warning long post - run for the woods while you still can (:

October 6, 2009

Hi you beautiful kunda people out there. Guess who? Did you feel me coming and

all go run and hide? Hope you all are well!! I am not quite finished yet with

my project so I may be quiet for a couple more weeks so I am easing you in

gently – (or not so gently) with some ramblings.

I'll start by telling you some of my dreams during shaktipat…

The first one, Shakti used to visit me. Seems I can still get my freak

on even in my dreams.

I was living at my parents house for some reason. I thought in the dream they

were dead. (yeah – nice right?) The house looked really great. I was in the

living room and and I were sitting on a couch. He was showing me a chart

– like an x-ray but in color, teaching me how to see energy. The x-ray was of

someones stomach…very colorful...he was pointing to the small energy drain at

the bottom and said " This person doesn't like doing their work. " (yeah that was

my first clue it was about me as I have been drowning in paperwork) Then he

pointed to two dark blocks in the stomach (looked like pool cue balls just flat

on the bottom) – Sensing this was about me I got up quickly (I love to face

things) and started walking to the kitchen saying I would get him something to

drink. Just then on the wall these round lights were appearing and I said,

" CHRISM LOOK – WHO IS VISITING US? " I thought it was my parents and was waiting

for those lights to morp into something. Then I look over at and behind

him on the wall a screen appears and this crazy freaky cartoon starts playing.

I'm feeling freaked out and go next to – he puts up one finger and I hold

on to that while I freak out. why did this freak me out?….it's like when you see

a preview of a scary movie on tv – when you see a little kid that is scary;

somehow that is soooooooooooo much scarier in its innocence as was this freak

fest cartoon. These animated characters were dancing about staring at me getting

ready to tell me who was visiting me….

And just as this one little freaky fellow was jumping out of the screen in my

face – pulls his finger away and it shouts to me…. " ITS YOU "

And that me -scared me out of my sleep. Sweet that I can freak myself out with

my freak even in my dreams …

Aarni should appreciate that (:

The other dream where Shakti used in it was ; I went to his place through

the garage which when inside turned into a beautiful colorful living room – he

was moving in and out of the room getting stuff very quickly and then came back

in the room where our energies merged. We then went upstairs where there were

all these beautiful plants and balloons waiting for me and he was about to

introduce me to someone but I woke up. Seems my cartoon friends stayed out of

this one! (:

Another dream was of a man and all these people directing me – this guy I can't

see gives me a key – and directs me on my way – I have to walk through this open

house on the corner that work is being done too. As I walk through the house

guinea pigs are in one room off to the side with their droppings on the floor –

I turn back to my friends and yell someone really should lock the place up – the

animals are getting in….

They keep waving me on – I then walk through the kitchen and am almost out on

the other side – all of a sudden these snakes are all over me and the place and

these reptiles bite my hands and swallow my hands and arms about up to the

shoulder. I look back at my friends but can't speak. I wake up with my hands

lying on top of each other on my abdomen and could feel the sting. Nice (: Was

happy about that one once I woke up.

Another one with a lion and tiger fighting – will leave that alone….are you all

jumping up for joy that I've stopped? ( & #9785;

PROMISE END OF DREAM STUFF! (:

Beside this lots of energy going up my legs back arms in the back of the neck up

both sides – my feet and palms feel very much like there is something going

through them – not painful just sensation. The energy just fills me and shoots

out all over sometimes I don't know its coming and I look over and may be

driving by a hospital or in a crowd of people – Wow – feels really good – still

have the Goddesss when shes working on my head singing to me – and my stomach

too – music coming from there – (how strange is that?)

Ears – vibrations always going off in my ears – lips still quiver- tips of nose

– that screwdriver seems to sometimes still get tight that stuck in the middle

of my forehead (: sometimes that fluid going up the back on both sides of the

spine. Other times I feel a strong movement of the chakra points going round and

round – kinda so strong it shakes me but its pleasant this shaking –it sometimes

works up high my heart sometimes it goesdown then back up – up to my head down

up back front. The air sometimes blinks quite a bit still – at night can see my

entire arm body legs glowing out quite far and everything glow – this white

stuff all over – little lights still – prana in the daytime –the sun bouncing

all over the sky – sometimes chrisms shakti will visit and of course the whole

place is lit up like crazy and my lights blink – sweet little shakti chrism

visits – then my energy seems to kick in more so its really nice – wow and when

that energy moves in me – GOD - do I have a right for my body to feel that good?

– had the heat in the legs and then really really cold air blowing up through my

legs moving up up very cold – blowing through like I'm not solid – like that too

(: - kinda freaky like that (:

The head stuff is always going on like the helmet thing and feeling like

something is protruding out the top of the forehead and lights flashing when I

close my eyes – tongue vibrates – but my eye that's been twitching (I don't

think people could see this – I just felt it –they'd think I was winking at

them) for over a year now has stopped…. Heat in hands sometimes – and the tips

of the fingers twirling – sometimes just a bit of food or sip of water and she

just moves through my body and its so god blissful and ugghhh crazy good feeling

-my heart fills with love so much so strongly I feel intoxicated with love –

this is really what does it all – this love and appreciation … and then it just

takes over and fills so purely so crazy so intoxicated with love- I mean soooo

intoxicated with love (see who wants to do paperwork when one could feel

intoxicated with love…? Yeah I know the one who at some point needs to eat )

had some hard times too with panic – my ego has been feeling this panic – I

know to eat more watermelon and its also been about learning surrender in a much

bigger way – I– I am learning whenever its painful for me its usually about my

lack of surrender – and even when I say, " I surrender I surrender " if this

panic is still there I have to lay down or clear my mind and tell myself its

okay to sit in the passenger seat and allow the divine/God/Goddess to drive

– to want this – to surrender completely to this and then bliss fills my body –

but honestly there is more to this because its been a rather long process for me

to learn – the ego the me is quite aware now that it is not in charge anymore

(and probably never was much to my surprise) – but there have been things that

have happened that are bringing this more and more into- this me- this ego's

awareness and this me this ego this personality has had a bit of panic and

freaking out about this; about knowing it is not in control.

–

– And I'm still learning to completely surrender over all my control it seems

and when I do things fall into place and when I don't – when for instance I am

upset about something that comes up and I try to push away that pain because

that's what I normally do – I am not allowed to anymore – sometimes I actually

have had pinches all over my body –

That puts a stop real quick to what I'm doing and then I can more allow these

emotions surrendering them – but the first time that happened – It freaked me

out! It wasn't pain, just hundreds of quick little pricks and pinches – –

I've felt it before the night those spiders as big as dogs were crawling on me

when at first I was freaking out and tried to get them off so then those pricks

and pinches happened and then I remembered to surrender and then those pinches

turned into bliss filling my being–

But these last few months it has been the first time that has happened when I

try to push emotional things away. I am learning there is no resisting

anything! Who made up that rule and why didn't I have that post it note stuck

to my behind upon entering this world?

Even when I was kinda mad at whoever is in charge, – my favorite aunt is quite

ill and I was angry and sad and my heart hurt and I was pushing those feelings

away and those feelings of love away and maybe now that I'm writing this – this

may be the time I get the pinches when I try to push love away `cuz then–bam…

pinches – (if I want to pinch God back does that mean I have to pinch everyone

and everything…so I owe you all a pinch…ok it'll be a loving pinch…but a pinch

none the less – feel a lot better now with this to look forward to (:

So all this and other things has really brought home to me that I'm not the one

in charge and I thought it was easy to surrender but it seems there is an entire

level of surrendering I am learning –

This panic thing started really getting better when I made the real effort to

look at why I was panicking – I think I sorta had trust issues with God. I've

tried to straighten God out in the past …. But I am only one person(:

I finally realized I was not completely trusting that God/Goddess was 100%

loving me or maybe I wasn't so trusting that they were out for my best

interest…or would bring me more pain – or something like this – so I had to look

at this belief and face it and I realized that it was always me not surrendering

completely – not trusting fully – not willing to 100% happily sit in that

passenger seat and know I am taken care of – and all the hard times are always

when I'm not surrendering. Some big trust issues to be completely naked and

vulnerable with your entire being, thoughts, emotions, everything, to fully let

go no resisting anything….fully trust this divinity – Of course I would prefer

it the other way around…but divinity must have missed my email….

So this ego coming to the realization of not being in control has panicked and

freaked out quite nicely I may add.

So my teachings from whoever that is sending me bliss and occassional loving

pinches concerning surrender seem to deepen.

It's seems so simple really I don't know why I have hard times here. When I

completely surrender its bliss its love its things going smoothly and

beautifully. When I don't completely surrender or resist anything….anything at

all it seems…its pain its panic and things don't go so smoothly.

And yet …. Sometimes I pick door number 2…

Had some beautiful times in the forest – slept on the forest floor – feel like

being wrapped in magic – love it there the way everything glows so pristine so

pure so real – I love the smells, the sounds, the animals, the birds, the way

the forest floor feels to my feet, the leaves falling, the acorns falling from

the trees, the colors, the air, the light rays coming from the sky – feel safe

in there – feel free – feel alive – feel peace – feel silent –

And with that – I'll finally be just that - you thought that would never

happen…didn't you? (:

So will be quiet for a couple weeks but it'll probably take you that long to get

through this! (:

Love to you and throwing you all a chi ball filled with body buzzes, bliss and

one prickly pinch - (looking especially forward to that!)

Deb (:

October 6, 2009

Great to hear from you Freakster Had a hard time consentrating on your

message as I still get an energetic reaction to your writing. This time it was

new kind of kriyas and my cold hands got warm

I could feel the magic and see the forest as you described it.

Love,

Aarni

, " flowerpowers7777 "

<flowerpowers7777 wrote:

>

> Hi you beautiful kunda people out there. Guess who? Did you feel me coming and

all go run and hide? Hope you all are well!! I am not quite finished yet with

my project so I may be quiet for a couple more weeks so I am easing you in

gently – (or not so gently) with some ramblings.

October 6, 2009

Hi Debs-

It so wonderful to have to back...if even for a blip. I'll need to come back to

your post, there is much awe to take in and gaze upon,but thank you for sharing.

I love how the group went silent...I think we were all clearing some space for

this post. lol. Big hugs.

Love,

Danielle

, " flowerpowers7777 "

<flowerpowers7777 wrote:

>

> Hi you beautiful kunda people out there. Guess who? Did you feel me coming and

all go run and hide? Hope you all are well!! I

October 6, 2009

Hey Deb, it's nice to see your posts again. I'm with you on not completely

trusting that the One is completely 100% loving me. I understand that

everything's happening for me, to return me to my awareness of unconditional

love, but when things start getting thick I start getting so afraid, afraid that

I'm going to be pushed in the river without my 'swimmies', and not knowing how

to swim. I've had this lurking in the back of my mind: the One is like the

parent with all good loving intentions knowing that it's time for the child to

learn how to swim so pushes the child in the water before it's ready. I'm

starting to see that how I treat myself is how I feel, and really afraid, the

All will treat me. Says something about how I need to be gentle and nurture

myself, lol.

Oh yeah, I had the eye twitching thing (left eye) for like a month or two but

seems to have left for the time being...

well good luck on the rest of your projects, see you on the flipside

craig

, " flowerpowers7777 "

<flowerpowers7777 wrote:

>

> I finally realized I was not completely trusting that God/Goddess was 100%