Guest guest Posted April 4, 2010 Report Share Posted April 4, 2010 Greetings! >Well time for me to let it all go a little more. Another little baby step until I can make the 'great leap' into the true surrender that awaits. Or maybe it's more of a great slide ride that I can truly enjoy when I stop struggling with my feet and hands trying to slow down the ride. I do not want baby steps any longer, I want to take the giant leap! Good for you! You will only receive what you can handle and no more and no less, so we don't need to be concerned at all and it is all about LOVE . . . Happy Easter ALL! The Lord is Risen! Best, Angelina , " curball2002 " <curball2002 wrote: > > Hi everyone, Bradly here. I am studying with now, with him nearby. (At the feet of the master so to speak... ) > > Here are some of my thoughts on my surrendering at this moment. It is not pretty. It is struggle at times. It is humbling and ashaming at times because it seems like it should be simple and easy and clearcut, and yet it is not. And I want to be a 'good' student. I want to be successful at what I do too! Yet, surrendering seems to go beyond rational, logical, linear thinking. It delves into areas we have no awareness of, where our ego reigns supreme and has never been challenged. (Again not that the object or goal of surrendering is to defeat or destroy ego, but in certain areas it needs to be challenged healthily for sure!) > > I surrender and go as far as I can and am willing to in the moment. And yet it's not enough, it's not far enough. I wish to go further with it. There is fear, there is ego. The ego tells me not to be a 'whipped dog', a pile of mush, slave, a nothing. Telling me if I surrender fully there is nothing of myself, nothing left. > > NO does not want me to be these things, does not ask me to be mush, a dog or slave. Merely ego and fear trying to hold on, trying to control things. > > Shakti and the Kundalini is much beyond my understanding, yet ego wants to control, ask, understand, sort of have a grasp on it all, and it's ungraspable. It's to be surrendered to, perhaps she will have a grasp on me. And for me this is hard. This is difficult to surrender control over to Shakti and to my teacher. To give up deciding when and what I do with my day, my time, life, my thoughts, efforts and all else we surrender. And yet it is not ordered, at least > it doesn't feel that way (yet lol), yet the resistance. Surrendering what I have 'normally' gone about doing my whole day my whole life seems a bit daunting at times. > > I struggle with it. To go deeper and release more. To control the ego. It's all subtle resistance things. The need to be heard, to be understood, to be this or that... None of it is all that bad if it's not recieved, but only if you are okay with not receiving it. The attention, the recognition, the acceptance, the thanks, the praise... Whatever it seems to be that the ego needs, and has fear of not having. It's okay to not have it. But ego seems not to be so okay in > trusting in that and makes a big deal out of it. And this all seems totally normal because most of us have acted this way our whole lives and seen others act this way. So for me it's difficult to trust fully, to surrender fully, to stop fearing fully... Anyway it's all gray and new to me. > > We allow in a new way of thinking while adjusting the way we are thinking. And still we are thinking while we do it. So we try to stop thinking, but we are still thinking. Dodgy, slippery, subtle. > > Well time for me to let it all go a little more. Another little baby step until I can make the 'great leap' into the true surrender that awaits. Or maybe it's more of a great slide ride that I can truly enjoy when I stop struggling with my feet and hands trying to slow down the ride. I do not want baby steps any longer, I want to take the giant leap! > > I surrender to Shakti, I surrender to my teacher Chrism, I surrender to God. > > I let go of my fears, I let go of my ego, I let in the Kundalini and the divine agenda. Thank you all for sharing your wisdom and your process. I will apply what I learned from all of you! > > love bradly > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 4, 2010 Report Share Posted April 4, 2010 Amen! And may He arise in Us! Love, dhy , " gypsyeyes_101 " <gypsyeyes_101 wrote: > > > Good for you! You will only receive what you can handle and no > more and no less, so we don't need to be concerned at all and it > is all about LOVE . . . > > Happy Easter ALL! The Lord is Risen! > > Best, Angelina > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 4, 2010 Report Share Posted April 4, 2010 >Amen! And may He arise in Us! YES! Amen! LOVE LOVE LOVE . . . , " novalees " <dhyana wrote: > > Amen! And may He arise in Us! > > Love, dhy > > , " gypsyeyes_101 " <gypsyeyes_101@> wrote: > > > > > > > Good for you! You will only receive what you can handle and no > > more and no less, so we don't need to be concerned at all and it > > is all about LOVE . . . > > > > Happy Easter ALL! The Lord is Risen! > > > > Best, Angelina > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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