Death of the Separate Self

February 14, 2010

In the almost 69 years I have lived, I have learned that God's will ( as opposed

to my will) is always the best choice when a choice is to be made. I have

often lived the consequences of choosing my own will , and the consequences were

rarely positive. Gradually, I've understood that life is about learning

lessons, with the objective of growing closer to the image of Christ; (I'm

speaking as a Christian). If one's state can be discerned by the longing of

their heart and soul, then my deepest longing is to be reunited with my

Creator. I became K active back in 1993, and turned away from phenomena because

I did not want to be distracted from the goal, which for me was complete

surrender to God. My initial k experience occurred during a time of very

deep and intense prayer. I made that choice because I felt that there would

temptations, and distractions in the phenomena that I might not be strong

enough to deal with.

At this time I am in a place of longing to make the choices that will result in

the gradual dissolution of my separate self. I no longer have the desire to

explore life in the setting of the Earth. More and more I am able to let go of

my loved ones, and the outcome of situations. I have experienced both joy and

sorrow, but neither seek nor avoid either because I realize that they are both

connected, both a side of the coin of Life; and the purpose of both is to help

us disengage from the earth sphere, when we have had our fill of the " drama "

they engender.

It is clear that the road back " Home " will be a long journey for me, I have much

to learn still, but part of the lesson has been putting my own life aside in

the interest of the wellbeing of others, and doing this for the past 27 years

has been a powerful tool in the process of laying my own will aside. As a

consequence, I don't suffer disappointment, and I'm more flexible, both

qualities which make life easier.

As to the Void: I embrace it . I think that if one dreads the Void, it is

because there is a lack of stimulus, which we seem to need in this world for

motivation. When the need for motivation is past, there is no fear of the

void. It is also true that the individual self needs motivation to feel alive.

IMHO that is one way that the individual self experiences it's separateness

from others and from God: by recognizing it's needs or desires.

I imagine that my thoughts and feelings on this issue result in my being thought

of as very boring and avoidant of life, but I have fully embraced life; one

must do so in order to be able to let go of it. My concern in writing this is

that I might have made surrender of self sound unappealing; if that is true

for you as you read this, please consider that it is due to my inability to

express the experiences I've had in such a way that you can relate, but the

fault is in my inability to accurately express, and not in the validity of the

state of being.

I hold everyone experiences on this journey in high regard, and welcome

comments and input whether you agree or not with my

experiences.

Love and Peace

Diane

February 15, 2010

Diane,

I enjoyed reading what you have learned in your life, it's amazing!

It reminds me of something I read a while back. " Surrendered people don't react

to criticism or jump to defend themselves. " Sounds to me that you are

surrendered to God!

Many Blessings,

Laura

, Diane Baugh

<cdgbdronningen wrote:

>

> In the almost 69 years I have lived, I have learned that God's will ( as

opposed to my will) is always the best choice when a choice is to be made. I

have often lived the consequences of choosing my own will , and the consequences

were rarely positive. Gradually, I've understood that life is about learning