wilderness update..danielle and all

[Guest guest]

I did not go back to the wilderness yesterday as I had promised myslef... I had

lots of genuine excuses. this morning I dropped the children to school and

headed to the sea shore. I choose a long and very sandy beach. Again the place

was fierce and stormy and as I walkied along the waters edge I was aware of

those familisr feelings rise up in me.... I did not interupt them and allowed

them to swell.

all I can say now is that the experience is definitly of long long ago...

another time entirely... some connection with walking upon the sand and land for

the first time... perhaps I came from somewhere else and landing on a sea shore,

walking to the land for the first time...I am not sure of the last bit but of

long long ago the experience came. There was no sadness this time when I

returned home...I think perhaps it was the first time I really connected with

this memory. And memory is not relly the right word to use...it is more like

connecting to an experience... an experience that is not happening in the now

although it is. Anyway I am sure that makes no sence at all but such it was

today.

As I made my way back to the car, the seagulls screatched and tried and tried

to fly out to sea but the howling wind and battering rain would not allow them.

They flapped and struggled and tried with all their strenght to get out to sea

but the wind said No. The were thrown back with great force and had to glide to

recover and then they began the futile struggle again, I am sure convincing

themselves that they were making progress....The wind was in charge of progress

not the seagull. I saw myself in the seagull and smiled.

It is far too late here to be still typing so I will say good night and head for

bed befoe it is 1am,

Love Julia