Surrender: Confusion to Epiphany?

January 24, 2010

Dear and All: I, like Julia have felt disengaged from myself and others

for quite a while, unable to do the work I need to do, feeling the pressure of

that and feeling stuck and unable to understand what the lesson is . The

feeling is one of complete disorientation and frustration. But finally

light is breaking through and it started with the surrender list posted

which I have been meditating on, and a line from David's post of 1/23 " ....Some

paths do it gradually, handing out day to day tasks that gradually erode one's

attachment to and identification with the things to be surrendered. " I had been

feeling/thinking that K was not allowing me to do the daily work because it, the

paper work, had outlived it's teaching intention, and was now interfering with

K's intention of my turning my life in all it's aspects over to the k process.

I now experience it differently: I believe it was EGO that simply had felt

deprived of living IT'S intended life, after 26 years of service, and EGO was

putting IT'S foot down and refusing to do the work and insisting on having IT'S

OWN WAY. I am the EGO and I want to be free of having to give my life away! I

want to live MY LIFE! I think Kundalini wants me to continue in service as

before until He/she releases me. That doesn't mean I have to put up with

rudeness from my son, or him calling the shots or stipulating how much help he

gets; in fact it is EGO that has been too fearful to take a stand as to the

parameters of support and relationship with him. I think that is why I was also

not willing to risk conflict with my husband over this issue : EGO needs to be

loved and accepted!! So this epiphany is breaking up the logjam that kept me

frozen and unable to work or act (surrender) to the wisdom of kundalini. In

this case surrender to kundalini results in action on my part. I will be able to

do the daily

paperwork and the tax paperwork for the accountant as needed.

Dear Chrism! How wise of kundalini in you to post the surrender list prior to

your trip! I for one will spend much time taking in each point of the

surrender list for self examination each day during your absence and ongoing

afterwards. My humanness could never of it's own volution reach such deep and

complete surrender, but I long for Kundalini Holy Spirit to cleanse me of every

vestige of ego and that part of me that already belongs to kundalini surrenders

to the degree that I am presently able to do. It is my intention to cooperate

and surrender all to the end of my life and beyond.

" I thank my God on every remembrance of you " dear Teacher Chrism!

Respect, Honor, Gratitude and Love

Diane

January 25, 2010

Hi Diane,

As I read this, my heart is with you in this journey. There are so many

challenges when one is enmeshed in deeply embedded family dynamics and wishes to

transform.

love and blessings

Bruce

, Diane Baugh

<cdgbdronningen wrote:

>

> Dear and All: I, like Julia have felt disengaged from myself and

others for quite a while, unable to do the work I need to do, feeling the

pressure of that and feeling stuck and unable to understand what the lesson is

.. The feeling is one of complete disorientation and frustration. But

finally light is breaking through and it started with the surrender list Chrism

posted which I have been meditating on, and a line from David's post of 1/23

" ....Some paths do it gradually, handing out day to day tasks that gradually

erode one's attachment to and identification with the things to be

surrendered. " I had been feeling/thinking that K was not allowing me to do the

daily work because it, the paper work, had outlived it's teaching intention, and

was now interfering with K's intention of my turning my life in all it's

aspects over to the k process. I now experience it differently: I believe it

was EGO that simply had felt

> deprived of living IT'S intended life, after 26 years of service, and EGO was