Checking in

[Guest guest]

Hey everyone,

 

I just wanted to check in and post my current status. I decided to cut down the

Tibetans to only once a day. Overall I think I have been doing pretty good, but

there are some highs and lows. The lows are usually short, only lasting in

cycles of 20 minutes - 3 hrs, maybe a 2 times a day for a few days depending on

the reason. My overall energy has been weird, while I am beginning to not

require as much sleep, my energy does fluctuate quite a bit. Prior to this I

have been sleeping extremely heavy. Dreams on average have been unusually vivid

and intense. Sometimes they don't even feel like normal dreams.

 

Last night I decided to go to a group meditation with crystal singing bowls.

Over the past few years I have been noticing its sometimes very difficult for me

to be out with a lot of people, all the different energies often cause me to

feel very overwhelmed, dizzy almost " high " , nervous, confused, and/or really

really spacey. The good thing is lately since October I've been noticing that

this is gradually starting to change. Instead of feeling uncomfortable, I have

been noticing if I just make sure to smile, I feel like something turns on in my

heart, almost like a lightbulb and all of that discomfort goes away. The feeling

is usually really warm and fuzzy and then after awhile I can't stop smiling. I

still get spacey and overwhelmed occasionally but its getting much easier.

 

The only thing that has been a minor issue lately are headaches, and

thoughtforms accumulating and intrusive memories replaying over. Especially when

I am in the shower or before I go to sleep. I released a whole bunch last night,

so hopefully it will stay that way for awhile.

 

There are definite signs of progress, and the occasional tests that have been

coming into my life for once have been actually exhilarating. The actual flow of

the Kundalini up the spine seems to not be noticable at all, in fact its been

like this since the summer. Other than that I am thankful that everything is how

it is so far.

 

I hope everyone has a happy holiday.

 

love,

 

-Matt

[Guest guest]

Matt,

 

A number of things you mention resonate for me - I think they're all just part

of the process. I have gone through phases where I am forced to sleep a lot. I

have also gone through phases with lots of headaches. As for the memories

replaying, for me what helps is keeping a journal. I write down the experiences

from the past, write about the people involved, actively forgive each of them as

well as myself, and send love to them.

 

Love,

 

David

[Guest guest]

dear chrism and all,

happy new year! i appreciated your words and Carla while I was away with

family. the rest of the trip was wonderful. i practiced loving them. i

practiced something in AA they talk about as 'restraint of pen and tongue.'

there were two occasions i consciously chose not to say something i ordinarily

would have. i was looking for my gloves to go walking and in looking in a hall

closet at my dads, there was a whiskey bottle in the closet. i momentarily

thought about it and then immediately let go & didn't say anything to my dad or

felt any of my usual sadness. another time, my sister was really late for a

movie (she is always on her own time table) and i felt angry about it but it

didn't really concern me as i was on time. again, i chose not to say anything.

in the past, i would have had to say something in order for them to know I knew,

that i noticed & am not okay with it. almost like a one-upmanship thing. didn't

need to this trip and i enjoyed myself more & i avoided causing distancing with

my usual reactivity.

 

i saw in the new year dancing. it was so much fun. wishing everyone a happy

new year!

love to you all,

jan

[Guest guest]

Hi Jan,

 

thanks for writing this. I find this very true..

 

" i enjoyed myself more & i avoided causing distancing with my usual reactivity. "

 

TThere is tremendous freedom in this. I sometimes say to people who have

problems with family members.. 'What if you just did nothing? What if you didnt

play the game?'

 

love and smart moves

Bruce

 

 

, " yogijan " <drjandean

wrote:

>

> dear chrism and all,

> happy new year! i appreciated your words and Carla while I was away

with family. the rest of the trip was wonderful. i practiced loving them. i

practiced something in AA they talk about as 'restraint of pen and tongue.'

there were two occasions i consciously chose not to say something i ordinarily

would have. i was looking for my gloves to go walking and in looking in a hall

closet at my dads, there was a whiskey bottle in the closet. i momentarily

thought about it and then immediately let go & didn't say anything to my dad or

felt any of my usual sadness. another time, my sister was really late for a

movie (she is always on her own time table) and i felt angry about it but it

didn't really concern me as i was on time. again, i chose not to say anything.

in the past, i would have had to say something in order for them to know I knew,

that i noticed & am not okay with it. almost like a one-upmanship thing. didn't

need to this trip and i enjoyed myself more & i avoided causing distancing with

my usual reactivity.

>

> i saw in the new year dancing. it was so much fun. wishing everyone a happy

new year!

> love to you all,

> jan

>

[Guest guest]

just felt the need to say where i am -

I have been having a lot of kriyas - fluttering in my hips, mid back, some mild

heat, and a lot of chills. hard to know if the chills are k related or because

its 6 degrees! tho they seem k related as they are in specific areas of the

body. also feeling tired. i've been feeling somewhat blaah lately unless i'm

dancing or meditating although last night i had a period of joy out of the blue.

even in my work i've felt somewhat, the word thats coming is, uninvolved, not

emotionally attached. I have a couple of clients that are leaving I believe

because i'm not being something they want me to be. one said she was

disappointed because she didn't feel better. I think this parallels with a

similar process with my family. was able to be there, enjoy them, but also not

be involved in the drama. its a little uneasy place to be, unfamiliar, yet am

surrendering. anyway, any thoughts or experience, strength, and hope

appreciated.

love and blessings,

Jan

[Guest guest]

This will pass too Jan. Work and family can also be seen as a kind of dance

where we can interact with the music or not. For your security at work perhaps

you can find the way to ignite your call to service, showing folks the way to

healing. - blessings Jan.- chrism

 

, " yogijan " <drjandean

wrote:

>

> just felt the need to say where i am -

> I have been having a lot of kriyas - fluttering in my hips, mid back, some

mild heat, and a lot of chills. hard to know if the chills are k related or

because its 6 degrees! tho they seem k related as they are in specific areas of

the body. also feeling tired. i've been feeling somewhat blaah lately unless

i'm dancing or meditating although last night i had a period of joy out of the

blue. even in my work i've felt somewhat, the word thats coming is, uninvolved,

not emotionally attached. I have a couple of clients that are leaving I believe

because i'm not being something they want me to be. one said she was

disappointed because she didn't feel better. I think this parallels with a

similar process with my family. was able to be there, enjoy them, but also not

be involved in the drama. its a little uneasy place to be, unfamiliar, yet am

surrendering. anyway, any thoughts or experience, strength, and hope

appreciated.

> love and blessings,

> Jan

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Jan,

 

Good to read you, as always. I can relate to the changes you are experiencing in

your physical, emotional and relational bodies.

 

I recently got a teaching from the Compassion Goddess about boundaries, and it

has taken some time for my water to settle into a new equilibrium. (She was

talking about not getting drawn down into the muck of people's suffering, but to

rejoice in their opportunities for growth, and to remain at a high vibration so

as to light the way.)

 

Whenever I experience one of these adjustments, I find that it takes a while to

integrate the teaching and get settled in to the new perspective. I think

detachment is part of that adjusting. I think it helps us view things with less

emotional reactivity, and opens the window for a new understanding to come

through.

 

The gift that these departing or dissatisfied clients might be sharing with you

is that you are not responsible for making them feel better! You can teach them,

but is up to them to do the work. If it is the emotional distancing they are

reacting to, perhaps you could have a conversation about your shared human need

for approval and belonging. Talking about it might help you both get clear, and

to feel more connected with each other, too. It's a two-way street, healing.

 

Peace,

Shaz

 

--- " yogijan " wrote:

even in my work i've felt somewhat, the word thats coming is, uninvolved, not

emotionally attached. I have a couple of clients that are leaving I believe

because i'm not being something they want me to be. one said she was

disappointed because she didn't feel better. I think this parallels with a

similar process with my family.

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

I received an airmail bag at work today with a letter and several old envelopes

of letters from an old boyfriend from the late 70s. He wrote a current letter

of his life since we dated and two old sealed letters that he had wanted to send

but didn't have an address that were written back in the 70s. One was a hand

drawn heart. He is married and living in Australia, and he had thought of me

over the years. its brought up a lot of feeling, sadness, heart aches and

opening. Interesting that this is happening now. The divine is really working

on my relationship with men and the masculine. A lot of healing from the past

for the present it seems. He sent his email address so plan to correspond at

some point. A lot of fluttering going on, s@xual feelings, longing. Taking a

writing class using yoga to embody the writing. Seems I have a strong desire to

express my creativity.

Lova and blessings,

Jan

[Guest guest]

Hi Jan,

 

Wow - to receive such a thing...I keep imagining you opening this. I'm sure this

did understandably bring up many feeling. Just want you to know that I'm

thinking of you. Actually I'm thinking of you a lot. I know matters of the heart

can be so " ouch " - and yes I see how you are working with the masculine quite a

bit. I think this may be a gift inspired from Shakti - a way of clearing and

reminding you of your worth - for you are worthy of that which you long for. You

are most worthy. You are love. And you are loved. You inspire me with your

beautiful stories of helping others and all the dancing and living you do. Just

wanted to thank you for that. I don't think I have expressed this but you do

inspire me and to think of you there with your letters and bag - and yes use

that in your creativity thats so great! - well just a shout out to you - A big

shout with lots of love - more of that coming to you soon i think - so do tell

the men to form a neat and orderly line ... cuz it feels like somethings being

cleared for something good coming ... lots of beautiful masculine love me thinks

(:

 

Mia D (debs) (;

 

, " yogijan " <drjandean

wrote:

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Mia D. (Debs) for your expressions of love. I felt your words. I think

there is definitely some opening happening there in my heart (at long last). I

got a smile thinking of neat and orderly line of men... love and hugs back to

you Mia, Jan

 

, " flowerpowers7777 "

<flowerpowers7777 wrote:

>

> Hi Jan,

>

> Wow - to receive such a thing...I keep imagining you opening this. I'm sure

this did understandably bring up many feeling. Just want you to know that I'm

thinking of you. Actually I'm thinking of you a lot. I know matters of the heart

can be so " ouch " - and yes I see how you are working with the masculine quite a

bit. I think this may be a gift inspired from Shakti - a way of clearing and

reminding you of your worth - for you are worthy of that which you long for. You

are most worthy. You are love. And you are loved. You inspire me with your

beautiful stories of helping others and all the dancing and living you do. Just

wanted to thank you for that. I don't think I have expressed this but you do

inspire me and to think of you there with your letters and bag - and yes use

that in your creativity thats so great! - well just a shout out to you - A big

shout with lots of love - more of that coming to you soon i think - so do tell

the men to form a neat and orderly line ... cuz it feels like somethings being

cleared for something good coming ... lots of beautiful masculine love me thinks

(:

>

> Mia D (debs) (;

>

> , " yogijan " <drjandean@>

wrote:

> >

>