Lies-I feel I've failed

[Guest guest]

All:

I just wish to share, in hopes of releasing some of this pain. I'm being lied

to; the web keeps being spun and when I ask for the truth, the spoken truth is

denied to me. I do not know for what reason, except to test me, and today I did

not pass the test. I blew like a volcano, bubbling with the pressure building

and then exploded. I tried to send love and be forgiving but I did not pass. I

blew like a shaken up soda can…literally saying nothing, just spewing noises and

begging for the truth. I'm so frustrated and angered by the disrespect and the

now ridiculous cover-ups and stories told and all the things that were never

said to me until the ugliness of a breakup emerges. And my ex's response to me

is " you're just mad because my life isn't about you anymore. " And head is

shaken from side to side and I'm told, " you're sad, you're really sad…this

kunda-whatever. I feel really sorry for you. " And I'm told how not fun I am to

be around, how boring and antisocial I am for being quiet.

 

I'm adjusting to being invisible in this changed dynamic, but I still have my

senses. I have these " sad " senses and the teachings brought to me in sacred

dream time. I was taught how to capture prey, and how to walk on snow without

leaving my mark, I was taught how to listen with my whole body and distinguish

the different animal calls and whispers in the wind; of taking notice of the

moss and dew on the plants; I was taught patterns. It's like a trail of bread

crumbs around here. I'm in the process of trying to change homes, but I'm in

limbo. So honestly I don't even know what to do with my feelings. It's been

such a long time since someone has flat out lied to me, over and over even when

simple tangible " proof " and " evidence " can be presented, when an honest reply is

asked and skirted around. I don't know how to surrender to this. The emotion

of it wedges in my left side of my neck and causes so much pain in my neck, jaw

and frontal lobe. And then that angers me that I am the one feeling the pain,

that I am the one bringing this pain onto myself. I don't know how to detach

from it…from feeling like I need to hear the truth spoken from the person who is

doing the deceiving, to just come clean and honor me and be respectful. I wish I

could just swallowing the reality that I'm being lied to and release it and

honor myself by doing so. I do not know how to surrender to this attachment of

needing to hear the truth.

 

I feel like today, I failed in all aspects of the safeties. I don't know about

confession, but I feel this is my little window of confession and I'm seeking

guidance.

 

Love:

Danielle

[Guest guest]

Am not sure what to say to this Danielle other than I am sending you love and

begin perhaps by forgiving yourself. We all fall down and the real test is to

see if we can pick ourselves up and do better the next time.

 

It is so hard to detach from those we have/had relationships with. Give

yourself credit for attempting to be open and honest. We have no control over

the other - you are allowing the ex to manipulate and push your buttons. You

know all this - just know that you are a good person and are doing the best you

can on your journey and from my point of view " you are doing marvelous lady. "

 

Love and prayers for understanding what is happening enough to know how to

continue on the path without the pain.

 

Sending love...

e

[Guest guest]

Dear sister, you have not failed imho. I want to say that what you are

experiencing is valid, your anger is valid, this pain you're feeling is valid.

If you're up for it you can try a small experiment, can you see your anger as

your most precious baby, can you embrace it with your awareness, can you give

your anger all the love in the world? Can you also feel the pain in your neck,

jaw, and frontal lobe with your full compassionate attention? Can you bring

unconditional love to all of this pain without wanting it to be any different

than what it is in this moment? What if you tried to stop doing anything with

these emotions and allowed them to be exactly as they are? I know that I might

not seem like the best person to give advice but try this experiment and see

what the outcome is, if this resonates with you. You might notice something

strange, at first the pain increases as your awareness of it increases, but then

it begins to change, change to what I can't say, it's always different each time

try this. I don't want to sound like a know-it-all and please forgive me if I

do, I felt guided to come out of lurkesville to share this with you, and now

it's time to go back, I've got to go deeper into myself. Love to you Danielle,

and yes, break-ups really suck.

 

craig

 

, " iamwaitingmoon "

<iamwaitingmoon wrote:

>

> All:

> I just wish to share, in hopes of releasing some of this pain. I'm being lied

to; the web keeps being spun and when I ask for the truth, the spoken truth is

denied to me. I do not know for what reason, except to test me, and today I did

not pass the test. I blew like a volcano, bubbling with the pressure building

and then exploded. I tried to send love and be forgiving but I did not pass. I

blew like a shaken up soda can…literally saying nothing, just spewing noises and

begging for the truth. I'm so frustrated and angered by the disrespect and the

now ridiculous cover-ups and stories told and all the things that were never

said to me until the ugliness of a breakup emerges. And my ex's response to me

is " you're just mad because my life isn't about you anymore. " And head is

shaken from side to side and I'm told, " you're sad, you're really sad…this

kunda-whatever. I feel really sorry for you. " And I'm told how not fun I am to

be around, how boring and antisocial I am for being quiet.

>

> I'm adjusting to being invisible in this changed dynamic, but I still have my

senses. I have these " sad " senses and the teachings brought to me in sacred

dream time. I was taught how to capture prey, and how to walk on snow without

leaving my mark, I was taught how to listen with my whole body and distinguish

the different animal calls and whispers in the wind; of taking notice of the

moss and dew on the plants; I was taught patterns. It's like a trail of bread

crumbs around here. I'm in the process of trying to change homes, but I'm in

limbo. So honestly I don't even know what to do with my feelings. It's been

such a long time since someone has flat out lied to me, over and over even when

simple tangible " proof " and " evidence " can be presented, when an honest reply is

asked and skirted around. I don't know how to surrender to this. The emotion

of it wedges in my left side of my neck and causes so much pain in my neck, jaw

and frontal lobe. And then that angers me that I am the one feeling the pain,

that I am the one bringing this pain onto myself. I don't know how to detach

from it…from feeling like I need to hear the truth spoken from the person who is

doing the deceiving, to just come clean and honor me and be respectful. I wish I

could just swallowing the reality that I'm being lied to and release it and

honor myself by doing so. I do not know how to surrender to this attachment of

needing to hear the truth.

>

> I feel like today, I failed in all aspects of the safeties. I don't know about

confession, but I feel this is my little window of confession and I'm seeking

guidance.

>

> Love:

> Danielle

>

[Guest guest]

Danielle,

 

I do not know the whole story and I can not make assumptions. I am hearing

resentment in your tone. I think you were speaking with the ex-boy friend. If I

am mistaken please correct me. If this is the case remember there is still a

wound that needs healing. This healing takes time. Please allow the healing

process to work in IT's own time. How you do this is up to you but the smart

thing to do, if possible, is stay away from the area that causes you harm until

you are prepared for this.

 

Now, I can only speak for myself by sharing my experience, strength and or hope.

 

First, there is nothing saying that you can not start your day over again.

Divine Mercy has no time limit. Forgiveness is given to us at every moment and

every second of the day. There is no failure. There are only lessons given for

us to grow. Forgiveness does not know judgement but only love.

 

I can not allow anyone to take up free rent space in my head. This is a NO, NO.

Also, for me, if I place an expectatioin on any person place or thing and that

expectation is not met I may become irritable, restless or discontent. When this

occurs I am not spiritually balanced and I need to dig deeper within. I may also

have expectations on the Divine not being met as well.

 

The only way I can move back into balance is to see where I am with all of this.

I have to be completely honest with myself and ask why I am feeling this pain.

What is the source? Do I need to be here? What part am I playing in all of this?

When I find the source my next step is to seek a solution.

 

I am not sure if I was able to help you with this but if you ever want to talk I

am here. Some times this is all we need. Blessings.

 

Warren

 

 

, " iamwaitingmoon "

<iamwaitingmoon wrote:

>

> All:

> I just wish to share, in hopes of releasing some of this pain. I'm being lied

to; the web keeps being spun and when I ask for the truth, the spoken truth is

denied to me. I do not know for what reason, except to test me, and today I did

not pass the test. I blew like a volcano, bubbling with the pressure building

and then exploded. I tried to send love and be forgiving but I did not pass. I

blew like a shaken up soda can…literally saying nothing, just spewing noises and

begging for the truth. I'm so frustrated and angered by the disrespect and the

now ridiculous cover-ups and stories told and all the things that were never

said to me until the ugliness of a breakup emerges. And my ex's response to me

is " you're just mad because my life isn't about you anymore. " And head is

shaken from side to side and I'm told, " you're sad, you're really sad…this

kunda-whatever. I feel really sorry for you. " And I'm told how not fun I am to

be around, how boring and antisocial I am for being quiet.

>

> I'm adjusting to being invisible in this changed dynamic, but I still have my

senses. I have these " sad " senses and the teachings brought to me in sacred

dream time. I was taught how to capture prey, and how to walk on snow without

leaving my mark, I was taught how to listen with my whole body and distinguish

the different animal calls and whispers in the wind; of taking notice of the

moss and dew on the plants; I was taught patterns. It's like a trail of bread

crumbs around here. I'm in the process of trying to change homes, but I'm in

limbo. So honestly I don't even know what to do with my feelings. It's been

such a long time since someone has flat out lied to me, over and over even when

simple tangible " proof " and " evidence " can be presented, when an honest reply is

asked and skirted around. I don't know how to surrender to this. The emotion

of it wedges in my left side of my neck and causes so much pain in my neck, jaw

and frontal lobe. And then that angers me that I am the one feeling the pain,

that I am the one bringing this pain onto myself. I don't know how to detach

from it…from feeling like I need to hear the truth spoken from the person who is

doing the deceiving, to just come clean and honor me and be respectful. I wish I

could just swallowing the reality that I'm being lied to and release it and

honor myself by doing so. I do not know how to surrender to this attachment of

needing to hear the truth.

>

> I feel like today, I failed in all aspects of the safeties. I don't know about

confession, but I feel this is my little window of confession and I'm seeking

guidance.

>

> Love:

> Danielle

>

[Guest guest]

Danielle, I don't know really what to say, but my heart goes out to you. I agree

with Craig, you have not failed. Your anger and pain are valid and needs to be

dealt with. A few years ago I went through similar what you are going through.

My anger and pain built up until I exploded like a volcano, too. The explosion

was a turning point for me.

 

I had a lot of pain to deal with that was caused from all the lies, ridiculous

cover-ups, and stories that happened in my situation,too. In my case, it did not

end in divorce, at least not on paper by law....we still live in the same house

as though we are still married, but we are now more like just friends. It seems

really strange when I think about it very much. Even though he shows me more

respect, now, it is so hard for me to trust and beleive anything that is

said...from my husband or from one of my daughters. During this time, she wanted

me out of her life too and I was, for a good 6 or 7 months. It is all too

complicated to exlpain and how it ended up as it is now.

 

Life has a way of working things out with time. I don't know how to give you any

guidance in what you are going through, but I do just want you to know you are

in my thought and prayers. Detachment is hard, but I know Shakti will give you

all you need to make it through. Just lean on the sweet spirit within and let

her guide you.

 

Much love and warm hugs,

Linda

 

 

, " iamwaitingmoon "

<iamwaitingmoon wrote:

>

> All:

> I just wish to share, in hopes of releasing some of this pain. I'm being lied

to; the web keeps being spun and when I ask for the truth, the spoken truth is

denied to me. I do not know for what reason, except to test me, and today I did

not pass the test. I blew like a volcano, bubbling with the pressure building

and then exploded. I tried to send love and be forgiving but I did not pass. I

blew like a shaken up soda can…literally saying nothing, just spewing noises and

begging for the truth. I'm so frustrated and angered by the disrespect and the

now ridiculous cover-ups and stories told and all the things that were never

said to me until the ugliness of a breakup emerges. And my ex's response to me

is " you're just mad because my life isn't about you anymore. " And head is

shaken from side to side and I'm told, " you're sad, you're really sad…this

kunda-whatever. I feel really sorry for you. " And I'm told how not fun I am to

be around, how boring and antisocial I am for being quiet.

>

> I'm adjusting to being invisible in this changed dynamic, but I still have my

senses. I have these " sad " senses and the teachings brought to me in sacred

dream time. I was taught how to capture prey, and how to walk on snow without

leaving my mark, I was taught how to listen with my whole body and distinguish

the different animal calls and whispers in the wind; of taking notice of the

moss and dew on the plants; I was taught patterns. It's like a trail of bread

crumbs around here. I'm in the process of trying to change homes, but I'm in

limbo. So honestly I don't even know what to do with my feelings. It's been

such a long time since someone has flat out lied to me, over and over even when

simple tangible " proof " and " evidence " can be presented, when an honest reply is

asked and skirted around. I don't know how to surrender to this. The emotion

of it wedges in my left side of my neck and causes so much pain in my neck, jaw

and frontal lobe. And then that angers me that I am the one feeling the pain,

that I am the one bringing this pain onto myself. I don't know how to detach

from it…from feeling like I need to hear the truth spoken from the person who is

doing the deceiving, to just come clean and honor me and be respectful. I wish I

could just swallowing the reality that I'm being lied to and release it and

honor myself by doing so. I do not know how to surrender to this attachment of

needing to hear the truth.

>

> I feel like today, I failed in all aspects of the safeties. I don't know about

confession, but I feel this is my little window of confession and I'm seeking

guidance.

>

> Love:

> Danielle

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Danielle,

 

i can feel your pain even as i am not a 100% healed from my own break-up. we

know why we are going through these hurts. it is our purification, unless we

pass through the fires of purgation we can not come out the diamonds that we are

meant to be. you are a diamond in the rough, so hang in there princess, these

too will come to pass and you will surely emerge a beautiful butterfly.

 

love,

edgar

 

 

 

 

________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hi Danielle

 

thanks for writing what is on your heart. It seems as though you are having a

tough time, and that sucks.

 

Confession is useful, and a big part of the confession is for someone else to

say 'thats ok. You are forgiven ' Its also tough when emotions are really

strong and overpowering and clarity seems as though its a distant dream, and

difficult when the bad feelings stick around longer and are more intense than is

wanted. That space of feeling a failure is horrible.

I have been in there many times, and to be honest, I dont like it. I dont like

failing or feeling I have failed. Failure is one of my biggest demons. Yet, as

hard as it is, I cannot fight it.

 

My advice, if you choose to do this, is to honor your side fully. Go deeply into

the experience of being a failure, of being quiet and boring, of maybe being a

victim in the relationship. Perhaps write about it, get mad and sad. Once that

is done (and I know this may be tough) then try and step into your ex's world.

See and feel the world through his eyes, and own the qualities he has, such as

dishonesty, etc. This will take you one step closer towards balancing the

opposites in your situation.

 

My experience with K. is that I went through several years of all kinds of

difficult karma being played out... its part of the process as the soul is

cleansed...

 

love and redemption

Bruce

 

 

 

 

, " iamwaitingmoon "

<iamwaitingmoon wrote:

>

> All:

> I just wish to share, in hopes of releasing some of this pain. I'm being lied

to; the web keeps being spun and when I ask for the truth, the spoken truth is

denied to me. I do not know for what reason, except to test me, and today I did

not pass the test. I blew like a volcano, bubbling with the pressure building

and then exploded. I tried to send love and be forgiving but I did not pass. I

blew like a shaken up soda can…literally saying nothing, just spewing noises and

begging for the truth. I'm so frustrated and angered by the disrespect and the

now ridiculous cover-ups and stories told and all the things that were never

said to me until the ugliness of a breakup emerges. And my ex's response to me

is " you're just mad because my life isn't about you anymore. " And head is

shaken from side to side and I'm told, " you're sad, you're really sad…this

kunda-whatever. I feel really sorry for you. " And I'm told how not fun I am to

be around, how boring and antisocial I am for being quiet.

>

> I'm adjusting to being invisible in this changed dynamic, but I still have my

senses. I have these " sad " senses and the teachings brought to me in sacred

dream time. I was taught how to capture prey, and how to walk on snow without

leaving my mark, I was taught how to listen with my whole body and distinguish

the different animal calls and whispers in the wind; of taking notice of the

moss and dew on the plants; I was taught patterns. It's like a trail of bread

crumbs around here. I'm in the process of trying to change homes, but I'm in

limbo. So honestly I don't even know what to do with my feelings. It's been

such a long time since someone has flat out lied to me, over and over even when

simple tangible " proof " and " evidence " can be presented, when an honest reply is

asked and skirted around. I don't know how to surrender to this. The emotion

of it wedges in my left side of my neck and causes so much pain in my neck, jaw

and frontal lobe. And then that angers me that I am the one feeling the pain,

that I am the one bringing this pain onto myself. I don't know how to detach

from it…from feeling like I need to hear the truth spoken from the person who is

doing the deceiving, to just come clean and honor me and be respectful. I wish I

could just swallowing the reality that I'm being lied to and release it and

honor myself by doing so. I do not know how to surrender to this attachment of

needing to hear the truth.

>

> I feel like today, I failed in all aspects of the safeties. I don't know about

confession, but I feel this is my little window of confession and I'm seeking

guidance.

>

> Love:

> Danielle

>

[Guest guest]

Danielle,

 

We are students, and we are still learning. Don't beat yourself up for not

behaving like a saint yet. Forgive yourself.

 

Shakti is going to teach us about our own capacity for anger, how to forgive

ourselves, and how to forgive others, but it will be in Her own time. We each

have highly customized, personalized lesson plans. If you find it difficult to

forgive in real time right now, trust that you will be able to recapitulate all

of this and forgive at some point in the future. I am only now recapitulating

and forgiving people who hurt me 30 years ago.

 

Hard as it is, remain detached. It sounds like your karma with this person is

coming to an end. I would just be very businesslike about separating and

settling whatever final things need to be settled and then move on. Try to do

most of it over the phone or by email, if being in each others' presence is

difficult. Or do it in person and treat it as a personal lesson/challenge in

learning to be detached yet loving and fair. Or learning to be tough and

self-assertive, if that is what Shakti is teaching today. To transcend the part

of yourself that finds this encounter difficult or that reacts in anger to his

anger.

 

I do not think it is that important that he treat you honorably, respect you, or

speak the truth to you, although it would be nice. It is only important that

you try to treat him as honorably as you can, in your actions, your thoughts,

and your emotions. Then surrender the results - we are still students, and if

Shakti needs us to do someting in a way we don't feel great about, it is so that

we can learn from it. Shakti may be giving this to you as an opportunity to

learn to move with equanimity through stormy waters, essentially being bombarded

with hostile energy but remaining centered. Don't worry if you lose emotional

control. I suspect when Shakti wants us to learn something, She keeps on giving

us the lessons until we learn them. It's like the movie Groundhog Day.

 

The fact that you are berating yourself for not yet being able to perfectly

practice the safeties in absolute realtime does not mean that you are failing in

" all aspects of the safeties " . I think it means you are being a good student

and trying to learn. We all fall on the ground; we just have to get back up and

continue on our journeys. I get lots of lessons like this, especially around

anger, in my interactions with others. At times I feel like an @ss after an

interaction, and then I have to forgive myself, forgive the other person, send

love, and try not to lose control of my emotions again. Sometimes the

recognition that I reacted out of lower emotions like anger, as well as the

eventual forgiveness, only comes in retrospect. I feel the safeties are a

continuous practice, not a final state.

 

Difficult as it may be, try to view your ex inwardly with compassion. Remember

that you are on your way out of the world of illusion. You are leaving him

behind in the mud. This does not mean it is your responsibility to pull him out

of the mud. You are leaving the mud because it no longer suits you. He is

staying because he does not even know he is in the mud. He is angry that he is

losing you and cannot begin to understand why.

 

You are changing at a rate unheard of for non-K people. Those who met you way

back when and who are attached to you being whoever you were back then cannot

begin to comprehend. They have no frame of reference.

 

The changes in you most likely frighten and threaten him. Sometimes people

(especially men?) hide fear with anger, bravado, and projected scorn. He may be

very angry - you are no longer the bundle of samskaras with which he initially

fell in love. Whatever set of karmas, emotional needs, and psychological needs

he has -- you were once a perfect fit for these. As he was for yours. Now you

are transformed and you no longer meet his karmic requirements. And he no

longer meets yours. Try to disentangle as quickly as possible and as graciously

as he will allow, so you can move on to your next set of adventures.

 

Do not let your mind or emotions trap you into a loop of despair or self-pity or

self-anger or self-condemnation. Remember you are psychic to some degree - if

you feel these terrible emotions about yourself after interacting with him, you

may be picking up and internalizing his current feelings for you. As I

understand it, we are supposed to surrender to Shakti, not to other people who

are angry with us and wish to trounce us. So do not let him succeed in making

you feel bad about yourself or filling you with anger.

 

I have recently found that alternate nostril breathing/compression prayer is

extremely soothing to the emotions. I can be riled up with anger and this

technique calms the emootional waves and restores balance for me.

 

You could view all of these experiences as the pain a butterfly experiences

emerging from the chrysalis.

 

I think the guidance you ask for is all in the safeties. You may have to cool

down and go for a run or whatever you need to do to shift into a higher state of

attention, but keep surrendering to the Goddess (not your emotions or

attachments), praying to the Goddess, and practicing the safeties.

 

My love is with you.

 

Blessings,

 

David

[Guest guest]

Dearest Danielle,

 

although this is so very painful you are blessed.  You are being treasured

and  blessed and held  and know that you are loved unconditionally.  You

aare being taught to observe  the whisper and the roar within your self, you

are being taught to observe your own moss growing and the breadcrumbs of

shattering.  You are being taught to walk on the  landscape of your own

observations.  to  walk on the deep snow of some of your desires is very

challenging, a roar of spewed anger as you sink into the trap of your own desire

to be told the truth is ok now, you have not failed you are again looking at

this trap and observing its presence and you will be taught how to negotiate

this Danielle.  Do not walk on the landscape of others creations trust the

landscape that you walk  on and know that the  teaching you are now

receiving will set you free. 

 

this all typed itself Danielle.  May you find something within it,   It is

sent with much love and hugs Julia

 

 

 

 

________________________________

iamwaitingmoon <iamwaitingmoon

 

Sat, November 28, 2009 1:11:35 AM

Lies-I feel I've failed

 

 

All:

I just wish to share, in hopes of releasing some of this pain. I'm being lied

to; the web keeps being spun and when I ask for the truth, the spoken truth is

denied to me. I do not know for what reason, except to test me, and today I did

not pass the test. I blew like a volcano, bubbling with the pressure building

and then exploded. I tried to send love and be forgiving but I did not pass. I

blew like a shaken up soda can…literally saying nothing, just spewing noises

and begging for the truth. I'm so frustrated and angered by the disrespect and

the now ridiculous cover-ups and stories told and all the things that were never

said to me until the ugliness of a breakup emerges. And my ex's response to me

is " you're just mad because my life isn't about you anymore. " And head is shaken

from side to side and I'm told, " you're sad, you're really sad…this

kunda-whatever. I feel really sorry for you. " And I'm told how not fun I am to

be around, how boring and

antisocial I am for being quiet.

 

I'm adjusting to being invisible in this changed dynamic, but I still have my

senses. I have these " sad " senses and the teachings brought to me in sacred

dream time. I was taught how to capture prey, and how to walk on snow without

leaving my mark, I was taught how to listen with my whole body and distinguish

the different animal calls and whispers in the wind; of taking notice of the

moss and dew on the plants; I was taught patterns. It's like a trail of bread

crumbs around here. I'm in the process of trying to change homes, but I'm in

limbo. So honestly I don't even know what to do with my feelings. It's been such

a long time since someone has flat out lied to me, over and over even when

simple tangible " proof " and " evidence " can be presented, when an honest reply is

asked and skirted around. I don't know how to surrender to this. The emotion of

it wedges in my left side of my neck and causes so much pain in my neck, jaw and

frontal lobe. And then that

angers me that I am the one feeling the pain, that I am the one bringing this

pain onto myself. I don't know how to detach from it…from feeling like I need

to hear the truth spoken from the person who is doing the deceiving, to just

come clean and honor me and be respectful. I wish I could just swallowing the

reality that I'm being lied to and release it and honor myself by doing so. I do

not know how to surrender to this attachment of needing to hear the truth.

 

I feel like today, I failed in all aspects of the safeties. I don't know about

confession, but I feel this is my little window of confession and I'm seeking

guidance.

 

Love:

Danielle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Danielle, thank you so much for writing from your heart and I also thank all

those who responded it really helped me with my issues with my daughter she lied

and said some very mean things yesterday and I just really wanted her to tell

the truth about what she had done to me. I got angry for the first time since K

and I am still having a hard time forgiving her for being so cruel. Reading all

the responses you got were very helpful. Something that helped me was to go for

a walk outside with a close friend and we even went to the mall on black Friday

just for a diversion. It also helps me to just talk to a friend it releases some

of the pent up energy and I get some objective input from her.It helped me to

distract my sadness and feel the more positive K energy and love for my

daughter. I also have a little gratitude journal where I paste pictures onto the

pages and then write why I am thankful for each thing or person. They can be

pictures of anythig trees, sky, your family, food, friends....When I look back

onto the pages and read my notes it fills me with a great sense of joyous

thankfulness. Then I start to feel more loving and forgiving. I also went

through a awful divorce and child custody battle but today my ex will be at my

table for a late Thanksgiving meal(it has been 4 years since the divorce).

I will be sending my prayers to you, take care.

Maryann

 

, " iamwaitingmoon "

<iamwaitingmoon wrote:

>

> All:

> I just wish to share, in hopes of releasing some of this pain. I'm being lied

to; the web keeps being spun and when I ask for the truth, the spoken truth is

denied to me. I do not know for what reason, except to test me, and today I did

not pass the test. I blew like a volcano, bubbling with the pressure building

and then exploded. I tried to send love and be forgiving but I did not pass. I

blew like a shaken up soda can…literally saying nothing, just spewing noises and

begging for the truth. I'm so frustrated and angered by the disrespect and the

now ridiculous cover-ups and stories told and all the things that were never

said to me until the ugliness of a breakup emerges. And my ex's response to me

is " you're just mad because my life isn't about you anymore. " And head is

shaken from side to side and I'm told, " you're sad, you're really sad…this

kunda-whatever. I feel really sorry for you. " And I'm told how not fun I am to

be around, how boring and antisocial I am for being quiet.

>

> I'm adjusting to being invisible in this changed dynamic, but I still have my

senses. I have these " sad " senses and the teachings brought to me in sacred

dream time. I was taught how to capture prey, and how to walk on snow without

leaving my mark, I was taught how to listen with my whole body and distinguish

the different animal calls and whispers in the wind; of taking notice of the

moss and dew on the plants; I was taught patterns. It's like a trail of bread

crumbs around here. I'm in the process of trying to change homes, but I'm in

limbo. So honestly I don't even know what to do with my feelings. It's been

such a long time since someone has flat out lied to me, over and over even when

simple tangible " proof " and " evidence " can be presented, when an honest reply is

asked and skirted around. I don't know how to surrender to this. The emotion

of it wedges in my left side of my neck and causes so much pain in my neck, jaw

and frontal lobe. And then that angers me that I am the one feeling the pain,

that I am the one bringing this pain onto myself. I don't know how to detach

from it…from feeling like I need to hear the truth spoken from the person who is

doing the deceiving, to just come clean and honor me and be respectful. I wish I

could just swallowing the reality that I'm being lied to and release it and

honor myself by doing so. I do not know how to surrender to this attachment of

needing to hear the truth.

>

> I feel like today, I failed in all aspects of the safeties. I don't know about

confession, but I feel this is my little window of confession and I'm seeking

guidance.

>

> Love:

> Danielle

>

[Guest guest]

Hello dear Danielle,

 

I feel your pain.

 

Its a hard place to be.

 

I have found that this is where trust comes

in. Trusting God, Shakti, the Divine. It does

hurt, and there is nothing wrong with feeling

the pain. In fact it deepens our emotional

spectrum and compassion for others who find

themselves in this place as well.

 

If you can't surrender, then allow. Allow it

to happen. The steering wheel is not in your

hands anymore. Travel where Shakti leads...and

remember the words, " yes, though I walk through

the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear

no evil...for You are with me. "

 

It is the ego that is stinging. Love yourself and

let the drama run itself out. Just be you and if

you can't forgive yet, then just allow. When

Jesus was hanging His response was, " forgive them,

for they don't know what they're doing. " They

really don't know. On the Divine Path, we know,

so we are more responsible for our responses.

Be gentle with yourself, and trust...that is how

I moved through this. Hope some of it helps.

 

Love, dhyana

 

, " iamwaitingmoon "

<iamwaitingmoon wrote:

>

> All:

> I just wish to share, in hopes of releasing some of this pain. I'm being lied

to; the web keeps being spun and when I ask for the truth, the spoken truth is

denied to me. I do not know for what reason, except to test me, and today I did

not pass the test. I blew like a volcano, bubbling with the pressure building

and then exploded. I tried to send love and be forgiving but I did not pass. I

blew like a shaken up soda can…literally saying nothing, just spewing noises and

begging for the truth. I'm so frustrated and angered by the disrespect and the

now ridiculous cover-ups and stories told and all the things that were never

said to me until the ugliness of a breakup emerges. And my ex's response to me

is " you're just mad because my life isn't about you anymore. " And head is

shaken from side to side and I'm told, " you're sad, you're really sad…this

kunda-whatever. I feel really sorry for you. " And I'm told how not fun I am to

be around, how boring and antisocial I am for being quiet.

>

> I'm adjusting to being invisible in this changed dynamic, but I still have my

senses. I have these " sad " senses and the teachings brought to me in sacred

dream time. I was taught how to capture prey, and how to walk on snow without

leaving my mark, I was taught how to listen with my whole body and distinguish

the different animal calls and whispers in the wind; of taking notice of the

moss and dew on the plants; I was taught patterns. It's like a trail of bread

crumbs around here. I'm in the process of trying to change homes, but I'm in

limbo. So honestly I don't even know what to do with my feelings. It's been

such a long time since someone has flat out lied to me, over and over even when

simple tangible " proof " and " evidence " can be presented, when an honest reply is

asked and skirted around. I don't know how to surrender to this. The emotion

of it wedges in my left side of my neck and causes so much pain in my neck, jaw

and frontal lobe. And then that angers me that I am the one feeling the pain,

that I am the one bringing this pain onto myself. I don't know how to detach

from it…from feeling like I need to hear the truth spoken from the person who is

doing the deceiving, to just come clean and honor me and be respectful. I wish I

could just swallowing the reality that I'm being lied to and release it and

honor myself by doing so. I do not know how to surrender to this attachment of

needing to hear the truth.

>

> I feel like today, I failed in all aspects of the safeties. I don't know about

confession, but I feel this is my little window of confession and I'm seeking

guidance.

>

> Love:

> Danielle

>

[Guest guest]

Whoa ! This sure has HIT home with me. I realize I do have attachment and

expectations mainly of myself not others. I admit I DO tend to replay in my

mind past happenings playing the " What if " game. What if I did this or What

if that, etc., etc. I know what is done is done and I need to Let It Go. It

is in the past and I should be focusing on the " Right Now " moment. Change

can be easy or difficult. Not everything can be easy. The things I want to

remember I have to go digging for and the things I do not want to remember

are right on top of my brain for easy access. Not always but this is usually

my scenario. I am going to write a verse used from my fathers (AA) alcoholic

anonymous group. Here goes:

 

 

 

" God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I can not change and the

Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to KNOW the difference. "

 

 

 

I remember when I first read this it brought up questions? What does this

mean? Who does this apply to? How is this going to help? When will we know

the difference?

 

 

 

Namaste'

 

Denny

 

 

 

****

 

Yes lies and betrayal are harsh tests Danielle. But these are not your

issues. These are issues for those who are committing these actions. Your

issues are perhaps your attachments and expectations.

 

The fact of your feelings and hurt being effected is as a way of showing you

where your attachment to these actions and this person can be released as

they currently serve you not.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Dear Danielle,

 

While I cannot advise you on your relationship situation, I can tell you

that we all fail the safeties sometimes. For me they are like a wave, couple

of days on the crest and then a day or two I'm in the trout. Just as long as

you evaluate yourself why you fell from the crest, everything will be ok.

 

Much love and wishing you the best,

Mike

 

 

On Fri, Nov 27, 2009 at 5:11 PM, iamwaitingmoon <iamwaitingmoonwrote:

 

>

>

> All:

> I just wish to share, in hopes of releasing some of this pain. I'm being

> lied to; the web keeps being spun and when I ask for the truth, the spoken

> truth is denied to me. I do not know for what reason, except to test me, and

> today I did not pass the test. I blew like a volcano, bubbling with the

> pressure building and then exploded. I tried to send love and be forgiving

> but I did not pass. I blew like a shaken up soda can…literally saying

> nothing, just spewing noises and begging for the truth. I'm so frustrated

> and angered by the disrespect and the now ridiculous cover-ups and stories

> told and all the things that were never said to me until the ugliness of a

> breakup emerges. And my ex's response to me is " you're just mad because my

> life isn't about you anymore. " And head is shaken from side to side and I'm

> told, " you're sad, you're really sad…this kunda-whatever. I feel really

> sorry for you. " And I'm told how not fun I am to be around, how boring and

> antisocial I am for being quiet.

>

> I'm adjusting to being invisible in this changed dynamic, but I still have

> my senses. I have these " sad " senses and the teachings brought to me in

> sacred dream time. I was taught how to capture prey, and how to walk on snow

> without leaving my mark, I was taught how to listen with my whole body and

> distinguish the different animal calls and whispers in the wind; of taking

> notice of the moss and dew on the plants; I was taught patterns. It's like a

> trail of bread crumbs around here. I'm in the process of trying to change

> homes, but I'm in limbo. So honestly I don't even know what to do with my

> feelings. It's been such a long time since someone has flat out lied to me,

> over and over even when simple tangible " proof " and " evidence " can be

> presented, when an honest reply is asked and skirted around. I don't know

> how to surrender to this. The emotion of it wedges in my left side of my

> neck and causes so much pain in my neck, jaw and frontal lobe. And then that

> angers me that I am the one feeling the pain, that I am the one bringing

> this pain onto myself. I don't know how to detach from it…from feeling like

> I need to hear the truth spoken from the person who is doing the deceiving,

> to just come clean and honor me and be respectful. I wish I could just

> swallowing the reality that I'm being lied to and release it and honor

> myself by doing so. I do not know how to surrender to this attachment of

> needing to hear the truth.

>

> I feel like today, I failed in all aspects of the safeties. I don't know

> about confession, but I feel this is my little window of confession and I'm

> seeking guidance.

>

> Love:

> Danielle

>

>

>

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hi Denny,

 

So nice to read you again! Thank you for the prayer ... attachment and

expectations seems such a simple concept yet not always so in life. It's a

beautiful prayer - Many thanks Denny! So happy to know you are writing again. (:

Much love to you,

Deb

 

, " Denny Norton "

<dennynorton wrote:

>

[Guest guest]

Hi MaryAnn,

 

Your appreciation journal is beautiful! Thats actually how the k started in me

.... before going to sleep at night I would focus on each person in my life with

love and appreciation and heartfelt thanks and then move out from there to the

trees, plants, animals, earth, all...little did i know within 2 months of doing

that a strange earthquake woke me everynight! ha It was scary to me then...I

didn't know...

 

Love this because appreciation and love always brings us to where we need to be

....

 

Much love to you too!

Deb

 

, " mawmuth " <maw2005

wrote:

>

[Guest guest]

Dear David,

 

Thank you for this great tidbit...I'm learning so much from all of you! I shall

try this too! I never thought of trying that while in the storm of

emotions...so great to have something a bit handier than eggs...

 

Throwing a big chi ball at you David!

Deb

 

, " djgottlieb "

<dgottlieb wrote:

>

> I have recently found that alternate nostril breathing/compression prayer is

extremely soothing to the emotions. I can be riled up with anger and this

technique calms the emootional waves and restores balance for me.

>

[Guest guest]

Danielle,

 

I feel that there is a warrior spirit inside you - you are very strong. I think

that if you explore this and let it emerge, it may help you. It need not rule,

but can be there when you need it.

 

Love,

 

David

[Guest guest]

Deb,

 

Happy to share what I've discovered....

 

Love,

 

David

 

 

, " flowerpowers7777 "

<flowerpowers7777 wrote:

>

> Dear David,

>

> Thank you for this great tidbit...I'm learning so much from all of you! I

shall try this too! I never thought of trying that while in the storm of

emotions...so great to have something a bit handier than eggs...

>

> Throwing a big chi ball at you David!

> Deb

>

> , " djgottlieb "

<dgottlieb@> wrote:

> >

> > I have recently found that alternate nostril breathing/compression prayer is

extremely soothing to the emotions. I can be riled up with anger and this

technique calms the emootional waves and restores balance for me.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Maryann,

Just a few days ago, I thought of doing a gratitude journal much like my

forgiveness journal... how I started at the earliest I could remember and went

over forgiveness of all hurts I could think of through out my whole life, done

to me and me doing to others. It was very emotional going over all that.

Now I am working more so on gratitude so I thought it would be good to do the

same thing, starting with the earliest I could remember and list and give thanks

for all my giftings I have recieved throughout my life. I like the picture idea,

it will be fun to add the pictures. Hope you don't mind me copying that.

 

Blessings,

Linda

 

, " mawmuth " <maw2005

wrote:

I also have a little gratitude journal where I paste pictures onto the pages

and then write why I am thankful for each thing or person. They can be pictures

of anythig trees, sky, your family, food, friends....When I look back onto the

pages and read my notes it fills me with a great sense of joyous thankfulness.

Then I start to feel more loving and forgiving. I also went through a awful

divorce and child custody battle but today my ex will be at my table for a late

Thanksgiving meal(it has been 4 years since the divorce).

> I will be sending my prayers to you, take care.

> Maryann

[Guest guest]

Glad it helps I am going to start a forgiveness journal today what a great idea,

thanks.

Maryann

 

, " danceswithcats999 "

<crazycats711 wrote:

>

> Hi Maryann,

> Just a few days ago, I thought of doing a gratitude journal much like my

forgiveness journal... how I started at the earliest I could remember and went

over forgiveness of all hurts I could think of through out my whole life, done

to me and me doing to others. It was very emotional going over all that.

> Now I am working more so on gratitude so I thought it would be good to do the

same thing, starting with the earliest I could remember and list and give thanks

for all my giftings I have recieved throughout my life. I like the picture idea,

it will be fun to add the pictures. Hope you don't mind me copying that.

>

> Blessings,

> Linda

>

> , " mawmuth " <maw2005@>

wrote:

> I also have a little gratitude journal where I paste pictures onto the pages

and then write why I am thankful for each thing or person. They can be pictures

of anythig trees, sky, your family, food, friends....When I look back onto the

pages and read my notes it fills me with a great sense of joyous thankfulness.

Then I start to feel more loving and forgiving. I also went through a awful

divorce and child custody battle but today my ex will be at my table for a late

Thanksgiving meal(it has been 4 years since the divorce).

> > I will be sending my prayers to you, take care.

> > Maryann

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Danielle,

Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions arise out of this situation.

Look at them full on, and surrender them.

Realise that it does not matter what other people do; what is important is what

you do.

Love, Sandra

 

, " iamwaitingmoon "

<iamwaitingmoon wrote:

>

> All:

> I just wish to share, in hopes of releasing some of this pain. I'm being lied

to; the web keeps being spun and when I ask for the truth, the spoken truth is

denied to me. I do not know for what reason, except to test me, and today I did

not pass the test. I blew like a volcano, bubbling with the pressure building

and then exploded. I tried to send love and be forgiving but I did not pass. I

blew like a shaken up soda can…literally saying nothing, just spewing noises and

begging for the truth. I'm so frustrated and angered by the disrespect and the

now ridiculous cover-ups and stories told and all the things that were never

said to me until the ugliness of a breakup emerges. And my ex's response to me

is " you're just mad because my life isn't about you anymore. " And head is

shaken from side to side and I'm told, " you're sad, you're really sad…this

kunda-whatever. I feel really sorry for you. " And I'm told how not fun I am to

be around, how boring and antisocial I am for being quiet.

>

> I'm adjusting to being invisible in this changed dynamic, but I still have my

senses. I have these " sad " senses and the teachings brought to me in sacred

dream time. I was taught how to capture prey, and how to walk on snow without

leaving my mark, I was taught how to listen with my whole body and distinguish

the different animal calls and whispers in the wind; of taking notice of the

moss and dew on the plants; I was taught patterns. It's like a trail of bread

crumbs around here. I'm in the process of trying to change homes, but I'm in

limbo. So honestly I don't even know what to do with my feelings. It's been

such a long time since someone has flat out lied to me, over and over even when

simple tangible " proof " and " evidence " can be presented, when an honest reply is

asked and skirted around. I don't know how to surrender to this. The emotion

of it wedges in my left side of my neck and causes so much pain in my neck, jaw

and frontal lobe. And then that angers me that I am the one feeling the pain,

that I am the one bringing this pain onto myself. I don't know how to detach

from it…from feeling like I need to hear the truth spoken from the person who is

doing the deceiving, to just come clean and honor me and be respectful. I wish I

could just swallowing the reality that I'm being lied to and release it and

honor myself by doing so. I do not know how to surrender to this attachment of

needing to hear the truth.

>

> I feel like today, I failed in all aspects of the safeties. I don't know about

confession, but I feel this is my little window of confession and I'm seeking

guidance.

>

> Love:

> Danielle

>