Guest guest Posted November 12, 2009 Report Share Posted November 12, 2009 Hi Bruce, Both your and Julia's thoughts on this matter have been the same as mine. I had to come from a place of compassion and understanding while at the same time letting them know that what they were doing could not continue. As for the bruising and broken rib, this has been put down to a grandparent who will no longer be left with baby. They now have a Child Carer living with them 24/7 until they have been taught how to care for baby. I was shocked to find that baby's mother could not read or write well which meant child care books, and instructions on feeding guides were not being read, and she was too embarrassed to ask for help. By not jumping in and condemning straight away I have been able to see the bigger picture and will continue to support them all with compassion along side the help they are getting from the proper authorities. Blessings, Iona x , " BruceO " <bruce_oom wrote: > > Hi Iona, > > I especially agree with Julia on this point. > > What arises for me is a cycle of victimization being reproduced. By the manager and his gf claiming that they have good intentions but have had bad parenting and are ignorant, they are saying that they themselves are victims and its not their fault. > > Hitting a 4 month old baby to the point of being bruised is not acceptable. yes, there are reasons why that behaviour happens and which need to be understood (and embraced with compassion, which you seem to be doing beautifully), and there is also the call to hold the parents up to their highest potential, which is one of care and due diligence and love in raising their child. If by this point they havent been proactive in seeking out help, reading books and figuring out how to raise the baby, and if they cant control themselves under times of stress and lash out at the poor child, then it will most likely be dangerous for the child to stay with them as the cycle is repeated. > > yes, people are remorseful after doing wrong, yet that remorse doesnt solve the root cause of the hurt that is being caused. The pain body will rear its head again and the parents will react from that place again and the baby will be furthur hurt. > > My gut tells me that there is a tremendous cycle of disempowerment in that family, and its best to get the baby out of there. > > My other suggestion would be to act from a place of clarity, to find within yourself all these roles that are being presented to you, including the roles of victim/victimiser, responsible/irresponsible self, etc... > > love > Bruce > > , Julia Ahern <jajahern@> wrote: > > > > Dear Iona... > > > > I think it all depends on what " supporting " your manager means > > If that support means that he wants you to say that he should have his baby returned to him and his girlfriend then I think you would be acting incorrectly to give that support. > > If support means that you can show him compassion as he now struggles with the concequences of his  appaling behaviour to his child, then I think this could be to act correctly and with the compassion and love. > > To feel empathy with them because of their own upbringing is understandable and perhaps you understand some of the dynamics that can manifest in adults behaving like this. But Iona their behaviour was not ok will continue to be not ok not matter what they say now. > > I think it is possible to reject the behaviour and support the person. Rejecting the behaviour would mean knowing that it is not appropriate for them to have theri baby returned to them now.. > > I am wondering how someone with the title of manager and who obviously earns his living as a manager cannot then manage himself. he needs help and support and compassion but his child needs love and a safe place to grow and develop. > > My prayers are with you that you make the correct choice. > > Love Julia > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > iona winton <ionaskydancer@> > > Kundalini Awakening > > Mon, November 9, 2009 10:16:08 PM > > Child Abu & e > > > >  > > Hi and All, > >  > > Wow. I have been given a hard task to do. If someone had asked me to take on this test/task I would have refused it but it is here facing me and I want to share it with others who will understand. Some may know that I work part-time as a Spiritual Adviser to a group of people who are of various faiths. I had a few problems with the manager at first as his ways and manners left a lot to be desired. As I got to know him I found his heart was in the right place and he was good at his job. > >  > > He and his girl friend had a baby girl 4 mths ago and this Saturday I am conducting a Naming Ceremony for her. Over 70 people are attending. As our meetings are held in the office next to their home I see the baby all the time. I had noticed that their house was not very clean but as I've been told I'm & nal about cleaning, I guessed it was just me being fussy. I had also noticed over time that the baby was not thriving and many times she looked as if she was dead. > >  > > Luckily the Child Services, Midwife and Social workers got involved and baby went into hospital. After two days the baby was let out and given a regime for feeding and regular Child Authority visits. I learnt from others that they had fed the 9wk old baby ice cream and bread. She showed improvement for a few weeks but then took another down turn. As I held her one day I could see bruises on her face and neck. > >  > > That was two weeks ago and I never commented on it as I knew they were being watched by authorities. Last week the poor mite was taken into hospital again. She is malnourished, bruised, dirty and has a broken rib. I'm in tears as I write this as and some may know that child abuse is something close to my heart and in my own childhood. I work hard to raise money for such children, and recently raised 200 UK pounds for them by cutting off 20yrs growth of dreadlocks. > >  > > As I am still the Spiritual Adviser the manager has been calling me for support in times of stress and trouble. No one has been there for him. On one hand I want to shout at him for the treatment of the baby. To scream at him and take the baby away from them for ever and make sure they never have another child. There was a meeting today at the baby's hospital and 20 officials turned up to support the baby, whereas the manager & girlfriend had no one. Now they have asked me to support them at the next meeting. What can I do? > >  > > I found out today that manager & girlfriend were not bought up very well themselves and have no idea how to look after a baby. Everything they have done wrong has been partly due to ignorance and having bad parents themselves. It's like children having children and while I 100%agreeee that the baby is being abused, it has not been out of malicece but ignorance and inability to even look after themselves properly. > >  > > So if you had asked me to support a couple found to be abusing their child my answer would have been " NO WAY " . But what other answer is there? I feel I should help them but what they have done is awful. > >  > > HELP Please. > >  > > Blessings, Iona x > >  > >  > > > >  > >  > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2009 Report Share Posted November 12, 2009 Hi Iona, thats wonderful news for the baby, and great that you have been able to be a part of a compassionate solution for the problem, that includes the growth and development of the parents... thanks for the feedback love Bruce , " ionaskydancer " <ionaskydancer wrote: > > > Hi Bruce, > > Both your and Julia's thoughts on this matter have been the same as mine. I had to come from a place of compassion and understanding while at the same time letting them know that what they were doing could not continue. As for the bruising and broken rib, this has been put down to a grandparent who will no longer be left with baby. > > They now have a Child Carer living with them 24/7 until they have been taught how to care for baby. I was shocked to find that baby's mother could not read or write well which meant child care books, and instructions on feeding guides were not being read, and she was too embarrassed to ask for help. > > By not jumping in and condemning straight away I have been able to see the bigger picture and will continue to support them all with compassion along side the help they are getting from the proper authorities. > > Blessings, Iona x > > , " BruceO " <bruce_oom@> wrote: > > > > Hi Iona, > > > > I especially agree with Julia on this point. > > > > What arises for me is a cycle of victimization being reproduced. By the manager and his gf claiming that they have good intentions but have had bad parenting and are ignorant, they are saying that they themselves are victims and its not their fault. > > > > Hitting a 4 month old baby to the point of being bruised is not acceptable. yes, there are reasons why that behaviour happens and which need to be understood (and embraced with compassion, which you seem to be doing beautifully), and there is also the call to hold the parents up to their highest potential, which is one of care and due diligence and love in raising their child. If by this point they havent been proactive in seeking out help, reading books and figuring out how to raise the baby, and if they cant control themselves under times of stress and lash out at the poor child, then it will most likely be dangerous for the child to stay with them as the cycle is repeated. > > > > yes, people are remorseful after doing wrong, yet that remorse doesnt solve the root cause of the hurt that is being caused. The pain body will rear its head again and the parents will react from that place again and the baby will be furthur hurt. > > > > My gut tells me that there is a tremendous cycle of disempowerment in that family, and its best to get the baby out of there. > > > > My other suggestion would be to act from a place of clarity, to find within yourself all these roles that are being presented to you, including the roles of victim/victimiser, responsible/irresponsible self, etc... > > > > love > > Bruce > > > > , Julia Ahern <jajahern@> wrote: > > > > > > Dear Iona... > > > > > > I think it all depends on what " supporting " your manager means > > > If that support means that he wants you to say that he should have his baby returned to him and his girlfriend then I think you would be acting incorrectly to give that support. > > > If support means that you can show him compassion as he now struggles with the concequences of his  appaling behaviour to his child, then I think this could be to act correctly and with the compassion and love. > > > To feel empathy with them because of their own upbringing is understandable and perhaps you understand some of the dynamics that can manifest in adults behaving like this. But Iona their behaviour was not ok will continue to be not ok not matter what they say now. > > > I think it is possible to reject the behaviour and support the person. Rejecting the behaviour would mean knowing that it is not appropriate for them to have theri baby returned to them now.. > > > I am wondering how someone with the title of manager and who obviously earns his living as a manager cannot then manage himself. he needs help and support and compassion but his child needs love and a safe place to grow and develop. > > > My prayers are with you that you make the correct choice. > > > Love Julia > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > > iona winton <ionaskydancer@> > > > Kundalini Awakening > > > Mon, November 9, 2009 10:16:08 PM > > > Child Abu & e > > > > > >  > > > Hi and All, > > >  > > > Wow. I have been given a hard task to do. If someone had asked me to take on this test/task I would have refused it but it is here facing me and I want to share it with others who will understand. Some may know that I work part-time as a Spiritual Adviser to a group of people who are of various faiths. I had a few problems with the manager at first as his ways and manners left a lot to be desired. As I got to know him I found his heart was in the right place and he was good at his job. > > >  > > > He and his girl friend had a baby girl 4 mths ago and this Saturday I am conducting a Naming Ceremony for her. Over 70 people are attending. As our meetings are held in the office next to their home I see the baby all the time. I had noticed that their house was not very clean but as I've been told I'm & nal about cleaning, I guessed it was just me being fussy. I had also noticed over time that the baby was not thriving and many times she looked as if she was dead. > > >  > > > Luckily the Child Services, Midwife and Social workers got involved and baby went into hospital. After two days the baby was let out and given a regime for feeding and regular Child Authority visits. I learnt from others that they had fed the 9wk old baby ice cream and bread. She showed improvement for a few weeks but then took another down turn. As I held her one day I could see bruises on her face and neck. > > >  > > > That was two weeks ago and I never commented on it as I knew they were being watched by authorities. Last week the poor mite was taken into hospital again. She is malnourished, bruised, dirty and has a broken rib. I'm in tears as I write this as and some may know that child abuse is something close to my heart and in my own childhood. I work hard to raise money for such children, and recently raised 200 UK pounds for them by cutting off 20yrs growth of dreadlocks. > > >  > > > As I am still the Spiritual Adviser the manager has been calling me for support in times of stress and trouble. No one has been there for him. On one hand I want to shout at him for the treatment of the baby. To scream at him and take the baby away from them for ever and make sure they never have another child. There was a meeting today at the baby's hospital and 20 officials turned up to support the baby, whereas the manager & girlfriend had no one. Now they have asked me to support them at the next meeting. What can I do? > > >  > > > I found out today that manager & girlfriend were not bought up very well themselves and have no idea how to look after a baby. Everything they have done wrong has been partly due to ignorance and having bad parents themselves. It's like children having children and while I 100%agreeee that the baby is being abused, it has not been out of malicece but ignorance and inability to even look after themselves properly. > > >  > > > So if you had asked me to support a couple found to be abusing their child my answer would have been " NO WAY " . But what other answer is there? I feel I should help them but what they have done is awful. > > >  > > > HELP Please. > > >  > > > Blessings, Iona x > > >  > > >  > > > > > >  > > >  > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.