Forgiveness in a new light...

[Guest guest]

Forgiveness is a difficult concept and task for many of us. The pain and

suffering we have experienced goes deep in to our being and is often hard to

bring up and look at. This is an issue I have struggled with for a long time.

 

In my mind I can look at each person that I feel has harmed me and there are not

feelings one way or another regarding them. I know they did what they did

because of where they were at the time and because of their background and

beliefs. They did what they had to do at the time. It took me years to be able

to separate the person from the action.

 

I love people and know they are basically good it is their actions that are not

so good all the time and this applies to me also. I am a good person yet I do

things that are not so good at times.

 

Yesterday as I listened to NPR with Harold Kushner as the speaker he was asked

Did you forgive God for taking your son? Rabbi Kushner said no not for a long

time then he stated that he came to realize we as people can not forgive - only

god can forgive so with forgiveness we need to allow god to forgive we need to

step out of the way .

 

This makes so much sense to me - and I realized it is all about surrendering -

the lack of feelings toward those on my list to forgive is real - I do not wish

harm to these folks or bad things ( oh maybe once in a while the little girl in

me thinks if only - but over all these are brief lapses in mind think- I am not

perfect by any means)

 

So it occurred to me that what does come forward for me are the deep feelings of

fear, low self worth, the scared little me and these are all rising at this

point in time. My feelings do not have anything to do with those on my list -

the feelings are way beyond any one

person. Kind of like the primal feelings that are dredged up with the first

chakra.

 

So who do I really have to forgive ??? Hello???? it is me - I need to forgive

myself for being so unaccepting of my human frailties- for the most part as I

look back on situations I see I allowed myself to be sucked into the encounter-

instead of standing up for me instead of being strong and self confident I

allowed others to break into my vulnerability. And I blamed them when in fact it

was my weakness that was the problem. I still am doing this allowing others to

affect me instead of standing up for me knowing I am a good person a person of

worth a person who deserves respect at all times.

 

What Rabbi Kushner said makes sense to me - I need to surrender my fear,

surrender my low self esteem my low self worth - I do not need these feelings -

I need to be ok with who I am. Surrendering these feelings is a process and it

does not happen overnight.

 

I want to publicly state that I forgive myself for allowing others to affect me-

I do not at this time love myself - I have been beaten down to the point where I

do not allow myself to feel much good - I am more comfortable with the bad

feelings - this is still not all clear to me but I wanted to share here so that

maybe others can benefit with my struggles.

 

There have been times in my life when I did feel some good - but since k arrived

there was an initial good feeling then it slowly dissipated. Over come with

fear on so many levels has caused me to lose who I am - I think it was going

back to becoming a child - becoming a clean vessel - being emptied of all that I

knew. It has been a tremendous feeling of loss for me.

 

And although I know K is a finding of self the true self -it has been for me a

struggle to find my way up from the grime -surrender is the key - now I look for

that surrender - I accept surrender in my head -I am seeking to know surrender

and to embrace it in all the five bodies. I feel there is a turning around

happening. It is not all clear to me as yet but it is happening.

 

I have to face some severe tests and I would rather just run the other way - yet

Shakti is not allowing this - she is right in my face and I have no choice but

to look and pay attention.

 

This is all about me - this is my struggle and my journey -

 

I feel so much better now with the posting - even if it does not make sense it

is good to put it out here ---so much more I would love to state but this will

do for now -

 

I can be there for others and this is a gift I have - but for myself - well I am

learning slowly how to be good for me and to me- being here on the group is

Shakti's gift to me ...

 

Forgiveness is one key and surrender is another key of Kundalini...

 

Thank you and Namaste...

e

[Guest guest]

I Love you .X

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your post, e

I printed it out as there is some rich, helpful information for my journey.

love,

Jan

 

, " " .

wrote:

>

> Forgiveness is a difficult concept and task for many of us. The pain and

suffering we have experienced goes deep in to our being and is often hard to

bring up and look at. This is an issue I have struggled with for a long time.

>

> In my mind I can look at each person that I feel has harmed me and there are

not feelings one way or another regarding them. I know they did what they did

because of where they were at the time and because of their background and

beliefs. They did what they had to do at the time. It took me years to be able

to separate the person from the action.

>

> I love people and know they are basically good it is their actions that are

not so good all the time and this applies to me also. I am a good person yet I

do things that are not so good at times.

>

> Yesterday as I listened to NPR with Harold Kushner as the speaker he was asked

Did you forgive God for taking your son? Rabbi Kushner said no not for a long

time then he stated that he came to realize we as people can not forgive - only

god can forgive so with forgiveness we need to allow god to forgive we need to

step out of the way .

>

> This makes so much sense to me - and I realized it is all about surrendering -

the lack of feelings toward those on my list to forgive is real - I do not wish

harm to these folks or bad things ( oh maybe once in a while the little girl in

me thinks if only - but over all these are brief lapses in mind think- I am not

perfect by any means)

>

> So it occurred to me that what does come forward for me are the deep feelings

of fear, low self worth, the scared little me and these are all rising at this

point in time. My feelings do not have anything to do with those on my list -

the feelings are way beyond any one

> person. Kind of like the primal feelings that are dredged up with the first

chakra.

>

> So who do I really have to forgive ??? Hello???? it is me - I need to

forgive myself for being so unaccepting of my human frailties- for the most part

as I look back on situations I see I allowed myself to be sucked into the

encounter- instead of standing up for me instead of being strong and self

confident I allowed others to break into my vulnerability. And I blamed them

when in fact it was my weakness that was the problem. I still am doing this

allowing others to affect me instead of standing up for me knowing I am a good

person a person of worth a person who deserves respect at all times.

>

> What Rabbi Kushner said makes sense to me - I need to surrender my fear,

surrender my low self esteem my low self worth - I do not need these feelings -

I need to be ok with who I am. Surrendering these feelings is a process and it

does not happen overnight.

>

> I want to publicly state that I forgive myself for allowing others to affect

me- I do not at this time love myself - I have been beaten down to the point

where I do not allow myself to feel much good - I am more comfortable with the

bad feelings - this is still not all clear to me but I wanted to share here so

that maybe others can benefit with my struggles.

>

> There have been times in my life when I did feel some good - but since k

arrived there was an initial good feeling then it slowly dissipated. Over come

with fear on so many levels has caused me to lose who I am - I think it was

going back to becoming a child - becoming a clean vessel - being emptied of all

that I knew. It has been a tremendous feeling of loss for me.

>

> And although I know K is a finding of self the true self -it has been for me a

struggle to find my way up from the grime -surrender is the key - now I look for

that surrender - I accept surrender in my head -I am seeking to know surrender

and to embrace it in all the five bodies. I feel there is a turning around

happening. It is not all clear to me as yet but it is happening.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you . This has really given me another perspective. Lots of love to

you xx

 

 

, " " .

wrote:

>

> Forgiveness is a difficult concept and task for many of us. The pain and

suffering we have experienced goes deep in to our being and is often hard to

bring up and look at. This is an issue I have struggled with for a long time.

>

> In my mind I can look at each person that I feel has harmed me and there are

not feelings one way or another regarding them. I know they did what they did

because of where they were at the time and because of their background and

beliefs. They did what they had to do at the time. It took me years to be able

to separate the person from the action.

>

> I love people and know they are basically good it is their actions that are

not so good all the time and this applies to me also. I am a good person yet I

do things that are not so good at times.

>

> Yesterday as I listened to NPR with Harold Kushner as the speaker he was asked

Did you forgive God for taking your son? Rabbi Kushner said no not for a long

time then he stated that he came to realize we as people can not forgive - only

god can forgive so with forgiveness we need to allow god to forgive we need to

step out of the way .

>

> This makes so much sense to me - and I realized it is all about surrendering -

the lack of feelings toward those on my list to forgive is real - I do not wish

harm to these folks or bad things ( oh maybe once in a while the little girl in

me thinks if only - but over all these are brief lapses in mind think- I am not

perfect by any means)

>

> So it occurred to me that what does come forward for me are the deep feelings

of fear, low self worth, the scared little me and these are all rising at this

point in time. My feelings do not have anything to do with those on my list -

the feelings are way beyond any one

> person. Kind of like the primal feelings that are dredged up with the first

chakra.

>

> So who do I really have to forgive ??? Hello???? it is me - I need to

forgive myself for being so unaccepting of my human frailties- for the most part

as I look back on situations I see I allowed myself to be sucked into the

encounter- instead of standing up for me instead of being strong and self

confident I allowed others to break into my vulnerability. And I blamed them

when in fact it was my weakness that was the problem. I still am doing this

allowing others to affect me instead of standing up for me knowing I am a good

person a person of worth a person who deserves respect at all times.

>

> What Rabbi Kushner said makes sense to me - I need to surrender my fear,

surrender my low self esteem my low self worth - I do not need these feelings -

I need to be ok with who I am. Surrendering these feelings is a process and it

does not happen overnight.

>

> I want to publicly state that I forgive myself for allowing others to affect

me- I do not at this time love myself - I have been beaten down to the point

where I do not allow myself to feel much good - I am more comfortable with the

bad feelings - this is still not all clear to me but I wanted to share here so

that maybe others can benefit with my struggles.

>

> There have been times in my life when I did feel some good - but since k

arrived there was an initial good feeling then it slowly dissipated. Over come

with fear on so many levels has caused me to lose who I am - I think it was

going back to becoming a child - becoming a clean vessel - being emptied of all

that I knew. It has been a tremendous feeling of loss for me.

>

> And although I know K is a finding of self the true self -it has been for me a

struggle to find my way up from the grime -surrender is the key - now I look for

that surrender - I accept surrender in my head -I am seeking to know surrender

and to embrace it in all the five bodies. I feel there is a turning around

happening. It is not all clear to me as yet but it is happening.

>

> I have to face some severe tests and I would rather just run the other way -

yet Shakti is not allowing this - she is right in my face and I have no choice

but to look and pay attention.

>

> This is all about me - this is my struggle and my journey -

>

> I feel so much better now with the posting - even if it does not make sense it

is good to put it out here ---so much more I would love to state but this will

do for now -

>

> I can be there for others and this is a gift I have - but for myself - well I

am learning slowly how to be good for me and to me- being here on the group is

Shakti's gift to me ...

>

> Forgiveness is one key and surrender is another key of Kundalini...

>

> Thank you and Namaste...

> e

>