House on Fire

[Guest guest]

Last night I had a dream of a house on fire…the flames were shooting through the

roof, and all I can remember is the knowing that no one was at harm and being

mesmerized by the flames. This morning I had the chance to speak with a

childhood friend from S. Africa. I was sharing of how my current feeling of

displacement is more troubling and difficult than that of the recent passing of

my parents and little nephew. She had just purchased a new home, and we joked

about the forts we would create together and how we used ostrich eggs shells for

tea cups. I shared that I don't know what it is that I'm so caught in, what has

me feeling so paralyzed and confined. And as we spoke I shared of my visit to

Ireland and my love for Europe, or even the US cities that are similar in

community . As I spoke I realized that the space in the way that I conceive it

in my mind here in the desert is so much different. It would not even be a

factor in these other places that make my heart dance. These are things I even

spoke about with the families with whom I stayed in Ireland. It was this very

topic that brought us together and kept us conversing around the dinner table

until late in the evening.

 

After my chat, I went for a jog and realized that I need to sign the

" recommitment " paperwork for an upcoming charity run. Recommitment. I had the

" memory " of when I was hit by a car in college and being in a coma…the sensation

being similar to what my body is experiencing now. If a soul can resist, kick,

yell and scream this is what " I " did when in the coma. I remember looking down

upon my body and not wanting at all to return. " I " kicked and screamed and did

not want to return. It is this same feeling of " encasement " , " entrapment " and

needing to free my soul that I have been feeling with this whole " house " search

thing. I'm not sure exactly what I've realized, or rather how to articulate

it, but it is about my body being the " house " of my soul/spirit. It is about

respecting this and honoring this, and creating, building and bringing the

environment to my Self, vs placing myself in the perfect environment. It is

profound; it's beyond words; I cannot give it justice in my rambling. It is my

" recommitment paperwork " . It is my love for self, it is my love for the Divine,

it is the Divine, it is my love for others… and oh how wonderful it feels to be

unbridled! If even I sit upon this perch and gaze out for the moment, the door

is open; I am free.

 

Love:

Danielle