Status Update

[Guest guest]

Chrism,

 

I'm off to NY for family and friends and Thanksgiving and I wanted to send you

an update before I left....

 

Still off caffeine. I notice I'm much more physical without the caffeine - more

stretching and movement throughout the day.

 

Shakti has turned me 90-95% vegetarian. This in turn makes me feel my body more

(stretching, etc) as I feel lighter. Literally - I may have even lost a few

pounds!

 

I remember more dreams, but if I do not write them down immediately upon waking,

they are lost. I have had a number of dreams with similar themes. In them

there was a feminine being who needed my motherly care - protection, feeding,

and nurturing. In one case a little girl, in another a stray wildcat (kept

changing in size - sometimes small, emaciated cougar, snow leopard, then house

cat-sized, but clearly wild), in another case I was caring for spiders. [back

in the " real " world, those spiders that need to be removed from the house are

gently carried outdoors - most are left inside.] In a couple of these dreams,

part of caring for the being is choosing between right and wrong, making sure I

engage in right livelihood. The little girl sulked, pouted and cried in one

dream when I made the wrong decision, accepting oblique dishonesty in the form

of ill-gotten goods. In the same dream, I was able to remedy this by correcting

the decision and She noticeably transformed Her countenance.

 

All of these I see as lessons in nurturing and caring for the spark that has

been awakened within, the K within me. Also, that I will be tested. Goddess

will manifest outer tests for me that require making the right choices.

 

In a dream, I was in a car with my mother (Mother?) - don't know where we were

going. I couldn't find a parking space. (Shakti taking me for a ride? No

end?)

 

Another dream: The dojo I go to has a whole building. There are flying rats in

the basement. Some kid (me?) comes to visit and asks about being a budo bum,

wandering from city to city to train. Then I go downstairs to let him out

through the back door. At first I have trouble finding it. Then I find the

door but have to avoid flying rats - they are black and white with big fluffy

tails (like one of my cats) - not frightening at all, but you have to duck to

avoid them. I finally open the door and let the rat out. Then close the door.

Wonder what I have just done to the ecosystem of the building, since the rat was

such a good mouse-eater. [All parts of my inner psyche - the student who

wanders from teacher to teacher until K is activated; the building is my inner

world - the rats in the basement play an important role in the ecosystem;

surrender and balance.]

 

The other day at a relative's house I rescued a beetle that someone was going to

step on - slid a bit of cardboard under it and redeposited it outside.

 

Generally speaking, in my relations with others, I am more open and just speak

my mind. For a very long time, I have been very guarded in my relations with

others, viewing external human interaction as " controlled folly " where I needed

to present a persona that meshed with others' needs for comfort. Still have the

ability to do so when necessary - just find myself not exercising this restraint

very much. This seems to help my heart and throat.

 

I had a few days where the inside of my mouth was covered with little bumps.

Still there a bit, but receding. Figure it's in part due to the dietary changes

K has brought (no caffeine, vegetarianism).

 

Still practing forgiveness and recapitulation, most often during meditation -

people from the past come into my awareness and I write of the experience and

forgive them, forgive myself, send love.

 

I find myself drawn to practicing hatha yoga, so I do. I am intermittent - not

every day.

 

I occassionally have a day of stiffness - lower back, hips, etc. Stretching

helps a little, but it's just a " stiff day " . Doesn't last - a day later, I am

fine.

 

Tibetans - still a " struggle " - some days I only get to them once. Working on

this - gently letting Shakti, I mean. No problem sitting for meditation,

mantra, Shakti prayer, alternate nostril breathing, and the other safeties

several times a day. Reducing the number of Tibetans seems to help me do them

more regularly. Nine works best for me right now. Still spinning anywhere from

30-60 times.

 

In meditation one day, a hand came down from above, offering me a journey if I

grasped the hand with mine. I did not know who it was, but sensed it was

friendly. I did not take it.

 

Multiple times, I have heard my name called when meditating. Usually ushers in

a shift in awareness to stillness and bliss. Often in the right ear, but

sometimes the left or both. If both, it's as if the voice is from outside me.

 

At times during meditation, I experience tingling under the scr*t@m. I ask the

Goddess to take it up my spine.

 

Once I had a visual of Siva and Kali sitting in an upturned lotus at my crown

chakra embraced in yab yum. Their c*itus manifests the world, fills me with

light, showering down into my entire body and awareness field.

 

In another visual while meditating, Kali licked me from loin to forehead, then

thrust her tongue into my third eye. Very blissful.

 

Another time, I heard a knock, like on a wooden door, on the back of my head,

then a shift of awareness.

 

Sometimes when meditating (and at other times), I find myself forming gyan mudra

with my right hand facing outward and holding it in front of my heart. I

sometimes add a mudra of blessing (two fingers up, together) with the left hand,

holding it up to the left of my body. I just sit there for a while, feeling

love and stillness, letting Shakti radiate.

 

Very much loving the Shakti water and other divine gifts I brought back from the

seminar!

 

Love,

 

David