Spiritual Exhaustion

[Guest guest]

Dear All:

 

Is there such a thing as spiritual exhaustion? Is that a contradiction? I had

this dream last night in which I was crawling behind a hedge. There was a large

spider sack, and I poked it with my rake. When I say large, I mean HUGE. My rake

pierced the sack and I could see the eyes and fangs of a giant spider. My heart

jumped. I crouched in silence as I watched it emerge. It came out head first and

then its front long hairy and spikey arms followed. I jabbed it with the handle

of my rake, but it would not piece it's skin. I then reached down and pulled out

a sword (like a knight's sword) and stabbed the giant spider in the neck. This

made it mad and it lunged at me. I spent much energy and effort stabbing and

slashing at this huge spider; pieces would break off and become a smaller less

threatening spider that would scurry off.

 

But I noticed that the sword felt dull and the effort I put forth was immense.

There was a point in which I used all my last efforts, and stabbed it between

the eyes. Where my swords had pierced bacame an outburst of light. I drew out

the sword and raised it above my head, swung it off it the side and on down in a

sweeping motion which carried great force and momentum. It chopped the spider it

two, and the back portion became a snake (huge like a python).

 

The snake portion was headless but curved like an " s " on its side, and this

swaying movement was so powerful that with each sweep it was like being in a

wind tunnel. I cannot rememeber any more of the dream.

 

This morning I wonder if there is such a things as spiritual exhaustion. I feel

like my life is a bit out of balance these days. I cannot imagine my life

without KAS...but I notice that I pass up opportunities to socialize with those

who were my friends; I pass up everyday happenings as they feel mundane now...so

much time and effort goes into practice, into the thinking and effort and doing

that comes with all of this journey. It is all consuming. And maybe it is

because I'm fighting the spider vs giving it a big hug...or maybe because I am

literally a student in this and pulling some all nighters, and constantly

prepping for the quizes and exams.

 

....but I don't think I will ever be " normal " again...and for someone who felt

like an odd duck when " normal " , I feel isolated and rather detached from this

world as I remembered it being. My heart hurts knowing that I cannot be there

for my friends in a way that would perhaps be meaningful to them, and vise

versa. It's hard to watch these relationships break away; it's hard for me to

think that they probable think me odd for I love them for who they are... but I

just cannot relate anymore.

 

I feel exhausted-in a practice kindof sense, and wonder if that is just my ego,

or something common, as things become rewired and tuned. Yet in a spiritual

sense, when I am just being in ways that I always have been, like when in

nature, I feel more alive than ever. I cannot seem to bridge and balance the two

though, let alone bridge this into the everyday " mundane " .

 

Love:

~Danielle

[Guest guest]

....or maybe because I am

literally a student in this and pulling some all nighters, and constantly

prepping for the quizes and exams.

Danielle

 

Danielle,

My heart goes out to you! I can relate to this in so many levels. I think we

need the " rest " , the " plateau " If you would call it, so our minds/bodies can

rest. This is alot of energy for one to take on, as you can see. But you are

not a quitter I can see from your dream, you are so strong!

 

I think you understand exactly what's going on, you are a student, as am I. It

is not in our time, but God's time, and patience is a virtue in all of this.

 

I bought some tea the other day at sprouts, maybe it can help you get the rest

you need, don't worry, this is Divine and it will never leave you or go away if

that is what you fear. The tea I got is all natural, Expedition Tribal Tea, it

has chamomile and Mate in it. Helps to sleep...perhaps you could try this?

 

Like I said before, my heart goes out to you, friend.

 

Laura

 

, " iamwaitingmoon "

<iamwaitingmoon wrote:

>

> Dear All:

>

> Is there such a thing as spiritual exhaustion? Is that a contradiction? I had

this dream last night in which I was crawling behind a hedge. There was a large

spider sack, and I poked it with my rake. When I say large, I mean HUGE. My rake

pierced the sack and I could see the eyes and fangs of a giant spider. My heart

jumped. I crouched in silence as I watched it emerge. It came out head first and

then its front long hairy and spikey arms followed. I jabbed it with the handle

of my rake, but it would not piece it's skin. I then reached down and pulled out

a sword (like a knight's sword) and stabbed the giant spider in the neck. This

made it mad and it lunged at me. I spent much energy and effort stabbing and

slashing at this huge spider; pieces would break off and become a smaller less

threatening spider that would scurry off.

>

> But I noticed that the sword felt dull and the effort I put forth was immense.

There was a point in which I used all my last efforts, and stabbed it between

the eyes. Where my swords had pierced bacame an outburst of light. I drew out

the sword and raised it above my head, swung it off it the side and on down in a

sweeping motion which carried great force and momentum. It chopped the spider it

two, and the back portion became a snake (huge like a python).

>

> The snake portion was headless but curved like an " s " on its side, and this

swaying movement was so powerful that with each sweep it was like being in a

wind tunnel. I cannot rememeber any more of the dream.

>

> This morning I wonder if there is such a things as spiritual exhaustion. I

feel like my life is a bit out of balance these days. I cannot imagine my life

without KAS...but I notice that I pass up opportunities to socialize with those

who were my friends; I pass up everyday happenings as they feel mundane now...so

much time and effort goes into practice, into the thinking and effort and doing

that comes with all of this journey. It is all consuming. And maybe it is

because I'm fighting the spider vs giving it a big hug...or maybe because I am

literally a student in this and pulling some all nighters, and constantly

prepping for the quizes and exams.

>

> ...but I don't think I will ever be " normal " again...and for someone who felt

like an odd duck when " normal " , I feel isolated and rather detached from this

world as I remembered it being. My heart hurts knowing that I cannot be there

for my friends in a way that would perhaps be meaningful to them, and vise

versa. It's hard to watch these relationships break away; it's hard for me to

think that they probable think me odd for I love them for who they are... but I

just cannot relate anymore.

>

> I feel exhausted-in a practice kindof sense, and wonder if that is just my

ego, or something common, as things become rewired and tuned. Yet in a spiritual

sense, when I am just being in ways that I always have been, like when in

nature, I feel more alive than ever. I cannot seem to bridge and balance the two

though, let alone bridge this into the everyday " mundane " .

>

> Love:

> ~Danielle

>

[Guest guest]

Danielle,

 

The view from over here - I think you're doing great. I only hope that when my

time comes I do as well as you have.

 

You poked the sack and let the spider out - now let the spider eat you. Or

merge with you. Or take you away to unimaginable places.

 

When you finally get tired of fighting the spider (spiritually exhausted),

you'll surrender to the snake.

 

It sounds like you are teetering on the edge of surrender. Let go of the last

few threads that are holding you back.

 

If you felt like you were in balance, you wouldn't be. You'd just be stuck or

on a plateau. Get used to being tossed by the storm. Surrender to the storm

and it won't be a storm anymore.

 

Who wants to be " normal " ? You were never normal and cannot be normal (no

offense - I say this in a good way). Normal is stuck in illusion, trapped on

the wheel of death and rebirth.

 

Let your intuition guide you. If it feels right in nature, go there. If it

feels oppressive in other situations, avoid them, if possible. If you must be

in them (work, for example), then cultivate joyful detachment. Feet on the

ground, head in the clouds. (Still working on this myself).

 

Take your camera and your journal and go out to the desert (or wherever you like

to go). You will find you have many friends there.

 

If it's any consolation, every time I went through major transformations in

consciousness, I dropped entire circles of friends and acquaintances. I still

thought (and think) fondly of them - I just suddenly had absolutely nothing in

common with them anymore. Karma exhausted, time to move on.

 

So the only advice I can offer is: don't look back. There's some awesome

scenery right up ahead.

 

Love,

 

David

[Guest guest]

I think there may be such a thing as spiritual exhaustion. After going through

some high energy days, it seems I need a few days where I need to have more

sleep. Things have been seeming different for me lately.. maybe going into a

different phase. I have several days of high energy with lots of activity and

then it is like everything is turn almost completely off for a few days. It's

been repeating like that for several weeks now.

 

Yesterday I was in a low fatigue day wanting only to go back to bed, but

circumstances did not allow it. When I was finally alone and could go to sleep,

I was wide awake could not sleep, but was still feeling exhausted. I finally

took a melatonin and a 5-htp tablet out of desparation and force myself to do my

routine. I ended with doing the trataka meditation and was surprise when I

finally stopped and looked a the clock. I had gone over the 30 minutes, but it

did not seem like it.

 

Even with taking those pills it took a while to get sleepy. When I did finally

fall asleep, I slept hard and for 8 whole hours. The day is half gone and I need

to get some chopping wood type work done now.

 

Linda

 

 

 

 

 

, " iamwaitingmoon "

<iamwaitingmoon wrote:

>

> Dear All:

 

> I feel exhausted-in a practice kindof sense, and wonder if that is just my

ego, or something common, as things become rewired and tuned. Yet in a spiritual

sense, when I am just being in ways that I always have been, like when in

nature, I feel more alive than ever. I cannot seem to bridge and balance the two

though, let alone bridge this into the everyday " mundane " .

>

> Love:

> ~Danielle

>

[Guest guest]

Wow! David, that is some good advice.

 

Linda

 

, " djgottlieb "

<dgottlieb wrote:

>

>

>

> Danielle,

>

> The view from over here - I think you're doing great. I only hope that when

my time comes I do as well as you have.

>

> You poked the sack and let the spider out - now let the spider eat you. Or

merge with you. Or take you away to unimaginable places.

>

> When you finally get tired of fighting the spider (spiritually exhausted),

you'll surrender to the snake.

>

> It sounds like you are teetering on the edge of surrender. Let go of the last

few threads that are holding you back.

>

> If you felt like you were in balance, you wouldn't be. You'd just be stuck or

on a plateau. Get used to being tossed by the storm. Surrender to the storm

and it won't be a storm anymore.

>

> Who wants to be " normal " ? You were never normal and cannot be normal (no

offense - I say this in a good way). Normal is stuck in illusion, trapped on

the wheel of death and rebirth.

>

> Let your intuition guide you. If it feels right in nature, go there. If it

feels oppressive in other situations, avoid them, if possible. If you must be

in them (work, for example), then cultivate joyful detachment. Feet on the

ground, head in the clouds. (Still working on this myself).

>

> Take your camera and your journal and go out to the desert (or wherever you

like to go). You will find you have many friends there.

>

> If it's any consolation, every time I went through major transformations in

consciousness, I dropped entire circles of friends and acquaintances. I still

thought (and think) fondly of them - I just suddenly had absolutely nothing in

common with them anymore. Karma exhausted, time to move on.

>

> So the only advice I can offer is: don't look back. There's some awesome

scenery right up ahead.

>

> Love,

>

> David

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for this, David.

" You poked the sack and let the spider out - now let the spider eat you. Or

merge with you. Or take you away to unimaginable places.

When you finally get tired of fighting the spider (spiritually exhausted),

you'll surrender to the snake. "

 

I know this-about surrender-about letting the spide eat me, yet in my dream it

was not even a thought; not even a blip of possibility as an option; like my

brain and body had never been programmed to think or respond in this way.

 

That was a powerful challenge and teaching of surrender-which I did not do in

round One.

 

Love:

~Danielle

 

 

, " djgottlieb "

<dgottlieb wrote:

>

>

>

> Danielle,

>

> So the only advice I can offer is: don't look back. There's some awesome

scenery right up ahead.

>

> Love,

>

> David

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Danielle,

 

I can relate to your struggle and the seemingly never-ending commitment of the

kundalini process. It is relenting and demanding and we are called to oblige

with everything we have and more. I went through a few years of seemingly

never-ending emotional clearing, and for much of the time I lived in the fantasy

that when it was over I would return to my normal life. I was called to let go

of everything, including every dream I had that I thought would make me happy.

 

The result was freedom.

 

Along the way, it was exhausting. After some difficult weeks of clearing, I

would be exhuasted to the bone, and it would take a few days to recover my

strength. It was an ongoing battle facing and working with reality as it was

presented to me, and I wasnt allowed to escape. Shakti did give me some

breathing spaces, and i learned that after a clearing had occured and I was

feeling good, then to really relax and enjoy life and not worry so much about

practice until the next round started. So allow yourself periods of rest, in

between the giant spider attacks.

 

My nemesis was the poisonous snake in the dreams. Whenever it appeared I knew I

was in for another boxing match between my ego and Shakti (and guess who won

every time no matter how hard I fought.. lol..)

 

I also learned to walk away from relationships I wasnt drawn towards. In the

walking away, a space was always opened for something new to take its place.

 

Things will eventually balance out and the mundane will become extraordinary

it did for me and it seems to have for everyone else, yet how this happens is

beyond the mind and a miracle of grace..

 

love and persistance

Bruce

 

, " iamwaitingmoon "

<iamwaitingmoon wrote:

>

> Dear All:

>

> Is there such a thing as spiritual exhaustion? Is that a contradiction? I had

this dream last night in which I was crawling behind a hedge. There was a large

spider sack, and I poked it with my rake. When I say large, I mean HUGE. My rake

pierced the sack and I could see the eyes and fangs of a giant spider. My heart

jumped. I crouched in silence as I watched it emerge. It came out head first and

then its front long hairy and spikey arms followed. I jabbed it with the handle

of my rake, but it would not piece it's skin. I then reached down and pulled out

a sword (like a knight's sword) and stabbed the giant spider in the neck. This

made it mad and it lunged at me. I spent much energy and effort stabbing and

slashing at this huge spider; pieces would break off and become a smaller less

threatening spider that would scurry off.

>

> But I noticed that the sword felt dull and the effort I put forth was immense.

There was a point in which I used all my last efforts, and stabbed it between

the eyes. Where my swords had pierced bacame an outburst of light. I drew out

the sword and raised it above my head, swung it off it the side and on down in a

sweeping motion which carried great force and momentum. It chopped the spider it

two, and the back portion became a snake (huge like a python).

>

> The snake portion was headless but curved like an " s " on its side, and this

swaying movement was so powerful that with each sweep it was like being in a

wind tunnel. I cannot rememeber any more of the dream.

>

> This morning I wonder if there is such a things as spiritual exhaustion. I

feel like my life is a bit out of balance these days. I cannot imagine my life

without KAS...but I notice that I pass up opportunities to socialize with those

who were my friends; I pass up everyday happenings as they feel mundane now...so

much time and effort goes into practice, into the thinking and effort and doing

that comes with all of this journey. It is all consuming. And maybe it is

because I'm fighting the spider vs giving it a big hug...or maybe because I am

literally a student in this and pulling some all nighters, and constantly

prepping for the quizes and exams.

>

> ...but I don't think I will ever be " normal " again...and for someone who felt

like an odd duck when " normal " , I feel isolated and rather detached from this

world as I remembered it being. My heart hurts knowing that I cannot be there

for my friends in a way that would perhaps be meaningful to them, and vise

versa. It's hard to watch these relationships break away; it's hard for me to

think that they probable think me odd for I love them for who they are... but I

just cannot relate anymore.

>

> I feel exhausted-in a practice kindof sense, and wonder if that is just my

ego, or something common, as things become rewired and tuned. Yet in a spiritual

sense, when I am just being in ways that I always have been, like when in

nature, I feel more alive than ever. I cannot seem to bridge and balance the two

though, let alone bridge this into the everyday " mundane " .

>

> Love:

> ~Danielle

>

[Guest guest]

Namaste

 

dear Danielle

 

I can only affirm your experience. I too went through a stage of

intense exhaustion and fatigue.

 

Amma has spoken of this also; She says there is a phase in Kundalini

Awakening when the aspirant will often become fatigued and exhausted.

There will appearance will be listless and pale. She stated Kundalini

is storing the body's energy in order to have it available for the

tremendous amount of energy it takes for the full ascent. Danielle with

full assent you will so understand the loss of energy is not really

lost but has become part of the powerful combustion that allows the body

to bring forth the fullness of K Ma. She stated that many people can

be diagnosed with CFS where in truth it is K Ma storing energy.

 

A book i shared with Linda also some months ago; Experiencing The Depths

of Jesus Christ by Jeanne Guyon also speaks of the phase of spiritual

exhaustion. She says it is a phase where the aspirant is drawn to

reside deeper in the soul and even though it appears heavy it is really

a deeper abiding going on underneath the physical and egoic realms that

is very positive.

 

Or maybe the analogy of birthing applies here also. Those last few

months of pregnancy are often heavy, the Mom needs to rest and store for

the big push.

 

Happy birthing dear.

 

love

sparrow

 

 

 

 

 

 

, " iamwaitingmoon "

<iamwaitingmoon wrote:

>

> Dear All:

>

> Is there such a thing as spiritual exhaustion? Is that a

contradiction? I had this dream last night in which I was crawling

behind a hedge. There was a large spider sack, and I poked it with my

rake. When I say large, I mean HUGE. My rake pierced the sack and I

could see the eyes and fangs of a giant spider. My heart jumped. I

crouched in silence as I watched it emerge. It came out head first and

then its front long hairy and spikey arms followed. I jabbed it with the

handle of my rake, but it would not piece it's skin. I then reached down

and pulled out a sword (like a knight's sword) and stabbed the giant

spider in the neck. This made it mad and it lunged at me. I spent much

energy and effort stabbing and slashing at this huge spider; pieces

would break off and become a smaller less threatening spider that would

scurry off.

>

> But I noticed that the sword felt dull and the effort I put forth was

immense. There was a point in which I used all my last efforts, and

stabbed it between the eyes. Where my swords had pierced bacame an

outburst of light. I drew out the sword and raised it above my head,

swung it off it the side and on down in a sweeping motion which carried

great force and momentum. It chopped the spider it two, and the back

portion became a snake (huge like a python).

>

> The snake portion was headless but curved like an " s " on its side, and

this swaying movement was so powerful that with each sweep it was like

being in a wind tunnel. I cannot rememeber any more of the dream.

>

> This morning I wonder if there is such a things as spiritual

exhaustion. I feel like my life is a bit out of balance these days. I

cannot imagine my life without KAS...but I notice that I pass up

opportunities to socialize with those who were my friends; I pass up

everyday happenings as they feel mundane now...so much time and effort

goes into practice, into the thinking and effort and doing that comes

with all of this journey. It is all consuming. And maybe it is because

I'm fighting the spider vs giving it a big hug...or maybe because I am

literally a student in this and pulling some all nighters, and

constantly prepping for the quizes and exams.

>

> ...but I don't think I will ever be " normal " again...and for someone

who felt like an odd duck when " normal " , I feel isolated and rather

detached from this world as I remembered it being. My heart hurts

knowing that I cannot be there for my friends in a way that would

perhaps be meaningful to them, and vise versa. It's hard to watch these

relationships break away; it's hard for me to think that they probable

think me odd for I love them for who they are... but I just cannot

relate anymore.

>

> I feel exhausted-in a practice kindof sense, and wonder if that is

just my ego, or something common, as things become rewired and tuned.

Yet in a spiritual sense, when I am just being in ways that I always

have been, like when in nature, I feel more alive than ever. I cannot

seem to bridge and balance the two though, let alone bridge this into

the everyday " mundane " .

>

> Love:

> ~Danielle

>

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Thanks all for this thread. I love the thoughts here on Danielle and surrender.

My spiritual exhaustion effects me in terms of less exuberance. No trouble

sleeping nor am I tired (this isn't always the case but currently is) but I'm

not as excited about my work. The idea of joyful detachment is a helpful

attitude to cultivate. Lately, I want to spend time outside in the sun and

nature as its getting nicer so have making space in my day or being with

relaxing friends. Got invited to a couple's home last night to hang out and

play Mexican train. It was easy, fun, relaxing. I really work too much and

play too little but am paying off student loan debt so am reticent to work less

at this point but working to add more fun time to my slate with the dancing and

other things.

Love,

Jan

 

, " djgottlieb "

<dgottlieb wrote:

>

>

>

> Danielle,

>

> The view from over here - I think you're doing great. I only hope that when

my time comes I do as well as you have.

 

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for this thread. So much good advice to cherish and keep.

 

If it's any comfort, I've been experiencing that exhaustion, too. For the last

few months it has felt like I'm being loosened up and separated from everything

that used to be really important to me, things I used to be passionate and

enthusiastic about, things I used to enjoy or find meaningful and purposeful in

life.

 

I appreciate you posting this and I appreciate all the responses. It's very

reassuring, and I think I'll just let myself go through it, go ahead and be

exhausted without trying to fix it, and not try to push through it.

 

I was told a couple months ago (but I'm slow to make the shift), " It's time to

walk, not on rocks, but on rose petals. "

 

Here's to rose petals and community.

 

Sprinkling fragrant petals of love and gratitude on you all,

Shaz

--- " iamwaitingmoon " wrote:

Is there such a thing as spiritual exhaustion?

[Guest guest]

I did walk on rose petals in a dream. Hehe! It was really nice. It was back when

I was going through many days of not being able to stay awake for long. I got

behind on lots of chores... like not doing the bank statement for 4 or 5 months.

My yard is in total shambles with mostly dead plants and weeds growing and my

house needs a really good cleaning. I need to do the taxes. That is just a few

of the pressing things that need doing. These are things that can't be put aside

forever.

 

I am gratful James has not complained. I spent some time today pulling weeds off

the front lawn. James told me the other day to put poison on them, but I didn't

want to do that. So I pulled them all up today in the front yard at least and I

feel so tired afterwards and my hands hurt. I don't know how that is going to go

with trying to do the Tibetans later on.

 

I pushed my self to do the Tibatans last night even though I was feeling

exhausted. Doing them actually made me feel better. For me it was not so much as

trying to fix anything, it's just that I feel guilty if I leave off any of the

practice and that makes me feel worse. I feel guilt when I don't get chores

done, as well. James is out there working hard and here I am setting around

meditating and such. Sometimes, he gives me a look like he is going to complain,

but he doesn't. I did not get the dusting done this last week and I notice this

morning he had dusted his bedroom. I guess he must have done that before he left

for work. That really made me feel bad.

 

I have been going through this being fatiqued for several months, now. I just do

what I can and the rest just slides. What else can I do?

 

Linda

 

, " shaktiaz " <shaktiaz

wrote:

>

>

> I was told a couple months ago (but I'm slow to make the shift), " It's time to

walk, not on rocks, but on rose petals. "

>

> Here's to rose petals and community.

>

> Sprinkling fragrant petals of love and gratitude on you all,

> Shaz