defeated... PHOENIX

[Guest guest]

Blessings be upon you Phoenix!!!

 

Not defeat only emotional set back. You have courage. You have support. Use the

support that is offered. Perhaps you can not do this alone. Surrender is the

word we are all seeking here. Surrender, trust, openness and faith. You have the

courage to overcome the fears that are not present. I believe the more I

practice meditation the more I will learn to surrender. All of the answers are

inside of me but I fight with myself out of habit. I must be open here and

express myself, trusting that I will receive the words I need to get through

another day. I am not here to teach but if I can help I will. Have faith. You

will rise once again.

 

Warren

 

, " phoenix.ing9 "

<phoenix.ing9 wrote:

>

> It was too much, my anxiety got to be too much and I realized that I can't put

a time limit on me healing my experiences. I had 3 bouts of anxiety last

wednesday before my emt class and one full blown anxiety attack. I couldnt go to

class and this is just too much, how am I supposed to save someone else when I

haven't even saved myself yet? I want to be a hero, I want to make a difference,

I want to go to sleep knowing that I helped someone in their time of need and

they can go home and see their families again, I want the adventure, I want the

growth... The hardest part is admitting defeat, I've got to heal the emotional

scars of the past before I can take on such a big responsibility. It's hard to

admit that I'm not ready for this, and the bad part is is that I'm not scared of

having someone's life in my hands, the only thing that terrifies me is the

communications aspect of this job. I'm slowly realizing why I have this negative

emotional charge but I must move beyond this social phobia of mine before I can

help others...People say that medication is an acceptable route but not for me,

it's like trying to put a band-aid on a shark bite. I know there's a 'cure' for

this and it's hidden from my awareness, but it's in me, no other can heal this

but me, and I accept that responsibility, but I can't have someone else's life

at stake while I'm going through this...This has been my journey for so long, to

find the cure to this social phobia of mine, even before I realized what I was

actually doing.

>

> I bit off more than I can chew and I failed...

> craig

>