Guest guest Posted December 13, 2009 Report Share Posted December 13, 2009 Hello, I'm Shane, I've been k-active for around 1 year now have been reading people's posts in that time but haven't really contributed anything, so I just wanted to share my story briefly and take more of a part in the group as the posts and replies have helped me a great deal, I feel and see alot of love in them when I sometimes struggle to see it in the world on a day to day basis - surrender has been tough for me! - Before my 'awakening' I had alot of strong spirtual experiences, of time (or my mind) stopping and being at the centre of everything - they were very nice and peaceful. Sometime after those I meditated on wanting nothing and asked to be purged of everything - I was in a lot of hurt at the time and wanted 'out' so to speak of the game of black and white. My prayer/meditation was answered very quickly when something started stirring in the pit of my stomach, after 30 minutes or so I left the body completely (although still conscious at the time) and felt like I was the universal conscious in it's entirety, this was frightening at first and then became comfortable. This lasted for around three hours - in this time I could clearly see my mind and all it's workings and it became apparent that the person I thought I was, was just a complex of ideas, memories and experiences - not the actual underlying essence which I was then experiencing, I then fell asleep. After that I was shrouded in darkness which I am still in at the moment although it does seems to be lifting as I am finding it easier to surrender now and try to let myself be taken along for the ride in meditation rather than trying to control it. I have learned alot about myself in this year and how much I tried to control things and I see beauty in things which I would have never before noticed so I am now grateful for the darkness which I initially strongly resented. There are still somethings I am unsure about though and was hoping that maybe you could help me with, I had an experience in meditation where my whole body came alive like pure energy running through me - the only way I can describe it was traumatic as I couldn't surrender to it - it lasted for around 4 hours and was the whole of my insides being alive and moving around - it reached everywhere except for my navel which felt like there was a solid concrete ball which couldnt be penetrated and this has sat there since, also I've had experiences where I get a feeling which I can only describe as an orgasm but over my whole being - I can only feel this for a few seconds before it's too much - it's like pure bliss that I don't feel ready for - if anybody can help me with these it would be greatly appreciated :-) I apologise if this post is a little self indulgent and over-long (I've just re-read it and realised how much I have used the word 'I' lol) Love Shane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 13, 2009 Report Share Posted December 13, 2009 Hi Shane, Welcome and thank you for sharing your story. It was a privilage to read it. It is not self indulgent or long at all.( I have to say that because my own posts are often much longer..lol) It sounds like you are welcoming all the changes and doing really well. Being grateful for the darkness is a gift and a grace given after surrender and acceptance, well that is my take on it. I just want to welcome you again and I know and others will reply with words of wisdom and light. Love Julia Amelia ________________________________ shane <shane_paul_leonard Sun, December 13, 2009 2:58:21 PM Hello everybody Hello, I'm Shane, I've been k-active for around 1 year now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 13, 2009 Report Share Posted December 13, 2009 Hi Shane, I'm fairly new to the site and mostly am only a reader too. I didn't think your post was too long or had too many I's. I enjoyed reading it and hope to hear more from you. Bliss, Pamela , " shane " <shane_paul_leonard wrote: > > Hello, > > I'm Shane, I've been k-active for around 1 year now have been reading people's posts in that time but haven't really contributed anything, (I've just re-read it and realised how much I have used the word 'I' lol) > > Love > Shane > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 14, 2009 Report Share Posted December 14, 2009 Hello Shane, welcome, and your post wasnt too long. I enjoyed reading it Hope to hear from you more.. Bruce , " shane " <shane_paul_leonard wrote: > > Hello, > > I'm Shane, I've been k-active for around 1 year now have been reading people's posts in that time but haven't really contributed anything, so I just wanted to share my story briefly and take more of a part in the group as the posts and replies have helped me a great deal, I feel and see alot of love in them when I sometimes struggle to see it in the world on a day to day basis - surrender has been tough for me! - Before my 'awakening' I had alot of strong spirtual experiences, of time (or my mind) stopping and being at the centre of everything - they were very nice and peaceful. Sometime after those I meditated on wanting nothing and asked to be purged of everything - I was in a lot of hurt at the time and wanted 'out' so to speak of the game of black and white. My prayer/meditation was answered very quickly when something started stirring in the pit of my stomach, after 30 minutes or so I left the body completely (although still conscious at the time) and felt like I was the universal conscious in it's entirety, this was frightening at first and then became comfortable. This lasted for around three hours - in this time I could clearly see my mind and all it's workings and it became apparent that the person I thought I was, was just a complex of ideas, memories and experiences - not the actual underlying essence which I was then experiencing, I then fell asleep. After that I was shrouded in darkness which I am still in at the moment although it does seems to be lifting as I am finding it easier to surrender now and try to let myself be taken along for the ride in meditation rather than trying to control it. I have learned alot about myself in this year and how much I tried to control things and I see beauty in things which I would have never before noticed so I am now grateful for the darkness which I initially strongly resented. There are still somethings I am unsure about though and was hoping that maybe you could help me with, I had an experience in meditation where my whole body came alive like pure energy running through me - the only way I can describe it was traumatic as I couldn't surrender to it - it lasted for around 4 hours and was the whole of my insides being alive and moving around - it reached everywhere except for my navel which felt like there was a solid concrete ball which couldnt be penetrated and this has sat there since, also I've had experiences where I get a feeling which I can only describe as an orgasm but over my whole being - I can only feel this for a few seconds before it's too much - it's like pure bliss that I don't feel ready for - if anybody can help me with these it would be greatly appreciated :-) > > I apologise if this post is a little self indulgent and over-long (I've just re-read it and realised how much I have used the word 'I' lol) > > Love > Shane > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 14, 2009 Report Share Posted December 14, 2009 Hi Shane, Greetings and welcome to the group. Its good to see another UK member here and I look forward to reading more of your posts. Blessings, Iona x > > , " shane " <shane_paul_leonard@> wrote: > > > > Hello, > > > > I'm Shane, I've been k-active for around 1 year now have been reading people's posts in that time but haven't really contributed anything, (I've just re-read it and realised how much I have used the word 'I' lol) > > > > Love > > Shane > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 14, 2009 Report Share Posted December 14, 2009 Hi Shane, Welcome to the group. Love and blessings, David Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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