presence

[Guest guest]

I was contemplating on how each day can bring so many opportunities for feelings

of one kind or another to rise within... and how I judge those feeling to mean

this or that...  Yesterday was a day where sadness fear joy came rushing in and

settled within me for a time.... and yet although these feelings were felt very

strongly I was aware of other than this too... 

Sadness...I attended the funeral of a friends sister, we all grew up

together.  She was 43 and has left behind her husband and 3 young children, one

of whom has a severe disability..... what sadness I felt in my heart that this

family would be continuing on here without Helen...and I did feel sadness that

she herself would not be present and with her family as they grow. Some folks

were over come with anger and rage at God for taking her... I remember feeling

like that too when my brother in law died at 43 six years ago.  I realised the

sadness that I could feel in my heart was for those who were feeling such

extreme loss within their own hearts.  I could feel this sadness too and yet

it was not all that was present... I could feel a stillness a presence within

and I ws resting in it... 

Fear.... I got a phone call from my sisters... my dad ws having a diabetic hypo

and his blood ressure had dropped to 80/ 43.  FEAR, o wow... fear is such an all

consuming feeling nothing else existed while it griped my heart.... Dad's sugar

levels went up as soon as he took the steps to correct it but his blood pressure

did not go up and stayed low for quite a while befrore creeping slowly upwards

....  fear gripped me all right but again it was not all that was present...I ws

again aware of a stillness within... a presence that sustained me as fear ran

amuck for a while....

Joy... Just as I was about to head to bed last night at 11pm, the door bell rang

and my eldest son called.  Unusual time.  He told us that they his partner Sarah

is 11 weeks pregnant with baby number 3.( you are the first to know!!) I was

 filled with joy at this news, it rushed in and filled every space in my

heart.... After Pat left I realised again that while this was a very positive

and lovely feeling this was not all that ws present....I was aware of

this presence

all of the emotions that rose in me during yesterday and that will during today

.....come and go...BUT there is a presence that is constant within my heart now,

or that I am now becoming aware of ... this presence does not come go ...when I

come to an awareness of its presence, when I pause to be present in the

presence... what is given to my heart and body is a cascade and infusion of

love that is beyond words. I am happy to be discovering this... and happy to

share this awareness that is dawning upon my everyday life. 

love and gratitude to my teacher...

love  to you all, julia