Slaying the dragon

March 31, 2010

Hi everyone,

I wrote this rather long article for my personal blog, and thought I would post

it here if anyone is interested...its about my hero's journey (not that I am

anyones hero..lol), shadow, kundalini and Shakti's ability to create and

recreate perfect learning scenarios for us..

I Love these two quotes – thanks, Sparrow.

" The answers are found in living the questions at risk " . Rilke

" Burning your way to center is the loneliest fire of all. You will know when you

are there, when there is nothing left to burn. " Alice Walker

Friday was the culmination of a long and repeating cycle. The karmic wheel spins

around and around until finally we see how to finally climb off. We may have

been dragged across the tar and split our guts and patched up a few times before

the chains that were binding us to this merciless (or should I say merciful?)

cycle are unlocked.

I have always been drawn to the myth of the Hero's journey as a masculine

archetype for the human quest for freedom. I relate best to this simplified

version.

`A young man lives in a village that is terrorized by a dragon that lives in the

nearby mountains. All the villagers live in fear of the dragon, and are afraid

to leave the village, and if they do, they don't venture far beyond its walls.

Sometimes the dragon swoops by, and takes a sheep or a goat in the fields, or

even swoops into the village, killing a child or setting fire to a house. The

villagers stay together for safety and security, and together they can repel the

dragon if it attacks.

The young man feels stifled by the routine village life and desires his freedom.

He wants adventure, and wants to travel away from the village. He knows he will

have to overcome the dragon that stands in the way of his freedom, so finally he

builds up the courage and goes off to kill the dragon.

The first time he gets beaten horrible, almost killed. The dragon is far

stronger and craftier than he could ever have imagined and fights using methods

he doesn't understand. Wounded and broken, he crawls away and retreats. As time

passes, his strength comes back, and so does his desire for freedom. He tried to

learn from his failure, and when he feels he is ready, he returns to fight.

Again, the dragon is powerful and strong, and weakened by the fight, the man

again retreats, fearing for his life. Again, he retreats, heals, recoups his

strength, and this time he finds God. He realizes he can't win the fight alone,

and surrenders to a higher power, higher guidance and higher strength. He learns

what he can, and when ready, heads into battle, knowing the Lord is his

strength, and finally he overcomes the dragon. The dragon, in its death,

releases the treasure it has been jealously guarding, enabling the man to now

use this as he sees fit.' - end of hero myth

As I write this, I am amazed by Shakti's ability to perfectly create the events

that are needed so we can fight our dragons. I also write this with respect and

gratitude for all the souls that are and have been a part of my journey.

I felt the call to freedom when I was in my mid twenties, a young Master's

graduate with a professional qualification from the top university in South

Africa, a job with good benefits and a solid career track ahead. Where I was,

was nice and safe, yet also boring. I wanted more money and more time and the

freedom to be myself. I was also starting to read spiritual books, which I loved

and I was inspired by the teachers of enlightenment.

After two years, some synchronicity bought me in touch with L. L. was a

transgender freelance computer programmer, and I was attracted to her lifestyle,

with the money, life and freedom it offered. We connected easily, she offered to

teach me how to program, and so I left my job, bought a computer, studied code

for six months and started working with her.

L. was highly intelligent, her intellect was her power, she had dependency

issues and many of her relationships were characterized by dependency of

different forms. L. was prone to anger and often dominating. After about a year

of doing ok, we undertook a large project intended to make us a lot of money. L.

was in charge, and I was still an apprentice. We stopped earning money and

worked on the project. I was starting to want to leave the relationship, as

there were many negative patterns, broken promises, changing goalposts, shifting

deadlines, lack of financial support, financial pressures, and other forms of

loss. I was too afraid to leave, as I felt isolated in Cape Town away from my

family in Durban, didn't want to ask them for help as they had their problems,

and I didn't know how I would survive as a programmer if I left. I didn't have

the confidence to leave, I was broke, and the promise of a financial payoff kept

me in. I prayed for God to get me out.

Things came to a head on Xmas eve, we had an argument, and I got up and walked

out. She told me that if I left I would never come back and I would have

nothing. I left anyway. I was in crisis, broke, afraid, shattered after months

of working up to 16 hours a day on the project, dealing with family death,

heartbroken from unrequited love, and vulnerable. My quest for freedom had

backfired and instead of being in a cyle of life, I had been defeated by a cycle

of loss and pain and sucked dry.

I left for Taiwan shortly after, and began to study inner transformation as a

way of understanding my role in what had happened, with the goal of getting

clear on my purpose, aligning my motivation, and making better choices in

future. After 4 ½ challenging years of transformational practices in the east, I

felt ready to return to South Africa to work as a transformational and life

coach. I was back to fight the dragon and find my freedom.

I was drawn to Johannesburg, where I soon ended up renting a room from J. J. was

a successful coach/spiritual teacher/trainer, a powerful dominating woman, prone

to anger, and like L., fiercely independent. Secretly I thought she could help

me attain my goal of becoming an established and successful corporate coach. I

had more support this time from other people than when I was with L., yet a

cycle of loss also began. There were opportunities to step out and to do other

things, yet I was committed to my path, and not being able to see how things

would work out and not having faith in God, I tried to keep control. At the

start of the time with J., my kundalini awakened with the first shattering

spinal sweeps and continued energetic challenges. There had been precursor

activity for a year or so, but nothing like this and I had hardly known anything

about Kundalini before this occurred. As my money ran out, my fear began to

dominate. I finally ran out of money, hit crises, and was offered a job back in

the East with my old company.

I returned to the East for another three years. This time was better; I lived in

a nicer city, I had a really nice job, good friends and wonderful girlfriends. I

went through an intensive healing process with the kundalini, dark night after

dark night, bliss after bliss. After every high I would be plunged back down

into difficulty again. The stability of my job was a godsend, providing me what

I needed to manage this. Every full moon, K. would rise and knock out more of

the emotional dirt. During that time I had many spiritual experiences, a dawning

of the recognition that I could trust God, and an emerging connection to Christ.

Conditions seemed right to return to SA in September 2009. I went on a type of

retreat for a few months, the result of which was a commitment to follow my path

as a spiritual/personal growth teacher, and not retreat into regular employment.

This was a difficult step, as I don't have the luxury of savings or a passive

income, and no real means of financial support. There were many synchronicities

that supported this decision. I managed to hold a few small workshops, and I did

a little bit of coaching. December, Christmas day, I experienced the inner birth

of the Holy Child as a result of the inner marriage of the Sacred Male and

Sacred Female, mistakenly thinking that purification was finished and the major

hidden attachments had been released.

In January, an old acquaintance came for a visit. P. is a spiritual and yoga

teacher, conscious, intellectually formidable, power-driven and easily dominates

in conversations. Like me, he is also trying to emerge with the expression of

his purpose, and is trying to use his purpose to support himself and his family

financially. I spent a few days with him and gave him clear feedback on an area

of blockage in his life, the result of which is that he felt he had a major

breakthrough, and wanted to create a business with me. He lived in a different

town, and so we communicated on skype each day. He had a history of being a

successful entrepreneur, and I felt our skills were complimentary. Feeling that

he was sincere about the breakthrough he had made, and not seeing at the time

that the breakthrough was cognitive, not embodied, I overrode my concerns and

began to work with him. I felt that I could handle his personality, and work

with him, not react against him.

We created a ten week course designed to compare the differences between ego

(scarcity) and spirit (abundance) consciousness, help people identify their

talents, and create a realistic business plan to express their talents, yet also

in alignment with the principles of spiritual abundance. Working with P. was

challenging, and we eventually produced good work. We began to move into the

phase of selling the course and marketing it on the internet, yet a similar

pattern was repeating itself. We were working long hours. I wasn't getting any

other money. I was feeling increasingly pulled away from my vision by P. He kept

on changing the goalposts, the vision kept on changing, the potential rewards

kept getting bigger, deadlines kept getting delayed, and I was starting to feel

weakened. Again I was in a cycle of loss, of life being taken away, holding on

for salvation through material gain, being pulled into dependence by a

power-hungry figure. I was aware of this, staying present, not sure what to do,

praying for blessings for everyone.

Two weeks ago, my car was stolen. I prayed for blessings on the thieves and

thanked God for the perfection. That week I had shadow dreams of a powerful and

dangerous enemy. The culmination was a dream at the end of the week..

" I am with Father, and he takes me fishing in a boat. He catches a big fish for

me, and we head back to the harbor. Along the way a beautiful woman dressed in

bright yellow clothes climbs onto the boat. I find her extremely sexy and

seductive. "

The following day I had news my car was found, and I would be able to get it

back (as of writing, the process is still underway). The day after, I had a

recognition that I been disowning my masculine drive for the joy and

satisfaction of reaching goals of freedom, and was being pulled into a mode of

passivity while someone else did what they wanted. I began to feel into power

that had been disowned, and my navel area began to get hot. The area stayed warm

for a week, and if I bring light attention to it now, it easily warms up again.

I began to feel strong, ready to go into battle.

That same weekend, my sisters were putting a lot of pressure on my mother,

trying to get her to force me to follow a conventional life. My mother is

supportive of my path, and is currently providing a roof over my head through

allowing me to use a small apartment she owns but is not staying in. My sisters,

who have a difficult relationship with me (I am okay with them) have no

understanding of the spiritual path, and have strong feelings against me not

being totally independent, even though this is the first time in 16 years I have

stayed at home.

I had an intuition that the time with P. was finished, yet spent a week

wondering if this was right to leave the partnership. During the week after the

dream of the girl with yellow clothes, I noticed a clear shift in my ability to

be assertive, put up boundaries, communicate clearly, and to feel capable of

going it alone. I had clear insight that the situation with P. was exactly the

same as the situation with L., and with J. Identical dynamics were present, each

time I had ended up projecting my power onto an untrustworthy figure and was

headed for victim status. The pattern was a generational pattern of power

imbalance, and in my family, my oldest sister had (and still is) the power

Matriarch. My entire life I have always felt an underlying sense of not being

able to achieve what I really wanted and a sense of being held back and

prevented from acting. I have acted under willpower and in the face of my fear,

always committed to my highest potential and through determination, often been

successful.

I was no longer blinded by the shadow and its covering of fear built on the myth

of being separate from God. This time I was able to see it clearly, and through

the grace of Shakti and the trust in Christ, an increased ability to control my

mind and a lot of past healing of fear, I could choose to leave. Even though

there was potentially large financial reward, I told P. that I was leaving, and

I walked away. I had to walk away from the pattern, walk away from P.'s issues

of dependencies and his web of relationships.

I was amazed at Shakti's ability to create the exact same dragon three times

over ten years until I finally learned how to win. The dragon was the same but

the players were different. It reinforces the idea that opening and surrendering

to life will show you your karma which needs to be overcome before you can have

true freedom.

This has been an excellent lesson. We are our relationships. Who we hang out

with is the best reflection of who we are.

I have felt clarity and peace about the decision. The last four days Shakti has

been healing and adjusting my body, and today I feel a return to clarity,

although tired. I am not too sure what will happen now. There is a sense of the

dragon having being finally understood, and the treasure of my power regained.

Love

Bruce

March 31, 2010

Dear Bruce,

I love reading you; there is so much expression in your writing.

It is a hard lesson to learn that one does not need another for verification of

self; and this is a lesson I have been struggling with also. Thanks and

blessings to you for your beautiful gift of sharing.

Love, Sandra

, " BruceO " <bruce_oom

wrote:

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I wrote this rather long article for my personal blog, and thought I would

post it here if anyone is interested...its about my hero's journey (not that I

am anyones hero..lol), shadow, kundalini and Shakti's ability to create and

recreate perfect learning scenarios for us..

>

> I Love these two quotes – thanks, Sparrow.

>

> " The answers are found in living the questions at risk " . Rilke

>

> " Burning your way to center is the loneliest fire of all. You will know when

you are there, when there is nothing left to burn. " Alice Walker

>

> Friday was the culmination of a long and repeating cycle. The karmic wheel

spins around and around until finally we see how to finally climb off. We may

have been dragged across the tar and split our guts and patched up a few times

before the chains that were binding us to this merciless (or should I say

merciful?) cycle are unlocked.

>

> I have always been drawn to the myth of the Hero's journey as a masculine

archetype for the human quest for freedom. I relate best to this simplified

version.

>

> `A young man lives in a village that is terrorized by a dragon that lives in

the nearby mountains. All the villagers live in fear of the dragon, and are

afraid to leave the village, and if they do, they don't venture far beyond its

walls. Sometimes the dragon swoops by, and takes a sheep or a goat in the

fields, or even swoops into the village, killing a child or setting fire to a

house. The villagers stay together for safety and security, and together they

can repel the dragon if it attacks.

>

> The young man feels stifled by the routine village life and desires his

freedom. He wants adventure, and wants to travel away from the village. He knows

he will have to overcome the dragon that stands in the way of his freedom, so

finally he builds up the courage and goes off to kill the dragon.

>

> The first time he gets beaten horrible, almost killed. The dragon is far

stronger and craftier than he could ever have imagined and fights using methods

he doesn't understand. Wounded and broken, he crawls away and retreats. As time

passes, his strength comes back, and so does his desire for freedom. He tried to

learn from his failure, and when he feels he is ready, he returns to fight.

>

> Again, the dragon is powerful and strong, and weakened by the fight, the man

again retreats, fearing for his life. Again, he retreats, heals, recoups his

strength, and this time he finds God. He realizes he can't win the fight alone,

and surrenders to a higher power, higher guidance and higher strength. He learns

what he can, and when ready, heads into battle, knowing the Lord is his

strength, and finally he overcomes the dragon. The dragon, in its death,

releases the treasure it has been jealously guarding, enabling the man to now

use this as he sees fit.' - end of hero myth

>

> As I write this, I am amazed by Shakti's ability to perfectly create the

events that are needed so we can fight our dragons. I also write this with

respect and gratitude for all the souls that are and have been a part of my

journey.

>

> I felt the call to freedom when I was in my mid twenties, a young Master's

graduate with a professional qualification from the top university in South

Africa, a job with good benefits and a solid career track ahead. Where I was,

was nice and safe, yet also boring. I wanted more money and more time and the

freedom to be myself. I was also starting to read spiritual books, which I loved

and I was inspired by the teachers of enlightenment.

>

> After two years, some synchronicity bought me in touch with L. L. was a

transgender freelance computer programmer, and I was attracted to her lifestyle,

with the money, life and freedom it offered. We connected easily, she offered to

teach me how to program, and so I left my job, bought a computer, studied code

for six months and started working with her.

>

> L. was highly intelligent, her intellect was her power, she had dependency