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I begun feeling depressed again six days ago. I got worried I'd fall into the

deep depths of dark emotions again, but I had this inner knowing there would be

no need to fight or learn this time, that I should just wait and it would come

to pass.

 

Nevertheless, I felt like crap. Like having loved and lost, a deep longing. Then

last night I sat in meditation doing compression prayer and started to cry. It

wasn't subtle weeping but the full-blown kind. (Iknow, I know, men don't cry)

 

After I stopped and came to the computer to answer some messages, I begun to

shake violently. I think about as violently a human body can shake, actually :)

This chair was rattling and crying under my weight, feel lucky it's still in one

peace.

 

After that I was feeling so much love and joy I could not sleep. :((:

 

These emotional shifts are driving me nuts. Even though I know they are likely

to pass soon, the intensity just crabs me for a ride in the bipolar

rollercoaster.

 

Now my face is burning....

 

You know the TLC song " WAterfalls " ? These words keep popping in:

 

" She gives him loving that his body can't handle

But all he can say is baby is good to me " :D

 

Lots of weird stuff happening daily.

 

Lots of love to you all,

Aarni

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Aarni,

 

Sounds like you're in process. All I can say is keep on doing the safeties and

surrendering to the Goddess, who seems to be showering you with her Love. (It's

a transformative shower of love, and sometimes her scrub brush can chafe a

bit...)

 

You started to worry but caught yourself before the worry could turn to fear -

hope I can do that when my time comes.

 

Some of the saints and poets write about this incredible longing for God, that

comes out of an intense feeling of loss. I've heard it referred to as " the pain

of separation. " If you turn that longing towards the divine in whatever

representation works for you, you can let your heart fill with love and longing.

The love can well up within and fill the giant hole made empty by the feeling of

loss and longing.

 

You might want to read some devotional poetry, or gaze at an image of the

Goddess, or chant some devotional chants - these work for me - find what works

for you. Ask Shakti to fill you with love and devotion. You may need to spend

some time alone.

 

As for men not crying - not true! I cry like crazy at the end of Disney and

Pixar movies!

 

Blessings,

 

David

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

, " spiralingsnake "

<aarni.kimmo wrote:

>

> I begun feeling depressed again six days ago. I got worried I'd fall into the

deep depths of dark emotions again, but I had this inner knowing there would be

no need to fight or learn this time, that I should just wait and it would come

to pass.

>

> Nevertheless, I felt like crap. Like having loved and lost, a deep longing.

Then last night I sat in meditation doing compression prayer and started to cry.

It wasn't subtle weeping but the full-blown kind. (Iknow, I know, men don't cry)

>

> After I stopped and came to the computer to answer some messages, I begun to

shake violently. I think about as violently a human body can shake, actually :)

This chair was rattling and crying under my weight, feel lucky it's still in one

peace.

>

> After that I was feeling so much love and joy I could not sleep. :((:

>

> These emotional shifts are driving me nuts. Even though I know they are likely

to pass soon, the intensity just crabs me for a ride in the bipolar

rollercoaster.

>

> Now my face is burning....

>

> You know the TLC song " WAterfalls " ? These words keep popping in:

>

> " She gives him loving that his body can't handle

> But all he can say is baby is good to me " :D

>

> Lots of weird stuff happening daily.

>

> Lots of love to you all,

> Aarni

>

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Thank You David, this came at such a good time. I think I'm going down again

tonight (same time as last night, atleast she is punctual with her brushing).

 

The crying comment was more sarcasm than something I belive in. Still, it's

great to hear other men have that too :)

 

 

, " djgottlieb "

<dgottlieb wrote:

>

>

>

>

> Aarni,

>

> Sounds like you're in process. All I can say is keep on doing the safeties

and surrendering to the Goddess, who seems to be showering you with her Love.

(It's a transformative shower of love, and sometimes her scrub brush can chafe a

bit...)

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Hi Aarni,

 

Hope you are feeling more calm now, there is a weird kind of energy going around

right now, I'm all over the place this last month, as are many of my friends. A

lot of depression, maybe its the autumn?

Glad that you dealt with it so well and didnt let it over come you. Always know

that we are here for you, you can tell us when you are feeling down, we will

help to support and love you.

Blessings and warmness

elektra x x x

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I was about to go to meditate but then I " felt " there was something for me here.

Weird.

 

There really is something strange goin on, my friends spoke of this too. And

then there are my own issues :)

 

Usually this strangeness comes with full moon but this is stronger, hope it wont

last trought the whole autumn....

 

Thank you Elektra for the support, I really needed it tonight.

 

 

 

, Elektra Fire

<elektra.fire wrote:

>

> Hi Aarni,

>

> Hope you are feeling more calm now, there is a weird kind of energy going

around right now, I'm all over the place this last month, as are many of my

friends. A lot of depression, maybe its the autumn?...

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Hi Aarnie,

 

yep, its a ride, for sure, and its great that you can welcome 'feeling like

crap' when its needed. Sometimes K. is unbelievably crappy, then the sun bursts

out and its all ok.

 

I was very high and low for quite a while and thought it would never end. Mostly

I am ok now, yet sometimes I still have clearing to do. its just that the spaces

in between are a little longer :)

 

hang in there and let whatever happens be ok. Good or bad doesnt matter, and

when I get that, thats when the good shines :)

 

love

Bruce

 

, " spiralingsnake "

<aarni.kimmo wrote:

>

> I begun feeling depressed again six days ago. I got worried I'd fall into the

deep depths of dark emotions again, but I had this inner knowing there would be

no need to fight or learn this time, that I should just wait and it would come

to pass.

>

> Nevertheless, I felt like crap. Like having loved and lost, a deep longing.

Then last night I sat in meditation doing compression prayer and started to cry.

It wasn't subtle weeping but the full-blown kind. (Iknow, I know, men don't cry)

>

> After I stopped and came to the computer to answer some messages, I begun to

shake violently. I think about as violently a human body can shake, actually :)

This chair was rattling and crying under my weight, feel lucky it's still in one

peace.

>

> After that I was feeling so much love and joy I could not sleep. :((:

>

> These emotional shifts are driving me nuts. Even though I know they are likely

to pass soon, the intensity just crabs me for a ride in the bipolar

rollercoaster.

>

> Now my face is burning....

>

> You know the TLC song " WAterfalls " ? These words keep popping in:

>

> " She gives him loving that his body can't handle

> But all he can say is baby is good to me " :D

>

> Lots of weird stuff happening daily.

>

> Lots of love to you all,

> Aarni

>

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Blessings Aarni!!!

 

It sounds to me that you are growing with great intensity on this spiritual path

you have chosen. I must tell you, men do cry. If we hide our emotions we shut

off the sun ligt of the spirit. To surrender to this emotion is the only way we

allow the sun light of the spirit to shine in us. Even Jesus wept.

 

Warren

 

, " spiralingsnake "

<aarni.kimmo wrote:

>

> I begun feeling depressed again six days ago. I got worried I'd fall into the

deep depths of dark emotions again, but I had this inner knowing there would be

no need to fight or learn this time, that I should just wait and it would come

to pass.

>

> Nevertheless, I felt like crap. Like having loved and lost, a deep longing.

Then last night I sat in meditation doing compression prayer and started to cry.

It wasn't subtle weeping but the full-blown kind. (Iknow, I know, men don't cry)

>

> After I stopped and came to the computer to answer some messages, I begun to

shake violently. I think about as violently a human body can shake, actually :)

This chair was rattling and crying under my weight, feel lucky it's still in one

peace.

>

> After that I was feeling so much love and joy I could not sleep. :((:

>

> These emotional shifts are driving me nuts. Even though I know they are likely

to pass soon, the intensity just crabs me for a ride in the bipolar

rollercoaster.

>

> Now my face is burning....

>

> You know the TLC song " WAterfalls " ? These words keep popping in:

>

> " She gives him loving that his body can't handle

> But all he can say is baby is good to me " :D

>

> Lots of weird stuff happening daily.

>

> Lots of love to you all,

> Aarni

>

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