Shaktipat Journal

October 6, 2009

Shaktipat Journal

Excerpts from my journal during and after the shaktipat...

9/20

I see an energy being, Krishna on a cloud.

I am told to surrender to the Goddess, give it all to the Goddess.

I see a monkey in a yellow race suit galloping on all fours towards me. He

disappears when he gets to me.

I think of a person I've been doing business with and forgive him for various

things.

I was an Indian girl/woman praying to Siva to light her inner fire, rising to

meet him.

I vision embracing at the upcoming seminar. When he touches my back, K

shoots up my spine, and I soar in the inner dimensions.

9/21

I vision Kali Ma dancing. I am reminded of an old girlfriend. I write about

her, recapitulating and forgiving.

I ask for Kali Ma to move in and take up residence in my body.

I am in fact quite wired wth energy in my navel center and muladhara.

I write in my journal: " Your power comes from your third part. " (?)

Doing the fish in my meditation chair, arching backwards, I see green-blue

light, then release and see red light.

9/22

I think about all the bassoon players I have dated in the past. Apparently I

was attracted to bassoon players.

I think: Let my people go. Let all the people in my aura go.

I remember that I selected my college (way back when) thinking it would be like

attending the institution described in Magister Ludi. I write that I should

reread Magister Ludi.

9/23

I dream about staying at timeshares with my family and my parents, and then

telling other relatives about the experience.

In meditation, I see pulsing blue-green concentric circles in the third eye.

Today we had to put Mirabai to sleep (our elderly, sick cat). I see her leave

her body. Her soul is made of light, like a Vorlon or an angel.

9/24

Dreams - don't remember them, but they were there. I write: In my dreams, some

of what's going on is recapitulating my relationships with all from the past.

My karmas stored in my spine are being gently revisited and dissolved/released

in love and forgiveness.

In meditation, I see the blue-green-purple concentric circles and hear the

hum/rumble.

Catch a glimpse of ajna bija - the tiny sesame seed - blue-black.

See patterns of light and colors, shiftng into astral/causal. Causal - more

(illegible word) and structures.

Kali is working on my throat. I know that my shoulder pain is related to the

throat chakra.

See an old friend inwardly - time to give him a call.

At one point repeating the Shakti Prayer, I say it as " release the holy father

in me. "

In another meditation, I locate the sacral chakra on the spine, not in the front

of the body; not the same as the tan tien.

Same with anahata - think that the first four chakras are on the spine.

I am told to do soham. I do it.

There is an inner sky, like the inside of a planetarium.

I pray:

Sweet Goddess, I surrender to you completely.

Fill my heart with gratitude, joy, and love.

Let your radiance flow through me and out into the universe.

Use me as your channel to manifest your light and love.

Om Sri Kali Ma.

Open all my chakras.

Purify so they may better hold your radiance.

Rise and merge with your beautiful

Love in my inner sky.

Shower me with golden light in sahasrar.

Fill me to overflowing, that your radiant love can flow through me

At all times, washing away my self, dissolving my self in you.

I write:

Love and seva - the same. Radiating love is seva to the Goddess and to all

beings.

9/25

In meditation:

Goddess is performing work on my sinuses - below and above my eyes, tingling,

feels like being tapped by bunches of fingers.

Suddenly the mantra slows down and becomes more like a song:

Om Sri Kali Ma.

I realize that towards the end, Mirabai was begging for release.

9/26

In meditation, I write:

Kali's foot.

I surrender to the Goddess.

She moves within me.

All up and down my awareness.

Cold, strep throat - talk about purifying vissudha!

Vissudha purification flowered day 5 for the 5th chakra.

Fill me with your Divine Radiance!

Destroy that which prevents me from

Experiencing Your Radiance

Every moment of the day.

9/27

Last day of shaktipat.

For the next few days, I have a flu. Lose my voice. Lots of congestion.

Slight fever. Very restless sleep.

9/28

Dreamed I was being pursued by chapters in various books on ancient Greece that

I had been reviewing as possible books for my son to read. I couldn't get to

sleep.

I chanted Om Sri Kali Ma all night long. Even during the dreams, I continued to

chant.

Fitful sleep, feverish dreams, much excess energy.

Up at 1, 3, 6.

Another dream in a cityscape I often visit - part SF, part Paris, part

Manhattan. The place was deserted but also packed in places. There was a big

festival going on. I couldn't get anywhere. So many people. I parked my bike

attaching it to a parking meter pole. Abandoned it. Tried to go through

buildings. Big office buildings. The streets were packed with people and

bands. The buildings were empty inside. As if they were only facades, no

actual companies there. I exited to the street, seemingly closer to my goal,

but I am disoriented and lost. There is loud reggae music from multiple bands.

It hurts my ears physically. I turn a sreet and run into a person from the past

who I knew when I worlked in a music club. We high five and say " How's it

going? " " How's it going? " " What have you been up to? " " Quit drugs. " " Yeah, me

too. " He leaves and I keep traveling to my destination (?). I get close to

home. Home beng my parents' house. I realize I have nothing but the clothes I

am wearing. No wallet, money, keys. I wonder how I'll get into my parents'

house with no keys. I have left my bike behind and have no idea where I left

it. I realize I also parked my car somewhere near my parents' house, but I have

not idea where. I figure I'll be home soon and get in somehow. I kind of

think, even in the dream, that you have to leave everything behind and approach

with empty hands and open arms, open heart to go home.

I wake up fitfully several times throughout this dream, but the dream resumes

when I fall back asleep. I am aware in these half-awake interludes that I am

loudly chanting (inwardly) Om Sri Kali Ma. This keeps me going. It seems to

continue in the background throughout the dreams as well.

The night before, before going to sleep, I realized a part of me was grasping

restlessly at straws - the mind being a monkey - time to stop reading and

seeking outer experiences/validations. Time to go within and do sadhana.

I write: The Goddess is awake within me. Let her bring what she wishes. Do not

exercise your ego by trying to have any particular experiences. Just go within

and surrender and all will be given. Open your heart. Let the love shine in

(and out).

Last night I got tangible messages from my inner organs - undergoing enlargement

and heating. I was burning from within.

Then I remembered a whole bunch of people from high school and from various

summer camps I attended, wrote them down, remembered, forgave, sent love.

Wrote: Leave them all behind. Let them go. Wish them well and release them.

9/29

Had a bunch of dreams that involved taking certain of my cats with me to places

where I was staying with other people (hotels) and being afraid to lose them

(the cats, not the people).

Realized that my reluctance to ask to be a student of Chrism/to commit/take the

next step is a fear reaction. I write: Do not be afraid. Surrender to the

Shakti.

I realize that many times since the scatterfield was applied, I lie down and

feel like my spine is vibrating.

I apply to be Chrism's student.

I meditate in the (parked) car while my son is at soccer practice, listening to

music. I write: All light, all energy. Dance. Lots of Dance. It's not somber

introspection - it's dancing in the Light. Dancing with the Goddess.

The heart sings with delight. As I try to somberly focus on the chakras one at

a time, the attention sings with joy and revelry. Om Sri Kali Ma!

The attention moves to whichever chakras kundalini selects - no longer

especially volitional.

- David

October 6, 2009

David:

Thank you! Your writing makes me feel like such a young child, who has so much

to learn. I read through your most beautiful and moving words, some which impact

deeply, and find myself googling their meaning as they resonate profoundly and

yet I know not their definition. The warm tears fall...so thank you for this

journey into my own self through the expression of yours.

Love to you-

Danielle

, " djgottlieb "

<dgottlieb wrote:

>

> Shaktipat Journal

>

> Excerpts from my journal during and after the shaktipat...

>

October 6, 2009

Wow! You are pretty advanced. Thanks for posting this

, " djgottlieb "

<dgottlieb wrote:

>

> Shaktipat Journal

>

> Excerpts from my journal during and after the shaktipat...

October 6, 2009

Hi David,

Really enjoyed reading your journal! You are an inspiration! Thank you for

sharing this with everyone! Really liking the tiny sesame seed part too. Reminds

me of this buddhist meditation I once read somewhere...To flip your awareness

back and forth between general things like love and then quickly to a specific

thing like a candle in front of you, then to compassion, then to another

specific thing, then to becoming something like a flower and how your petals

feel, then to devotion...I remember reading this because one person had an

experience of the seed and then becoming all light. Really happy you took the

time to share this and wishing you well!Hope you are feeling better!

Much love,

Debs (:

, " djgottlieb "

<dgottlieb wrote:

October 6, 2009

Dear David,

Thanks for sharing; it feels lovely to read your writing.

Love, Sandra

, " djgottlieb "

<dgottlieb wrote:

>

> Shaktipat Journal

>

> Excerpts from my journal during and after the shaktipat...

>

> 9/20

> I see an energy being, Krishna on a cloud.

> I am told to surrender to the Goddess, give it all to the Goddess.

> I see a monkey in a yellow race suit galloping on all fours towards me. He

disappears when he gets to me.

> I think of a person I've been doing business with and forgive him for various

things.

> I was an Indian girl/woman praying to Siva to light her inner fire, rising to

meet him.

> I vision embracing at the upcoming seminar. When he touches my back, K

shoots up my spine, and I soar in the inner dimensions.

>

> 9/21

> I vision Kali Ma dancing. I am reminded of an old girlfriend. I write about

her, recapitulating and forgiving.

> I ask for Kali Ma to move in and take up residence in my body.

> I am in fact quite wired wth energy in my navel center and muladhara.

> I write in my journal: " Your power comes from your third part. " (?)

> Doing the fish in my meditation chair, arching backwards, I see green-blue

light, then release and see red light.

>

> 9/22

> I think about all the bassoon players I have dated in the past. Apparently I

was attracted to bassoon players.

> I think: Let my people go. Let all the people in my aura go.

> I remember that I selected my college (way back when) thinking it would be

like attending the institution described in Magister Ludi. I write that I

should reread Magister Ludi.

>

> 9/23

> I dream about staying at timeshares with my family and my parents, and then

telling other relatives about the experience.

> In meditation, I see pulsing blue-green concentric circles in the third eye.

> Today we had to put Mirabai to sleep (our elderly, sick cat). I see her leave

her body. Her soul is made of light, like a Vorlon or an angel.

>

> 9/24

> Dreams - don't remember them, but they were there. I write: In my dreams,

some of what's going on is recapitulating my relationships with all from the

past. My karmas stored in my spine are being gently revisited and

dissolved/released in love and forgiveness.

> In meditation, I see the blue-green-purple concentric circles and hear the

hum/rumble.

> Catch a glimpse of ajna bija - the tiny sesame seed - blue-black.

> See patterns of light and colors, shiftng into astral/causal. Causal - more

(illegible word) and structures.

> Kali is working on my throat. I know that my shoulder pain is related to the

throat chakra.

> See an old friend inwardly - time to give him a call.

> At one point repeating the Shakti Prayer, I say it as " release the holy father

in me. "

> In another meditation, I locate the sacral chakra on the spine, not in the

front of the body; not the same as the tan tien.

> Same with anahata - think that the first four chakras are on the spine.

> I am told to do soham. I do it.

> There is an inner sky, like the inside of a planetarium.

> I pray:

> Sweet Goddess, I surrender to you completely.

> Fill my heart with gratitude, joy, and love.

> Let your radiance flow through me and out into the universe.

> Use me as your channel to manifest your light and love.

> Om Sri Kali Ma.

>

> Open all my chakras.

> Purify so they may better hold your radiance.

> Rise and merge with your beautiful

> Love in my inner sky.

> Shower me with golden light in sahasrar.

> Fill me to overflowing, that your radiant love can flow through me

> At all times, washing away my self, dissolving my self in you.

>

> I write:

> Love and seva - the same. Radiating love is seva to the Goddess and to all

beings.

>

> 9/25

> In meditation:

> Goddess is performing work on my sinuses - below and above my eyes, tingling,

feels like being tapped by bunches of fingers.

> Suddenly the mantra slows down and becomes more like a song:

> Om Sri Kali Ma.

> I realize that towards the end, Mirabai was begging for release.

>

> 9/26

> In meditation, I write:

> Kali's foot.

> I surrender to the Goddess.

> She moves within me.

> All up and down my awareness.

> Cold, strep throat - talk about purifying vissudha!

> Vissudha purification flowered day 5 for the 5th chakra.

>

> Fill me with your Divine Radiance!

> Destroy that which prevents me from

> Experiencing Your Radiance

> Every moment of the day.

>

> 9/27

> Last day of shaktipat.

> For the next few days, I have a flu. Lose my voice. Lots of congestion.

Slight fever. Very restless sleep.

>

> 9/28

> Dreamed I was being pursued by chapters in various books on ancient Greece

that I had been reviewing as possible books for my son to read. I couldn't get

to sleep.

> I chanted Om Sri Kali Ma all night long. Even during the dreams, I continued

to chant.

> Fitful sleep, feverish dreams, much excess energy.

> Up at 1, 3, 6.

> Another dream in a cityscape I often visit - part SF, part Paris, part