Shame

[Guest guest]

Sparrow, I wish to thank you for this mirror of shame. I cannot imagine any

reason for you to hold your head in shame from what you shared with me. I found

it only to be helpful. Yet I have with image a beautiful, practical creature,

with a delicate voice bowing its little head in shame. You cannot sing

beautiful bird when your head is bowed; you cannot see when your eyes are filled

with tears, and you cannot fly if you are looking down.

 

It has stirred up some of my significant ego issues of being a disappointment

and feeling ashamed for merely being myself…for having the interests and loves

and skillset and/or the lack there of. (This is all mom stuff/issues for me; but

it is deep and even with her passing I still experience the hesitance to be my

all. For my history is that when I have voiced or lived my truth and from my

heart, I was shamed and was a disappointment to her. Since the age of 3 this had

been so; actually from my time of birth really. (My dad was always the opposite

with me, hence an odd " balance " between their parenting that occured in my

upbringing).

 

It has made me think of the instance last night in which I verbally scolded my

dog for chewing on the parsley in my garden…the picture is vivid in my mind's

eye as she held her head in shame. But it was I who did not listen, as her tummy

was upset and this is all she needed. She meant no harm to the plants and she

was not " bad " for doing what came naturally. It makes me think of that scolding

and how it is enough to stop her, or at least make her hesitant to do the same

again, regardless of what she knew her truth and intent as being.

 

This is a short version of surfacing ego issues, but I wish to thank you for

this surfacing. I understand that you would have had no idea that this is where

the breadcrumbs would lead me to, but it is a much needed area to dig up, sift

through and expose if I am to sprout and bloom.

 

Love and Blessings:

~Danielle~

[Guest guest]

For my history is that when I have voiced or lived my truth and from my

heart, I was shamed and was a disappointment to her. Since the age of 3 this had

been so; actually from my time of birth really.

Danielle

 

Danielle,

Once again, your writing is so beautiful,

 

I've always been told, God uses the rejects. We have been rejected by

sometimes, our parents...our friends...the world. I'm glad this is a home and a

family we can go to.

 

This was deeply spoken to me one day, maybe it will for you...

" Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child

she has borne?

Though she may forget, I will not forget you!

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;

your walls are ever before me. "

 

From one rejected girl to another, there is light at the end of the dark nights.

She is waiting for you....

 

Love you Danielle, can't wait to see you bloom,

Laura