Guest guest Posted November 24, 2009 Report Share Posted November 24, 2009 Since I have had my experiences with K my daughter has been at college, that is probably why K was able to come into my life, I wasn't dominated by her negative energy. She may have a personality disorder but what she does to me is very negative and degrading. I want to just love her and show her the great compassion I have for her. What happens is she gets very mean and takes advantage of my unconditional love. Psychologists tell me to put up my boundaries and zip up to protect myself. Was wondering if anyone else had a more positive suggetion. I have been sending her K love for months now, with no perceivable impact. I want to love my daughter but she reduces me to sadness and crying with her mean behavior. Thanks Maryann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 24, 2009 Report Share Posted November 24, 2009 Dear Maryann: I understand your pain. I have a 37 year old son who is a type 1 diabetic since age 13, and is also bipolar. He is unable to get or keep a job,  and my husband and I completely support him, yet he is hateful and angry and rude to us. I have chosen, not to be hurt by his behavior, but I do feel completely drained when I have to be with him, and I am working on that. I have a great deal of sadness about how his behavior is effecting HIM. When he causes a scene and others hear and I am in a situation where I cannot get away, I recognize that his behavior is about HIS problems, it is not a reflection on me. Yet as a mom, I am sad. Since childhood he has never been willing to submit to the authority of his dad and I. He finds fault with everyone but himself. We have 2 other adult children who are fine: a daughter who is a university professor and a geologist and a son who is a pastor of a large church. I raised all 3 the same. Why is this younger son struggling so deeply? Only God knows. Sometimes I am overwhelmed; other times I am more able to deal with him without being totally drained. It is a difficult challenge. I love my son, and will always love him, but he is responsible for his attitude; I am not causing him to loose his temper as he seems to believe. I wrote a post to " Flower Theresa " (Marie Anna) on Fri 11/20 at 4:23pm. You can read that too as I wrote something a bit different to her. In any case, I will pray for you Maryann, and for your daughter too. Take courage! You are not alone in this; there are others of us out there. Love and Peace, Diane Baugh  ________________________________ mawmuth <maw2005 Tue, November 24, 2009 5:22:31 AM sharing the love of K with mean daughter  Since I have had my experiences with K my daughter has been at college, that is probably why K was able to come into my life, I wasn't dominated by her negative energy. She may have a personality disorder but what she does to me is very negative and degrading. I want to just love her and show her the great compassion I have for her. What happens is she gets very mean and takes advantage of my unconditional love. Psychologists tell me to put up my boundaries and zip up to protect myself. Was wondering if anyone else had a more positive suggetion. I have been sending her K love for months now, with no perceivable impact. I want to love my daughter but she reduces me to sadness and crying with her mean behavior. Thanks Maryann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 24, 2009 Report Share Posted November 24, 2009 Thank you Diane I really appreciate your comments I just picked her up from college and she reamed me twice in the car, I feel so helpless and sad and numb. Then she hugged me when we got home and I had a hard time with that. How can someone be so mean to someone and then go up to them and hug them like nothing happened. I have a son who is a joy to be around but he is at his fathers for a few days. My daughter was physically abused by her father so I often let her behavior slide. I have tried to get her to a psychologist but she is very resistant. Maryann , Diane Baugh <cdgbdronningen wrote: > > Dear Maryann: I understand your pain. I have a 37 year old son who is a type 1 diabetic since age 13, and is also bipolar. He is unable to get or keep a job,  and my husband and I completely support him, yet he is hateful and angry and rude to us. I have chosen, not to be hurt by his behavior, but I do feel completely drained when I have to be with him, and I am working on that. I have a great deal of sadness about how his behavior is effecting HIM. When he causes a scene and others hear and I am in a situation where I cannot get away, I recognize that his behavior is about HIS problems, it is not a reflection on me. Yet as a mom, I am sad. Since childhood he has never been willing to submit to the authority of his dad and I. He finds fault with everyone but himself. We have 2 other adult children who are fine: a daughter who is a university professor and a geologist and a son who is a pastor of a large church. I raised > all 3 the same. Why is this younger son struggling so deeply? Only God knows. Sometimes I am overwhelmed; other times I am more able to deal with him without being totally drained. It is a difficult challenge. I love my son, and will always love him, but he is responsible for his attitude; I am not causing him to loose his temper as he seems to believe. I wrote a post to " Flower Theresa " (Marie Anna) on Fri 11/20 at 4:23pm. You can read that too as I wrote something a bit different to her. In any case, I will pray for you Maryann, and for your daughter too. Take courage! You are not alone in this; there are others of us out there. Love and Peace, Diane Baugh > > > > >  > > > > ________________________________ > mawmuth <maw2005 > > Tue, November 24, 2009 5:22:31 AM > sharing the love of K with mean daughter > >  > Since I have had my experiences with K my daughter has been at college, that is probably why K was able to come into my life, I wasn't dominated by her negative energy. She may have a personality disorder but what she does to me is very negative and degrading. I want to just love her and show her the great compassion I have for her. What happens is she gets very mean and takes advantage of my unconditional love. Psychologists tell me to put up my boundaries and zip up to protect myself. Was wondering if anyone else had a more positive suggetion. I have been sending her K love for months now, with no perceivable impact. I want to love my daughter but she reduces me to sadness and crying with her mean behavior. > Thanks > Maryann > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 24, 2009 Report Share Posted November 24, 2009 Dear Maryann: Have you considered that you probably have expectations regarding your daughter and her behavior? Is it possible that you keep hoping that she will be different, will behave differently, and when she doesn't, your hopes are dashed, you are disappointed and thus more vulnerable to her " attacks " ? Think about this. If this is happening, it allows you to be vulnerable and it sets you up for inevitable hurt. It in a sense is like putting a bat in your daughter's hand ; behavior is the unspoken message is " Hit me. "  If you can let go of all expectations and just observe her antics without being emotionally caught up in her manipulative game, you will find yourself growing stronger in maintaining your own boundaries; you will be impervious to her manipulation. If you learn to do this, she will definitely notice a difference in you. Whether she decides to change her behavior is her choice alone, you have no power to evoke a change in her unless it is her choice as well, but YOU will have made a choice that will help you. You said psychologists had told you to put up your boundaries: it is by letting go  of expectations and becoming more of an observer that you can more easily do this.  It is easy to love those who are lovable; the challenge is to love those who deliberately hurt us. Hang in there! Love and PEACE  Diane ________________________________ mawmuth <maw2005 Tue, November 24, 2009 7:23:38 PM Re: sharing the love of K with mean daughter  Thank you Diane I really appreciate your comments I just picked her up from college and she reamed me twice in the car, I feel so helpless and sad and numb. Then she hugged me when we got home and I had a hard time with that. How can someone be so mean to someone and then go up to them and hug them like nothing happened. I have a son who is a joy to be around but he is at his fathers for a few days. My daughter was physically abused by her father so I often let her behavior slide. I have tried to get her to a psychologist but she is very resistant. Maryann Kundalini-Awakening -Systems- 1 , Diane Baugh <cdgbdronningen@ ...> wrote: > > Dear Maryann: I understand your pain. I have a 37 year old son who is a type 1 diabetic since age 13, and is also bipolar. He is unable to get or keep a job,  and my husband and I completely support him, yet he is hateful and angry and rude to us. I have chosen, not to be hurt by his behavior, but I do feel completely drained when I have to be with him, and I am working on that. I have a great deal of sadness about how his behavior is effecting HIM. When he causes a scene and others hear and I am in a situation where I cannot get away, I recognize that his behavior is about HIS problems, it is not a reflection on me. Yet as a mom, I am sad. Since childhood he has never been willing to submit to the authority of his dad and I. He finds fault with everyone but himself. We have 2 other adult children who are fine: a daughter who is a university professor and a geologist and a son who is a pastor of a large church. I raised > all 3 the same. Why is this younger son struggling so deeply? Only God knows. Sometimes I am overwhelmed; other times I am more able to deal with him without being totally drained. It is a difficult challenge. I love my son, and will always love him, but he is responsible for his attitude; I am not causing him to loose his temper as he seems to believe. I wrote a post to " Flower Theresa " (Marie Anna) on Fri 11/20 at 4:23pm. You can read that too as I wrote something a bit different to her. In any case, I will pray for you Maryann, and for your daughter too. Take courage! You are not alone in this; there are others of us out there. Love and Peace, Diane Baugh > > > > >  > > > > ____________ _________ _________ __ > mawmuth <maw2005 > > Kundalini-Awakening -Systems- 1 > Tue, November 24, 2009 5:22:31 AM > [Kundalini-Awakenin g-Systems- 1] sharing the love of K with mean daughter > >  > Since I have had my experiences with K my daughter has been at college, that is probably why K was able to come into my life, I wasn't dominated by her negative energy. She may have a personality disorder but what she does to me is very negative and degrading. I want to just love her and show her the great compassion I have for her. What happens is she gets very mean and takes advantage of my unconditional love. Psychologists tell me to put up my boundaries and zip up to protect myself. Was wondering if anyone else had a more positive suggetion. I have been sending her K love for months now, with no perceivable impact. I want to love my daughter but she reduces me to sadness and crying with her mean behavior. > Thanks > Maryann > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 25, 2009 Report Share Posted November 25, 2009 I agree with your comments Diane. I was expecting my brother to be a kind, unselfish mature man. I was expecting him to grow up at 40 years of age. My expectations were causing my grief when his angry outbursts were aimed for pain. Good luck Maryann, it's a challenging road but the lessons are there for us. Carla 2009/11/24 Diane Baugh <cdgbdronningen > > > Dear Maryann: Have you considered that you probably have expectations > regarding your daughter and her behavior? Is it possible that you keep > hoping that she will be different, will behave differently, and when she > doesn't, your h > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 25, 2009 Report Share Posted November 25, 2009 Thank you Diane you are absolutely right about the expectations, I expect that if I keep loving her she will become a loving kind compassionate daughter. I don't want to give up the hope so I keep giving her the bat, I actually think of it as a sword. I physically feel the pain of a sword through my heart chakra. You said it so perfectly; I have expectations and hopes and lay myself wide open and vulnerable hand her the bat and say hit me. This morning I did wake up with a sense of peace that I could release her to be who she is and drop my expectations of who I want her to be. I did feel strong and peaceful as I sensed releasing her and just observing her without getting caught up in judging her and feeling sad about it. I guess I was hoping with my new life with K I might have more influence over her but that was wrong thinking, I can only change myself, as you say so wisely.I have no power to invoke change in her. Thank You so much for taking the time to share your wisdom while you have so many health and family issuse to deal with. You and your family are in my prayers. Maryann , Diane Baugh <cdgbdronningen wrote: > > Dear Maryann: Have you considered that you probably have expectations regarding your daughter and her behavior? Is it possible that you keep hoping that she will be different, will behave differently, and when she doesn't, your hopes are dashed, you are disappointed and thus more vulnerable to her " attacks " ? Think about this. If this is happening, it allows you to be vulnerable and it sets you up for inevitable hurt. It in a sense is like putting a bat in your daughter's hand ; behavior is the unspoken message is " Hit me. "  If you can let go of all expectations and just observe her antics without being emotionally caught up in her manipulative game, you will find yourself growing stronger in maintaining your own boundaries; you will be impervious to her manipulation. If you learn to do this, she will definitely notice a difference in you. Whether she decides to change her behavior is her choice alone, you have no power to evoke a change > in her unless it is her choice as well, but YOU will have made a choice that will help you. You said psychologists had told you to put up your boundaries: it is by letting go  of expectations and becoming more of an observer that you can more easily do this.  It is easy to love those who are lovable; the challenge is to love those who deliberately hurt us. Hang in there! Love and PEACE  Diane > > > > > ________________________________ > mawmuth <maw2005 > > Tue, November 24, 2009 7:23:38 PM > Re: sharing the love of K with mean daughter > >  > Thank you Diane I really appreciate your comments I just picked her up from college and she reamed me twice in the car, I feel so helpless and sad and numb. Then she hugged me when we got home and I had a hard time with that. How can someone be so mean to someone and then go up to them and hug them like nothing happened. I have a son who is a joy to be around but he is at his fathers for a few days. My daughter was physically abused by her father so I often let her behavior slide. I have tried to get her to a psychologist but she is very resistant. > Maryann > > Kundalini-Awakening -Systems- 1 , Diane Baugh <cdgbdronningen@ ...> wrote: > > > > Dear Maryann: I understand your pain. I have a 37 year old son who is a type 1 diabetic since age 13, and is also bipolar. He is unable to get or keep a job,  and my husband and I completely support him, yet he is hateful and angry and rude to us. I have chosen, not to be hurt by his behavior, but I do feel completely drained when I have to be with him, and I am working on that. I have a great deal of sadness about how his behavior is effecting HIM. When he causes a scene and others hear and I am in a situation where I cannot get away, I recognize that his behavior is about HIS problems, it is not a reflection on me. Yet as a mom, I am sad. Since childhood he has never been willing to submit to the authority of his dad and I. He finds fault with everyone but himself. We have 2 other adult children who are fine: a daughter who is a university professor and a geologist and a son who is a > pastor of a large church. I raised > > all 3 the same. Why is this younger son struggling so deeply? Only God knows. Sometimes I am overwhelmed; other times I am more able to deal with him without being totally drained. It is a difficult challenge. I love my son, and will always love him, but he is responsible for his attitude; I am not causing him to loose his temper as he seems to believe. I wrote a post to " Flower Theresa " (Marie Anna) on Fri 11/20 at 4:23pm. You can read that too as I wrote something a bit different to her. In any case, I will pray for you Maryann, and for your daughter too. Take courage! You are not alone in this; there are others of us out there. Love and Peace, Diane Baugh > > > > > > > > > >  > > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ __ > > mawmuth <maw2005@ > > > Kundalini-Awakening -Systems- 1 > > Tue, November 24, 2009 5:22:31 AM > > [Kundalini-Awakenin g-Systems- 1] sharing the love of K with mean daughter > > > >  > > Since I have had my experiences with K my daughter has been at college, that is probably why K was able to come into my life, I wasn't dominated by her negative energy. She may have a personality disorder but what she does to me is very negative and degrading. I want to just love her and show her the great compassion I have for her. What happens is she gets very mean and takes advantage of my unconditional love. Psychologists tell me to put up my boundaries and zip up to protect myself. Was wondering if anyone else had a more positive suggetion. I have been sending her K love for months now, with no perceivable impact. I want to love my daughter but she reduces me to sadness and crying with her mean behavior. > > Thanks > > Maryann > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 25, 2009 Report Share Posted November 25, 2009 Thank You Carla it is so hard to let go of our expectations especially when they seem so reasonable. But it is definately the expectations I have of my daughter that give me so much pain. I am trying to learn the lessons and how they relate to the wider picture. I do feel like I am being given this lesson for a reason. I am usually a science teacher (now taking care of my father who had a stroke)but I have been working part-time with emotionally disturbed teenagers and have decided thats what I want to do full time eventually. Maryann , " Carla & Patrick " <bowenhealth wrote: > > I agree with your comments Diane. I was expecting my brother to be a kind, > unselfish mature man. I was expecting him to grow up at 40 years of age. My > expectations were causing my grief when his angry outbursts were aimed for > pain. > Good luck Maryann, it's a challenging road but the lessons are there for us. > > Carla > > 2009/11/24 Diane Baugh <cdgbdronningen > > > > > > > Dear Maryann: Have you considered that you probably have expectations > > regarding your daughter and her behavior? Is it possible that you keep > > hoping that she will be different, will behave differently, and when she > > doesn't, your h > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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