I failed

[Guest guest]

Well, here I am progressing, what I believe is, nicely (no ego here, it just

feels that way). And then the hockey injury to my son.

 

I've posted on the healing list, and many, many thanks to those who are sending,

but my skinny son got creamed into the boards at his last hockey game on Sunday,

which left him with a Separated AC Joint in his Right shoulder. He was seen at

the Urgicare place that same day, and in roughly one hour he has a followup

appointment with an Orthopaedic Surgeon to determine the severity. So wish us

" luck " / please send healing for that.

 

But anyway, although I was very reserved and in control, I really wasn't

thinking nice things about the bigger kid who did it, and more importantly his

parents. I didn't want to hurt anyone, as if I could if I wanted to, but I just

wanted to scream at the kids' parents. Seeing your 13 year old get creamed into

the boards on a side hit and then lay there motionless on the ice for many

agonizing seconds, and then finally struggle to stand up, and eventually skate

to the bench under his own power, and sit the rest of the game on the bench

wincing in pain. That was a lot for me/us to take. I almost feel as though it

was a test and I failed.

 

Like I said, I didn't wish harm to them, but I just wanted to scream for hours

at them. I almost pulled my son off the bench to take him to the ER, but there

were only 5 minutes left in the game and I knew he would want to stay with the

team.

 

I am not posting for sympathy, I would appreciate prayers and any form of

healing, but needed to get this off my chest.

 

So, there it is, I just thought I'd share a 'failure' story, since it's real

easy to share 'success' stories lol. Maybe in doing so it is some kind of

" success " after all, but not trying to feed the ego.

 

Lots of Love,

Bill

[Guest guest]

Hi Bill:

I personally cannot see anywhere that you " failed " . I think it is only natural

to feel angry and protective when your child has been injured. You didn't act on

your feelings...you didn't harm others in return nor did you even wish harm upon

them. I would imagine that the other parents would understand your concern and

from where your upset was stemming. Stop throwing your own self into the boards-

you know of other ways to see stars. This is a good place to get it out...scream

it out here if you need to. Put the safeties into play, get forgiveness off that

bench, and get up-get up off the ice...Red * Blue is cheering you on. Place that

energy into your heart center; project the love inward and outward into healing

and recovery.

 

Go Bill Go...cheering for a quick recovery for both you and your son.

 

~Danielle

 

 

 

, Bill <astronutski

wrote:

>

> Well, here I am progressing, what I believe is, nicely (no ego here, it just

feels that way). And then the hockey injury to my son.

> > Lots of Love,

> Bill

>

[Guest guest]

To me the sign of one who is successfully living the talk is one who sees what

has occurred and then turns it around, finds ways to learn from it and knows how

to handle the situation the next time in a more loving manner.

 

Bill you have not failed in the least - you recognize your anger, you did not

act on it and you now know that if there is a next time you will be prepared - I

just want to say - it is ok - all is well you did good and are doing well.

 

Seeing one's child injured can knock the breathe out of you. Thank you for

coming and sharing how you feel. It is ok to feel bad - it is how we handle the

reversal of this that matters and it seems to me you are doing well.

 

Work off any negative energy by doing some good for another. Be grateful for

the son you have and can love. Be grateful for the fact he is able to see a

surgeon- be grateful you can be with him. Be grateful for the opportunity to

test your learning.

 

Healing sent to Billy and prayers sent to Bill to see this episode as an

opportunity to test the waters of your skill to reverse feelings.

 

Blessings

e

[Guest guest]

Failure? The failure is in thinking of your natural reactions as a parent of " a

child in distress " as failures. Anger is natural and can be seen as a teacher.

So you were inside of the anger teaching and within that you succeeded and got

angry! HMMMM Not surprising. So yes you have failed and succeeded at the same

time. But take heart my friend we only " fail " to give reference to success. Our

failures and successes need not define us. The lessons we receive from these

experiences can define us. - blessings Bill. - chrism

[Guest guest]

HI Bill,

 

I am praying for your son's shoulder. Thanks for sharing your story. I view

anger as the most natural protective response when something valued is hurt and

damaged. Thats just being human Yes, anger is a difficult energy to be with

when it arises, yet the fact that it arises is no failure. A failure would be to

let it drive you into actions that you would regret, and to carry an

unwillingness to do the (often difficult) work of forgiveness.

 

Its good that its off your chest

 

Love

bruce

 

, Bill <astronutski

wrote:

>

> Well, here I am progressing, what I believe is, nicely (no ego here, it just

feels that way). And then the hockey injury to my son.

>

> I've posted on the healing list, and many, many thanks to those who are

sending, but my skinny son got creamed into the boards at his last hockey game

on Sunday, which left him with a Separated AC Joint in his Right shoulder. He

was seen at the Urgicare place that same day, and in roughly one hour he has a

followup appointment with an Orthopaedic Surgeon to determine the severity. So

wish us " luck " / please send healing for that.

>

> But anyway, although I was very reserved and in control, I really wasn't

thinking nice things about the bigger kid who did it, and more importantly his

parents. I didn't want to hurt anyone, as if I could if I wanted to, but I just

wanted to scream at the kids' parents. Seeing your 13 year old get creamed into

the boards on a side hit and then lay there motionless on the ice for many

agonizing seconds, and then finally struggle to stand up, and eventually skate

to the bench under his own power, and sit the rest of the game on the bench

wincing in pain. That was a lot for me/us to take. I almost feel as though it

was a test and I failed.

>

> Like I said, I didn't wish harm to them, but I just wanted to scream for hours

at them. I almost pulled my son off the bench to take him to the ER, but there

were only 5 minutes left in the game and I knew he would want to stay with the

team.

>

> I am not posting for sympathy, I would appreciate prayers and any form of

healing, but needed to get this off my chest.

>

> So, there it is, I just thought I'd share a 'failure' story, since it's real

easy to share 'success' stories lol. Maybe in doing so it is some kind of

" success " after all, but not trying to feed the ego.

>

> Lots of Love,

> Bill

>

[Guest guest]

Blessings Bill,

Your title caused me to read this.

I would say to you, this isn't at all failure in my eyes!

You are aware of your actions & thoughts which is in it's self is a great gift!

Bee very proud of yourself for recognizing a very challenging situation which

has given you insight on what area might need more attention in your life. You

sat there & held yourself back when you didn't want to.

I myself am beginning to allow myself to be upset, angry, what ever

emotion...for that is how we experience life.....thru emotions! I've not allowed

& have stuffed mine for yrs to my detrament.

Now I find that emotions are good...it's just what or how we deal with them that

seems to cause issues. So now I shall allow myself to experience all my

emotions....to respect them...pay attention to their lesson...then Bless them &

release!

To me there are no mistakes.........ONLY LESSONS IF WE CHOOSE TO LEARN!

Sounds like you're a caring, loving Father.......that's totally

awesome....thanks!

                                        \

      Blessings/Love/Peace,

                                        \

                           Tara   ;  )

 

--- On Tue, 1/19/10, Bill <astronutski wrote:

 

Bill <astronutski

I failed

" Kundalini "

Tuesday, January 19, 2010, 1:47 PM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, here I am progressing, what I believe is, nicely (no ego here, it

just feels that way). And then the hockey injury to my son.

 

 

 

I've posted on the healing list, and many, many thanks to those who are sending,

but my skinny son got creamed into the boards at his last hockey game on Sunday,

which left him with a Separated AC Joint in his Right shoulder. He was seen at

the Urgicare place that same day, and in roughly one hour he has a followup

appointment with an Orthopaedic Surgeon to determine the severity. So wish us

" luck " / please send healing for that.

 

 

 

But anyway, although I was very reserved and in control, I really wasn't

thinking nice things about the bigger kid who did it, and more importantly his

parents. I didn't want to hurt anyone, as if I could if I wanted to, but I just

wanted to scream at the kids' parents. Seeing your 13 year old get creamed into

the boards on a side hit and then lay there motionless on the ice for many

agonizing seconds, and then finally struggle to stand up, and eventually skate

to the bench under his own power, and sit the rest of the game on the bench

wincing in pain. That was a lot for me/us to take. I almost feel as though it

was a test and I failed.

 

 

 

Like I said, I didn't wish harm to them, but I just wanted to scream for hours

at them. I almost pulled my son off the bench to take him to the ER, but there

were only 5 minutes left in the game and I knew he would want to stay with the

team.

 

 

 

I am not posting for sympathy, I would appreciate prayers and any form of

healing, but needed to get this off my chest.

 

 

 

So, there it is, I just thought I'd share a 'failure' story, since it's real

easy to share 'success' stories lol. Maybe in doing so it is some kind of

" success " after all, but not trying to feed the ego.

 

 

 

Lots of Love,

 

Bill

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hi Bill,

I won't add any more to whats already been said but ditto what others have said.

my prayers go out to your son.

love,

Jan

 

, Bill <astronutski

wrote:

>

> Well, here I am progressing, what I believe is, nicely (no ego here, it just

feels that way). And then the hockey injury to my son.

>

> I've posted on the healing list, and many, many thanks to those who are

sending, but my skinny son got creamed into the boards at his last hockey game

on Sunday, which left him with a Separated AC Joint in his Right shoulder. He

was seen at the Urgicare place that same day, and in roughly one hour he has a

followup appointment with an Orthopaedic Surgeon to determine the severity. So

wish us " luck " / please send healing for that.

>

> But anyway, although I was very reserved and in control, I really wasn't

thinking nice things about the bigger kid who did it, and more importantly his

parents. I didn't want to hurt anyone, as if I could if I wanted to, but I just

wanted to scream at the kids' parents. Seeing your 13 year old get creamed into

the boards on a side hit and then lay there motionless on the ice for many

agonizing seconds, and then finally struggle to stand up, and eventually skate

to the bench under his own power, and sit the rest of the game on the bench

wincing in pain. That was a lot for me/us to take. I almost feel as though it

was a test and I failed.

>

> Like I said, I didn't wish harm to them, but I just wanted to scream for hours

at them. I almost pulled my son off the bench to take him to the ER, but there

were only 5 minutes left in the game and I knew he would want to stay with the

team.

>

> I am not posting for sympathy, I would appreciate prayers and any form of

healing, but needed to get this off my chest.

>

> So, there it is, I just thought I'd share a 'failure' story, since it's real

easy to share 'success' stories lol. Maybe in doing so it is some kind of

" success " after all, but not trying to feed the ego.

>

> Lots of Love,

> Bill

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Bill,

 

I've been sitting with your email a few hours, letting it sink in.

 

Like all the rest of us here who love you so much, I too rushed to reassure you,

but as the hours go by, the echo of the question implied by your lament stays

with me.

 

Your pain and sense of having failed a test speak to your great compassion. You

show great sensitivity in that you feel remorse even through the roar of

instinct to protect your son. I think there is wisdom in your sensitivity and

review.

 

I've been taught that our thoughts, when accompanied by strong emotion, carry

great power, for good or ill. That we must learn to dance with our Shadow, marry

our Shadow, so as not to unintentionally inflict harm on others when something

triggers our emotions.

 

I suspect this is the source of your regret. Is that correct?

 

It is said that what carries Power to completion is when our actions align with

focussed intention and strong emotion. Since you did not act on your anger and

bring it to completion, I imagine there is no harm done. But if you are still

concerned, you might could undo any harm by revisualizing the scene while

holding great love in your heart, and act on that, thus bringing it to

completion.

 

I don't know if this is on the mark or off, but I thought I would put it out

there. Thank you for sharing your experience and your big heart with us, Bill.

 

Peace and Blessings on you and your K-eyed son.

 

Hugs,

Shaz

--- Bill wrote:

 

> But anyway, although I was very reserved and in control, I really wasn't

thinking nice things about the bigger kid who did it, and more importantly his

parents. I didn't want to hurt anyone, as if I could if I wanted to, but I just

wanted to scream at the kids' parents. I almost feel as though it was a test

and I failed.

[Guest guest]

Hey Bill,

 

I didn't see it as a failure at all. Sure you felt those things, but you knew

them for what they were, and you didn't act on them. You honored what your son

would want, and you showed respect, patience and tolerance despite being tested.

Sure you were not perfect... Neither am I! Room to go right?

 

Seems that nothing is wasted, lessons for all even in a hockey injury.

 

be well!

 

bradly

[Guest guest]

Hi Bill – I have been out of circulation and have just read your post about your

son. As a father of two sons who compete at the international level and have

also suffered injuries during competition, I can very much relate to your

feelings at the time. chrism has, on a number of occasions asked group members

either collectively or in individual conversations " what is it that you fear? " .

In my case my greatest fear is something happening to my family members and

where I have little or invariably no control over the occurrence and, apart from

ensuring access to the best medical treatment, no apparent control over the

subsequent healing process.

 

In those emotional moments we revert to a base chakra type reaction of fight or

flight, with the physical domain becoming the primary focus. In your case the

fight or survival-related mental reaction was anger-based and you thought ill of

specific others involved. Did you fail? I am not so sure that you did even

though you did succumb to that ego driven anger. We exist on many planes but

the most generally apparent plane to us is the physical – most of us only enjoy

fleeting and limited glimpses of other aspects of our true being depending on

where we are in terms of our individual development. My take on it would be

that this, as with most things, was yet another lesson along the path for you.

And that lesson is or has now been learned. You reacted, you subsequently

analysed your actions and thoughts, you recognised possible limitations, and

that in turn directed your focus to ego, surrender, future actions in terms of

both reaction and thoughts in similarly testing circumstances in the future. So

then (you set the test for yourself on another level – that's the irony of it!),

you reacted, you learned and the net outcome is that you have emerged with

greater knowledge and probably control – it was a positive lesson and the

results have been achieved. In an obscure way test passed! Remember that many

enlightened persons like Christ and Mohammed openly displayed anger on occasion

– while we collectively form part of that which is divine, the physical aspect

of our being is a reality, our lower chakras or centres of consciousness relate

to the physical, and we will, on occasion, be driven by circumstances that

invoke a physical response. As all chakras are integrated and in the light of

your learning from this lesson the resultant `movement' (bad description – can't

think of better) will be one of progression.

 

You and your son are in my thoughts and I wish him a fast recovery.

 

Blessings - Jonathan

[Guest guest]

Jonrow...something you wrote here just clicked within me. You expressed a

viewpoint or an awakening for me  that I was not aware of until just now. 

 

you wrote *** Remember that many enlightened persons like Christ and Mohammed

openly displayed anger on occasion – while we collectively form part of that

which is divine, the physical aspect of our being is a reality, our lower

chakras or centres of consciousness relate to the physical, and we will, on

occasion, be driven by circumstances that invoke a physical response. ***

 

 

I have not thought in these terms that a holy person would have these same human

feelings and that those gurus would be excluded from their own life challenges.

 Why I thought this is ??? Christ tried in every form to be and appear in exact

human form. What better spirit is their to express these same life experiences

and understanding.