ego

[Guest guest]

I wrote this before today and I saved it.   I still think about ego in this way

so I would like to share ( eek expose) lol!

 below is what I wrote.

 

I was pondering on the word " ego " and what ego means.  The word " ego "   is used

as a " universal " word but I think it is more of a subjective word although we

use it very very often.   

 

I see ego as a part of me and I see ego as " she " because I am female.   Me and

my ego have developed a sort of relationship and I do not now see ego as

something I need to kill or be rid of.  I am not sure that it is actually

possible anyway, to be ego free.  Ego has (perhaps unwittingly )been my teacher 

because much learning has come about because of me acting on her promptings.   I

have seen her succeed, with little effort on her part, in prompting me to be

dishonest in my actions with others. She pushes for me to do certain things or

behaviours in order  for her to feel ok, in order for her to feel in charge, in

order for her not to be displaced. I had engaged with ego before I was aware of

Kundalini.

After Kundalini awakened  I think that ego had panic attacks and started to work

overtime!  She was not at all happy about my willingness to be of service to

K.  Love for and love of others with no payback or recognition, would not be the

focus of ego and she came into direct competition with K who was speaking to me

of such things and who was present and communicating within and on the body. Ego

was definitly threatened and needed to act.  Ego is wonderfully devious and her

cunning knows no bounds.  It is not that I admire her as such( well perhaps a

tad!  I probably do admire the great committment and non stop action she brings

to the role she plays in my life, and this is why I think she cannot be

eliminated lol!)   To observe her is to learn much and I have not found it

helpful to see her as the enemy or to see her as being all that is negative

within myself , or to blame her for my actions.  I take full responsibility for

my actions. 

Her promptings can actually show me what not to do and so in a way what to

do,that is  as long as I give enough time to observe.  I do not demon ise ego

any more and I am not at war with her.  She is mearly dong what she was designed

to do by the God that created me, nothing more or less and why should I hate

that which is being true to its own nature. 

Ego is " helpful " now because I see that she is as she is.  she knows I know

this.  I am not saying that ego can be trained ( well maybe I am but I don't

want her to  hear that lol)     Well she sort of knows by now that she is not

really as in charge as she once was and that I observe her and do not engage in

any war with her. ( this is the theory of course and sometimes I do get sucked

in lol)      I actually do thank her for sharing my space because her

contribution to my life has been a service to me .  i am now choosing to learn

my lessons in a different way.   I haven't figured out ego fully yet and

probably never will and I have no huge desire to understand the reasons and

philosophy of ego. 

Perhaps the " reationship " I claim to now have with her is just an intermission of

illusion lol!

I will see as time passes but for now I am happy to view ego as " she who also

lives here " as I journey through life.  In a nutshell  I now think that Ego is

not my enemy,  Ego is of service if I allow her to be of service!

so I still  wonder does ones perspective on ego lay the ground rules for

engagement. If I saw ego as something to be eliminated or killed then my

engagement would be quite different..  for me I think my ego would enjoy this

and it would give her much more power but perhaps that is wrong and i will come

to know this in time.  In the meanwhile I cna but go on the path I am on and see

what enfolds.  

 

Well those were my thoughts then and they are still the same!  would love to

hear others views if you feel like sharing.

Love Julia