Guest guest Posted October 12, 2009 Report Share Posted October 12, 2009 Hi everyone, just thought I would write down what has been happening the last couple of weeks. I have returned to South Africa, and after performing my due diligence of buying an old Mercedes, a surfboard, going on a roadtrip and getting settled into my apartment, i began to look for a job. I will need to have an income within a month or so, yet if I dont, I will still have a roof over my head and food. I started looking for a job, and found myself getting stressed out by it. The day after, i came home and there was a bird in my apartment, having flown in through a small window. It was confused by the closed windows, and seeing me, it panicked and kept hitting itself on closed windows as it tried to get out. I wished it would relax so I could catch it and let it out, yet it kept on panicking. I opened all the windows, and finally it relaxed, walked across to an open window, and flew out. The meaning of the incident was clear to me: fear blinds us, and if we can trust God, He always has a way open for us which we may not see. I took this as a sign to stop looking for a job and focus on releasing deeply held instinctual fears. My fear was making me focus on my bank account, and the doomsday scenario of running out of money (haha). My family and others were quite surprised when I said I wasnt going to do anything, no matter how urgent, until I was at ease and fear was relased. Our fears direct our focus, and that has a role in creating our results. I spent the next two weeks watching my mind, doing some surfing, going to church, and working with doubts and confusion as they arose, It was interesting to not do what my culture and society expected of me, and to stick to my conviction that surrender of fear and control is the most important thing that can be done, as it creates openings through which God can work through us. A job interview kind of found me and I will go this week, yet knowing that the interview was coming also made me confused, as it didnt appear as though it fit with my plans of what I ideally saw myself doing. After some internal gymnastics, the attachment to what I wanted, and what I didnt want, were both surrendered. That night, I had a dream. " The same bird that was in my apartment is flying around, and a giant hand (the hand of the Father) comes out of the sky. The bird allows the hand to hold it (surprising to me). I watch the bird being held, still a little tense, yet allowing itself to be held and carried to the window where it can fly free " The symbolism was obvious. It felt good to be surrendered to a higher intelligence that loves and guides me and cares for me. This has been a good time, to let the world go and focus on God. Its funny, that when I go through these 'tests', i always resist at first, wish conditions were different, and then i experience some interior resolution, which almost always translates into an outer change. Its wonderful to be experiencing the fruits of the Spirit, of being at ease, of trusting and having confidence in something beyond me. We all want ease and freedom, yet surrendering our deep egoic survival instincts can be a long and tricky process. Without tests, there is no growth. The K. has been getting stronger and stronger for weeks, and i wonder at how much more my body can hold. The pressure often builds in my head, and the solution is 'drop the mind, stay in the heart'. Its a fun ride... love Bruce Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 12, 2009 Report Share Posted October 12, 2009 Oh, lovely. What a beautiful discovery, and of letting go; a lullaby of tranquility and the peace that comes from being craddled vs clutched. A big Springbok hug to you. Love: Danielle , " BruceO " <bruce_oom wrote: > > Hi everyone, Its a fun ride... > > love > Bruce > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 12, 2009 Report Share Posted October 12, 2009 That is so beautiful Bruce... thank you. Carla 2009/10/12 BruceO <bruce_oom > > > Hi everyone, > > just thought I would write down what has been happening the last couple of > weeks. I have returned to South Africa, and after performing my due > diligence of buying an old Mercedes, a surf > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 12, 2009 Report Share Posted October 12, 2009 Hey Bruce, I am also in the same process, I'm using the mantra " I Am Safe and Secure " and noticing all the fears I have and releasing them, surrendering to higher power. Seems as if we are in synch :-)) I know that when you relax you move with a flow, the flow of love and abundance. When you are tense this flow can not move freely and becomes blocked. Happy to hear of your progress and wish you a fulfilling job with much abundance, with love elektra x x x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 12, 2009 Report Share Posted October 12, 2009 That was beautiful...thanks for sharing. BruceO <bruce_oom Mon, Oct 12, 2009 8:33 am Instinctual Fear Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 12, 2009 Report Share Posted October 12, 2009 You really like to write... It was great though. Love to you too, Aarni , " BruceO " <bruce_oom wrote: > > Hi everyone, > > just thought I would write down what has been happening the last couple of weeks. I have returned to South Africa, and after performing my due diligence of buying an old Mercedes, a surfboard, going on a... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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