefully, purpose.  Lately I have had crickets.  My guides are telling me

to leap forward.  Trust my inner sound (voice), and perhaps do things a little

unconventionally.  Like me, they love to be in the sun and the warmth.   Things

are starting to come together in my mind.   I wish you all a beautiful day.  I

bow to each of you.  Let your light shine before men.........

 

Love love

 

Love to all, peace to all..............love love love (all we need)

 

Julie

 

--- On Thu, 9/3/09, flowerpowers7777 <flowerpowers7777 wrote:

 

flowerpowers7777 <flowerpowers7777

Re: This resonated something in me.

 

Thursday, September 3, 2009, 9:35 PM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Julie Thank you too for so lovingly helping her and all who

resonate with your story. Much love to you!

 

Debs (:

 

 

 

Kundalini-Awakening -Systems- 1 , goldencougarwolf

<nlring80962@ ...> wrote:

 

>