Guest guest Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 It was too much, my anxiety got to be too much and I realized that I can't put a time limit on me healing my experiences. I had 3 bouts of anxiety last wednesday before my emt class and one full blown anxiety attack. I couldnt go to class and this is just too much, how am I supposed to save someone else when I haven't even saved myself yet? I want to be a hero, I want to make a difference, I want to go to sleep knowing that I helped someone in their time of need and they can go home and see their families again, I want the adventure, I want the growth... The hardest part is admitting defeat, I've got to heal the emotional scars of the past before I can take on such a big responsibility. It's hard to admit that I'm not ready for this, and the bad part is is that I'm not scared of having someone's life in my hands, the only thing that terrifies me is the communications aspect of this job. I'm slowly realizing why I have this negative emotional charge but I must move beyond this social phobia of mine before I can help others...People say that medication is an acceptable route but not for me, it's like trying to put a band-aid on a shark bite. I know there's a 'cure' for this and it's hidden from my awareness, but it's in me, no other can heal this but me, and I accept that responsibility, but I can't have someone else's life at stake while I'm going through this...This has been my journey for so long, to find the cure to this social phobia of mine, even before I realized what I was actually doing. I bit off more than I can chew and I failed... craig Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 Not defeated just realizing you have work to do - I wish I could help you but all I feel I can do is send you love and prayers so you can find the strength within to surrender and follow the path you are to follow. I am not one to know the how to of surrender - maybe a bout of selfless service can show you what you need to go forward. Volunteer and see what the work really involves and maybe you will find what it is that is holding you back. Just a suggestion. Love and prayers dear Craig... e Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 Dear Craig, We are here rooting for you, dont give up yet...All i can offer you is my love & prayers. dont worry be happy!! edgar ________________________________ phoenix.ing9 <phoenix.ing9 Tuesday, September 22, 2009 2:56:10 PM defeated... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 Sending you love and a prayer for strength, Craig. Maybe you are focusing on the whole mountian rather than the place you are at in the present. Do what you can one day at a time and just keep your mind focused on just that one days hurdles. Focusing on the whole mountain can become very overwhelming. Learning some new can be taxing at the beginning, but it usually does get earier as you go along. Blessings, Linda , " phoenix.ing9 " <phoenix.ing9 wrote: > > It was too much, my anxiety got to be too much and I realized that I can't put a time limit on me healing my experiences. I had 3 bouts of anxiety last wednesday before my emt class and one full blown anxiety attack. I couldnt go to class and this is just too much, how am I supposed to save someone else when I haven't even saved myself yet? I want to be a hero, I want to make a difference, I want to go to sleep knowing that I helped someone in their time of need and they can go home and see their families again, I want the adventure, I want the growth... The hardest part is admitting defeat, I've got to heal the emotional scars of the past before I can take on such a big responsibility. It's hard to admit that I'm not ready for this, and the bad part is is that I'm not scared of having someone's life in my hands, the only thing that terrifies me is the communications aspect of this job. I'm slowly realizing why I have this negative emotional charge but I must move beyond this social phobia of mine before I can help others...People say that medication is an acceptable route but not for me, it's like trying to put a band-aid on a shark bite. I know there's a 'cure' for this and it's hidden from my awareness, but it's in me, no other can heal this but me, and I accept that responsibility, but I can't have someone else's life at stake while I'm going through this...This has been my journey for so long, to find the cure to this social phobia of mine, even before I realized what I was actually doing. > > I bit off more than I can chew and I failed... > craig > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 You are just so lovely. Your post brought big crocodile tears to my eyes...your passion communicates louder and clearer than any spoken or written words ever can or will, Craig. Perhaps reheated, but I certainly wouldn't say defeated! Love to you. -Danielle > I bit off more than I can chew and I failed... > craig Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 Hi Craig... I hear you, and that was my experience. I finally decided last year to focus on my own healing and that is when my awakening happened. I spent the past 10 mo " cocooned " in my spiritual " work " and then the forgiveness work came of self and others, big emotional releases with anxiety that happened before it and I had to walk through, then the K woke up! I attended a spiritual workshop and the reverand said that service work can be prayer..,she suggested to sit in a park, walk along the beach and just pray for each person you see, but like anywork, set a schedule and do it. There are some techniques that may help you to move through the anxiety/fear I can recommend. One is called EFT--emotional freedom techninque--it is a free program you can learn. Learning the alternate nosstril breathing is excellent, and I think has information on this. Blessings, Lorree , " phoenix.ing9 " <phoenix.ing9 wrote: > > It was too much, my anxiety got to be too much and I realized that I can't put a time limit on me healing my experiences. I had 3 bouts of anxiety last wednesday before my emt class and one full blown anxiety attack. I couldnt go to class and this is just too much, how am I supposed to save someone else when I haven't even saved myself yet? I want to be a hero, I want to make a difference, I want to go to sleep knowing that I helped someone in their time of need and they can go home and see their families again, I want the adventure, I want the growth... The hardest part is admitting defeat, I've got to heal the emotional scars of the past before I can take on such a big responsibility. It's hard to admit that I'm not ready for this, and the bad part is is that I'm not scared of having someone's life in my hands, the only thing that terrifies me is the communications aspect of this job. I'm slowly realizing why I have this negative emotional charge but I must move beyond this social phobia of mine before I can help others...People say that medication is an acceptable route but not for me, it's like trying to put a band-aid on a shark bite. I know there's a 'cure' for this and it's hidden from my awareness, but it's in me, no other can heal this but me, and I accept that responsibility, but I can't have someone else's life at stake while I'm going through this...This has been my journey for so long, to find the cure to this social phobia of mine, even before I realized what I was actually doing. > > I bit off more than I can chew and I failed... > craig > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 23, 2009 Report Share Posted September 23, 2009 Dear Craig, My heart goes out to you and if I could save YOU from all this I would.... but we both know that is not a possability. There are a few things that jump out at me so I am going to jump in and comment, I hope I am not jumping in with both feet in my mouth!!! You said....You want to help save others and you want to be abe to go to sleep knowing you helped others in their time of need..... you ask how can you save another when you cannot save yourself.. .... I really believe we can HELP save others but we can't save them exclusivly.. and of course you know that too. We could save another physically or medically of course even if we are having difficulties in our own lives. Thing is while our own brokenness is difficult for us and we could soooo do with out it..or so we think... it is our brokeness that can connect us to others..... it is this pain that can help us to help. Or so I think anyway. When you say .. the hardest part is admitting defeat... what are you admitting defeat about. I don't intend to be insensitive here Craig, it is an honest question from me? Beleive me I know about anxiety and how it incapacitates...... ?is it because anxiety attacks that you are defeated? This WILL pass Craig.... OR perhaps.... you will need to learn how to live with it... how to love with it . That last comment is probably freaking you out but lets face it.. if this anxiety is here to stay how will you manage it?... THAT choice is yours and it is in that choice that defeat or success lies... I believe that managing the anxiety can become the cure. Having an anxiety attack is not failure. Can you look at how you behave around your anxiety and look at changes there. Then without a cure being your focus you might find that with changes in behaviour and changes in your thinking.... anxiety becomes less or at least is no longer in charge of you. For myself I found a booik on cognative behavior which helped me greatly....medication was never an option for me either. If it is ok, I will also pray and send healing and you will be close to my heart today. Much love to you Julia. , " phoenix.ing9 " <phoenix.ing9 wrote: > > It was too much, my anxiety got to be too much and I realized that I can't put a time limit on me healing my experiences. I had 3 bouts of anxiety last wednesday before my emt class and one full blown anxiety attack. I couldnt go to class and this is just too much, how am I supposed to save someone else when I haven't even saved myself yet? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 23, 2009 Report Share Posted September 23, 2009 Hi Craig, I've been through this too and I got out of it by finding a good awakened bodyworker (this meant going to and rejecting a couple of people before I really found someone I could trust), and getting something called the Linden Method, which has visualisation cds, a dvd and a book - and 24 hr phone support for a year - all put together by a UK guy called Charles Linden who suffered debilitating anxiety, was on medication for a long time - really suffered for his whole life - and one day woke up and thought 'I'm the only one who can get myself out of this' - and did! Four months on and everything is clearing, and I know that four months ago I could not visualise that at all. It's been quite a journey and I'm now starting to genuinely feel inside just how I go to these places (because I still do) and am slowly developing the power to say no to them. You are on a hero's journey! It's all inside you waiting to unfold, but I'd say I would not have done it alone so quickly - who knows if the kundalini would have done it for me if I was on a desert island, but I'm very grateful there are other people around ) The support from the pack was really helpful because I needed to know there were people who'd done it and I was able to trust that the knew what they were talking about, I needed the physical work to realign my body and fight-and-flight reflex - my whole spine and hip joint was twisted and as it freed up so did I. And to know that there was one person and thing in my week who was physically there to help me and could touch me in the ways that I deeply needed touching, was really comforting and safe. Words on the internet have very little impact on that fearful part of me. Touch, hugs, a warm bath, self-massage, self-hugs, those are immediate and real and work. Craig, the anxieties mean nothing. and because the anxieties mean nothing they can just disappear - and they do! oh. and you might want to look into EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) which is good at collapsing cycling anxious thoughts. Best of luck, Amanda , " phoenix.ing9 " <phoenix.ing9 wrote: > > It was too much, my anxiety got to be too much and I realized that I can't put a time limit on me healing my experiences. I had 3 bouts of anxiety last wednesday before my emt class and one full blown anxiety attack. I couldnt go to class and this is just too much, how am I supposed to save someone else when I haven't even saved myself yet? I want to be a hero, I want to make a difference, I want to go to sleep knowing that I helped someone in their time of need and they can go home and see their families again, I want the adventure, I want the growth... The hardest part is admitting defeat, I've got to heal the emotional scars of the past before I can take on such a big responsibility. It's hard to admit that I'm not ready for this, and the bad part is is that I'm not scared of having someone's life in my hands, the only thing that terrifies me is the communications aspect of this job. I'm slowly realizing why I have this negative emotional charge but I must move beyond this social phobia of mine before I can help others...People say that medication is an acceptable route but not for me, it's like trying to put a band-aid on a shark bite. I know there's a 'cure' for this and it's hidden from my awareness, but it's in me, no other can heal this but me, and I accept that responsibility, but I can't have someone else's life at stake while I'm going through this...This has been my journey for so long, to find the cure to this social phobia of mine, even before I realized what I was actually doing. > > I bit off more than I can chew and I failed... > craig > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 23, 2009 Report Share Posted September 23, 2009 Dear Craig, Anxiety attack? How about agoraphobia? I couldn't leave the house for years. If I ventured out, I would have to turn around and drive home as fast as I could. I would have to leave grocery carts half full, I could not sit in church, I could not cross bridges,drive on interstates, go in caves, fly in planes, or stay in high floors in hotels. If I was in an atrium situation or other high place, I would feel that I was going to fling myself over the rail. So you are not the only lonely soldier who has marched this path. I went to shrink after shrink, took pill after pil, with no remedy. It was not until I unburdened myself of people and things, went inside, and faced all my demons. I always refer to it as peeling of the onion skin, layer by layer. Child, friend, wife, mother, all the labels I had worn until there was nothing left but me in a embryonic position, naked and exposed. Dark nights of the soul continued on and on for years. Finally, I was able to release, to forgive, to let go, and to rebuild who I am today. I am " NOTHING, " and I am " everything. " In healing others, I healed myself. But I had to know who " myself " was. I went from being afraid of everything to be afraid of nothing. I came to realize I was eternal, I had purpose, and I was not in control of anything. I let go of my need to control any situation, and became guided by my higher self. I am sending you compassion and healing. I am sending this to anyone who suffers from panic and anxiety. Learn to trust not in yourself, but to the one source who created you and everything around you. BREATHE, learn to relax your muscles, and meditate........It worked for this one soul who was once trapped in her house, in her mind, and in her body. Namaste.............. Julie --- On Wed, 9/23/09, amandatflood <amandatflood wrote: amandatflood <amandatflood Re: defeated... Wednesday, September 23, 2009, 4:00 AM Hi Craig, I've been through this too and I got out of it by finding a good awakened bodyworker (this meant going to and rejecting a couple of people before I really found someone I could trust), and getting something called the Linden Method, which has visualisation cds, a dvd and a book - and 24 hr phone support for a year - all put together by a UK guy called Charles Linden who suffered debilitating anxiety, gs via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch format to Traditional Visit Your Group | Terms of Use | Un Recent Activity 7 New Members 4 New Photos 2 New Links Visit Your Group Give Back for Good Get inspired by a good cause. Y! Toolbar Get it Free! easy 1-click access to your groups. Start a group in 3 easy steps. Connect with others. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 23, 2009 Report Share Posted September 23, 2009 Don't be too down on yourself love, you are doing your best, however that " best " may seem. We are with you Craig, blessings all the way, may you find your cure and blossom. HUGS elektra x x x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 23, 2009 Report Share Posted September 23, 2009 Sounds like you are very loved Craig! be well, bradly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 23, 2009 Report Share Posted September 23, 2009 Hi Craig, It was good to read your post and a hearty congratulations on your defeat So just putting that in context, what I admire is that you are striving to do good, to be of service, to grow and expand in love, to connect and communnicate, and that growth is going to challenge your habitual self boundaries which have served you well for a long time. Yep, sometimes things are too painful and we get hit by waves and fall over, and thats only because we are reaching high in the first place. It hurts, just take a breath and try again (and again, and again... lol)until you get it. This is where the spiritual warrior archetype is a useful energy to engage in; you will need strength and courage to go into battle with yourself as you transform. The congratulations, then, are compliments for your willingness to engage the good fight, in which there are no guarantees Somehow my gut says you have a good chance of making it to the other side though love and the armed forces Bruce Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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