Shades of Gray

[Guest guest]

Dear All:

I'm hesitant to post this because it's new for me; a part of my journey I have

yet to experience to this extent.

 

It's the first time that as I read the posts I experience nothing; I am not

moved by the writings, nor do their context resonate. My private student

practice feels boring and like a chore (whereas before it was one of the best

parts of my day). The flowers are pretty, but are not BEAUTIFUL. The breeze is

blowing but is not a song in my ear. Things are flat and lack radiance.

 

It's such a huge contrast to how I'm used to experiencing, and profoundly

opposite to the start of my week in which I had such a connection and longing to

be at one with the divine. As I write this I feel lethargic, and literally

uncomfortable in my own skin and in my clothes. Maybe that's the teaching...that

contrast...of that divine delight vs the flat and dull. Shakti, I think you may

be sitting on the contrast button.

 

I have gratitude for what it is within my process, but by choice I would not

want to live my life like this. It doesn't feel like living.

 

Love and shades of gray:

 

~Danielle

[Guest guest]

This certainly has to be disconcerting to you - to have had such deep

attachments and connections and now to have a lull. I am experiencing a similar

yet minor situation for me- I finally had some energy flowing and it was getting

stronger and after the seminar or during the flowing has left. I know it is a

temporary affair yet temporary to Shakti can be years - I accept what comes yet

it sure was nice to have some flow - now it feels like I am walking dead - I can

only imagine what it is like to have had bliss then it stops or to have had real

energy connections and have them change.

 

Yes it is a phase yet???? with the Kundalini when it starts its movement one

becomes accustomed to the feelings - accustomed to the companionship - I liked

feeling and knowing Shakti was here - inside me - it was nice to physically feel

the presence - now " all gone " as the kids used to say " all gone " .

 

Yes I Know she is still here but where are you lady??? Why has thou abandoned

me??? So we keep lugging away - doing what needs to be done and then one day

wham - she will return - so I am told- I waited all my life for this searched

and was found so now I wait again.

 

And yes I understand the no connections - there is an ebb/flow for me with the

group. Sometimes I feel so into all that is going on and sometimes I feel like

I would rather be alone. Of course then I realize I am alone - there are no

other K folks here -

 

Shaz said something about manifesting K folks here--- I laughed - here in Los

Alamos where you find the brains of the world ( not just the U.S.- the world)

working on all kinds of projects many of which are secret. I live in an area

where there are pockets of radiated land - where one can not cut the trees

because of contamination- where the detonators are buried a few hundred feet

down and then covered with concrete ---oh yes it is all safe - the seniors this

year took their graduation pic on one of these buried detonator area - I thought

that rather strange. There are dumps all over the land many of which have been

forgotten - the scientists the brains of the world buried the left over trash

from the development of the atomic bomb - buried and kept no records -

daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa???

 

This is a no fly zone - I never hear planes - to protect the projects - the

secret projects - Met a lady who was driving thru who said she wondered if she

would start glowing after being here - I have wondered the same although I know

any glowing of mine will be K related maybe enhanced with abit of the other??

 

(OFF on a tangent am I)Remember these folks are the ones who fall into the

Atomic bomb legacy- their mentors were the ones who devised instruments of mass

destruction and then used them. I heard a story that Oppenheimer was very sorry

he was part of the project that caused so much death and destruction. What kind

of karma does this type of action bring??

 

Or were they really K folks sent to show mankind the power of the gifts and how

not to use them? HMMMMMM??? Maybe???

 

Me thinks I wait till my next move to find K folks. Los Alamos NM - Niente!!!

So manifest me to a new region of the country - find me a place where there are

open, free thinking minds who see this life as a pathway only - not the real

thing.

 

This wind storm is really howling thru the windows - It is like being in the

arms of a being who is having a fun time dancing rough all over the land - I

love it - storms are a favorite of mine - makes life a bit more exciting - And

the wind is talking - telling stories of the land - so often we do not hear the

wind so tonight I am enjoying the voice of the wind - but it is on the cold side

- maybe those sweats need to be hauled out ???

 

This wind is bringing out some kind of goofy in me - I do not sit around and

think on bombs and destruction it just struck me as funny to seek K folks here -

maybe I will get a surprise - a big surprise - my friend next door materialized

perhaps there are others - he and I are ducks out of water we feel - thank

Shakti we have each other.

 

Blessings D and all who are in a lull period -

e

[Guest guest]

Hi Danielle,

 

Yes, I can relate to what you say. I have had plenty of periods of flatness, and

in the end, this is the way. Things are only as they are.

 

One of my first teachers said 'surrender your attachment to beauty'. This was a

difficult teaching.

 

That said, what comes to mind is that often after a high perdiod, there is a

following low as the system readjusts. When I had the 'uncomfortable in my skin'

and flat feeling, it was often the emerging of a repressed aspect of self and

further healing.

 

And there have also been times where I just havnt posted for a month or so

 

love

Bruce

 

, " iamwaitingmoon "

<iamwaitingmoon wrote:

>

> Dear All:

> I'm hesitant to post this because it's new for me; a part of my journey I have

yet to experience to this extent.

>

> It's the first time that as I read the posts I experience nothing; I am not

moved by the writings, nor do their context resonate. My private student

practice feels boring and like a chore (whereas before it was one of the best

parts of my day). The flowers are pretty, but are not BEAUTIFUL. The breeze is

blowing but is not a song in my ear. Things are flat and lack radiance.

>

> It's such a huge contrast to how I'm used to experiencing, and profoundly

opposite to the start of my week in which I had such a connection and longing to

be at one with the divine. As I write this I feel lethargic, and literally

uncomfortable in my own skin and in my clothes. Maybe that's the teaching...that

contrast...of that divine delight vs the flat and dull. Shakti, I think you may

be sitting on the contrast button.

>

> I have gratitude for what it is within my process, but by choice I would not

want to live my life like this. It doesn't feel like living.

>

> Love and shades of gray:

>

> ~Danielle

>

[Guest guest]

Yes the other end of the spectrum Danielle. The dull and flat can also be

embraced without the affirming joy and brilliance of the Kundalini.

 

This is where we are tested for our desired connection to the Kundalini. For the

strong brilliance it gives a person as opposed to that where it isnt given.

 

We can appreciate the difference to be sure.

 

It is a very broad horizon you are being given and in that tremendous span of

experience we are given that which isnt as brilliant or blissful as pother areas

of the experience. Not saying the brilliance wont return but we do need to

experience as much of the horizon as we can. - blessings Danielle. - chrism

[Guest guest]

Dear Danielle,

 

What you write resonates with me . I have felt this " opposite " of what was , a

movement from all ness to nothing ness, a movement from connection to non

connection, it is like having experienced everything intensely within oneself

now everything is being experienced vaguely outside of ones self. It feels is

like existing not living.

 

But all that said, it is just another view of the same thing, what is now is

the same as it was previously. ( It is always easier to say this when one is

not within this phase..lol )

I found that surrender into this is also asked for, although it feels like a

much bigger ask than when connection and unity is felt. I remember " fighting "

with shakti, wanting to choose a different way of relating to all, but I had to

surrender wanting that choice.

Shakti always brings us what we need in order for us to see the bigger picture,

in order for us to learn and to come to know.

Your love and gratitude for your process and for Shakti shines like a light and

will assist you as you navigate through this process. It is a wonderful

teaching that you are within.

 

Love Julia.

 

 

 

, " "

<> wrote:

>

> Yes the other end of the spectrum Danielle. The dull and flat can also be

embraced without the affirming joy and brilliance of the Kundalini.

>

> This is where we are tested for our desired connection to the Kundalini. For

the strong brilliance it gives a person as opposed to that where it isnt given.

>

> We can appreciate the difference to be sure.

>

> It is a very broad horizon you are being given and in that tremendous span of

experience we are given that which isnt as brilliant or blissful as pother areas

of the experience. Not saying the brilliance wont return but we do need to

experience as much of the horizon as we can. - blessings Danielle. - chrism

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Julia. Thank you for the encouragment of Surrender. It is something

known, but indeed much harder to do then to ride the rainbow. In my thoughts I

would hear, " don't fight the hands that hold you " ...and I thought of Shakti's

loving embrace. The Surrender into is a bit different, indeed. I still did my

practice, though felt like a teenager with an attitude, and did my best at melt

away into the shades of gray. It is but a different view; to see this is most

helpful.

 

Thank you dearly.

 

Love:

~Danielle

 

, " Julia " <jajahern

wrote:

>

>

> Dear Danielle,

>

 

> But all that said, it is just another view of the same thing, what is now is

the same as it was previously. ( It is always easier to say this when one is

not within this phase..lol )

>

> Shakti always brings us what we need in order for us to see the bigger

picture, in order for us to learn and to come to know.

> Your love and gratitude for your process and for Shakti shines like a light

and will assist you as you navigate through this process. It is a wonderful

teaching that you are within.

>

> Love Julia.

[Guest guest]

Oh wow Bruce; " surrender my attachment to beauty " . WHAT! COL (crying out loud).

That is a profound teaching; but, but but...everything of my world is of beauty.

That's a deep and profound surrendering. (That's the point I know.)

 

Thank you for this sharing.

 

Gulp.

 

Love:

~Danielle

 

, " BruceO " <bruce_oom

wrote:

>

> Hi Danielle,

>

> One of my first teachers said 'surrender your attachment to beauty'. This was

a difficult teaching.

>

>

[Guest guest]

, this was just lovely, there is such an energy spurting out of this post,

I love it you had my heart beating, a freedom of flow that really cought me

in it... bombs?? storms?? my my!

 

loved it, love you lady

hugs,

lucia

 

>

 

> This wind storm is really howling thru the windows - It is like being in the

arms of a being who is having a fun time dancing rough all over the land - I

love it - storms are a favorite of mine - makes life a bit more exciting - And

the wind is talking - telling stories of the land - so often we do not hear the

wind so tonight I am enjoying the voice of the wind - but it is on the cold side

- maybe those sweats need to be hauled out ???

>

> This wind is bringing out some kind of goofy in me - I do not sit around and

think on bombs and destruction it just struck me as funny to seek K folks here -

maybe I will get a surprise - a big surprise - my friend next door materialized

perhaps there are others - he and I are ducks out of water we feel - thank

Shakti we have each other.

>

> Blessings D and all who are in a lull period -

> e

>

[Guest guest]

Lucia:

 

Yes sometimes I get off on tangents - it comes from not having anyone to discuss

things with and it all gets bottled up- I do try to stay away from lots of

negative thoughts and then sometimes I acutally see funny in things that are

really serious. AFter all what do we have to worry about- for those of us K

active - we have all we need yes??

 

Thinking of you ...

e