The Night of the Furies - Reply to Mia/Deb and more poems.

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Mia, formerly known as Deb, haha.

Wow that was amazing to read. There were some things that in particular really

stood out for me and spoke to me.

The thing about your hands being vaccuum cleaners. That is exactly how I have

tried to descibe it to people. And makes me feel assured that I am in the right

place and people know what I am going through.

I even wrote a poem about that. Here we go.

 

 

The Writer

I am a cosmic vacuum cleaner;

a collector of universal dust.

My sack must be emptied from time to time,

otherwise I choke,

so I write.

I write with the blood and tears of other men.

I steal their pain and post it back to them on a piece of white paper.

This is to show them that it is only words on a page and not something they need

to carry on their backs as burdens.

I breathe through my ink.

It contains all the toxins of the world and hence its colour is black

I am destined to write until this world is healed;

only then will I put up my pen.

It is the Bodhisattva pledge of writing:

I come to experience all pain and through it be exorcised.

When I understand the pain of the serial killer and his victims,

and cannot judge or claim it but let it flow through me like a flood and return

to the Source from whence it came,

only then can I be free.

James Crompton

June 2003

 

There we go a bit intense so I will have to balance it with one about the

lighter side of kundalini that I have experienced.

 

Kundalini

 

it’s a pleasant flame

flickering inside of me

reducing all pain to ash

 

it’s a treacle of bliss

shooting up my spine

filling my head with sun

 

it’s like taking a warm bath

from the inside out

on a cold winter’s day

 

it’s my inside sneeze

it tickles

but it’s nice

 

and it doesn’t go away

it doesn’t go away

it’s here to stay

it’s here to stay

 

it’s my permanent inside cleaner

who looks after my furniture

and wipes away the dust

with a white handkerchief

 

James CromptonMay 2003

 

And just going back to that other note i received about the cat on the bed, is

that what Shakti is. I have felt like I have had some strange connection with

cats for a long time. And I remember watching Catwoman and sharing some strange

connection to it. This sounds really silly and corny but I used to think that I

was looking out for Catwoman. I even wrote this entire book about searching for

this Catwoman. It was about my daily experiences. I just kept writing and

writing as an attempt to try and understand or explain what was happening to me.

But there was a lot of p e r v e r t e d s e x u al  stuff in there as I really

experienced a lot of all that side of things too. Strange attractions and

associations and addictions. Things I did just to try and feel in my body again.

I felt they helped but I experience a lot of guilt around it, and self judgement

about it. And I never really understood it or why I had these urges. I felt they

were wrong and

tried to deny them but I couldn't for too long. They always kept bubbling up

still do. And they feel both wrong and write at the same time. Anyway am not

sure what else to say about this, or rather am not sure quite how to speak about

it on this forum and whether I can or should. But perhaps it is something I

need to talk about at some point. Not quite sure if I should have blahed to this

point even.

 

Anyway thats all for now

But thankyou Mia/Deb.

That was very enlightening for me.

Once I even felt en etity or a little girl tapping on me almost as if to try and

wake me up. She was standing right by my bed. I think my house was being robbed

at the same time but I didn't realize this perhaps til after. I was too busy

trying to tell this ghost to go away.

James

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi James,

 

I went through this stuff. I want to write you and will do so tomorrow. I would

like to suggest that you begin to look at every sensation as a divine blessing.

Your beliefs/thoughts/ fears being activated can become the most blissful

blessing you can imagine or a nightmare. Know that divinity is caring for you

completely. Every time you feel a sensation that is strange (and yes it can feel

sooooo strange as if something is on you or in you) say to the divine or the God

you pray to that you surrender completely to them and KNOW and TRUST that you

are being cared for. And you are being cared for.. I had this exact problem - I

felt the kundalini as something " other " than myself went into fear and went

through things I never would have had to. Those same feelings that you are

experiencing turn into the most joyful bliss and love you can ever imagine. Now

I am not saying that you will not feel " strange " energy because you will but

each time James say you

surrender and trust that it is divinity and you surrender to this divinity..

 

Do not watch or listen to any negative stuff - there will come a time when you

can just laugh about it but really just surround yourself with happy uplifting

people or youtube comedies or joyous things.

 

So much of what you wrote resonates with what I went through. Even the

difficulty being grounded. For me I had to force myself in this world and wasn't

so good at it. What I mean is that I would prefer to be off meditating or alone

in nature then with lots of people and noise. But the truth is be a bit careful

about that - make sure you are going to fun sports events or volunteering with

other people - perhaps for now fun stuff. When I was taking classes at night it

helped to focus myself in this world. Learning a language - anything that brings

you HERE.

 

Walking in nature. If the energy gets too much - you feel too emotional or

razzled - take off your shoes and socks and walk in the grass. See how that

feels - the earth will help you. You may get a different feeling from walking on

sand - it may be more energy - but see what works for you.

 

Force yourself to go out with friends - even just short - meeting them in a

cafe. See happy movies -

 

Also you spoke about your palms and feet? Or maybe I'm just thinking of mine. ha

 

My hands and feet James as soon as I lay down (I never did Reiki) - whether to

rest or meditate - any relaxing and sometimes even when I'm not...it becomes so

intense the energy there. It doesnt have anything to do with entities. I think I

described it before as if a vacumn cleaner hose was attached to the bottom of my

feet and the palms of my hands and the suction is on HIGH! Its intense. Its also

so great!!!!! Its all perspective. I sometimes now wonder about Jesus on the

cross with the nails in his hands and feet - because thats what it feels like

without the pain - its just sensation and its something to be so very happy for

especially when you know others feel it too. And believe me I walked down the

road of fear because it takes some getting used to. But as you can see from all

the people here - we all FEEL things - feel it moving in us - feel it moving out

- my feet bubble a lot - the bottoms feel like I'm walking on bubbles. Now I

know I am okay

and with this complete surrendering and learning to trust divinity (which for

me being the nonreligious person I am - took some doing) Not only am I okay but

I am so humbled and fortunate for this gift - I can hardly believe it.

 

Which brings me to something else. Belief is HUGE! Perspective is everything!

 

I had trust issues with the divine or God. (: Sometimes our " stuff " comes up

from inside and I sorta went through this thing for awhile thinking that God had

it out for me or something. Nice, huh? (: I now realize every issue - every

emotion that came up - everything was just my false beliefs. What I mean by that

is I felt weak - I felt alone - I felt fear - security/victim issues. All this

stuff wasn't God trying to stick it to me - it was my stuff coming up from the

past - these false beliefs - I have learned to surrender all these feelings (am

still learning) to God and know that they are false. We are all one - God doesnt

have it out for me if you can imagine that ha- it comes up to be cleared. Or

maybe some things that I have not been happy with in my life come up for me to

face - to change them.

 

For instance I am in one now - well it started a few months ago (not fear work

stuff)and I did my normal reaction which was panic. (which by the way as Chrism

always reminds us to eat watermelon which helps the adrenal glands - because you

will have pressure there and go into that fight/flight response - so sometimes

just doing that everyday will help you move out of fear issues or other issues)

Anyway I went into panic at first as I seem to do. (yes I am still learning -

sloooowwww learner)

 

Anyway I kept saying these things....I surrender - whatever happens...happens.

...ect. But still I had anxiety I couldn't shake it right away. Then I looked

back at some of my other lessons - and was wondering how I got out of those and

why those came up and realized I could almost pick each lesson from something

from growing up and see how I had to face it - surrender it - and TRUST and know

that I was going to be okay. It was all just a false belief.

 

So I started going back to the beach at sunrise every day. (The hour of sunrise

and sunset is very powerful for prayer/mediation. ..ect.... or is that just my

belief? ha)

 

So first I like to feel love for everyone and everything and appreciate the

beauty of it all. I pray for love and peace and well-being for all and much

more. Doesn't take long but I do it until I feel it strongly. Then I prayed for

guidance not from a helpless place - but from a place of knowing that all

answers are already there. As I look out at the majesty of this beautiful world

and the lake and the prana is dancing in the air...whats my little problem for

God...not a big deal at all. So I ask for guidance and what I need - inspiration

doors opening - easily and joyfully - ....ect.

 

YOU KNOW WHAT??? THe craziest thing!!!! I have been getting sooooooooo many

ideas out of seemingly nowhere to help me - its almost crazy. I mean I still

have to do the action but I don't mean God just sent me one answer for my

problem (which is no problem) but inspiration just keeps coming and coming and

coming. Its crazy wonderful. So try this maybe and see how you feel....

 

So when you " feel " stuff moving in you or on you now think of all of us - and

know its normal! It's normal in kundalini land - and you our friend have landed

in a beautiful land filled with oneness, bliss and love so strong it will bring

you to tears.

 

You may still have to face some of your false beliefs. ( I know some call it

other things - this is all just my opinion) For instance - there have been many

times I thought as mystical things happened that maybe I'm just going nuts ha -

because its not normal - so I come here and write and joke about what happened -

but secretly I was always hoping someone would say - Yeah that happened to me

too - or something similar you know? And sure enough sooner or later I would

read that someone for instance sees the air blinking or ribbons of colors

shooting through the room or weird feelings in the body - nice feelings really -

but strange stuff ... and then thats all I needed. And I would feel so much

better. So if those thoughts come up - please come here and write and share them

so someone can tell you what they went through or saw or felt and you will feel

so much better. And soon you will even be exuberant for this blessing.

 

So if you feel nuts ever - shout out!!! I have the seat right up front in the

" wondering whats real and wondering if I'm nuts " show...A couple months ago I

started hearing this music and then a womans voice humming beautifully to me

over my head. Now every night I usually here tones above my head in different

spots. Before I would get all nervous about that but now I just surrender and

know that whatever divinity brings me is okay and that maybe I can not

understand it now or maybe I never will but I slowly- like the poster child for

what not to do - have finally learned that its all good - and it is.

 

So if you wake up in the middle of the night and hear or see things - its all

good. That angel that turned ugly for you- was that you? I think that was just a

false worry or belief coming up - these things may come up - laugh about it if

you can - know that its just you the you deep inside that in an indirect way may

need to be looked at - When you can surrender to whatever the divine brings it

will stop. When you can say thats just an illusion - and ignore it - I'm not

saying you won't feel fear or didn't feel fear - but thats okay - just tell

yourself you know and trust that you are cared for and you are -

 

After living some rather unpleasant experiences - not knowing how not to be

afraid when you are afraid - (: I started getting lessons. I would hear a gong

go off in my ear. Something would be shown to me that I didn't like and I would

hear this instuction that it was an illusion - almost like telling me to shout

out illusion. So I did - and it disappeared. Stuff like that. I feel the air

blow through my body as if my body is not solid - I see the walls disappear and

turn into tunnels - I've had a lot of lessons in illusions - probably because I

needed to learn that my fears were just that - illusions and that I am more than

just my body and that there is more than just this reality.

 

SO anyway - wow I was rather long-winded - I was just going to write a line or

two. Sorry.

 

So no worries if you feel something weird or see something strange - its just

something that you need to see whether to learn to face that deep fear inside

and know that its not real or to learn to trust and surrender to divinity -

 

To me its like a best friend - if you have a fear or have a surrender lesson -

know that in the middle of the night Shakti/kundalini comes sometimes with

something to be surrendered to - and when you surrender its beautiful bliss. I

told myself (back when) if I saw something scary I would pretend it was my best

friend playing a joke on me - so I could lighten up about the whole thing. So

that was the last time something unpleasant happened like that - I had to face

it - I felt fear yes...but thought of my best friend - and surrendered and my

body broke out in bliss and I never ever saw or faced another scary thing again.

 

And know that there are so many beautiful wise fun people here who are so

incredible and will support you and help you along the way and you too can help

all by sharing your experiences. We are very blessed that started this

site and is there to help you too. A big happy shout out to you Chrism! (:

 

Its good to let out your feelings and or fears or joys whatever here -

 

You'll feel lots better. Read the safties and have fun in your daily life with a

joyous outlook and sometimes you may not feel joyous - thats okay too - don't

feel bad for yourself about anything - self-love - feel love and trust for

yourself, god and all -and if you don't thats okay come talk here and someone

will surely lift you as they have me so many times...

 

Throwing a big chi ball at you and all my k friends - (:

 

Debs (I'm the other Deb - going to change my name to MIA since I've been missing

in action so much here...so love to you all....

 

Mia (:

P.S. - Btw James - now that you know that its all good - WOW - wait until you

see how good it feels to be in that body of yours now that you are in k land.

Did I say wow? WOWWOWWOW! Feels so good! I have a secret smile on my face - oh

come on k friends...you do too!! (: Many blissful moments to you!!!

Kundalini-Awakening -Systems- 1 , " shaktiaz " <shaktiaz@..

..> wrote:

>

> Hi James,

>

> I am glad you are writing and sharing your experiences (and your poetry, too).

>

> I will share with you my impressions. They may fit for you, and they may not,

so as they say, take what you need and leave the rest.

>

> From what you are describing of the way the energy flows through you, and the

physical sensations that you experience, I wonder if it isn't simply the energy

of transformation moving through you. In other words, not something to fear or

to try and control, any more than one would fear or try to control puberty.

>

> The energy moving through you is sentient, intelligent, and it goes where it

needs to go. If a person in your presence needs healing, it will flow through

you to heal them. If that person is on the cusp of awakening, it will flow

through you to spark them. It is You and not-you, so there is no need to fear or

control or take ownership or identity from it. It simply is, and you have become

a conduit for the Grace which flows in all things.

>

> So be at peace, James, and recognize your experiences as a gift from the

Divine. Perhaps you could practice relaxing into your experiences at morning and

night, giving thanks for them as you fall asleep as as you wake. This might

bring you relief from the fatigue. I suspect you are having your systems

upgraded as you sleep. That alone can be fatiguing for a while, but struggling

against it and resisting it out of fear and misunderstanding can be exhausting.

Maybe you can experiment and see what feels better for you.

>

> I'm glad you're here. Please know that you are seen and welcomed on many

levels!

>

> Peace,

> Shaz

>

> --- James Crompton wrote:

> > Someone once told me that I was going astral travelling without a guide and

picking them up in my sleep. Well it sounded bizarre at the time but every

morning I wake up feeling more tired than I went to bed it seems.

> > And when I do protection prayers or tell them to go even if I am not sure

they are there, evidently my body will react in ways to suggest there is

something in me.

> > Particularly it seems they lodge in my belly. And sometimes i think they

come in through the top of my head the back of my neck and in through my hands.

>