Guest guest Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 I begun feeling depressed again six days ago. I got worried I'd fall into the deep depths of dark emotions again, but I had this inner knowing there would be no need to fight or learn this time, that I should just wait and it would come to pass. Nevertheless, I felt like crap. Like having loved and lost, a deep longing. Then last night I sat in meditation doing compression prayer and started to cry. It wasn't subtle weeping but the full-blown kind. (Iknow, I know, men don't cry) After I stopped and came to the computer to answer some messages, I begun to shake violently. I think about as violently a human body can shake, actually This chair was rattling and crying under my weight, feel lucky it's still in one peace. After that I was feeling so much love and joy I could not sleep. (: These emotional shifts are driving me nuts. Even though I know they are likely to pass soon, the intensity just crabs me for a ride in the bipolar rollercoaster. Now my face is burning.... You know the TLC song " WAterfalls " ? These words keep popping in: " She gives him loving that his body can't handle But all he can say is baby is good to me " Lots of weird stuff happening daily. Lots of love to you all, Aarni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 Aarni, Sounds like you're in process. All I can say is keep on doing the safeties and surrendering to the Goddess, who seems to be showering you with her Love. (It's a transformative shower of love, and sometimes her scrub brush can chafe a bit...) You started to worry but caught yourself before the worry could turn to fear - hope I can do that when my time comes. Some of the saints and poets write about this incredible longing for God, that comes out of an intense feeling of loss. I've heard it referred to as " the pain of separation. " If you turn that longing towards the divine in whatever representation works for you, you can let your heart fill with love and longing. The love can well up within and fill the giant hole made empty by the feeling of loss and longing. You might want to read some devotional poetry, or gaze at an image of the Goddess, or chant some devotional chants - these work for me - find what works for you. Ask Shakti to fill you with love and devotion. You may need to spend some time alone. As for men not crying - not true! I cry like crazy at the end of Disney and Pixar movies! Blessings, David , " spiralingsnake " <aarni.kimmo wrote: > > I begun feeling depressed again six days ago. I got worried I'd fall into the deep depths of dark emotions again, but I had this inner knowing there would be no need to fight or learn this time, that I should just wait and it would come to pass. > > Nevertheless, I felt like crap. Like having loved and lost, a deep longing. Then last night I sat in meditation doing compression prayer and started to cry. It wasn't subtle weeping but the full-blown kind. (Iknow, I know, men don't cry) > > After I stopped and came to the computer to answer some messages, I begun to shake violently. I think about as violently a human body can shake, actually This chair was rattling and crying under my weight, feel lucky it's still in one peace. > > After that I was feeling so much love and joy I could not sleep. (: > > These emotional shifts are driving me nuts. Even though I know they are likely to pass soon, the intensity just crabs me for a ride in the bipolar rollercoaster. > > Now my face is burning.... > > You know the TLC song " WAterfalls " ? These words keep popping in: > > " She gives him loving that his body can't handle > But all he can say is baby is good to me " > > Lots of weird stuff happening daily. > > Lots of love to you all, > Aarni > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 Thank You David, this came at such a good time. I think I'm going down again tonight (same time as last night, atleast she is punctual with her brushing). The crying comment was more sarcasm than something I belive in. Still, it's great to hear other men have that too , " djgottlieb " <dgottlieb wrote: > > > > > Aarni, > > Sounds like you're in process. All I can say is keep on doing the safeties and surrendering to the Goddess, who seems to be showering you with her Love. (It's a transformative shower of love, and sometimes her scrub brush can chafe a bit...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 Hi Aarni, Hope you are feeling more calm now, there is a weird kind of energy going around right now, I'm all over the place this last month, as are many of my friends. A lot of depression, maybe its the autumn? Glad that you dealt with it so well and didnt let it over come you. Always know that we are here for you, you can tell us when you are feeling down, we will help to support and love you. Blessings and warmness elektra x x x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 I was about to go to meditate but then I " felt " there was something for me here. Weird. There really is something strange goin on, my friends spoke of this too. And then there are my own issues Usually this strangeness comes with full moon but this is stronger, hope it wont last trought the whole autumn.... Thank you Elektra for the support, I really needed it tonight. , Elektra Fire <elektra.fire wrote: > > Hi Aarni, > > Hope you are feeling more calm now, there is a weird kind of energy going around right now, I'm all over the place this last month, as are many of my friends. A lot of depression, maybe its the autumn?... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 Hi Aarnie, yep, its a ride, for sure, and its great that you can welcome 'feeling like crap' when its needed. Sometimes K. is unbelievably crappy, then the sun bursts out and its all ok. I was very high and low for quite a while and thought it would never end. Mostly I am ok now, yet sometimes I still have clearing to do. its just that the spaces in between are a little longer hang in there and let whatever happens be ok. Good or bad doesnt matter, and when I get that, thats when the good shines love Bruce , " spiralingsnake " <aarni.kimmo wrote: > > I begun feeling depressed again six days ago. I got worried I'd fall into the deep depths of dark emotions again, but I had this inner knowing there would be no need to fight or learn this time, that I should just wait and it would come to pass. > > Nevertheless, I felt like crap. Like having loved and lost, a deep longing. Then last night I sat in meditation doing compression prayer and started to cry. It wasn't subtle weeping but the full-blown kind. (Iknow, I know, men don't cry) > > After I stopped and came to the computer to answer some messages, I begun to shake violently. I think about as violently a human body can shake, actually This chair was rattling and crying under my weight, feel lucky it's still in one peace. > > After that I was feeling so much love and joy I could not sleep. (: > > These emotional shifts are driving me nuts. Even though I know they are likely to pass soon, the intensity just crabs me for a ride in the bipolar rollercoaster. > > Now my face is burning.... > > You know the TLC song " WAterfalls " ? These words keep popping in: > > " She gives him loving that his body can't handle > But all he can say is baby is good to me " > > Lots of weird stuff happening daily. > > Lots of love to you all, > Aarni > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 Blessings Aarni!!! It sounds to me that you are growing with great intensity on this spiritual path you have chosen. I must tell you, men do cry. If we hide our emotions we shut off the sun ligt of the spirit. To surrender to this emotion is the only way we allow the sun light of the spirit to shine in us. Even Jesus wept. Warren , " spiralingsnake " <aarni.kimmo wrote: > > I begun feeling depressed again six days ago. I got worried I'd fall into the deep depths of dark emotions again, but I had this inner knowing there would be no need to fight or learn this time, that I should just wait and it would come to pass. > > Nevertheless, I felt like crap. Like having loved and lost, a deep longing. Then last night I sat in meditation doing compression prayer and started to cry. It wasn't subtle weeping but the full-blown kind. (Iknow, I know, men don't cry) > > After I stopped and came to the computer to answer some messages, I begun to shake violently. I think about as violently a human body can shake, actually This chair was rattling and crying under my weight, feel lucky it's still in one peace. > > After that I was feeling so much love and joy I could not sleep. (: > > These emotional shifts are driving me nuts. Even though I know they are likely to pass soon, the intensity just crabs me for a ride in the bipolar rollercoaster. > > Now my face is burning.... > > You know the TLC song " WAterfalls " ? These words keep popping in: > > " She gives him loving that his body can't handle > But all he can say is baby is good to me " > > Lots of weird stuff happening daily. > > Lots of love to you all, > Aarni > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.